Disclaimer: I do not own Tennis no Oujisama

Tennis players are all weirdos

Tezuka made his way quickly along the streets on his way to school, his mind occupied with attempting to plan the upcoming ranking matches.

Absently, he heard a loud voice yelling behind him. "Yo, dude!" it shouted. Tezuka reflected vaguely that he never had understood people's need to shout like that in a public place.

"Hey!" the voice shouted again. Surely it wasn't talking to him? Tezuka frowned slightly. He had never in his entire life been called 'dude'.

Tezuka's pace didn't slow as a tall, panting boy of about the same age as him ran up to him.

"Thank god!" the boy said with a grin, matching his pace with Tezuka's as he wiped the sweat from his brow. "I thought I was gonna be late! It's my first day, and I'm hopeless with directions…" the words trailed to a stop as the boy registered Tezuka's icy silence, blinking as he contemplated possible reasons for said silence.

Suddenly comprehension dawned on his face. "Oh, sorry!" he exclaimed. "The name's Ishizuka Kenji," he introduced himself, stumbling as he attempted to bow while keeping up with the rather fast pace set by Tezuka.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu," came the curt reply, accompanied by a brief nod in the other boy's general direction.

Kenji stared at him, seeing his face properly for the first time. "Wow, you're hot!" he exclaimed in a surprised tone.

Tezuka ignored his comment with a stoically blank expression, and brusquely continued walking.

"Oh, I get it," Kenji said with a grin. "So, you're the strong, silent type?" he gave an almost wistful sigh. "Wish I was," he grinned again. "It'd be so much easier to get a date."

Tezuka stoically kept his disapproval and annoyance to himself.

This didn't perturb Kenji in the slightest. "So, are you seeing anyone?" he asked cheerfully. Tezuka glared at him. Why was he asking such a personal question? "No," he replied shortly, quickening his already fast pace in the hope that the other boy would be unable to keep up.

"Ah, that's such a waste!" Kenji admonished him. "Hey, slow down!" he added "You're too damn fast."

Tezuka made no attempt to so much as acknowledge his request. Couldn't Ishizuka find someone else to follow? They must have passed at least five other Seishun Gakuen students by now.

"…Or not," Kenji grinned, lengthening his stride. "Got any hobbies? I bet you're a kick-ass martial artist or something."

"Tennis," Tezuka corrected tersely.

Kenji blinked. "Tennis?" he repeated in disbelief. "Are you any good? I don't like tennis very much," he added.

Tezuka glared at him for the terrible double crime of doubting his ability and not loving tennis with a passion.

"Sorry," Kenji said unapologetically. "I'm an aikido boy myself. I have this tendency to think that since I'm obsessed with aikido, everyone else should be too," he confessed, rubbing the back of his head.

Tezuka nodded curtly. It was a sentiment he could understand.

"Hey, what class are you in?" Kenji asked suddenly.

"3-1," Tezuka's reply was brief.

"Wow, that's great! Same as me!" Kenji's grin seemed to have become permanent. "Lucky!"

They entered the school gates. "It was this close?" Kenji said in disbelief. "Aw, man! I musta been wandering around this area for ages before I saw you! I'm such a genius with directions, huh?" he laughed good-naturedly at himself. "I bet you never get lost, do you?" he commented to Tezuka, who once again ignored him.

A boy with short hair gelled into a funky style approached them. "Tezuka, there you are!" he said distractedly "I'm sorry to bother you so early, but half the balls are missing again, and the karate club says it wasn't them this time. And Kaidoh got stuck up a tree trying to rescue a cat," he added, looking ready to tear his carefully gelled hair out.

Tezuka rubbed his temples wearily. School hadn't even started yet, and already he was getting a headache. Sometimes, being buchou of the Seigaku tennis club really was more trouble than it was worth.

"Who's Kaidoh?" Kenji chipped in interestedly. "Is the cat ok?"

Oishi looked even more upset. "The cat climbed down by itself after Kaidoh got stuck," he moaned glumly.

Kenji awkwardly patted Oishi on the back. "Well, if the cat could get down, then maybe Kaidoh's not really stuck either," he suggested helpfully.

Oishi looked miserable. "I don't think so" he said. Shouts drifted up from the general direction of the tennis courts. "See, you can hear them from here," Oishi added with a groan. "I think he's really stuck."

Kenji and Tezuka concentrated on the sounds.

"C'mon Kaidoh, just jump!" A voice yelled cheerfully.

"Fshuu. Onto that? No thank you, senpai!"

"But I dragged the mini-tramp all the way here from the gym just for you, nya!" the first voice whined.

"Why'd you climb up there in the first place if you couldn't get down, mamushi?" a third voice yelled teasingly.

"Fshuuu! Shut up, idiot!"

"M-maybe we should just get a ladder…" a quieter voice suggested hesitantly, followed by a sullen "Mada mada dane."

"Um… is that the tennis club?" Kenji asked, trying not to laugh.

"Aa," Tezuka replied, wondering where his aspirin was.

"Woah. Tennis really breeds weirdos, doesn't it."

Kenji looked impressed. "Does that guy seriously think the mini-tramp'll help?"

"Probably," Oishi moaned. "Tezuka, can you do something? They'll listen to you."

Tezuka nodded and strode off to deal with the problem. Just once, he reflected as he went, he'd like a day off.

Kenji leaned on Tezuka's desk during the brief interval between homeroom and their first class. "So, you're the tennis club's buchou?" he asked, grinning at Tezuka. "Bet that's fun."

Tezuka had no way to tell if he was being serious or not.

"Who was that guy from before?" Kenji added. "Your fuku-buchou? He seemed kinda stressed out. What's his name?"

"Oishi Syuichiro," Tezuka replied tersely, placing his English set text and dictionary on his desk in preparation for the coming lesson, and squaring them up neatly with his pen.

"Oh. Did that Kaidoh guy get down? And what happened to the balls?" Kenji asked, grinning.

"Kaidoh is safely on the ground, and Tezuka had the club empty their pockets," A new arrival answered for Tezuka, pushing up a pair of eerily glinting glasses. "Good morning. I am Inui Sadaharu. Pleased to meet you."

Kenji jumped. "Whoah! Don't sneak up on people like that!" he exclaimed. "That's just creepy!"

Remembering his manners, he added quickly "Ishizuka Kenji. Pleased to meet you."

"Ishizuka Kenji?" Inui repeated, opening a plain green notebook and scribbling something down. "And would you happen to be interested in tennis by any chance?" The pen paused, waiting for an answer.

"No, I–" Kenji began. He was interrupted by Tezuka. "Inui. Go back to class," Tezuka ordered. "You can interview him at lunchtime."

Kenji stared. "Wow! You just said more than two words in one sentence!" he exclaimed in a surprised tone. Tezuka glared at him. Inui obeyed instructions as the bell rang, passing the teacher on the way out.

"Onegaishimasu," the teacher said, placing her notes on her desk. Everyone stopped talking. Kenji slipped back to his seat.

"Eh? Er… how's it go?" the class representative said distractedly. "Oh. Kiritsu!"

"You know, I reckon that if I searched out the weirdest people in this school, they'd all turn out to be tennis players," Kenji mused to Tezuka as Inui set up his video recorder so he could analyse the interview more fully later.

"No," Inui commented, overhearing. "Tamagawa Ryohei from the scienceclub collects mould, and Matsumoto Mizuki in the second grade frequently asks random people if they've seen her pet cockroach."

Kenji's jaw dropped. "She keeps a cockroach?" he asked, shocked.

"No," Inui returned calmly. "That's the point."

"Oh. Anyway," Kenji recovered himself. "I bet they're both closet tennis players or something."

"It's possible," Inui allowed. "I'm done. If you would care to sit here, we can commence the inquisition," he added, glasses glinting with excitement.

This story has no plan, apart from being a way to de-angst my everyday life, so don't expect regular updates, and beware of occasional randomness factors. Though I do not intend to have any crazed elephants roaming the tennis courts of Seigaku..