Gomenasai: A Happy Ending

by ShatteredHeart-BlueSapphire

REALLY LONG SONGFIC!It's been a year and Kisa will not forgive her so called friends. They didn't mean anything to her, or they shouldn't. And Atem? He wouldn't hurt her ever again but was it really their fault? This agreement, was it real?HAPPYENDING!

DISCLAIIMER! I do not own the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime, characters, or manga… or whatever else you may recognize. I'm not sure if there are some stray Abridged series comments, but if there are, they don't belong to me, they belong to LittleKuriboh! Also, the song Gomenasai by t.A.T.u does not belong to me!

A/N: Firstly, this oneshot got seriously out of hand, I didn't mean for it to get this long.Well, I hope you enjoy. This is a romance, but it's also about friendship, hence the song. Sorry, for the angst, it occurred to me and the bloody idea wouldn't leave me alone… and listening to this song didn't help. Still, I hope you find it in you to like it… and please review to let me know how I did! This does contain an EXPLICIT LEMON! RATED M FOR A REASON!

WARNING! SUICIDE ATTEMPT AND ANZU-BASHING!

~.~.~.

What I thought wasn't mine

In the light

Wasn't one of a kind,

A precious pearl.

He was staring at me, they all were, and I could feel it. I didn't pay it any mind, however, it had been going on for a while. I sat in class and did my work, avoided everyone. Ice Princess, Loner, and That Girl That Doesn't Smile were a few of my nicknames. They didn't bother me, it was true enough, and why would I care anyway? I wasn't Kaiba-rich, so of course I was susceptible to being laughed at. Of course, my cold demeanor gave me some privileges, those including that I wasn't bothered and that people didn't laugh in my face. Those people that did at first had soon learned why they shouldn't.

In case you're wondering, no, I wasn't always like this. Just a year ago I had been a normal girl with the best of friends, the kind that would give up their own life to save mine, the kind of friends I'd feel proud of having no matter what others said. I wasn't known as That Girl That Doesn't Smile, Loner, or Ice Princess. I hadn't been popular, but I had been liked well enough. But then it had happened.

I should probably tell you who I am before I tell you what happened, that way it might make more sense. My name is Kisa Chanson. Yes, Chanson, as in song. And yes, I am a transfer student from France. I had moved here five years ago because of my parent's jobs. I don't really understand why my parents bothered moving, they weren't here for most of the year anyway. Still, they had moved here, to Domino, Japan. I have always been an average girl, and here it was no different, except for the excitement that I was a new student from another country. Soon, I had found friends… real friends. Or so I had thought they were real friends.

I had been friends with Yugi Motou and his friends. They had been the first and only people to genuinely try to befriend me, the friends I had been so proud of no matter what, and the real friends… the ones I had thought were my real friends. The Pharaoh, Atem, had also been my friend… well, not really. He had been my lover, we had been in love. Everything had been fine, we had all gone through the same thing, from Duelist Kingdom to the Ceremonial Duel. Unfortunately, I had been seriously hurt in the time I had been in ancient Egypt, so once I had gotten to Domino City, they had taken me to a hospital. It hadn't been the best of times, but it hadn't been too bad, because my friends had been with me. And then I had gotten the best of news: Atem and Bakura had been brought back with their own bodies… which meant I could be with Atem and it wouldn't be weird anymore… but then they had agreed that erasing my memories would be for the best. Notice that they had decided on that… a decision where they didn't take into consideration what I wanted.

You now might be wondering why they had to erase my memory when we had been through the same experience, right? Well… it had happened when me and the others had gone to ancient Egypt. Well, no, I supposed it had started before that. You see, Ryou and I had been very close friends. And through conversation, he once confessed that he was in love with Bakura… with the Spirit of the Millennium Ring. I had been the best indicated to understand this, after all, I was in love with the Spirit of the Millennium Puzzle. After that revelation, I had paid special and close attention to the Spirit of the Ring… and through the littlest of actions I had noticed he too, was in love with Ryou. And of course, why wouldn't they be? They shared a body, they had had the most intimate connection. However, unlike with Atem and Yugi, Ryou and Bakura both held an attraction for boys.

During the time I was in ancient Egypt, I had learned why Bakura was so evilly insane. It turned out that he had been possessed by Zorc. And that's where my story differs from everyone else's experience in ancient Egypt. The reason they had erased my memories, the reason they thought I'd be so traumatized I'd want to forget. It was the reason I lost Atem, lost my friends. Sometimes I think that I'm even more traumatized than Ryou… but maybe that's a bit too much. You see, when we had found the Pharaoh and Bakura the first time, Bakura hadn't just taken out the Pharaoh that first time by making him fall off that cliff, he had also taken me… taken me to the Shadow Realm. I had been tortured in so many ways, it had been most agonizing. I was tortured physically, mentally, emotionally. I was scarred… it had been the worst time in my life… until Zorc had been defeated. Up to this time I think that if I had been allowed to keep my memories, my friends would have helped me through it.

After being so treated by Zorc, I had managed to find the real Bakura, and help him. In the hospital, they had come to visit together, Ryou and Bakura, and I had been so happy for them, I still am, that after this long they are still going strong. And in the hospital is where my last smile had been. It's not that I regret what I did for them at all, I don't, nor do I regret who I did it for, because I don't either, it's just the actions my so called friends did hurt. The spirits, who now had their own bodies, had also retained their powers, even though the Millennium items weren't in existence any longer. So, you might guess what happened. Once they had decided for me that I couldn't retain my memories, they had decided to wipe my memories of ever being friends with them. And for that, they had sent nobody else but one Atem. If there had been an emotional pain that big, it was definitely that one, to have sent your own lover, the one person you loved the most, to wipe your memories of such blissful moments, of your friends, of all those happy times. But that's exactly what had happened.

You are most likely wondering how I can be telling you this when my memories are supposed to be wiped. Well, Atem did wipe my memories… or that's what he thought. I did forget for a while, but while in the hospital, the memories started to come back anyway, and I began remembering again. Seems like Atem didn't do a very good job. I remember that day, the day he went in by himself to tell me what he was going to do. I remember him crying alongside me as I pleaded for him not to do it. And the last words he said before the deed was done were, "I will always love you Kisa… I'm sorry."

When I wanted to cry

I couldn't cause I

Wasn't allowed

I blink back tears at the memory and attempt to focus on my work, but it was useless, so instead I pretend to work. From that day Atem came, nobody else came in to see me at the hospital. And there is where I had lost my will, my will to pursue anything else. I wasn't the same, could never be the same again. After getting out of the hospital, that's when I had become the kind of person I am now, and the time where I told myself I would allow them to think my mind was still wiped. I became cold toward everyone, and soon they all began to avoid me. I was okay with this, this is what I had wanted, and the reason I acted as I did.

I feel Ryou and Atem looking at me, but I ignore it, as I almost always do. Them two… they are the hardest to ignore, since I had been so close to them. I had watched from afar how things developed between all of them now that things were normal for them. Surprisingly, Kaiba and Yugi were now a couple, and aside from Ryou and Bakura, from what I have heard Mai and Jounouchi had also become a couple. Honda and Shizuka had also become a couple from what I understand. A couple of months after I had been out of the hospital and in school, Atem and Anzu had gone out. I remember that even though I wasn't supposed to remember, I would catch Anzu giving me a slightly triumphant look. She had been so focused on that she had finally gotten what she wanted, that she never realized that Atem didn't act the same way as when he acted with me. Not that I cared, he would never be mine, not anymore, I wouldn't allow it. It hadn't lasted very long… in fact, it had been many months since Atem and Anzu had broken up. Another thing that bothered me was that they wouldn't leave me alone. Every so often they would come up to me and invite to go here or there with them. Trying to start a friendship… a friendship I wouldn't ever allow again. Not if they were going to pull something like what they did to me before.

I forced myself to think of something else before I got all mushy. So, instead I thought of both Bakura and Atem (it seems like I can never stray from them for too long). It was still surprising to me how they acted now that they weren't Spirits and that Bakura was no longer possessed. Atem was a quiet boy, and quite the smart and studious one. Though still confident (especially when it came to Duel Monsters), he was sometimes shy. And Bakura… he was the best boyfriend Ryou could have asked for; although, he didn't have the best of personalities. Unlike Atem, Bakura wasn't quite a good student, in fact, I was reminded of Jounouchi and Honda. He was, however, a good friend, though agreed to things reluctantly, and mostly because Ryou agreed to them. Bakura though, was very caring of Ryou and had quite the soft spot for him, it was the cutest thing, or I thought so.

Kaiba and Yugi… I still had trouble taking in the fact Kaiba and Yugi were a couple… and going strong at that. They got along well, it was almost unreal. They shifted according to each other even when they were sitting. Although Kaiba himself wasn't all that touchy-feely, he allowed Yugi to sit on his lap or play with his hair mindlessly. He did have a knack for putting his arm around Yugi's waist, almost as if he liked feeling Yugi's slim waist. You know, now that I reminisce on how much I have noticed about them, it surprises me. I don't give them more than a glance and yet I noticed so much about them… sometimes much more than I wish I knew. I sigh and pack up, it's almost time to go home… or go to where I live.

Gomenasai for everything

Gomenasai, I know I let you down

Gomenasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

I go to my locker where I pack the books I need and leave the ones I don't. If only the books I didn't need were more. I carefully put them in my bag… where I learned to be meticulous… I wonder about that too. "Chanson!" I hear and almost flinch as I recognize Jounouchi's voice. Why is it that they can't leave me alone! That they don't understand I don't want their friendship! I can't ignore them when they're close, it'd be considered rude. I place a binder inside my locker before I look at them.

"Hello," I say curtly and return to my locker. They're all silent for a moment.

Yugi decides to step up. Oh, how brave of him. Is it because he has big bad Kaiba to defend him if I happen to give him a piece of my mind? I sigh quietly, I'm such a bitter person. "Um, Kisa-san, we were wondering if you'd like to come with us today. We were going to-"

"Thank you, but I'm busy. I have things to do and I have to go home," I say in my usual tone. If it's something I decided to pick up from them, it was Kaiba's neutral voice. Hm, if I could, I would thank him for it. I place my binder in my bag and close my locker. I give them a curt nod. "Goodbye," I say and walk away from them. I give a relieved sigh as I near the school's exit, so close, and I managed to get rid of them again. Why is it they don't understand? I do this every time, I curtly reject their invitations, why do they never give up! This isn't a stupid game, they aren't trying to save the world, they don't have to-

"Kisa…san," I hear and freeze. No… not now! Not ever! Why must he do this to me? Did I do something wrong to deserve this?

I turn around forcing myself to maintain my demeanor. I know my eyes look lifeless, that my expression is neutral-bordering-on-defiant. But that's nothing new, it was something I had adopted a year ago. "Yes, Motou Atem?" I ask in my trademark neutral-bordering-on-dead tone.

He stares at me and for a moment I could have sworn his expression was sad, but then he recovers. He has always been good at hiding his emotions outwardly. His gaze shifts away from me. "I… I was wondering if you were going to be free Saturday," he says.

Again I almost flinch. I know what he wants, it's crystal-clear, and for a moment I think about how easy it would be to say no… but then I reassert myself. I don't need him, I don't need any of them. "Yes, there are some things I have to attend to, I'm going to be busy, why?" I ask and almost smirk at how uncomfortable my question made him.

"I just wanted to know if… if you would have liked to come with me to… it doesn't matter, you're busy anyway," he tells me and I detect a blush.

I again have an urge to smirk. "Well, as I said, I am busy, I am a rather busy person," I reply and take a step away from him. "Goodbye," I say again before turning and walking away, leaving him standing there. Or at least that's what I think, I don't know, since I don't turn back to look at him.

After yet another rejection, I get home and go up straight to my room. I'm home alone, as I am most of the year. They don't know that on the days they invite me to go somewhere with them, I don't have much appetite to eat, so I go to my room and try to forget everything with homework. I've always been a good student but if there's another thing I should thank my former friends for is that once I had found myself alone, I had thrown myself into my studying so much I had become one of the people with the highest grade of my year. Of course, it also helped that I didn't have to worry if the world was going to be destroyed. I set my things down on my desk to see what I'd start with first… but I couldn't. There was only so much I can take before I break. And today was it, because they had asked me somewhere… and Atem had wanted a date… a date with me. The person I would forever love but wouldn't ever take even if I had the chance… he had asked me on a date… as if he wanted to start over… as if the past never happened. I launched myself to my bed and cried. I cried by myself, I cried to the empty room, the empty house. At one point if this would have happened, I would have called Ryou, had him as a shoulder to cry on and he would speak soft and comforting words to me, as I would to him if something happened to him… because we had been that close. But I didn't need him anymore, I didn't need any of them, didn't need anybody. They had taught me that you couldn't rely on anyone at all, that friends were like strangers. They taught me there were things they were not willing to do, even if they were willing to die for you, they weren't willing to help an unstable cripple like me recover, it was too much work, more than they didn't want to bother with. I would've been a burden to them, this is why they chose this for me, this is why they confined me to this.

When I finally stopped crying it was dark outside. I lay there for a moment, listening to my own breathing. I sit up slowly, okay, it was enough crying for today. I wiped the tears away and went to the bathroom to shower, as if to clean away everything that had happened today, as if by doing this I could forget. And perhaps I couldn't forget, but with a little time I have learned to distant myself from the problems. And that's what I did. By the time I was out of the bathroom, I was back to myself. I went to my desk and sat down, to start on my homework, it's great that I have time to get most of it done in class. When I finished I put everything away and went to sleep.

What I thought wasn't all

So innocent

Was a delicate doll

Of porcelain

I was not feeling well at all. In fact I felt like crap. Just my luck, right? So, yesterday I had gone to the grocery store… and had been mugged on my way home. I look at myself in the mirror as I straightened my uniform collar. Though an average girl in popularity I have been told I was pretty but every time I looked at myself in the mirror I never thought so. I was your normal French girl. I was white-skinned, blue-eyed, and having long blond hair, nothing special. And now, with a bruise on my cheekbone and scraped knees (that my uniform skirt didn't cover) I was far from pretty. There was nothing to do about the knees, but for my face, I used concealer. Of course, it lessened the severity of my newly formed bruise, but it didn't make it disappear. I definitely wasn't looking forward to the gossip I would cause but I had to go to school. I went to the nightstand to where the thermometer was. I took my temperature… according to the reading I had a minor fever. Yeah, definitely the reason I felt like crap. I had a bruise and scrapped knees and I was sick, just perfect. I considered staying, but I didn't want to fall behind and since I didn't talk to anybody, I couldn't ask for the homework, which meant I had to go to school. I couldn't take medicine with me so I'd tough it out, I'd done it before. I sighed and took my bag.

I looked at the school's entrance and sighed again. I wish the gang would all be absent, I didn't need to see them… out of all the days today I desperately wished it. Of course, I knew that wouldn't happen. So, I settled for wishing today would not be one of the days they would talk to me, that's all I wanted, a peaceful day… or as peaceful as it could happen for me. I sighed again before going into the classroom before I composed myself and went in. I couldn't help the glance their way before I focused on the window and then on where I was walking. But just that glance let me know I hadn't done a very good job with the concealer and that my knees were worse than I had thought, if the widening of their eyes had anything to do with it.

I reached my seat and settled down, taking out my things. And then I began reading. I always brought a book with to make sure I had something to do while I waited, and since people saw I was busy they wouldn't bother me, which I wanted. I pretended to read but I couldn't concentrate on the words, I wasn't feeling well, in fact, I had to close my eyes briefly to get rid of the dizziness as I curse my own stupidity for not taking medicine before leaving the house and coming to school. It was true, I couldn't think straight when I'm sick and here's the proof. Great, just great.

"Kisa-san?" I hear Ryou's unmistakable voice and I curse under my breath.

Why couldn't they just leave me alone this one day? "Yes?" I asked not taking my eyes off the book.

"Are you all right?" and now it's Yugi. Of course, leave him to worry.

"I'm fine," I say and turn the page.

"You're hurt," I hear Atem say and I feel like grinding my teeth. Way to go moron! You figured it out! Wow, I was really out of it today thinking that. I don't respond to that, it wasn't a question, I have no reason to answer. Besides, it isn't their business.

"What happened?" I hear Jounouchi ask and my hands tighten on the book. Why the hell do they care anyway? Then again, he wasn't the one with sense.

"I fell," I say but now my voice is sharp.

"Really?" I hear Kaiba ask. His voice is neutral but it somehow sounds as if he doesn't believe me.

I slowly look away from my book and look directly at him with my usual expression. He doesn't look away, and of course, I don't expect anything else from him. It's not until I detect Yugi shifting uncomfortably that I answer. "Yes, really," I say and return to my fake reading. They're still there so I turn the page again. I again feel dizzy and I give a sharp but silent breath through my nose. I hate when I feel dizzy but am thankful that at least I'm sitting down.

"Are you sure you're all right? Your face is a bit red," Anzu says and I feel like yelling at them. Aside from the fact I don't want to make a scene, I also don't have the energy to do it.

"I'm fine," I repeat but my voice sounds a bit rude.

"You don't look so well," Jounouchi says.

My head snaps up to look at him. I could bet anything my eyes flared angrily, if his slight flinch is anything to go by. 'Nobody asked you,' was what I wanted to say, but I don't. I clench my jaw before I return to look at my book. "Things aren't always what they seem," I say and shrug.

"No, but maybe now isn't one of those times," Bakura says. Why the hell can't they leave me alone! And why do they decide to question me today out of all days. At one time I might have appreciated Bakura's wit, but now it was just annoying.

I didn't answer right away. "What exactly do you want me to say? Since it seems like you won't leave me alone," I say and I almost spat the words as I turned yet another page.

"You could start by telling us what really happened to your face and knees," Kaiba says.

I can't help my anger this time, but I manage to control my tone. I sounded neutral. "I am not your friend and have not asked for your attention. I owe you nothing," I said and my eyes never left her book.

"I will not be talked to like that," Kaiba told me.

For the first time in a long time I smirked in public. I put my book down and stared at Kaiba. "Then leave… stop talking to me," I suggested and lifted an eyebrow. Then I lifted my book and began fake reading again.

"We only wanted to help," Yugi said quietly.

I didn't say anything right away. Yugi and Ryou were the kind of people that even if I hadn't known them well ever, it was really hard to be mean to them. Their faces just screamed innocence. I momentarily wondered what they thought of me… but then again, I didn't care now. Finally, I said, "Thank you, I suppose, but when I ask for help is when I truly need it," I said. It was the nicest way I could think of at the moment to say, 'I didn't ask for your help.'

"Why don't you let us help you now?" Atem asked.

I would have put my book down again, but he wasn't worth it, or so I kept telling myself. I turned the page and said more curtly than when I had spoken to Yugi, "If you didn't understand what I was trying to tell Yugi, I was basically saying that I don't want or need your help. Will you leave me alone now, please?" I asked.

They were silent a moment and finally they left. And once they did I gave a relieved sigh. "What happened to you?" I heard Atem ask quietly.

This time I couldn't suppress the flinch. I looked at him. I gave him a bored look. "I don't have to answer nor will I give you one. As I told Kaiba, I owe you nothing," I replied.

"Why are you-"

"Why do you care?" I asked.

He stared at me a moment and a shadow passed over his face. "I want to understand," he told me and there was almost a pleading expression on his face. Almost.

Oh, as if he didn't already know. "Why?" I asked and returned to my reading. As if I didn't care.

"I want to get to know you," he said.

I froze and slowly looked up at him. I didn't answer for a moment, afraid that if I did I would say something along the lines of, 'I want to get to know you too'. When I regained enough posture I said, though less snappy than I had intended, "You never asked if I wanted to get to know you, or if I wanted you to get to know me. I don't."

He blushed and shifted his gaze from me. "Well," he said and he sounded slightly embarrassed, "there isn't much we can do about that, is there?" he asked.

"No, there isn't," I said and returned my gaze to my book. I heard him walk away and I was trying really hard to control myself from standing and going to him and apologizing. From hugging him and kissing him and never letting go. Geez, my illness was really getting to me. I shook my head and concentrated on what I was doing, feeling their gazes on me from time to time.

During the first break I decided to go to the library in favor of looking for a book that had interested me. Unfortunately, my illness had been getting worse, I didn't think I had a slight fever anymore and I felt very dizzy. I gave a quiet groan, thinking that I really should have stayed home. Today was definitely not a good day for me. The hallway was empty and almost as I reached the library I stopped and leaned against the wall, placing my burning cheek on the cool wall. It felt so incredibly nice I just wanted to stay there, but I didn't. When I straightened is when it happened. I felt everything spinning around and suddenly everything went black.

I began regaining consciousness and the first thing I noticed was a familiar scent and a comfy headrest. I stirred and moved slightly. I gave a quiet groan and slowly sat up. Someone was helping me though. I was helped into a sitting position and I hung my head. I hid my face in my hands and slowly opened my eyes. I groaned again quietly and sighed. Slowly I raised my head. My eyesight was unfocused so things seemed a little blurry. I frowned and rubbed my eyes. "What happened?" I asked quietly.

"You passed out," I heard a vaguely familiar voice.

"Oh," was my very coherent response.

"Can you walk?" another voice asked. This one I recognized, it was Ryou's. I groaned again. Why couldn't they just leave!

"I think so," I answered. Now was not the time to be mean, besides, I so wasn't feeling well. I'm glad I hadn't had breakfast. I kept my eyes fixed on the ground afraid I might get dizzy again. Someone helped me stand. Once up I swayed a bit and so someone put an arm around my waist as I was instructed to place an arm around his shoulders. I looked up slowly and almost jumped away as if burned, I probably would have too, had I not been so weak. Why did Atem always manage to surprise me like this?

"Do you feel dizzy?" Atem asked me quietly.

If I would have been in my complete senses I might have thanked him for keeping his voice quiet. "A little," I replied just as quietly.

"Did you not realize you were sick?"

"I did but I've always come to school even when sick… I didn't think today would be different. I suppose getting mugged the day before doesn't help," I muttered as he helped me along. I realized not the whole gang was there. It was Atem, Ryou, Bakura, and a girl from class. Her name was… Risa… Risa Hinamoto. She had been the one to tell me I had passed out.

"You were mugged?" Risa asked me and I cursed for my own stupidity.

"Yes," I answered shortly. I hung my head as I walked, gosh I felt horrible.

"Oh, dear, what happened?" I heard Ryou ask.

I sighed. Ryou was one of those people I had a difficult time being indifferent toward. Combine that with the fact I feel like crap, and you get an answer from me. "I was on my way home from the grocery store yesterday," I explained shortly. I felt Atem's grip tighten on me a little. It made me a bit nostalgic. "I don't need you to hold me so tightly," I told him and his grip loosened a bit.

We finally went to the infirmary where they explained what had happened. I was told to rest for a bit until I felt better. I did and I was told to go home. When I left the room, there was Atem, with my bag over his shoulder. I looked away for a bit and sighed. Why, out of all the people, did he have to walk me home? I gave him a nod. "Thank you for helping me before," I said rather neutrally.

He smiled a bit. "My pleasure to be able to help you," he said.

"I think I can walk home by myself," I said.

It was the first time since a year ago that I saw him roll his eyes at me. I almost missed him for doing that. "I won't let you walk by yourself. As much as you don't like me, I'm not going to get in trouble because you passed out on your way home," he said almost like his normal self, the self I remembered from when he was a Spirit in the Millennium Puzzle and shared a body with Yugi.

"Very well, let's go," I said and walked passed him. Once he caught up I said, "I can carry my own bag." I extended my hand toward him.

"I can carry your own bag too," he said with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes at him but couldn't help the smirk. Damn, I really was sick. "Fine," I said and we walked in silence.

"Did you have a fever this morning?" he asked after a long moment of silence.

"A mild one," I answered shortly.

"Why didn't you stay home?"

I rolled my eyes and didn't bother to look at him. I didn't want to. "Take a guess," I said dully.

"Didn't want to miss the homework?" he asked.

How was it that even after this long without much contact he still knew me so well? "Right," was all I said as we continued to walk in silence.

When I wanted to call you

And ask you for help

I stopped myself

My eyes were drooping as I drank the tea in bed. At least it was quiet. I had made sure to close the curtains, making the house as dark as possible. I had somehow also managed to change and take off the concealer. I felt worse (and I bet I looked it too), only this time I had been smart enough to take some medicine and tea and take a very long nap. Gosh, I forgot how awful it was to get sick. And when I say forget, I mean forget, I don't get sick every year anyway. So, when I do get sick… I swear, it's like it builds up on me or something. I finished the last of my tea and set the cup down on my nightstand before I tucked myself into bed again, hiding under the comforters. I curled up in a ball and closed my eyes. Ah, that was so much better. So, of course, I had to be interrupted, right?

I heard the doorbell ring and I cursed. I seriously thought about thinking about what I had done wrong to deserve such horrible fate. I got out of bed and wobbled as I found my bearings. I managed to pull my hair back (which probably looked like an utter mess anyway) and I went downstairs. I sighed and opened the door, shielding my eyes from the brightness that was like making my head pound. "May I help you?" I asked politely… or, you know, as politely as one could while they were sick. "Hinamoto-san?" I asked confused when my vision cleared.

Her eyes widened when she saw my face. It seems like I looked as bad as I felt, with the concealer off and stuff. "Hello, Chanson-san," she answered. She seemed nervous. It made sense, she was alone with the Ice Princess… infiltrating in her dominion. And she was alone. "How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.

'How does it look like I'm feeling?' I wanted to ask, but I thought better of it when I saw her expression, so I switched modes, I was surprised I could still do that feeling the way I was. I went from 'school mode' to 'polite stranger mode'. It was quite efficient, especially when I went to stores I frequented. "Not as bad… I should be better with more rest," I answered politely and forced myself to give a slight smile. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude but… why are you here?" I asked.

"O-oh, right. I brought your homework. I asked Motou Atem if he knew why you had come to school if you were sick and he said it was because you didn't want to miss the homework, so I thought I'd bring it to you. I-I could help you if you want… when you're feeling better of course," she said and handed me the homework. "I could bring you your homework i-if you'd l-like… until you get better. I'm sure you can get it done right," she said with a nervous smile.

I would have scoffed at her offer… had she not been one of the top students of our year, like me. I thought about this. Well, it was obvious that I couldn't go to school feeling the way I was feeling… and I'd first fail before I asked Yugi or any of them for the homework. I almost sighed in gratitude, finally something was going right! And yes, inside I was very thankful to Hinamoto. Another forced smile from me, although, it felt more like a quirk of my lips. "If it isn't too much trouble for you," I said. It was the polite thing to say.

"O-oh n-no, it's no trouble at all," she assured quickly.

Ah, a good girl, I remember when I had been like that at one time… before everything collapsed around me. I hoped nothing like that happened to her. I mean, I was mean, not evil, I didn't want anyone to go through what I was… wow, way off topic. "Well then, I'd like it very much. Thank you Hinamoto-san," I said.

She seemed to relax now. Huh, so maybe I wasn't as scary as she'd thought… or I wouldn't be, until I returned to school. She smiled more genuinely now. "Okay, I'll come by tomorrow then," she said and then frowned. "Are you home alone?" she asked sounding a bit concerned.

I tensed not expecting this question. But then, I was a big girl, and it's not like she was going to rat me to some gang of robbers that I was home alone… or at least I hoped she didn't. "Yes… my parents are away on a trip, but it's okay, it's nice to have the quiet," I said.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" she asked me.

What did she think I was? Some crippled, handicapped girl? "I'm fine, thank you," I replied.

She didn't seem all that convinced but she nodded. "Oh, I'm sorry to have taken so much time, you must want to rest," she said and then excused herself. I nodded as well and when she turned I closed the door. Well, that was over with. I sighed and placed my homework on the living room center table and waited for my eyes to adjust the comforting darkness, what a bad phrase to use. I looked down at the homework debating whether I should get started on it… and decided against it thinking my head would implode if I did. I sighed and walked to the foot of the stairs… before the stupid doorbell made me stop. Maybe I should buy earmuffs, those should keep the sound out so I wouldn't have to hear it. I groaned and went to the door. I leaned against the cool door before I pushed myself straight.

"May I help you?" I asked politely again as I shield my eyes from the brightness… again. Damn, I couldn't see a freaking thing!

"Hi, Chanson," I heard Jounouchi's loud voice.

I cringe slightly from the loudness. I let my arm drop as I squinted at them. I groaned aloud without meaning to… okay, so I did mean to. "What do you want?" I snap when my vision finally adjusted. They were trying not to gawk at my face… I wondered if it was really that bad.

"You're face looks worse than this morning, it-"

"What Honda means is that your bruise looks worse than it did this morning," Anzu said shooting a glare at Honda. Well, he'd never exactly been one to have tact… like Jounouchi.

"It's called concealer, you should know," I told Anzu sharply. I glowered at them, which believe me, took a lot more effort than it seemed. But hey, credit to me since all I felt like doing was climbing into bed and sleeping for like, a year. "What do you want? Don't you get it I don't want you to bother me? So, now you come to my house. If you want to send me to Hell all you have to do is throw me off a cliff… or you know, trap me in a room with all of you," I said.

They flinched. Ah! I had touched a nerve! I bet it was the Hell bit, of course I wasn't supposed to remember my time in the Shadow Realm but they hadn't forgotten about me telling them I had been there. Atem was also with them, and I watched with mean satisfaction as he looked away from me at my last comment. It hurt him, good. I wanted to make it hurt as much as possible, just like he had hurt me. I wanted to make them all hurt, like I had been hurt… because it had been because of them that I am like this.

"That's harsh, even for you," Jounouchi said.

I snorted. "Right, well, if it's the only way I'll get the message across to you to leave me the hell alone than I don't regret it one bit! Besides, Jounouchi Katsuya, I'm sure you've been called worse," I said and directed my eyes to Kaiba. His eyes narrowed at me but he didn't say anything. Good, he better not.

"Why are you being so mean to us? We just want to help you," Yugi said.

I stared at him a moment before I gave an annoyed sigh. If I was going to say this I couldn't look at him. That's just the way it worked. I looked away and said, "I already told you. When will you understand I don't want your help! If you left me alone, we wouldn't exchange any type of dialogue unless crucially necessary, so then I wouldn't have a chance to be mean. There's no reason for you to help me. I have nothing to give nor am I willing to give anything," I said.

"What about friendship? What if we want to be your friends?" Yugi insisted.

Still looking away from him I gave a humorless laugh. "Friendship? Friendship is the ridiculous and utterly stupid notion that people give to other people without expecting anything back… like love. But both notions are stupid, nobody ever does anything unless there is some gain for them. I don't want nor need friendship, least of all yours. You're the last people I'd ever like to owe anything to," I said. They couldn't bring out the fact they had helped get me to the infirmary because they knew I'd bring up the fact Hinamoto could have taken me there.

"What happened to you! Why have you changed so much!" Ryou exclaimed suddenly and when I looked at him tears had gathered in his gorgeous, wide eyes. I had always told him he had pretty eyes.

I realized they were all looking at him with startled expressions. Ryou wasn't one for this kind of outbursts that much I knew. Plus, I wasn't supposed to know about my past, so that question might not have been appropriate to ask me.

I swallowed hard and looked away from them. I didn't need this! "I don't know what you mean," I stated emotionlessly.

"You don't have to be so rude," Bakura told me as he placed his arms around Ryou, who buried his face on Bakura's chest.

All the hatred I felt for them concentrated on one glare that I directed at Bakura. "You come to my house to pester me and then accuse me of being rude?" I asked in a dangerously low tone, and they knew they had crossed the line. I felt twisted satisfaction when I realized even Kaiba knew this. As I continued the volume of my voice escalated. "You come to my house uninvited taking the time I could be resting and you ask me why I'm being rude! How dare you!" I yell and then say my voice lowered to a hiss, "Is that your game? Do you want me to feel worse, is that it? Well, congratulations! You succeeded in making me feel even more like shit! Is that what you wanted to hear? There, I said it! Now you can go on your merry way and celebrate that you made me feel like jumping off a cliff is an appealing option. Now that you've gotten what you wanted you can get off my fucking property!" I say before I slam the door in their faces and lock it.

The last expression I saw on their faces, I realize with a sadistic smile, is that of shock. And of course they'd be shocked, the only times I actually cuss are when I'm extremely angry… like now. Except underneath all that anger I also know I'm feeling hurt… especially after watching Ryou cry… after I made him cry. I feel tears sting my own eyes as I make my way up the stairs. No matter how much I deluded myself into thinking I hated them, I knew it wasn't hate, it was resentment… and it was at times like these, when their hurt expressions made me cry, that I realized how bitter and hurt I'd become. But I didn't need them… that was the one thing I sustained through this: that I didn't need love or friendship, especially from them, where they could hurt me again. And once in bed, I cried my heart out, until I had a massive headache and then drifted into the blissful nothingness of sleep.

Gomenasai for everything

Gomenasai, I know I let you down

Gomenasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

A week had gone by rather quickly. Two days into my sickness I decided I couldn't postpone my homework anymore after watching the pile grow. Hinamoto, as she had said she would, dropped by every day to give me my homework. She would ask if I was all right and then proceed to leave. It was easy and efficient; I didn't have to deal with stupid friendship speeches, or annoying people. I know I'd miss this when I went back to school. Fortunately, I hoped my little outburst kept the gang away from me for the rest of the year… for the rest of high school really.

Anyway, I had finished most of my homework, and the rest I'd get done in these two days, it was the weekend anyway and I had time. I was feeling a lot better and my bruise was fading nicely. It was still visible even if I added concealer, but it wasn't as bad as that first day. Hm, after being cooped up here for a week I decided a walk would be nice. I stretched and put away the homework I had finished, leaving my undone homework on my desk. I'd get to it after I was done. I went to my mirror and picked up a brush. I brushed my hair as I decided what to do during my walk. I could go the store and pick up a few things, after all, being mugged means you don't think much about what you didn't bring home… aside from the fact I'd gotten sick shortly after so… yeah. Hm, maybe a walk around the park… nah, I could do that tomorrow, when I wasn't pressured about groceries or homework. Oh, I could go to the Game Shop, at this time, Yugi and his friends were bound to not be there. Only Yugi's grandpa would be there, and that's all I wanted. I could by a two-card pack… better make that two packs. I liked buying those (no, the memories had nothing to do with it… somewhat) because I liked being surprised with what cards I would end up with… even if I already had the cards I got.

So, I decided to do just that. I dressed casually in jeans, a long sleeve and a pea coat. That should be warm enough for the weather. I took my wallet (I wasn't really one for purses, especially after meeting Yugi and them. I mean, purses are usually the last thing you think of when you're trying to save your skin) and put it in my coat pocket. I also took my keys, and that's really all I needed. So, after putting on my shoes I headed out, making sure to lock the door. Of course, a locked door wouldn't make any difference if someone skilled picked it open. Someone skilled… like Bakura. I gave an annoyed sigh, why is it that in one way or another I had to be reminded of them! Hell, even a locked door did it! It got pretty annoying when it happened frequently. I had decided to go to the store first and go to the Game Shop on my way home, since it was on the way.

I shoved my hands in my pockets trying to get them warm in this weather. I smiled a little, this was my favorite type of weather because not many people were out when it was this cold and I liked feeling the cold bite against my face. Of course, spending too much time in the cold was not something I really liked, but for short periods of time it was good. I was taken out of my thoughts when I heard a scream. I stopped walking abruptly and looked around, the street was empty. Cars went by, yes, but there weren't any pedestrians on this street. I tilted my head to the side a little trying to see if I'd hear it again or if it was just the wind. Nope, I soon discovered it wasn't the wind; it was a scream coming from one of the side streets. Once I knew where it had come from I sprinted toward it. Huh, guess my old self sometimes resurface at times like these, when I'm not really thinking what I'm doing.

When I got there, I only had a moment to catch my breath as I took in the scene. Wow, I didn't know I could feel a shock wave like that. I blinked when I saw Hinamoto. Over her was a guy… a guy I recognized and one I wanted to punch the living daylights out of. Without really thinking what I was doing, I ran and leaped on the guy and since he wasn't expecting me, he lost his balance. I made sure to pull him back and then let go, so he fell on his back. Then I jumped on him. Since he was still surprised I took this opportunity to my advantage. I punched him in the nose as hard as I possibly could. I heard a dull crunch and then he screamed. I looked surprised at him when blood starting oozing out of his nose. I didn't know I could pack a punch like that… well, that was certainly good to know. "That's for mugging me and trying to mug Hinamoto, punk," I said before I punched him in the cheekbone. He flinched at this, still whining about his nose. "And that's for the bruise you gave me, you little-" and I cut myself off. "Maybe you'll think twice before trying to mug someone, boy," I said before quickly standing. I turned to face Hinamoto who was looking at me wide-eyed. I reacted quickly by taking her bag and slinging it over my shoulder before taking Hinamoto's hand and winging it from there.

Once a safe distance away from that guy we stopped and caught our breath. I finally straightened and returned the bag to her. "Thank you," she said still looking at me funny.

I shrugged. Damn, what would my old self say to that? "It was nothing. I'm sure anyone else would've done the same," I said but it came out neutral. 'School mode' I thought to myself. I was in school mode, which was kind of ironic considering what I had just done.

"He was the one who mugged you?" Hinamoto asked suddenly and all I did was nod.

"What were you doing in a street like that anyway?" I asked.

"It's a short cut. I was going to your house to let you borrow some notes I took on a lesson I found hard. I thought they might help. It's the shortest way to get from my house to yours, so I took it," she replied.

"Well, be more careful next time," I said sounding snappier then I had intended. She looked meekly at me and nodded before going through her bag. She produced a couple pieces of paper kept together with a staple. "Here," she said handing them to me.

I took them and examined them. Oh, right, I really would need these. I looked at her and nodded. "Thank you. I'll make sure to give them back at school," I said. I then frowned. "Were you going somewhere else besides my house?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

I nodded. Well, I guess I owed it to her, so I might as well repay now. "I'll walk you home," I said.

Her eyes widened. "Oh, no, it's okay, really. You're still sick and all," she said.

I shrugged. "I don't mind since I really needed to get out some. It's annoying being stuck at home for a whole week," I said.

"O-okay, then, thanks," she said and I shrugged again. We began walking in silence before she began asking questions. It was rather awkward for me since I'm a bit of a socially awkward person with people I don't know… unless those people are easy-going like Yugi and them… no! Bad thoughts! I focused on the present here with Hinamoto. I couldn't decide if she was shy, or socially awkward like me. Perhaps a bit of both. I wondered if she had friends… I'd never really paid attention to her or to many people in class really, since most of my high school in Domino had been spent with the geek squad. Ha! I could finally call them that and not be included! We continued to walk… and while we did she broached a touchy subject. "You act different than when you're at school," she told me.

I didn't say anything in while. I knew she noticed, as did everyone else in class, that I no longer hung out with the others who'd been my friends. Nobody had ever dared to ask me that, in fact, Hinamoto's questions was the closest anyone has gotten. And she was right, I supposed I did act different. I tended to avoid everyone at school, unless it was the teachers, who held the authority, but outside of school, though I did avoid people, when it was unavoidable I'd be nice. Politeness was essential anyway. "It's easier," was all I said.

"Why? Is it really hard for you to talk to people now?" she asked honestly curious.

The meaning of her question didn't escape my notice. 'Is it hard for you to talk to people now?' As in now that I wasn't friends with the others. "If I'm going to avoid some people, I might as well avoid everyone, it's only fair," I answered a bit curtly.

"Did they hurt you so bad you don't want to make any more friends?" she asked and she sounded… strange. I glanced at her but she wasn't looking at me.

"Those people aren't bad people at all… I just don't like it when people make decisions for me in which I'm not consulted is all…I don't want to go through that again and I don't think many of the girls in our grade care enough to be good friends. I'm sure there are girls out there who do, but I guess I just don't want to find them," I said. What was wrong with me telling her this? Well, that was as close as she was getting to a heart to heart. She seemed startled by my response though, as if that's not what she was expecting. Which reminded me that-

"They seem like such good people…" she trailed off.

"Please don't judge them on my standards. You don't know them as I do, but as I told you, they're not bad people. They're very good people, people that would respect you… I think it's just me. I can't seem to keep friends for long," I said remembering my schooling back in France. Wait a minute, what the hell was I doing defending those low-life's! Damn, something really was wrong with me. As I said before, I wasn't quite popular. I needed to shift this conversation. "What about your friends? Are they good to you?" I asked.

She shifted uncomfortably. "I… I don't really have friends. People tend to avoid me..." she said looking uncomfortable.

"Why?" I asked genuinely curious. She seemed nice enough.

"I've been told that I'm too… agreeing. I agree with almost everything. I suppose that gets annoying. They also say I'm… too awkward," she confessed and she seemed embarrassed admitting it.

In this year, it took some effort to make me feel bad for someone. Well, this was one of those times I did feel bad. She was a nice girl, so what if she was a bit awkward… speaking of which, I didn't notice. "You don't seem awkward to me," I told her.

"Really?" she asked looking slightly hopeful.

"Not at all. Perhaps a bit shy, but not awkward," I said.

"Thanks, you're the first person to say that," she said with a meek smile.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty socially awkward with people I don't know, unless those people are easy-going," I admitted. Why was I doing this? This wasn't me! I was thankful when we got to her house. "Well, I'll see you soon, Hinamoto-san, thank you for the notes," I said. Did I mention that throughout this whole conversation my voice was neutral? No? Well it was.

"You're welcome. I hope you feel much better, Chanson-san, and thank you for helping me," she said with a smile and went inside.

I went back the way I came, going to the store to buy a couple of things. Going from here to there not really realizing what was going on around me, only going for those items I knew I needed. I was nice to the cashier who smiled and wished me a good day. On my way home, as I had planned, I went to the Game Shop, hesitating only slightly. They wouldn't be in there now, and so what if they were? I wasn't going there to see them. I shifted my groceries to one hand and opened the door. I squinted as my eyes adjusted. I looked around… and froze. Yep, you guessed right if you said the gang was there. Why did they manage to do this? Gosh, I can't believe I walked into this one! Well, it's not like I was expecting them to be there. Besides, not the whole gang was there. Anzu, Seto, Honda, and Jounouchi were not there. It was only Ryou, Bakura, Atem, and Yugi. Well, it made sense for Atem and Yugi to be there, they lived there. I quickly looked around. I focused my lifeless gaze on Yugi. "Is Motou-sama not here?" I asked.

"He… he went out… can I help you with something?" Yugi managed looking at me and blinking. Atem as usual stayed silent. Bakura wouldn't meet my gaze and Ryou was looking at me with a sad expression.

I swallowed hard while at the same time I wanted to scoff at Yugi's last statement. "No, I'll come by a day he's here," I said and turned… at the same time Kaiba walked in followed by Mokuba. I almost gasped. Mokuba… I hadn't seen him in a year. I'd always had a soft spot for him even more than I did for Ryou. He was the youngest of the group after all.

"Kisa!" he exclaimed with a smile. I wondered if he had been filled in on what had happened. Apparently not. How did they expect me to react? At that moment I didn't care. I was actually genuinely glad to see him.

I stiffened and looked at Kaiba reflexively. He stared back. It was so strange… very strange. Although we weren't friends and I didn't want anything to do with him an understanding passed through us. I managed a small smile. "Hello Mokuba, how are you?" I asked and tensed for a moment when he hugged me.

"Great! I haven't seen you in so long! I miss you!" he said releasing me.

"Yes, well… I've been really busy I haven't had much time for anything. It's not easy to be one of the top students in the grade," I said.

"Well, you're here now, why don't you stay?" he asked. I swear Mokuba was the only one who didn't feel the tense air around us.

"Mokuba, she has things to do," Kaiba said.

I felt a flash of gratitude that I didn't show. "You're brother's right, I'm actually pretty busy," I lied… well, not completely, I still had homework to do, even if I could put it aside for a bit.

"Then how did you end up here?" Mokuba enquired.

"Mokuba, that's enough," Kaiba said.

Mokuba turned to his brother. "What? I haven't seen her in a long time," he said and turned back to me.

"It was on the way. As you can see, I went to the grocery store and I just passed by looking for something, that's all. I just wanted to stretch my legs for a bit," I told him.

"But it's the weekend!" Mokuba said and gave me wide puppy eyes. Oh, I was a sucker for those, but I was proud of myself for not giving in.

"I was sick this week, so I have a lot of homework to catch up on."

"So, you just came by to say hi then?" he asked.

I deliberated for a moment. "That's right," Ryou told Mokuba and I almost sighed. Out of relief or annoyance, I'm not really sure.

"Can't you just stay for a little while Kisa? Pleeaase," he said.

I sighed and gave him a smile, a little one. "I'm sorry Mokuba, this time I'm going to have to pass. I do have to get home," I said and ruffled his hair.

"Okay," he said defeated but then he perked up. "I'll see you around then," he said.

I forced another smile. "We'll see. Goodbye Mokuba," I said and turned the knob and opened the door.

"Bye," I heard Ryou say quietly.

I paused. Turning my head slightly, barely perceptibly, I muttered a, "Bye," and I walked out.

"Chanson!" I heard Kaiba's voice call me when I had walked a couple steps away from the shop.

"What?" I snapped and turned putting on a bored expression and pose.

He didn't say anything right away and I gave an exasperated sigh. "You're… why were you nice to Mokuba?" he finally asked.

"Is that all you wanted to ask? Stop wasting my time," I said and was about to turn when his next words stopped me.

"You remember, don't you?" he asked me.

I froze and didn't answer right away. "That's none of your business," I said sharply.

"I'm right," he said and smirked.

"I don't care what you think."

"You're not denying it," he observed.

I paused before saying, "So what if I do? What's it to you?" I asked.

"I want to know for sure if you do," he insisted.

I gave an irritated exhalation through my nose. "Yes, I remember. There, happy?" I hissed.

He seemed startled. "Then why be like that with us? With Yugi and the others?" he asked almost as if he didn't want to include himself. But he had, in his first statement.

"Again none of your business. But it'd do you good to remember what happened and think what you would have done in my place… it'd be for the best if the other's didn't know," I said emotionlessly.

He stared at me a long moment in which I was still looking like I was bored. "Why do you think I'd keep the secret?" he asked.

I looked dully at him. "Because you're part of the nerd herd Kaiba. It's expected," I said with a slight mocking tone. "Can I go now?" I asked and rolled my eyes at him.

"I didn't know you'd be this mean," he said.

I gave a low, humorless laugh. "And of course, you should know all about that, if the animosity between you and Jounouchi is anything to go by," I reminded him.

"And even I wasn't that mean to him, not like you."

I smirked at him, my eyes challenging. "Aren't you proud of me then, that I surpassed you?" I asked mockingly.

He stared at me a moment. "Trust me, it's nothing to be proud of," he told me curtly before turning and going back into the Game Shop. I blinked after him a couple of times before I turned and headed off to my own house. How is it that they managed to ruin my acceptable days? Those jerks! I walked on, and there wasn't anything I could do to get them out of my head. Mokuba and his innocent words, Kaiba and our conversation… Ryou's quiet intervention. I shook my head as I continued to walk trying to get rid of those images and words… yeah, I didn't do a very good job. I didn't cry this time, but I felt a bit nostalgic. I sighed and entered my house, readying myself for another round of homework.

What I thought was a dream

A mirage

Was as real as it seemed

A privilege

"I won't ever love anyone as I love you, Kisa."

"And I will never give myself to anyone that isn't you because I love you," I answered and allowed him to pull me closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as we enjoyed the moment. He stroked my hair and I sighed content. This moment was perfect and I wish it would last forever. After a moment I pulled back and he looked at me and raised an eyebrow. His hands move to either side of my waist. "Kiss me," I tell him quietly and he complies with a smile.

His kisses have always left me out of breath, and this was no exception. Our lips moved against each other's until I opened my mouth in invitation. I felt him slip his tongue in my mouth and I moaned when it touched mine. I gasped as one of his hands slipped under my shirt and his fingertips trailed up and down my spine. I pressed myself closer to him and gave a slight protest when he broke the kiss only to kiss my neck. I gave a soft moan as I tilted my head to the side to give him more access. His other hand moves to my hip and with two fingers he tugged on a belt loop. He set me gently on the bed climbing on top of me. We shared a smile before he began kissing my jaw softly. He began unbuttoning my shirt and I took this opportunity to slip my hands under his shirt, letting my fingernails trail slowly up his torso and chest. He gave a breathy sort of gasp as he kissed me once again on the lips. He parted my shirt his eyes roaming my exposed stomach and chest. I took this opportunity to slide my hands downward and tug at his shirt. He stops momentarily only to pull his shirt over his head and I take the chance to slide off my own shirt.

He begins kissing my neck again as I feel his hands slide up and down my sides, teasing the waistband of my jeans. His lips moved to my collarbone as he undid the button my jeans and the zipper. I feel his tongue trace the outline of my collarbone. I moan again. "Pharaoh…" I say breathily. He tugs at my jeans and I arch my back letting him pull them off easier… and now it's my turn. He lifts himself slightly off me and I unbutton his jeans and fumble with the zipper. I'm not always as controlled as he is after all. I pull them down to his knees and he kicks them off. We take our time to admire each other's bodies, we mostly always do.

"Beautiful," he murmurs.

"Godly," I say softly as I once again tilt my head to the side as he buries his nose in the juncture of my neck and shoulder, inhaling my scent. I pull him closer to me tangling my hands in his hair. I feel a sharp pain and I gasp and give a quiet groan as his tongue soothes the bite mark he just gave me. I love it when he does this because it feels so good and because this way everyone knows I'm his… not that I haven't given him bite marks, after all, someone as hot as my Pharaoh had to be marked to make sure everyone knew he was taken. I give a slight whimper when he suckles on my neck.

He kisses down my chest again and stops when he reaches my bra. I bite my lower lip as I feel his fingers tracing the edge of my bra. He looks up at me. "Please," I say softly asking him not to tease. He smirks and I know he won't heed to my plea. He kisses my shoulder and oh-so-slowly he slides my bra strap down. He purposely brushes the outer curve of my breast as he does so. "Pharaoh," I say a bit breathily but my tone holds warning. I tug on his hair. He chuckles as he sits up and pulls me to sit up with him. He kisses me and it's a little sloppier than before, and no, I'm so not complaining. His hands slowly slide up my back until they reach my bra and he unhooks it. I pull a bit away without breaking the kiss as he slides the bra down and off of me, to be forgotten for a long time somewhere on the room floor. I smile against the kiss as one of his hands simply runs up and down my back. I know he likes to feel the smoothness of my bare back, he once told me so. And I understand, because I like to do the same to his back. I press my lower body to his, moving my hips slightly, making us both gasp and moan. I feel his hardness through his boxers and smirk. It's my turn.

I bring a hand between us, running it down his chest slowly. His breath hitches as I near his member. I brush my fingers against it through his boxers, making him moan into the kiss. I break the kiss and now I'm the one kissing and nipping his neck. "You seem to need a bit of assistance, can I help you?" I whispered against his neck before I trailed lower.

His breath quickened his hand burying in my hair. "As a matter of fact, it seems only you can help me," he managed to say. How he can manage to form coherent thoughts, I don't know, but then again, how was I managing to do so?

I purr against his chest and continue to make a trail down his abdomen with my tongue. "I'll make it worth your while," I murmur and continue my way down.

"You never disappoint," he told me in a husky voice.

I smile against this navel as I swirl my tongue around his belly button before I tease the waistband of his boxers. I tug more insistently as I run my tongue below his belly button. He hurriedly accommodates himself so I can take the offensive article of clothing off. I kiss the spot I had just been licking and smirk as I return to kiss him in the mouth instead of going lower. He gives a groan of protest before he moans as my fingers trail up his inner thigh. A sensitive spot of his. Did I mention that it is also one of my sensitive spots? I didn't? Well, it happens to be.

I kiss him hotly as I push against him until he's on his back with me on top of him. His hands immediately go to the waistband of my panties and he slides them off with hands that tell of much practice. Considering we have done this many times, I'd say the practice is quite justified. I kick off my panties the rest of the way before his hands start roaming my body. He smirks as I moan into the kiss when one of his hands begins fondling one of my breasts. Damn, he's so good at distraction. He raises himself on an elbow as we continue to kiss. He wants the upper hand again, unfortunately for him, I'm not quite done with my turn, and it's still my move. I moan again but then smirk as I let my hand graze his erection. He flops back down on the bed and his hand drops. I take this time to go down to his inner thigh again. Goodness, I love teasing him… but then again, it's mostly payback for when he teases me.

I kiss his inner thigh before nipping it almost painfully and then soothing it with my tongue. He gasps, his hand shooting to tangle in my hair while the other one is fisted on the sheets of the bed. I lick my way up and pause. His breathing is heavy and he gives me a growl when I pause. I smirk before I allow my lips to brush the head of his member, smearing my lips with his precum. I look up at him and he looks at me with lidded eyes. I smirk and slowly lick off the precum from my lips with a groan. His hand still tangled in my hair he tugs at me and when I go to him his lips seek mine in a searing kiss. And now, my turn is over, not because I want it to be, but because he'll get the upper hand now. He places his hand at the small of my back pulling me to lie flat on him before his hand begins to run up my back. He brings us to a sitting position as we continue to kiss heatedly. Damn, he's really good. He caresses my inner thigh and I gasp at the feeling of his fingers on my sensitive skin. He tugs on my hair again and I tilt my head to the side, allowing him to deepen the kiss further. Slowly, he begins pushing gently against me. So, I allow my arms to wrap around his neck and I begin to pull him down as I lay on the bed, and then he is laying on top of me.

He breaks the kiss and only spends a short amount of time on my neck and collarbone before he moves to my breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth and fondling the other with his hand. I moaned, arching my back upward against his mouth and hand. He then switches, paying attention to my other nipple with his lips. Then he kisses my abdomen and looks at me. "Didn't disappoint, now let me show you what I'll do," he said with a smirk.

"Can't wait," I managed to say.

He kisses down to my navel and then goes to my hip, nipping and caressing and kissing. I gasp when I feel a particularily hard bite but then I feel the wetness of his tongue on it, soothing it. He kisses downward and then to my inner thigh. He picks a spot and suckles on it, making me moan. Gosh, he's really talented with his tongue. I wonder if he realizes just how talented he is. He goes back up to my navel, making a trail very slowly upward. I'm concentrated on how good it feels, that his tongue is wet, leaving a trail as air hits the trail of saliva, making it cool and I can't help but moan. I give a very surprised yelp when I feel him insert a finger inside of me. I stare at him wide-eyed, squirming a bit due to the sudden intrusion. He smiles at me and he begins moving his finger inside me. I gasp and give a little whimper, and then began moving my hips in time to his fingers. My breath becomes short pants… and then he stopped. I whimpered at his lack of movement, attempting to move my hips to get him to start but it was futile. He withdrew his finger from me and I protested. I stared at him with lustful eyes. Without taking his lust-filled eyes from me, he smirked and put his finger in his mouth, groaning at my taste in his mouth. Gods, he looked so freaking sexy I wanted him to take me right then. I sat up and roughly pulled him for him to lay on top me and fell back on the bed. I kissed him with abandon, all I wanted was to feel his lips on mine, his body on mine, and I wanted to feel him inside me.

"Pharaoh… please," I pleaded before I again pulled him into a kiss. He made a sound against my lips as his hands again roamed my body, my sides. I moaned, my need for him increasing. "I…need you… now," I said against his lips.

"Me too…" he managed before he pulled away and positioned himself on top of me before entering me. We both gasped at the feeling, as he entered my sleekness. He kissed me and then began moving inside me. Oh, the goodness! I felt pressure begin to build in my lower abdomen as we moved together. His uneven breathing told me he was feeling it too. He began moving faster, more frantically, and I met him thrust for thrust. I couldn't keep my eyes open and I closed them, losing myself in the sensation of his hot, hard, sweaty body against mine. Feeling his heavy panting on my face, him moving inside me, the pressure in my stomach building even more. A stray hand on my body and suddenly, I arch my back as far as I can, as I soar into my climax, shouting his name. He climaxes shortly after I do and I shiver as the aftershocks go through me combined with his hot seed spilling inside me. He pronounces my name and I've never liked my name better. He momentarily collapses on top of me, his face on the crook of my neck as we both attempt to catch our breaths. I wrap my arms around him and stroke his sweaty back. We simply lay there, enjoying the minutes after our lovemaking. Finally, he lifts his head and I smile at him.

His face is a bit flushed and his bangs are sticking to his forehead. He smiles gently at me before giving me a sweet kiss. Gosh, he's the best! He pulls out of me and lays beside me. I wiggle my way to cuddle next to him. He chuckles and wraps an arm around me, turning so that he's facing me. "I love you, you know," he tells me.

I smile and touch his face. "Yes, I know, just like you know that I love you," I say settling down, my head on his chest. He places his other arm around me, and he alternates between stroking my hair and running his hand up and down my back. I smile and then yawn. "You know, I'm really glad you and Yugi have a soul room to go to… or I'd feel very bad for him, especially considering he doesn't like girls," I say and giggle.

He chuckles. "Yes, I'm very glad too, or else I wouldn't be able to have my way with you," he says.

I give a quiet but amused laugh. "You mean we wouldn't be able to have our way with each other," I rectify.

"Hm, good point," is all he says and then we lay quietly until I know no more because I fall asleep to the sound of his breathing and the stroke of his hand.

I wake up with a startled gasp, I wake up to the present. I lay breathing heavily on my bed and I throw off the covers off of my sweaty body. A dream, it was only a dream. I repeat those words like a mantra. 'Only a dream, it was only a dream' but… it's not, I know it. When I have similar dreams they don't make me feel like this. They don't make me feel so sad, nostalgic, and empty. No, when they're dreams I feel comforted, some longing, and a tiny bit of hope. This wasn't a dream… it was a memory. A memory of a time I had thought I had friends and a lover who didn't betray me. Of a time I wasn't hurt, a time where I was loved. I don't like when I have these dream-like memories, they only make me feel worse, reminding me of what I had… of what I lost because of my resentment, anger, and pride. I get out of bed and go downstairs, not really sure what I'm going to do there.

And then I feel it, a knot in my throat and the stinging in my eyes. No, I can't cry, not for him, not for the past. I can't… I can't dammit! This isn't how it's supposed to work! After a year, I should have been able to move on, to find other people… to find someone else. No, not find someone else, I couldn't ever find anyone to replace him, but he isn't worth my time or tears, he isn't worth it. I should have let him go… but I can't. I can't, not just because I still love him as I did at that time… but also because I know he loves me just as much, and I can't let go, no matter that I don't plan to ever engage in anything with him again.

But then, if I can't let go and I still love him… doesn't that mean that's a reason to cry? A reason to cry for my loss, for that time, for the could-have-been's and the what-if's. And that's good enough for me, because I break down in the middle of my living room. I fall on my knees on the hard and cold floor, crying to the dark room, to nobody. I cry for what I lost, knowing that the next day would bring about nothing different. That I would still keep away from Atem and his friends, that I would be mean to them if it got them to leave me alone, that I would ignore them if I could, that I wouldn't give any one of them a chance. Nothing would change… tomorrow would be the same.

When I wanted to tell you

I made a mistake

I walked away

It was a Monday, not one of the best days for me. Like everyone else, I didn't like Mondays. Still, I had somehow managed to drag myself out of bed, get dressed, look appropriate, and leave for school, with my already-finished homework. I also took the liberty of copying Hinamoto's notes, they had really helped, I was glad she had let me borrow them. I looked at the school ahead of me and sighed. Like every school week, this would be a very long day. I walked in with and went to my locker. I took my time, I had gotten there early, as I usually did. I went to my classroom, again (like most days) I wished the gang wouldn't be there, and again, I knew it was a futile wish. I ignored them as I did every day and went to my seat. I took out my book and began reading, and for a moment everything felt normal in life as I sat there reading. After all, I had always been a bookworm, even back in France.

I kept glancing up every so often when people walked in, waiting for Hinamoto to come in so I could give her the notes back. She came in after some time, I never knew she came to school early. Once she had taken a seat, I went through my bag and took out her notes. I stood and made my way toward Hinamoto. I felt the gang's eyes on me, most likely wondering what the heck I was doing standing and going toward another human being, one I didn't know that well. When I reached her desk, she looked up at me and blinked, but then she smiled.

"Good morning, Chanson-san," she said.

I gave her a nod but did not smile. "Good morning, Hinamoto-san. I have your notes, thank you for letting me borrow them," I said and gave them back to her.

"Are you sure you don't need them anymore?" she asked and blinked again.

How nice, she was worried for me. "I already finished the homework, but I copied the notes," I informed her.

"Oh good. I'm glad they helped," she replied with a smile and I only nodded and went back to my seat. I hardly spared the gang a glance, curious what about what they might think. They looked surprised from what I noticed. I gave a silent sigh, yes, I was able to talk to people politely, whether I liked to was different.

Did I ever tell you the thing I dislike the most besides Mondays? No, I'm not referring to people, I'm referring to things. Well, this was more of an activity, but still. Well, in case you didn't know, what I disliked the most were when a teacher assigned a project. Well, I didn't dislike the projects themselves, I didn't mind that, it was the fact that most of the time the teachers would assign partners, sometimes groups. Damn, what did they think? Did they think we weren't able to things by ourselves? Anyway, the teacher finished killing my morning by assigning a project. At least it was on biology, I was good at biology. This little bit of news was momentarily forgotten when she announced she had assigned partners for us. I also didn't like when teachers did that because I didn't get the best of partners. I was hoping that perhaps Hinamoto-san could have been my partner if we could choose. After all, she was a top student too, so we could have been guaranteed a good grade. But now I didn't know who'd I'd get. I'd be happy if I could get someone not in the dweeb team… although if I really have to, I at least hoped it was Kaiba. Though Ryou and Atem were both better students then the rest of the dream team, Kaiba was the best. Hey, I might not like them, but I did care about my grades.

"Jounouchi Katsuya and Bakura Ryou," the teacher began announcing and told them what they would be investigating. "Masaki Anzu and Honda Hiroto..." So, then Bakura ended up being paired with Kaiba and Yugi was paired with Hinamoto. Well, there went my two best choices. Ryou was also already paired with someone. Well, there went an actual teamwork. I'd probably end up doing all the work with whoever I was paired with because most of the class didn't care enough. And why did they get to work among themselves? That wasn't fair! And then my blood ran cold. "Chanson Kisa and Motou Atem will be working on cell apoptosis in an embryo and why it's important," the teacher said and continued on her merry way as if she just didn't do the worse thing in my life. I hardly managed to write down what we were supposed to work on. I sighed, did life hate me? What did I do? I didn't move, didn't say anything, and I spaced out for the rest of biology and though I took notes I didn't know what I was taking notes on. I was thankful we had lunch after this. By the time the bell rang, I was working on automatic. Forget school mode, automatic was the 'it' thing right now… or it was, until someone approached me.

"Chanson-san?" Hinamoto asked me.

I snapped out of my robot-like mode. Ha! That was a good one, it seemed like all I was on was robot mode these days. "Yes, Hinamoto-san?" I asked neutrally, back to school mode. I would be fine as long as Atem didn't come to talk to me.

"I-I was wondering if I…?" she trailed off.

I gave a sigh. "What is it, Hinamoto-san?" I asked her and there was slight impatience in my tone.

"C-can I have lunch… with you today?" she asked in almost a rush.

I lifted an eyebrow. She actually wanted to have lunch with the Ice Princess? Why? "Why?" I asked.

"I… just want to," she said quietly and blushed. I felt a bit sorry for the girl considering what she had told me, that nobody really liked her just because she was awkward. Damn, what was with me and soft spots! Well, we could be awkward together. Oh, how stupid did that sound?

"Whatever, do whatever you want," I said. Wow, did I just sound like Kaiba or what? I was half-expecting him to come out of nowhere and tell me not to steal his phrase. She gave me a slight smile and began walking with me as I headed outside. I didn't like eating lunch in the cafeteria because it was crowded and noisy. I no longer liked eating in the classroom because the nerd herd would be there, so I went outside and had lunch in a little place not many people frequented.

Once we were outside, we didn't get far. "Hinamoto-san! Kisa-san!" we heard. We both turned but I was as stiff as cardboard that had once been soaked in water.

I didn't say anything as I saw Atem, Yugi and Kaiba walking toward us. Of course, Kaiba wouldn't leave his boyfriend defenseless against someone like me, now would he? "Do you want to talk to them?" Hinamoto asked me quietly.

"No," I answered shortly and curtly. I looked away. Of course I didn't want to talk to them. I was surprised she had asked though… it was almost as if she cared whether I wanted to or not.

"Okay, I will," was all she said. I glanced at her and made my expression neutral… no, let me try that again, I kept my expression neutral. When they reached us Yugi smiled at us. Hinamoto returned the smile a little sheepishly, I didn't bother. Atem was staring at me and Kaiba… well, he was being his silent, unsmiling self, so no difference there. "Yes?" Hinamoto asked.

"Well, we're partners, I just wanted to know when we could meet to start on our project," he said.

"Oh… o-okay. When do you have time?" she asked him. I tried very hard not to roll my eyes. Oh, dear. I swear, if Yugi wasn't gay, Hinamoto and him would make a delightful couple… but considering he was, I couldn't really picture Yugi with anyone other than Kaiba. Ah! Why the hell did I care? I looked off into the distance and glared.

"Well… any time after school I guess. But, how about on Friday or maybe Saturday?" he asked.

"Oh, that sounds good. How about Saturday morning?" she queried.

"Okay, that's good." Yugi answered and I looked at him. He smiled, but now his smile was more nervous.

"Kisa-san," Atem finally spoke. He looked straight at me. Of course he would, no matter what he mostly always appeared to be confident, especially when others were present.

I met his gaze evenly, though I was having all sorts of conflicting thoughts. I have learned to keep those well-hidden, like him… or like Kaiba. Ew, I had to stop thinking like that. I was better than that. "What?" I asked my tone neutral-bordering-on-bored. I would have added more to that, but Hinamoto didn't have to see the real rivalry, especially when I had told her they weren't bad people.

"We have to meet to work on our project, when are you available?" he asked me. His tone wasn't neutral I noticed. It was almost… hopeful.

"How about we divide the work, work on it separately, and then combine it later?" I asked. That way, I didn't have to work with him at all.

"That would work, if you actually knew what you were working on," Kaiba interfered.

I glared, but not at him. "Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out how it's going to work," I said dully.

"Enlighten me," he said and I looked him frigidly right in the eye. He didn't flinch and I didn't expect him to. What I didn't expect was to see what looked almost like regret in his eyes. It made me feel strange and momentarily off-balance because Kaiba wasn't about regrets. However, his tone was as it always was, and that was good.

"If it's apoptosis in an embryo and why it's important, then it's obvious Motou Atem is going to work on describing apoptosis and it's process and I explain where in the embryo it occurs and why it's important," I replied as if this should be obvious.

"Oh, right, because you're so informed on what apoptosis is," Kaiba said.

Who the hell did he think he was talking to? "Of course I do, I'm not stupid. I know enough to know it's a programmed and orderly cell death. I know enough to do my part and know I don't want a baby with webbed feet and hands," I told him and crossed my arms over my chest as I jutted out a hip. I blinked and glanced at Hinamoto and then Yugi when they were both stifling giggles. Had I said something funny? Atem even looked amused. The only one who kept a serious face was Kaiba though I could see slight amusement in his eyes. Well, at least he wasn't laughing.

"Whatever," was all he said and rolled his eyes.

I looked at Atem who was once again staring at me. "That is how we'll divide the work," I informed him.

"That's fine by me, but we still have to meet to put it together, when would you want to do that?" he asked again sounding slightly hopeful.

Dammit! I hated it when he was right. "We could make a study group," Yugi suggested timidly. I looked over at him and he was quick to add, "Jounouchi-kun, Anzu, and Kaiba-kun are making a different study group with their partners, since they're working on similar things. We could make one too," he said. I knew he was trying to tell me that it'd only be us four: Atem, Yugi, Hinamoto and I. Yeah, because that somehow made it better… do notice the sarcasm.

I was about to make a comment about how I didn't care, when I felt Hinamoto staring at me. Damn, she was good at getting someone's attention without even speaking. I should ask her if it was a natural talent. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. She looked at me with wide, pleading eyes and she nodded her head subtly. I rolled my eyes and barely moved my head from side to side in a negative. She gave a slight pout. Damn the girl to the very Shadow Realm! What the hell was wrong with her? No, the better question was, what the hell was wrong with me? Why did I care what she thought?

I gave an exasperated sigh and turned my head away from them to glare at nothing, my arms still crossed and my hip still jutting out. "Fine. I can have my part of the project done by the end of this week," I bit out. Hinamoto better have a damn good explanation for this or else I was going to have to give her a preview of how mean I could get.

"I can too," Atem told me with the slightest of smiles. I could almost feel an undercurrent of excitement from him (the total opposite of what I was feeling) though he hid it well, I was just able to tell 'cause I knew him so well. I bet Yugi could feel it too… like I cared. Anyway, damn him for being a good student, I knew he could get it done. He wasn't one of the top students, but like Ryou, he was a very good student, enough to hold up to the fact he could finish his part by the end of this week.

"So, how about we all meet Saturday morning then?" Yugi asked more brightly.

"The library. It opens at nine," I suggested in a harsh tone and glanced at Hinamoto who seemed a little relieved. What the heck was her problem?

"We could all meet there at nine," Hinamoto said with a smile.

"Okay," Yugi said with a nod and a smile and Atem only nodded. I simply rolled my eyes. "So, while we look for information, Atem and Kisa-san can put together their project," Yugi affirmed (as if it needed to be done).

"We're hungry, you know," I said bluntly, reminding them this was lunchtime and we hadn't eaten yet.

"Oh, right, sorry to have kept you. Well, see you in class," Yugi said with a (very annoying) smile and then him, Kaiba and Atem went back inside.

Hinamoto began walking with me to my spot. "You better have a good explanation, Hinamoto-san," I told her. I hope I didn't have to tell her what I was talking about, I usually don't like explaining myself.

"I-I just thought… you wouldn't want to be alone with Motou Atem," she told me.

I frowned. "What?"

"Even after you suggested you each work on your own part, I knew you'd have to meet to put it together a-and I just thought… you wouldn't want to be alone," she told me.

Well, now that I thought about it, she was right, I didn't want to be alone with Atem. "You just happened to figure this out," I said as we got to my spot and sat down.

"I know you don't like them… and I didn't want to be alone with Motou Yugi," she admitted.

Huh? She was aware Yugi was not straight and was taken, right? Besides, Yugi was the last person I'd think would be capable of something indecent like that. "Why not?" I asked. I was curious, not that I showed it.

"Well… I-I don't know i-if he'd actually ask but… I was afraid he'd ask me stuff about you… things I'm sure you wouldn't want me to tell him…" she trailed off.

I thought about the notes she let me borrow and what I did, saved her from that one guy. I didn't want that to get out. In fact, I'm sure people thought it weird she wanted to be around me. "Right," I said shortly.

We were silent a moment as we ate. "He likes you," she told me.

I coughed as my drink of water went down the wrong way. What the hell? I glowered at her when she giggled. She immediately stopped, her face flushed and giving me a sheepish look. "What the hell?" I managed before coughing some more. I cleared my throat and wiped my mouth, taking a sip of water.

"Motou Atem likes you," she told me.

I looked away from her and glowered at a nearby tree. "What gives you that impression?" I asked even as I felt my heart race, in excitement or nervousness I didn't know.

"He's always looking at you and… and the way he looks at you… it's almost as if he wants you to look at him. He didn't even look at Masaki-san that way while they were a couple. He always looks like he's longing when he looks at you," Hinamoto said thoughtfully. I only made a sound of acknowledgement that I had heard her. Did he make it that obvious or was it just Hinamoto that could tell? What was I supposed to say to that? Somehow I didn't think telling her he used to be a Spirit living inside Yugi and that I knew him from a long time ago would cut it. "It's cute," she said.

"What?" I asked almost snappishly, her words breaking my thoughts. It was cute? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Well, ever since he came to our school he seemed interested in you, but I supposed you never noticed because it was the time that you already… weren't friends with them. I just think… it's cute that he really likes you and even after many months he looks at you the same way. I think you… you should give him a chance," she said to me.

I swallowed the food in my mouth whole. I almost choked again. "Give him a chance? Why the hell would I do that?" I asked curtly.

"I know you don't get along with the others but… you don't know Motou Atem, he seems quiet and studious. I think you should get to know him," she told me quietly.

"I already know him," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"You do? But… how?" she asked confused.

"He hangs out with them, I don't need to know any more," I said hoping I could cover up my last statement.

"It's not like you," she said to me.

My temper was rising. "You think you know me? You don't. You don't know anything," I said and glowered at the tree again.

"I'm not saying I know you, but I've seen you ever since you came here. Even while you were friends with them… you're logical, so saying you don't want to know him just because he hangs out with them doesn't mean anything," she said meekly, very quietly.

I didn't say anything in a long time. Well, I did fancy myself logical. I used to like sparring with Kaiba when it came to logic. Finally, I decided to say as much as I dared to say. "Look, I don't want to talk about this, but I'll tell you a few things. I knew Motou Atem before he transferred to this school. I have known him as long as I have known Motou Yugi and his friends. I also used to be in a relationship with Motou Atem but it ended," I said curtly.

She didn't say anything but I could bet she was staring at me with wide eyes. Well, at least I felt her looking at me. "He still likes you… after all this time," she said in a near whisper and she sounded sad. I looked at her. Why the heck was she feeling sad? She didn't know the others like I did. I didn't think her and Atem had exchanged even five words ever since Atem had his own body, what the hell did she care? Well, in a moment of reflection I supposed that I would feel sorry for Atem too if I saw what Hinamoto did… but I wasn't Hinamoto and Atem deserved what he got, just not pity. No, he didn't deserve anyone's pity he only deserved what he got from me.

"I said I don't want to talk about it," I reminded her through gritted teeth.

"Okay," she said quietly and we said no more. It was kinda awkward at first, but then it turned into companionable silence as we both became lost in our thoughts.

When I woke up this Saturday, I didn't want to get up at all. I groaned and looked at the clock on my bedside table. It was early, ugh, I didn't want to get up, especially because today was one of the most dreaded days ever. I had to meet Atem today at the library. On the slight upside, thanks to Hinamoto, I wouldn't have to be alone, since Hinamoto would be there… but that meant Yugi would be there too. I cursed and blamed the teacher for ruining what would have been a good weekend.

With a groan and a sigh I got out of bed and decided to start on my morning routine, except I decided to change later. Anything to make this weekend seem more normal. I gathered my things and I had breakfast. After brushing my teeth I went to get changed. I sighed as I put on my pair of favorite jeans. Well, if I was going to work with someone I didn't like, I might as well get comfortable. I put on a button-up and then realized it was a bit chilly outside, so I went ahead and put on a nice sweater. I looked at myself in the mirror. Nothing special… I was nothing special, and yet, Atem had somehow fallen in love with me, and he continued to be. I shook my head and flicked my hair back. I had to stop thinking that way! The past was the past and I should learn to get over it! If he couldn't get over it, I could, because I'm better than he is! I closed my eyes and calmed down; it wouldn't do me any good to be in a foul mood with Hinamoto present later on. I checked my school bag to make sure I wouldn't leave my part of my project. I headed out and locked the door once I knew I had everything.

I began walking to my doom, I mean, the library and the walk ended up being shorter than I would have liked. I think it just felt that way because on the way I was deep in thought. I was thinking that I was going to spend the least amount of time possible and that I would try to be civil to a certain degree for Hinamoto's sake; after all, I didn't want her to be unable to concentrate on her project just because I was deciding to be an ass to Atem and Yugi. I stood in front of the library and checked my watch. I had arrived twenty minutes early. Well, I was known for punctuality. Hm, perhaps I should have brought a jacket; that would've been smart. Hm, so I don't just forget stuff just when I'm sick. Well, you can always learn something new about yourself every day. I sighed and looked in my bag to double check (or triple check) if I had my project with me.

"Good morning," I heard someone say and I could have jumped startled but I didn't. Instead I tensed.

I closed my bag slowly and just as slowly I looked up. "Morning," I said curtly in turn. No, this wasn't a good morning. There wasn't anything remotely good about it. I had Atem as my partner and I was meeting him in the library along with Yugi on a project I didn't even want him to be my partner for. Plus, Atem was standing right in front of me, and we were alone. Could things possibly be any more far from good? I would have asked why Yugi wasn't with him (it would make sense for them to arrive together seeing as they lived in the same place) but I didn't care enough to. What I did wonder was where Hinamoto was. I thought she'd be here by now. I shook my head and looked at my watch. Okay, so we had ten minutes left and then the library would open. A cold breeze blew and I inwardly cursed for not having brought a jacket. I suppressed a shiver and continued to look ahead; I'd look anywhere really, in any direction where Atem wouldn't be. I didn't mind the awkward silence, in fact, I almost relished in it, but I didn't feel comfortable with just us two here standing alone. Think of all the stupid things I could say!

"Uh, Kisa-san," he said and like every time he hesitated with the honorific. He wasn't used to using it after all, not after so long without having to use it. I looked at him and he wasn't looking at me. "I did finish my part of the project… there is just something on it I would like to check since we'll be in the library," he said.

"If you feel you have to," was all I said to him. He looked startled at me response. Perhaps he was expecting something snappier from me, and maybe that's the type of response I should have given him, but I had my reasons not to. For one, I was freezing and I could care less if he wanted to check something. Two… well, I had to admit, I was sort of expecting him not be done, so what's one thing he has to check? He had turned out to be a better partner than people I had in past, and as an added bonus, I didn't have to interact with him… that much. Plus, we would be finished two weeks before it was due. So, yeah, I could have cared less.

"Really?" he asked.

I looked strangely at him before I looked away. "Look, I want a good grade on this project, so if you feel like checking something on it will help, I don't care," I said and shrugged. Oh, this reminded me that, "I think we might need to do something else on it," I said.

"I don't think so… we each did our part, right?" he asked.

I shot him a glare. What kind of moron did he think he was talking to? "Of course. What I meant was we'll need a transition page to link both of our parts," I said.

If we wanted to get a good grade we also needed a good transition into my part.

"True. It should be easy enough since we'll be in the library anyway," he said with a shrug. Of course it would be, if we hadn't been meeting in the library anyway I wouldn't have suggested it. I suppose it was a good thing Hinamoto had dragged me into coming after all. I shivered and looked at my watch. We had five minutes left. When the hell were those two going to be coming? My lips quirked in a humorless flinch of a smile at my own stupidity when I saw my fingernails were purple. Yes, stupid indeed I was. I exhaled silently through my nose and looked up ahead. "Here," he said and when I looked at him he was holding his jacket out to me. He had been smart enough to bring a thick jacket and a light jacket underneath.

I opened my mouth and was about say something along the lines of, 'I don't need anything from you' when a gust of cold wind hit us. And that's all it took for me to swallow my pride. His lips quirked into a smirk and my eyes narrowed as I snatched the jacket from him. I was going to place my bag down but he took it from me. I gave an exasperated sigh. I wasn't a child, I could very well manage without his help, but I bit my tongue. Yes, people, you read right, I decided against a snappy say and I put on his jacket. I took my bag back, placing it where belongs, on me. I pulled the jacket tighter around me. It was warm and it smelled of him. I almost sighed and at that moment I missed him because this would be a time where he would have wrapped his arms around me and we would've kept each other warm, and we would have looked cute while doing it too. I look ahead again, blinking back tears. It wouldn't be suspicious to be blinking back tears since the cold breeze usually made people's eyes water. "Thank you," I mutter but I'm not looking at him.

"You're welcome," he says and he sounds kind of happy. If he thought I was softening up, tough luck on him because I wasn't. It was simply because of the situation.

"Why didn't Motou Yugi come with you?" I ask. Dammit! I said I wasn't going to be asking about him. Gosh, I'm such a sucker!

I glance at him and he looks slightly surprised at my question as he should be. In fact, I'm cursing myself back to the Shadow Realm again. I shiver at that last thought, and the cold had nothing to do with it. "I left before he did because he woke up later," he explained.

I almost smiled at that. Almost. It sounded like Yugi to do that. Of course, he was usually on time for things, but he did tend to get up later than he expected to. "Oh," was all I could coherently say. I checked my watch yet again. Three minutes left. Gosh, could time seem to go by any slower? And then I gave a quiet groan. Seriously, if I had had a past life like Kaiba, I would've asked myself what bad and horrible things I had done to deserve the Hell I was living in.

"Good morning," Yugi said as he reached us. He had an annoying smile, which grew slightly when he realized I was wearing Atem's jacket. Don't get your hopes up, Yugi, trust me, it doesn't mean anything.

"Good morning, aibou," Atem greeted. I flinched slightly at the term and Atem looked momentarily confused before his expression smoothed into a pleasant smile.

"Morning," I muttered and gave a curt nod in his direction. Where the hell was Hinamoto?

"So, are you guys just going to be putting your project together today then?" Yugi asked with a smile.

I wasn't looking at him when I rolled my eyes. Why else would I be freezing my butt here for and borrowing a jacket from someone I wouldn't have taken a jacket from if the situation were different? "Of course that's all we're doing, that's the reason we're here," I replied snappishly.

"Oh… right," Yugi said his smile fading a little. He and Atem shared a look I didn't understand and then Atem looked away. I pretended not to care, I had no reason to care at all, though it didn't mean I wasn't curious. Another exasperated sigh from me and I checked my watch. The library had just officially opened as it was nine in the morning already. Where was she? We heard the library open.

"Maybe we should go inside, we can find a table where Hinamoto-san can find us easily," Atem suggested. Did I mention I disliked when he was right?

"Sure," I said and turned already heading to the library. The other two were walking behind.

"Wait!" I heard at a distance and I could have sighed in relief. I turned around sharply. And there Hinamoto was, running toward us with a smile. She almost skidded to a stop in front of us. Yugi smiled and Atem did too, but his smile looked more amused. "Morning," she said sheepishly. They greeted her.

"Morning," I said and couldn't help the smirk that formed. She really was amusing sometimes. Oh, I think I forgot to tell you, for some strange reason Hinamoto's been having lunch with me and staying with me during break. I don't really understand why, I'm still snappy with her, but I suppose I don't mind it. She's company and she has the benefit of not having added friends to have to deal with. I discovered she was a bit awkward but I didn't mind it, there's no reason why I should.

The boys allowed us to walk in first. How courteous of them. "Sorry I was late," she said meekly.

Was she expecting a rant? Hm, I suppose I should give her one, but technically she wasn't late, so I couldn't… technically. "You weren't, you came just in time," I replied.

"But you had to…" she trailed off but she knew I had understood.

I shrugged. "I can hold my own, besides, I've done it before. Don't worry yourself about it, it's nothing," I said. Seriously, I didn't need anybody to defend me, I could take care of myself as I've been doing so for a long time.

"Okay," she said and we found a table I didn't like because it was well-hidden from people. If I had been with anyone else I wouldn't have minded, it was a really good working space, but I didn't like it because of the people I was working with, excluding Hinamoto of course.

We put our things down and I quickly took off Atem's jacket and handed it back to him. "Thanks," I muttered again.

"Sure," he said and took it back though he didn't sound as happy as when he had let me borrow it. What was he expecting? Geez. I felt Hinamoto's gaze on me, but I ignored it. She at least would be discreet enough to not ask me in their presence. Hinamoto and Yugi soon left to go find books on whatever they were working on. "Maybe we should skim through each other's part of the project, that way we'll know what to look for in the transition," Atem told me.

"I was about to suggest it," I said tonelessly and I took out my part of the project. I slid it toward him, he wasn't sitting that far away from me… unfortunately. He gave me his part and we skimmed through it. It was impressive how well-written it was and that he had so much information that I was sure we'd get a good grade on it. It momentarily made me wish I had tried as much as he had, not that my part wasn't good, I mean, it was an A-worthy piece if I do say so myself, it just seemed as if I didn't put in as much effort as he did. For a moment I wondered if he had tried so hard because he was working with me or if he just wanted a good grade. Maybe a bit of both. Well, as long as it worked to my advantage it was all good. "Impressive," he told me when he gave me my part back.

I didn't want to compliment him, I didn't have to… but I grudgingly admitted he at least deserved that much. Why was I being so soft? I didn't like this. "Likewise," I bit out and handed back his part. He seemed surprised at my compliment but he didn't say anything. Oh, good, I didn't want to have to explain myself. We were silent for a moment before I decided to speak. "You said you wanted to check something. Why don't you go look for it and I'll look for something to start our transition?" I suggested. We were partners after all (I didn't like admitting he was a good partner), he had a say. And yes, I admitted that reluctantly.

He smiled at me. I tried to avoid it. I didn't like it when he smiled at me, it made me feel weak, emotionally and physically. "I think that would be for the best. Once I'm done I can help you with the transition," he said to me.

Well, duh. "Of course, I'm not going to be doing all of it," I said and stood. He stood also and we walked together to the bookshelves. We were working on the same thing after all.

"Are you busy for the rest of the day?" he asked casually as we both looked for books.

I felt like growling, but of course, it was most unladylike to do so… as if I cared. Still, I only set my jaw. Why did he care? I thought I had made it clear I didn't want anything with him? Why did he keep trying? "I have some homework to finish. Why do you ask?" I asked and then cursed inwardly. I didn't care why, I didn't! Yes, I was busy, why couldn't I just have said that to him? It would've been much easier.

"Oh… I was planning to go to the museum later on today… I had just been wondering if you wanted to come with me," he said. He said it politely, nicely, but there was a note of calculation in his voice.

This confused me, my anger momentarily forgotten. I frowned as I continued to skim through books. I glanced at him and he too was looking through books, but he had raised an eyebrow. I realized I hadn't spoken yet, I deliberated, and he had noticed. "Yes, well, I'm busy," I told him but it didn't sound like it normally would have. I sounded the slightest bit reluctant. Had it been anyone else, they wouldn't have noticed, but Atem knew me as well as I knew him, so I'm sure he caught on. He smirked. That jerk! He knew I liked going to museums! He knew! If I had asked I bet he would have told me that it would've been the nearest museum, which happened to be my favorite because it had an Egyptian theme… and Egyptology was my favorite. And no, it wasn't because of Atem and all that, Egyptology had interested me even when I lived in France. That jerk was trying to tempt me into going somewhere with him! That was low, but then, I wasn't supposed to know that he knew that.

"That's too bad, there was a special Egyptian exhibition this week, one that was up a few years ago," he commented. Again, his tone was neutral.

I tensed. I didn't mean to, I just did. I bet I knew what exhibition it was too. It was the one where we had found out Atem was Pharaoh, right before Battle City had been announced. Now I wondered if he was trying to get me to go with him or if he was testing me for something. I began losing my cool… no, I couldn't, not in front of him! I couldn't begin doubting anything in front of him or else he'd see right through me! I couldn't let it affect me! I couldn't! "Sounds interesting," I said and began cursing myself! No, that wasn't what I was supposed to say dammit! I wasn't supposed to care… but I did, I did care. It wasn't just the fact it was a museum, or Atem, or the fact it was about Egypt. No, it wasn't that. It was because I began getting a distinct feeling I was being put on test for something, for something I didn't know.

"It really is… did you see it the last time it was here?" he asked.

Yes, yes I had. I had seen it with him. We had gone together. I couldn't fall for that! "Japan has gotten different exhibits the last couple of years, which one are you talking about?" I asked him as if I didn't know. I made sure to keep my tone bored, as if I didn't care, as if I wasn't affected at all.

"Oh," he said and there was a slight measure of disappointment in his tone. Good, so I passed the first part. "The exhibit this time are of some ancient Egyptian scriptures," he said.

"Hieroglyphs," I interjected quickly and damned myself for doing so.

I could bet anything he had raised an eyebrow right about now. "Yes, are you familiar with the exhibit?" he asked.

"Even if I hadn't seen them it would be obvious. Hieroglyphs were used in ancient Egypt," I said and shrugged. I hesitated before saying neutrally, "And yes, I have seen the exhibit before." This meant I didn't need to see them again. I picked out a book from a shelf and chanced a glance at him. Whatever reaction I had been expecting, it wasn't the one I got, nor the expression I had been expecting. He looked something between expectant and startled.

"Did you like it? When you went to see them?" he asked but the question sounded a tad guarded.

I answered just as warily. "Yes, they were most interesting," was all I ventured to say.

"Were you with anyone at the time? Did they find it interesting?" he asked lightly but there was an undercurrent of a tone I couldn't identify. Perhaps it was incredulous.

I didn't know what to make of that question. I wasn't supposed to remember them ever being friends with me, but those memories of going to places with them weren't erased, just the fact I was with them. How was I supposed to answer. I decided that perhaps something vague would be good. I tried to pick my words carefully, but it was hard when I didn't know what kind of answer he was expecting. "I was with someone. I believe he found it most interesting. Perhaps more than I did," I told him carefully.

"Did he? I'm sure he had reason to, those scriptures were interesting," he said.

"They were, its story is quite interesting," I replied.

"The story? Was he able to tell it to you?" he asked curiously.

I tensed. Crap! I couldn't lie, he knew if I was! "Yes, I'm sure he would have, but I am able to read hieroglyphs. I taught myself to. The internet is a wonderful invention," I said tonelessly.

He didn't say anything and I glanced at him. He had completely stopped and was staring at the bookcase, either deep in thought or in shock, I wasn't quite sure. "Yes, yes it is," he told me softly after a pause. "Did he… was he able to read them then, the hieroglyphs?" he asked quietly.

I didn't reply right away. What was up with him? He had changed so dramatically! He threw me off-balance, and let me tell you, that wasn't a good thing. "Yes," I answered shortly.

I looked at him when I heard his sharp intake of breath. He was staring at me as if I had just grown wings. Oh, how I wish I actually had. I stared at him and raised an eyebrow as he just stood there looking at me. What the hell was going on? "Kisa," he said softly. I tensed. What was he playing at?

"I have given you no incentive for you to address me in such manner," I retaliated, still not sure what was going on.

"Stop it, please stop," he told me. What the hell?

"What? What exactly are you asking me to stop?" I asked brusquely.

He went toward me and I stiffened at his proximity. It had been a long time since he had been this close to me. "Stop acting like that, it's not you… you remember, I know it," he said staring intently at my face.

I flinched at his words. Not much, but enough for him to tell. I looked away from him. "I don't know what you're talking about," I told him curtly and took a step away from him.

He took a step toward me to end up like we had just been. "Stop the games Kisa, I know you remember. I wasn't all that sure when Kaiba told me, but you do remember." He said and paused. I didn't move at all, I went completely still. "How long has it been?" he asked me. He touched my cheek which caused a reaction from me. I flinched and stepped away from him. I turned so my back was to him. I thought Kaiba would've kept his mouth shut!

"It's not a game. It hasn't been a game, this isn't Duel Monsters. I thought Kaiba had more sense to keep his mouth shut. I guess I was wrong," I told him and I couldn't help the sneer. Too bad he couldn't look at my face.

"He didn't tell everyone, just me. Yugi doesn't even know. Now, Kisa, how long has it been?" he asked again. His voice had taken a firmer edge.

"He shouldn't have. Not when I told him not to. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore, nothing will change. Things won't go back to the way they were. I won't let it happen again," I said and walked away, back to our table. Or I would have, if I were able to. Atem turned me around sharply by the shoulder. I glared but he paid my glare no mind. He pulled me toward him and leaned his face in close to mine. "Let me go," I bit out.

"Tell me Kisa, I need to know," he insisted.

"I don't know exactly when, I just know it happened while I was still in the hospital. Now let me go," I said more demandingly and tried to tug myself away from him.

He stared at me and his grip tightened painfully on me, but I don't think he realized it. I didn't let him see it hurt, that would've been weak of me. "Then why? Why have you been like this to us? It's not fair Kisa. It could change, if you wanted it to," he told me. His eyes were focused on mine and he looked almost hopeful.

"That's just it, I don't want it to change, I don't want it the way it was before. I won't put myself in a position where I'll be hurt. I owe you nothing, I don't have to befriend you, I don't want to. Not fair, Atem? I'll tell you what's not fair. What you did to me wasn't fair. I had thought you loved me, I didn't realize how wrong I was until it was too late," I told him stoically but I was avoiding his gaze, I couldn't look at him. If he insisted in a heart to heart, fine, but I didn't have to look at him.

He didn't say anything for a long time, he only stared at me but I wasn't looking at him. His grip on me loosened considerably. I was concentrating on keeping my face passive. I didn't pull away, I couldn't bring myself to. I needed to get this out of the way, I needed to tell him how much he'd hurt me, how much they all had. "I do love you Kisa, I still do, I won't ever stop loving you. My friends and I want a chance, I want a chance," he finally said quietly.

It was too bad we were in a library where I had to watch the loudness of my voice and had to use the 'inside voices'. I gave him a mocking smile. "A chance? You don't deserve a chance, none of you do. I didn't want my memories erased, you know this, I told you this, I begged you not to and you did it anyway. Did you not want to deal with a mentally and emotionally scarred person, is that it? Some friends you turned out to be."

"I thought it was for the best. I thought that would help you, we all did. We only wanted what was good for you," he told me quietly.

I gave a quiet snort. "And in this ideal plan of yours, did you ever think to consult me? To let me decide if I wanted you to do that? Did you think I would want to forget the times I spent with my friends, with my lover? Now I wish I could, I really do. I regret knowing you, all of you," I said but I felt a lump in my throat.

"You can't mean that, you don't mean it. I won't believe that you do. I didn't know what to do, we all thought that would be good for you, for you to start over. I'm sorry it wasn't the best choice, that in the end it only hurt you more. I'm sorry. Please Kisa, please," he said softly and he pulled me closer still. I glanced at him and his eyes were oddly bright. Was he going to have me believe he wanted to cry? He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to cry as much as I did now.

"You thought wrong… it made things worse. You… you hurt me. How could you? How could you expect me to forgive you, any of you?" I asked softly, my voice no longer curt.

"Kisa, do you still love me? As much as before?" he asked me.

And this time I couldn't help it. I looked him in the eye. His were soft, pleading. I didn't reply right away. "I do," I answered so softly it was almost inaudible. "But I won't allow myself to fall as I did before. I won't, because I don't think I could recover from it. Don't try Atem, it won't work," I told him truthfully.

He leaned in and he kept his lips on mine but he didn't kiss me. "Kisa, we're not perfect, we make mistakes, this was one of them, I'm sorry, but I can't change it. But I do love you, I truly do. Kisa… please," he said and then he kissed me oh-so-softly but it wasn't short. Reflexively (I hadn't done this in a long time, and yet, my body reacted because it was a reaction for me), not only did I kiss him back but before he could pull away I kissed him too. It felt almost like before, like that time long ago.

We stared at each other a moment before I closed my eyes and drew in a shaky breath. I opened my eyes and shook my head at him before I disengaged myself from him and took a step back. "I'm sorry Atem, but I can't… I won't do this anymore," I said quietly and turned around and went back to the table. In all the sadness I felt, in all the nostalgia and all the wishful thinking, I was feeling a bit proud of myself for not giving in. It had been hard, I had been tempted, but I had stood in my position, no matter that I had been about to say that I would give him a chance, that I'd give my former friends a chance.

Perhaps you're wondering why, when he told me he loved me, I didn't bring up the fact he'd gone out with Anzu. That's because I knew it was mostly Anzu's doing. If I know Anzu, she's very determined (as in annoying) and I knew, even before I had been hospitalized, before Atem had his own body, I knew that Anzu liked Atem. She must have kept insisting until Atem accepted. I couldn't blame him really. Besides, their relationship didn't last long. This had me feeling odd, the fact I never felt jealous when Anzu and Atem went out, even when I caught her looking at me like she had won something I hadn't; I never felt jealous. Perhaps it's the fact I resent them. But this didn't matter, nothing did. I would go on to act the same, and they should go on their way. No… I wouldn't give them a chance, not even Ryou, not even Atem. They'd hurt me, I was afraid they would hurt me again. It was better this way, to be alone because then nobody could hurt me, and then there was the pleasant company like Hinamoto. Yes, I could live like this.

When I reached the table, Hinamoto and Yugi were there, books already open, notes already began to get taken. I nodded at them when they looked up, the book I had gotten before in my hands. I set it carefully on the table and took a seat. I started working automatically on the transition. I took notes and organized. It wasn't until later that Atem came, with a book in hand as well. We sat and worked in silence, unless we had to share some information about our project. I don't know how we managed, how I managed, but we did finish our project, we even lasted enough to wait for Hinamoto and Yugi to wrap up and make arrangements to see when they would meet again. I walked home alone and with another half-hearted glare I had taken Atem's jacket, on his insistence. Yugi and Hinamoto had smiled, I don't know what they had thought so amusing. Atem looked at me wistfully while I couldn't (nor would I) meet his gaze. As I walked alone, I couldn't help the times I would pull his jacket around me, just to be able to inhale his scent. I needed the rest of the weekend to recuperate from this, from this great feeling of loss.

Gomenasai, for everything

Gomenasai, gomenasai, gomenasai

I never needed a friend,

Like I do now

It had been about four months since that fateful day at the library. Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, we got a very good grade on our project, we even got extra credit points for how well explained it was. So, yeah, maybe Atem wasn't a bad project partner after all. Not that I wanted to have him ever again as my partner for anything. Right now, we were actually on vacation. I was happy about this. I finally was going to be free of seeing the nerd herd every day, at least for as long as vacation lasted.

I'd been thinking frequently about our conversation in the library, his words and mine. There were times I second-guessed my decision, maybe it would different this time. But, when I thought about it, I realized that I couldn't. Not necessarily because I didn't want to, it was mostly because I was a big coward. Like I told Atem, I didn't want to be hurt, not again. I didn't think I'd recover. I wasn't even recovered from this time, it was only a façade I kept.

I sighed and looked at my painting. It was coming along quite nicely. It was a painting of a beach at night. A shining full moon, a silvery ocean, the grayish sand… and the silhouette of a lonely person. She was wearing a white dress of a flimsy material and with the way I had painted it, it was as if there had been a breeze. I was proud of my painting and it relaxed me. After all, it had been a long time since I painted anything. I hadn't actually had time for it. I put my paint palette down on the covered table top and took off the soiled apron. I surveyed my painting and gave a small smile. Now, all that was left was for it to dry. But… what would I do now? I sat down and thought for a moment. I could have an early dinner… but I didn't really feel like it. I wasn't that hungry since I had had a late lunch. Hm, I could go out for a bit. A walk in the park that should be good enough.

I went upstairs to change. A pair of jeans and a short-sleeved, button up shirt should be nice enough for the weather. I looked at myself in the mirror and gave a small smile at my reflection. I redid my hair in a ponytail and went to the bathroom. I couldn't go out with a dark blue smudge of paint on my cheek. I managed to do away with the smudge, leaving a red mark. I shook my head. Funny how every time I paint I end up with a paint smudge on the same place. I go back to my room and get my keys and wallet and head out. I decide to go to the park, it's a nice day for a walk in the park.

I walked toward the park, not really paying attention to my surroundings, only caring enough to not be ran over or run into something. It was warm, not really hot so it was a nice day, or at least the evening was nice, slight, cool breeze. As I began walking my mind began to drift to where I got lost in my thoughts. I began to think about myself. I know you're going to think (if you don't already) that I have an ego and all I can think about is myself and screw everyone around me, but it's not like that. I think about the others frequently (especially now) and about myself. Sometimes I'll get lost in the memories of when we would all hang out. No, I thought about the others, even Kaiba, and hey, if we're talking ego, he has a bigger one than mine… or Atem's, or even Bakura's.

I didn't exactly realize when I got to the park. When I looked around, I was already there. The thought drifted away quickly and was replaced once again with my thoughts. I thought about Ryou, of how close we had been. I remember spending nights at his apartment or he'd stay at my house. With Bakura it wasn't much of a problem. It was very weird that whenever Bakura would take control of Ryou's body he wouldn't try to banish me to the Shadow Realm. We'd do some heavy but witty bantering. I had a feeling he had appreciated my wit, just like I did his, and Kaiba's. I also thought about Kaiba. He'd been a friend despite him being in denial. We'd also enjoyed our witty disputes, it'd pass the time nicely. I blinked back tears remembering them, feeling as if something was building up in my chest.

I thought about Jounouchi and Honda, those two had always made me laugh with their banter between them. I'd always admired how they'd jump straight into action, and I remembered sometimes wishing I could be like that. It made me nostalgic to remember how we'd all watch Jounouchi's progress to becoming a very good duelist. I would forever be curious who would win a duel now, Kaiba or Jounouchi. After all, whenever Jounouchi and Yugi dueled, it had been good and nerve-wracking. I bit my lip, no, it wouldn't be something I'd ever see. I thought of the times Jounouchi and Honda had stood up for me, for Yugi, for our friends. They were persistent and loyal. But I had chosen to give them up for my own cowardice. And now, combined with my pride, I wouldn't allow things to get out of hand for me again. I wouldn't allow it.

I thought about Anzu and even Shizuka. The two girls in the group besides me, or when I had been a part of it. Anzu had been a very big support to the group, especially Yugi (and Atem), the way she'd cheered and supported them during the duels, and how she'd supported Jounouchi, even Mai. Mai… I haven't seen her in so long. I wondered if she knew, if she knew about this development, that I wasn't a part of the gang. I thought about the people I haven't seen in so long. In Marik and Ishizu, in Odion, and I wondered if they knew, if the gang had somehow told them what had happened. I shook my head and wiped the gathering tears from my eyes.

My mind wandered tentatively to Yugi. I was getting warmer to the person I did and didn't want to think about. I thought about Yugi. I remembered when I had figured out he was gay, and I asked him about it. I can't help the slight smile that touched my lips when I remember him flushing. He had admitted he was… and had also told how he had felt about Kaiba. He had been slightly surprised at how easily I had accepted him, but really, I had nothing to do but accept him. I had nothing against anyone's sexuality and he had been a good friend, why would I hesitate? I hadn't been as close to him as I had been to Ryou but we had been close. I stop a moment and look around and realize I had taken a short, lonely trail. I closed my eyes and allowed the tears to flow for a bit before I wiped furiously at my eyes and sniffed loudly. I sighed and continued on my way.

I finally turn my thoughts hesitantly to Atem, to the one who had once been a Spirit, to the one who used to be my lover. The one I loved and the one who still loved me. There's so many memories of him, of us. I still remembered the first time he had kissed me. I remember because it had been during Battle City, before his duel with Marik. Yes, it had taken him that long to tell me how he felt. I had wished him luck, looked at him in the eye attempting to convey without words that I supported him no matter what. Our friends (who hadn't been sent to the Shadow Realm) were around us, had been happy for us. I remembered feeling slightly sorry for Anzu, I had known she liked Atem, we knew we both did, but in the end, he had chosen me. Despite feeling bad for her I couldn't contain my own excitement, my own happiness. And our relationship had begun. It had been awkward at first, considering Yugi wasn't Atem and he was gay, but the three of us had managed to come up with a way around it, and I had learned to identify Yugi from Atem.

The first few tears fell as I reminisce about the past. Thinking about Atem… about the way we were, the way he made me feel… about the fact I hadn't been alone. And it hits me yet again, that I'm alone, that I don't have anyone. No, it wasn't the first time I had thought of this, it was frequently that the thought struck, but it had never had as much of an impact on me as it did in the past. I had nobody. I know what you're thinking, 'What about Hinamoto?'. Right, well, she wasn't a friend. She was company, the kind of company who wouldn't miss me, who would go back to her routine if I wasn't there anymore. She wasn't my friend, she had been on her own enough to continue that way. And I was sure, now that Hinamoto had come into the perspective of the gang, they more surely than not try to befriend her, and then she wouldn't be alone, wouldn't think about me, and wouldn't miss me. So yes, I was alone. I couldn't and wouldn't rely on anybody. Not on strangers, I couldn't even rely on family considering my parents weren't here a large part of the year, and whenever they were in Japan, they always had things to do, barely taking the time to know how I'd been holding up. I stopped once again, on the way back from the trail and wiped the tears away furiously until my eyes hurt and I wondered if my eyes were red and if my nose was raw pink. I continued to walk, leaving the park behind me.

I continued in my thoughtful mode burying my mind in the past, in those happy times, in the times where I was happy. I sighed and opened the door. "Hello Kisa, it's nice to see you again," he said and my head snapped up.

"Motou-sama, hello," I greeted Yugi's grandpa. I gave him a more genuine smile than I had intended. That's what happens when I'm abruptly taken out of my thoughts. I hadn't realized my feet had taken me to the Game Shop. And to my dismay, Atem, Yugi, Kaiba, Ryou, and Bakura were there. I surprised myself with not feeling the usual apprehension I felt, but that was because I wasn't completely out of my thoughtful-mode. In fact, I was still mostly in said mode.

"Are you here for more cards?" he asked me.

I didn't spare the others a glance. "Yes, yes I am," I said and now gave him a tiny smile. Well, I was here, I might as well. I went over and picked a random pack. I went over to the counter and placed it there. He didn't even have to tell me the price, I already knew it. I took out a bill from my wallet. I stared at it…

"Kisa? Are you all right?" Yugi's grandpa asked me.

I stared at him a moment, processing his words. As I was going to pay something occurred to me, something aside from the fact I was alone. Not only was I alone, I didn't have anything or anyone to live for, no incentive. I took the bill and placed it back in my wallet and I looked at him. He gave me a funny look. "I'm sorry Motou-sama. I won't be taking anything today. I'm sorry for wasting your time," I said and gave a small smile and gave him a slight nod.

He smiled at me. "You didn't waste my time, it's all right. Maybe next time then," he said with a smile.

I gave a secret sort of smile. "We'll see. Goodbye Motou-sama," I said and I left after he had given his response.

I didn't go home, no, I went to another of my favorite places, my safe haven of sorts. I went to the arts and crafts store. I inhaled deeply when I entered and for the first time in a very long time I gave a completely genuine smile. I directed myself up and down the aisles. I felt as if someone were watching me, but there wasn't anyone around. Finally, I found the section I was looking for. I examined my choices and picked the most sharp-looking, and most easy-to-hide crafting blade I could find. I went to a cashier register. "Hello," he greeted with a smile.

I answered in kind, "Hello."

"Will this be all for today?"

"Yes, sir," I said.

"Are you starting a project?" he asked making small talk as the transaction was made.

Another secret smile from me. "Yes, it's an idea I recently got that I want to get to right away," I said with another smile. He had no idea.

He smiled and gave me my receipt. He asked if I wanted a bag with that but I declined. "Well, I hope your project turns out well," he said.

I smirked. "Yes, I hope it does too." And with that I left the store.

I walked home thinking and admitting to myself that yes, I was a coward but sometimes it's for a reason. Why live a life where you would never be happy? Where you always had to keep your guard up? Where you had to lie to yourself just to make it through the day? Sometimes I thought that some people were meant to be alone… I wasn't one of those people, but I had forced myself to be. That's not the kind of life I wanted to live. I didn't want to be a solitary person, didn't want to be the Loner, the Ice Princess, The Girl That Doesn't Smile. And yet, I was too afraid to be otherwise. I sighed. Yes, I had to do this, I had to rid myself of this, had to find an escape. I had to rid the world of myself, give it one less burden, give the people I had considered friends a chance to stop worrying about me.

I entered my house and looked around. Just the same as I had left it. The same quiet and cold place. I looked at my painting, it now looked frigid and solitary, reflecting my inner self nicely. Funny, my paintings usually reflected the way I was feeling, I hadn't realized this had been doing the same. I sighed and put the things I had left out away in their respective places. The paints, the brushes, the palette, the other stuff away, leaving only the finished art piece there. I sat next to the table and took the crafting blade out of its wrapping. It was clean, unused. I looked at it as it caught the light. A cold beauty, a beautiful escape. I turn my arm to look at the inside of it. White, soft, smooth, and uninterrupted skin. I wasn't as pale as Ryou or Bakura, but I was pale enough. I smiled. Like the first stroke of a painting against the white canvas, a flash of color, that's how it would be. A streak of crimson against the white canvas of my skin. I giggled, I'd make sure to make this my best masterpiece.

I held out my arm on the table, letting the inside of my arm be face up. I brought the tip of the blade to my arm and paused. How would I make the streak? I smiled and pressed the tip deep, enough to draw blood. I made a horizontal, curve-shaped incision and then I got a better idea. I followed the blue path of my vein along my lower arm I felt the slow and warm, oozing blood. I drew the knife back and looked at my arm. I raised an eyebrow. The cuts I made were a lot deeper than I had thought. It stung a lot, feeling hot, but I ignored the pain, strangely fascinated with the way my blood was flowing. I did the same for my next vein. Satisfied that it was deep enough and that the blood wasn't clogging, I did the same for my other arm, but much slower. I did it slower to be able to watch the blood bloom from my arm. I wondered momentarily what people would think of me if they saw how fascinated I was by this, enough to hardly feel the pain. As I said I really liked biology, and the circulatory system, the blood and its components always had interested me. Now, watching the fluid flow, one major component of life in a human body slowly oozing away, slowly draining my life, was fascinating to me. On the outer part of my arm I wiped the crafting blade clean and I placed it beside me. I accommodated myself better against the table and placed my arms at my sides, watching, even as my eyes began to feel a little heavier. After a short moment, my body began to feel heavy, so that I couldn't lift my arms. Still the blood continued to ooze slowly out of me. I smiled and allowed my eyes to close. Just a bit more and I would be free, I would find my escape, and my suffering would end. I wouldn't have to curse my cowardice or my pride anymore. I would simply drift away, and by the time I was found, it'd be too late, I would be resting in peace. I felt my body slump and my smile faded a bit. Just as I was fading out of consciousness I heard a bang and several shouts, but it sounded muffled, far away. I tried opening my eyes but my lids had grown heavy. Finally, I gave myself into unconsciousness.

The first thing I became aware of was the soft bed I was lying in. The next was the antiseptic smell, that sterile smell. Then it was those annoying beeps. I stirred and slowly opened my eyes, but quickly closed them again when the whiteness and brightness of the room was too much. Much slower this time, I opened my eyes, allowing them to get used to the light little by little. I gave a small groan. I looked at the room, or as much as I could see without moving my head. I frowned. I was in the hospital. Why was I here? What had happened? A plethora of memories came flooding back at another time I had been in the hospital. I closed my eyes briefly before opening them again. Oh… it all came back to me. I had tried to kill myself, in fact I was sure it had worked… so why was I here?

"Oh, well, hello. It's good to know you're awake. Let me go get the doctor," someone said and I turned my head slightly to look at the nurse who had been by my bed looking at the machine and writing on a clipboard. I blinked at her and she smiled at me. A nurse-type smile, one of those mechanical ones. She left and I sighed silently. I lifted my arm, but I couldn't. I was wired and both arms were bandaged.

I was still processing all that had happened when the doctor came in. "Why hello Miss… Chanson. It's good to see you have finally woken up," the doctor told me.

I frowned. "How long have I been unconscious?" I asked and my voice sounded a bit dry.

"You have been unconscious for four days," he told me. "In fact, we were afraid you weren't going to make it. It was good your boyfriend and friends brought you to the hospital when they did," he said.

I frowned. Boyfriend? Friends? I didn't have any of those unless… no, they weren't there, nobody was. "Oh," was all I could say.

"How are you feeling?"

"As fine as I can. I'm not in pain if that's what you want to know," I said.

"Oh, that's good, that's good. Now, if you need anything, make sure to push this button and a nurse will be with you, all right?" he asked.

"Okay," I answered. With a fake smile, him and the nurse left. I blinked after them. What the hell? What kind of doctor was that? 'How are you feeling?' Are you serious? How did he think I would be feeling after I tried to off myself? And hell, was he serious? What kind of security measures did they take? My boyfriend and friends? Huh, well, screw them. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes. "I can't even off myself the right way," I said and sighed.

"I'm glad you couldn't do this right. I'm glad there was something you couldn't do right," someone said.

My eyes snapped open and I jumped and the beeping increased so I forced myself to calm down until the beeping was back to normal. Dammit! I thought I was alone. "Why is it that you always manage to ruin things for me Atem?" I asked without taking my eyes off the ceiling. "And you're wrong Atem," I said.

"No, I'm not," he said.

"Yes, you are. I did it right. You heard the doctor. If my imaginary boyfriend and friends hadn't interfered I would be dead. Why Atem? Why do you have to ruin it for me?" I asked.

"Ruin it for you? Kisa, we saved your life. Gods, when I saw you…" he trailed off his voice soft.

"Did it ever occur to you I wanted to die and that was why I cut myself? Why else would I do that?" I asked a bit exasperated.

"Kisa… why? Why would you want to do something like that? That isn't something you would do," he said.

"Why, Atem? Because there's no point in living anymore, it's all pointless. I don't want anything from life anymore. And yes, this is something I would do. I'm not the same person you used to know… the same person you fell in love with. Please Atem, why can't you just leave me alone?" I asked quietly.

He came into my view then and all I did was blink at him. His hair was dishelved and he had dark circles under his eyes. His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy-looking. He looked a bit paler than usual and his clothes were frumpy. He came closer to me and even the antiseptic smell of the room couldn't block out the warm scent that was uniquely his. And at that moment, I missed him once again. He came to my bedside and touched my face gently with cold fingers. "If you allowed it, you would have something to live for. People to live for. And Kisa, I can't leave you alone, I won't. I've told you this before, I love you, I can't give up… especially because I know you love me too."

His thumb brushed my lips. And I blinked hard so that the tears wouldn't show. I raised my unwired (but bandaged) arm, and heck was it hard. I let my fingers brush his cheek before I said softly, "Atem? Will you kiss me? Will you kiss me before I tell you what I have to tell you?"

He gave me the tiniest of smiles and his eyes were warm and soft. He bent down close to my face. "You don't have to ask Kisa. All you have to do is tell me to do it," he told me. His lips were soft against mine and he kissed me gently but really soon it turned less gentle, until I was raising my head off the pillow and weakly tugging him closer. He pulled away abruptly and I was aware of the fact that annoying beeping had become fast. Well, he had always left me breathless. He kissed my cheek before he pulled back with a smile, a real smile. It was one of those smiles that made my heart melt, not one of those fake ones the nurse and doctor had given me. I blinked at him as I tried to even my breathing. "I missed that… I missed you, gods, how I missed you," he said.

"Atem," I began and was ready to say more but was interrupted when two very familiar figures entered the room. We kind of had… a moment where we all froze. I wasn't sure if they'd been coming to see me, but I think they were surprised to see me awake and to see Atem so close to me.

Finally, I made the first move. I tilted my head to the side and blinked back tears. "Ryou… Bakura…" that was all managed to say. In fact, I hadn't meant to say that, I had just blurted it out. Slowly, they came to the side of the bed, opposite from Atem. Finally, I was able to somewhat return to my normal self. "I suppose you were the imaginary friends that came to help me, along with my imaginary boyfriend, right?" I asked them.

I was surprised when Bakura spoke. "If you wanted to die so badly you could have just asked me to send you to the Shadow Realm," he said and he looked… angry. What the hell was he playing at?

"Ha! Like I would ask you for anything. Besides, how do you know I didn't want to die the way I had… or had tried to?" I asked him and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, either way, you would have ended up in the Shadow Realm, so-"

"You sound so sure… and you're wrong."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Bakura asked raising his voice slightly.

"Bakura," Ryou said quietly placing a hand on his arm.

"Well, I'm not there, am I? Because some people decided to eavesdrop on other people's business," I said harshly but couldn't raise my voice… I was feeling too weak to do so.

"Well, really, it's your fault," Bakura said matter-of-factly.

I couldn't help the amused snort. I wasn't exactly sure how to feel when his lips quirked. I hadn't had much interaction with him after he gained his own body because shortly after Atem had erased my memories. "How do you figure that?" I queried.

He smirked at me, making me raise an eyebrow. "Old habits die hard, Chanson. I was a thief… so, you could have, oh, drawn the curtains?" he suggested.

I couldn't help it, I chuckled. "Huh, never thought of it that way… then again, it's kind of hard to think of such trivial things when I have much more important things in mind," I said and attempted to shrug.

"How can you two talk about it so lightly?" Ryou asked with wide eyes.

"Great minds think alike," Bakura and I both answered sarcastically. We glanced at each other before I looked up at the ceiling and frowned.

"Kisa…" now it was Ryou, my name said with a soft voice. I looked at him… I don't exactly know why, maybe it was his tone. He came even closer to my bed and his hand rested lightly on the hand railing. I only stared at him. Then he leaned over and he hugged carefully but firmly. His face buried slightly in my pillow. "Kisa… I was so scared…" he trailed off.

"I don't know what you're-"

"Kisa, don't do this… not now… not to him," Atem told me and I looked at him. His expression was sad, a tad pleading.

I was silent a moment before I sighed. Eventually things would go back to normal, but for now, for now I could give in just a bit. It didn't matter if they knew, it wouldn't change anything. I managed to take my bandaged arm and place it on his back in an awkward hug. "Ryou, I'm alive, everything's fine," I lied.

I think he was crying, or maybe they were dry sobs. "Kisa… why? I saw you and… you were…" he again trailed off and his grip tightened slightly. I didn't answer him. Ryou lifted his head to look at me. Huh, I guess he had been crying. "Why Kisa?" he asked.

I frowned and looked up at the ceiling again and managed to placed my bandaged arm back on the bed. "It's my life, I can do with it what I want," I said a tad curtly.

"Kisa…" Atem said and it had a slight warning in it.

I looked at him. "Don't tell me what I can do or say and what I can't Atem. You don't have that right… not anymore," I said and gave a glare before returning my gaze at the ceiling.

Bakura was the one to speak this time. He sounded surprised. "You… you remember… don't you?" he asked me.

"So what if I do?" I countered.

"Then why-"

"Hey, is… Kisa-san?" Yugi said with Kaiba next to him.

I focused on Kaiba immediately. "Mokuba isn't here, yes?" I asked.

"Of course not," he answered and I nodded and sighed in relief.

Yugi quickly made his way toward me, Kaiba took a more slow pace, and they went to stand near Bakura and Ryou, who had pulled away and was being held by Bakura. "Kisa-san, you're awake," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "How observant," I answered.

"Haven't changed a bit," Kaiba commented.

"There's no reason to. It's still me," I said.

"Of course. While some people may have changes of heart, there's no reason for you to have one," he said sarcastically.

"Ah, you see, but I did have one," I said with a slight smirk.

He matched it and raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"I did have a change of heart… but it happened a while back," I clarified.

"Oh, of course… how could I forget? You only seem to have a soft spot for one person," he replied.

"One that thankfully doesn't have to see me like this," I told him and he rolled his eyes at me. It almost felt as if I were part of the gang again, which I wasn't.

"Kisa was about to explain something to us," Bakura interjected.

"What?" Yugi asked and blinked.

"She remembers… seems like Pharaoh here didn't do a very good job with the task he was supposed to do… or maybe he didn't even-"

"If you were going to say that he didn't do it, you're wrong, he did do it," I said tonelessly.

They all looked at me. "So… you do remember?" Yugi asked and turning to Bakura he asked, "For how long?"

"Hello! The one with the information is lying on her deathbed," I reminded him.

"That wasn't funny," Atem said and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Who said I was joking?" I retaliated.

"So, really, how long has it been?" Bakura asked.

"Before getting out of the hospital… that time," was all I said.

It was silent for a long time. "So, that's why, isn't it?" Kaiba queried. When I raised an eyebrow he said, "That day at the Game Shop you said to think about what happened and what I would've done in your place… that's what happened then? Not take a risk."

"You were always the most logical one," I told Kaiba.

"What are you talking about?" Yugi asked looking up at Kaiba with questioning eyes.

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "That day at the Game Shop that I came in with Mokuba, I spoke to Kisa outside. I knew she remembered when she didn't seemed surprised to see Mokuba going up to her and hugging her, when she didn't seem surprised when Mokuba said it had been a while. She confirmed my suspicions but she said not to tell anyone. I told Atem because it seemed like it was most appropriate," Kaiba said.

"More like inappropriate. You made things much worse you know," I told him expressionlessly.

"No, he didn't. It gave us a chance to talk," Atem said.

I gave a humorless laugh. "Oh, yes, it helped loads. What difference does a meaningless conversation have when nothing will change?" I asked and my face took on a trace of a sneer before I sighed. I wanted to sleep forever.

"It wasn't meaningless… it wasn't," Atem said firmly looking at me.

I gave him a mocking smile. "Oh, wasn't it? What then, was so not meaningless about it?" I asked.

"I…" he didn't know what to say? Ha!

"That's what I thought," I said with a smirk.

"I know you love me," he said suddenly and I froze.

"What?" I asked turning my head slowly to look at him.

"That day… you said you still loved me… like before," he clarified.

"I'm sure you can remember the rest of that conversation if you can remember that," I told him.

"I don't believe you, I won't."

"Then you're being stupid and getting your hopes up just to have them crushed… perhaps then you'll feel some of what I felt," I said to him.

We were all silent a moment. And then, "Hey… Chanson! You're awake!" Jounouchi exclaimed followed by Honda and Anzu.

"Quiet down, will you? You're too loud," I said and scowled.

"Right," he said seeming unaffected.

"Great, so now the nerd herd is here and complete, care to leave?" I asked.

"How are you feeling?" Anzu asked me.

I stared at her. "I just tried to kill myself four days ago and didn't succeed, how do you think I'm feeling?" I asked her with a bored expression on my face. Then something totally irrelevant had me looking at Bakura. I'm not sure why I looked at Bakura but I asked, "What happened to my door?"

He looked confused. "What?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Remember the imaginary boyfriend and friends that saved me? How'd you come in?" I clarified.

He smirked at me. "You do realize who you're talking to, right?"

"Ah, that's right, the former King of Thieves, how appropriate. So, at least you didn't kill my door," I said and matched his smirk. Everyone in the room except for Bakura, Kaiba, and I flinched. Oh, I love playing with words. Just then, Anzu gasped. I turned to look at her and she was staring at me with wide eyes. I made an amused sound before rolling my eyes. "I hate repeating myself," I said and got weird looks from some of others. "Yes, Anzu, I do remember. It happened before I got out of the hospital that time, and yes, I do remember everything," I explained.

It was silent a moment. Aren't silences great? Do notice the sarcasm. "How come you were mean to us then?" Honda asked. Somehow it struck me as strange that it wasn't Jounouchi asking me that.

I gave him a bored look. But before I could actually reply, Kaiba spoke. "We never asked her if she wanted us to do it, remember? Remember how we told you dweebs to consult her? Did you listen to us? No. In the name of friendship," he said and used the term sarcastically, "you decided it would be the best thing ever without taking into consideration that maybe, just maybe some of the best memories she had with you dorks would also be wiped. How do you think it'd feel if they did that to you without telling you?" he said and he was glowering slightly.

I know this should have surprised me, coming from Kaiba, and in truth, it did. What the hell was he doing coming to my defense like that? And he sounded angry! Huh. "Well," I said looking at the ceiling, "at least someone here uses their brain to come to logical conclusions." Then something was brought to my attention. Kaiba had said 'we told you'… who was this this 'we'? I didn't get a chance to ask.

"Hey, Anzu had a good point. She wouldn't even want to be reminded of what happened at that time," Jounouchi said. I was surprised at this. Anzu?

"Yes, you dorks. But she didn't look very traumatized, did she? She obviously was well enough to be talked to about it," and this time it was Bakura. Huh, so I supposed he was part of the 'we' Kaiba mentioned before. Strange, to have Bakura and Kaiba on the same side against the nerd herd… and at the same time it kind of wasn't. Then something clicked.

I gave a laugh and they stared at me. I shook my head. "This makes so much sense it's painfully obvious," I said.

"What do you mean?" Anzu asked. Was it just me or did she sound… strange?

I didn't answer her. Instead I looked at Kaiba and said, "You're one of the neutral ones. Tell me, how did you all decide this?" and then looking at Bakura I added, "I want you both to tell me what happened."

They shrugged and Bakura began. "We had just come from the hospital and we went to the Pharaoh's home. It was boring, but Ryou wanted to go, so we went. They were all talking about you like you were on your deathbed or something. Then Masaki came up with the brilliant idea," Bakura explained.

I looked up at the ceiling. "What'd she say?" I queried.

"She went off on one of the friendship speeches," Kaiba supplied. I nodded for him to continue. "She asked about it. 'What if we erased her memory?' was what she asked."

"I thought she had gone insane. The others looked more surprised at her. The container over here-" he said gesturing toward Yugi but was interrupted by Kaiba.

"Hey, I thought I told you not to call him that. Besides, you can't say much, you have your own container with you," Kaiba said with a slight sneer.

"Leave him out of this!" Bakura hissed.

"Hello, it's story time, remember? You were telling me about the freaking brilliant idea the girl had," I said. And yes, 'the girl' was Anzu.

They both 'hmmed' before Yugi said, "You can actually make them stop?" he sounded surprised. I looked at him and frowned. He shrugged. "Nobody can stop them when they get into that argument. They never realize Bakura-kun and I don't really care," he explained.

I smirked at him and looked back up at the ceiling, keeping them in my peripheral vision. "It's a natural-born talent," I said and I heard him smothering a giggle. I sighed annoyed. "Anyway…" I trailed off waiting for one of them to start talking again.

"Yugi asked what she meant, and so she went off on what a horrible experience you had and what a real friend would do, and how traumatized you'd be and some other stuff," Kaiba said.

"Yeah, said she'd be thankful if she were given that option after going through what you did, like you were some kind of weak-minded nerd or something," Bakura supplied. "Eventually, the other morons started agreeing reluctantly with her."

"By others he means those two over there," Kaiba said gesturing toward Jounouchi and Honda.

"It was four to three, what happened?" I asked with a frown. There more people disagreeing with the idea, how did they go through with it anyway?

"You mean, five to three," Kaiba corrected. Oh… Atem, right.

"Whatever, you were still more," I said.

"Well, then Ryou and… Yugi then suggested that we talk to you to see if you wanted us to," Bakura said. I saw Ryou smile at Bakura. Huh, I wondered if it had anything to do with the fact he had called Yugi by his name. So, I guess the rivalry didn't exactly fade away. What was I expecting?

"She went off on how it'd be best not to tell you because you wouldn't want to be reminded of it at all-"

"And I asked if she was scared of you saying 'no' but she ignored me," Bakura interrupted.

"Anyway, the issue wasn't solved that day," Kaiba finished.

"And the fact she didn't want to tell me… didn't strike you as strange?" I queried.

"Of course it did, at least to me," Kaiba answered.

"Hence the fact I asked if she was scared of you saying no," Bakura added.

I frowned. "But there's more to this… because it was done anyway," I reasoned.

"I don't know. The last time we were going to go visit, Pharaoh here told us your memory had already been wiped," Bakura said.

I frowned at this. And then I once again gave a laugh. "I don't know if I should call you a genius or greatly manipulative, Anzu," I said and then turning to Atem I said, "Let me guess, she visited you to have a talk with you and gave you a long speech on how if you loved me then you'd go through with it, because I was suffering and stuff, right?"

Atem blinked at me. "How do you know that's what she did?"

"Because I know both of you," was all I said.

"I only wanted what was best for you," Anzu finally decided to speak up.

"Was that it?" Bakura asked the girl.

"Of course! She was my friend!" she told him.

"You sure?" Kaiba asked.

"What else is there?" she asked.

I laughed. "Never thought I'd see the day I'd be siding with Bakura and Kaiba," I said and then to Anzu I said, "You have guts, asking a question like that."

"What do you mean? I only did it because you were my friend! I care about you, you were the one that pulled away from us," Anzu said. Ah, trying to blame it on me now?

"Yeah, so stop trying to pin it on Anzu," Jounouchi said.

I laughed. "How naïve, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it," was all I told him.

"You mean stupidity. At least on the mutt's account," Kaiba said.

"Seto!" Yugi said looking up at him. Kaiba only sighed.

"Hey, now you listen here-"

"Jounouchi, can you please drop this? Not in the hospital. Do you want to be thrown out, because I'll gladly call a nurse," I said. He calmed but didn't look very happy. "Anzu, I admire you," I told her.

"You do?" she asked sounding surprised as she blinked at me.

"Here it comes," I heard Bakura mutter and I couldn't help the smirk.

"Of course I do. I don't think I've ever known anyone who can hide behind friendship as well as you can," I told her.

"Kisa, as much as I love you, Anzu is my friend, I can't let you talk to her like that," Atem said to me.

I chuckled. "Yes, a good job indeed, you even have Atem on your side," I said.

"Thankfully, I'm not as stupid as him," Bakura said confidentially.

"Well, seeing as you don't like anyone that's not Ryou…" I trailed off with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Point taken," was all he said.

"I don't know what you're talking about! All I wanted was the best for you!" she exclaimed but it sounded… kind of… desperate.

"The best for me?"

"Um, Kisa, what are you talking about?" Ryou asked quietly.

"And here, people gathered here today, is the third logical person of the group. You know, the one who waits to hear everything before making a conclusion," I said and gave a tiny, forced half smile as I looked at the ceiling. "Well, Ryou, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you," I paused here thinking on how I could savior this moment. "To how many people did it seem strange that Anzu was the one to come up with that solution as opposed to someone like… Honda or Jounouchi?" I asked.

"Hey, why us?" Honda asked.

"Well, your body was controlled by the Big Five while we were in Noah's virtual world… and Jounouchi was forced by Marik to duel Yugi to the death, remember? You two were close to knowing how it might have felt like," I explained. I left Ryou out of this because I didn't want them to have bad memories. I mean, I think they had them anyways, it just would've been worse if I had brought them on. And I mean, they were against the idea, and I'm not that bad.

"Guess that makes sense," Jounouchi admitted.

"So, to how many of you?" I repeated.

"I think that judging by everyone's expressions, all of us thought it strange," Yugi said.

"Especially because Anzu is the one to say that friendship can overcome the bad experiences," Ryou added quietly.

"Huh, I never thought about that," Jounouchi said.

It seemed like Kaiba was about to make a comment but Yugi put a hand on his arm. "Please don't," was all he said.

Kaiba looked at him and sighed. "Whatever," he said.

"What's wrong with you! What are you trying to prove!" Anzu asked. Again, it sounded slightly desperate.

"That question wasn't quite worded to your advantage, Anzu. But I'll answer. I'm trying to prove that there was an ulterior motive to your idea of wiping my memory. It would've been the perfect plan too… if I hadn't remembered," I let her know.

"And if it hadn't been one-sided," Bakura added.

My head turned to look at Bakura. "You know?" was all I asked.

"Not until now. But it makes sense. Devious indeed. Am I right?" he queried and raised an eyebrow and I nodded.

"I don't know what you're thinking but whatever it is, it isn't true! You never liked me!" Anzu said accusing Bakura.

"He doesn't like anyone, why would you be different? Then again, why would he even try so hard only on you?" Kaiba reasoned. It seemed like Kaiba understood.

"You know, I like it when people catch my drift," I said with a nod toward Kaiba and Bakura who only smirked at me.

"What kind of ulterior motive?" Honda asked.

My lips quirked. "One you and Jounouchi most likely wouldn't have caught… or Atem at that," I said. "I'm surprised Yugi didn't catch it though," I said with a slight frown.

"Well… at that time… Kaiba was…" Ryou trailed off with a blush.

"Oh," was my very coherent response before I said, "That makes sense."

"You understand, don't you?" Yugi asked sounding somewhat guilty. I wondered if he had caught my drift too.

I shrugged. "I don't blame you, if that's what you're worried about. You were probably thinking about the mixed signals Kaiba was sending you," I said thoughtlessly.

"How do you know about that?" Atem asked me.

I chuckled. "I've known you all for some time now. And seriously, could you possibly imagine Kaiba going up to Yugi and saying, 'Yugi… I have the hots for you'?" I asked attempting to imitate Kaiba's voice and failing. There were sniggers from everyone except Bakura who was grinning hugely at Kaiba. And of course Kaiba who looked uncomfortable. "Oh, don't feel so uncomfortable Kaiba. I bet Bakura and Jounouchi had the same trouble with Ryou and Mai… I know Atem had that problem… though, if I recall correctly, it didn't last long," I said with a smirk.

I thought Atem would blush at this but he didn't. He actually smirked. "I recall it too… and no, it didn't last very long," he told me.

"How do you know about Mai?" Anzu asked and she was noticeably irritated. Even Jounouchi noticed this.

"Jounouchi has a loud voice if you haven't noticed. He'd be heard across the classroom," I supplied. "But you know, you won't be able to steer the conversation away from my main purpose, so let's continue," I said.

"There's nothing for you to continue! I don't have an ulterior motive!" she exclaimed.

"You're right, you don't have an ulterior motive," I said simply.

"Doesn't mean you didn't have one before," Bakura supplied and I grinned at him.

"Sometimes great minds do think alike," I told him and he shrugged but grinned back.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," Anzu said curtly.

"Hm, in that case, let's refresh our memories a bit, Anzu. Memories of a conversation we had at Duelist Kingdom… about what if Mai was hitting on Yugi then, yes?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Everything went silent for a moment.

"What conversation?" Yugi asked innocently.

I ignored the question. "Or maybe the one we had after Duelist Kingdom, when you said-"

"How can you think I'd do something like that to you! You're my friend!" she interrupted me. I smirked at this.

"Obviously, you didn't think very highly of me," I said. "And what were those looks you kept giving me then? Those you gave me at school after I had been let out of the hospital?" I asked.

"So, it wasn't just me," Kaiba said and smirked.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Anzu said and she sounded curt now.

"You mean you don't remember when you'd shoot Kisa those 'I won' looks while you were going out with the Pharaoh?" Bakura asked.

"What! I didn't do that!" she said but sounded kind of scared now and she shot Atem a look. He blinked and tilted his head to the side.

"You mean… you're suggesting Anzu had your memory erased because she wanted to go out with Atem?" Yugi asked and blinked.

Bakura chuckled. "No, little Yugi, she's not suggesting it," he told the smaller boy.

"She's clarifying this in front of us," Kaiba explained.

"But… but Anzu isn't capable of that…" Yugi trailed off.

I chuckled. "A bond formed between two females can overpower a bond formed in childhood," I answered.

"What do you mean?" Ryou asked.

"You see, when two girls become friends, as Anzu and I were, we have the 'girl talks', something you can't exactly have if your childhood friend is a boy… and she doesn't know he's gay," I told him.

"So… you both liked Atem then?" Yugi asked slowly.

"And you both would have told each other that… right?" Ryou asked looking thoughtful.

"What conversation after Duelist Kingdom?" Honda asked suddenly.

"You can't be serious! I wouldn't do that to you!" Anzu exclaimed.

"But you'd be willing to do this to a stranger?" I returned. Turning to the others I said, "After Duelist Kingdom we realized Yugi and Atem were two different people… and so we realized we actually liked Atem as opposed to crushing on Yugi. I told her that the girl Atem chose to be with would be very lucky but Anzu didn't take it very well. She told me that if-"

"You actually took that seriously!" Anzu asked.

I chuckled. "By the way you were telling me about it, you were pretty serious yourself," I told her and then continued on, "she told me that if it happened she'd send that girl to the Shadow Realm if she had the power to do so. Briefly after she rectify that it didn't apply to me because I was her friend and that she'd be very happy for me."

"Hm, is that why you weren't worried about her when she went to the Shadow Realm then?" Bakura asked her.

"What! Of course I was worried! You weren't even there the whole time! You don't know!" Anzu cried.

"He could… he and I were watching everything when he turned it into a kind of game," Atem said quietly. He looked thoughtful. "Actually… I do remember that. She was the one telling Jounouchi and Honda that they had to focus on finding my name," he added.

"But I was worried! We just couldn't do anything about it!" Anzu defended.

"You know… sometimes I got the impression she… forgot that Kisa had been taken," Honda now recalled. "She was intent on having to find Atem, and she was so happy when everything was over, it was like she even forgot Kisa existed." I, of course, had no recollection of this because I wasn't with them. In fact, I had come back to the real world shortly after they had, but not at the same time.

"Honda! How can you say that!" Anzu said.

"Well, you never mentioned her… didn't even cry," Jounouchi said slowly.

"Guess I didn't have to make my point across then. They know now… I know now and so do you. Although, I do give you points for trying, your plan was almost perfect after all," I said with a shrug.

"It was," was all she said.

"Anzu! I… how could you! How could you be capable… of that!" Yugi exclaimed surprised, tears gathering in his eyes.

"Hm, did you think she was as feeble-minded as you?" Bakura asked her. Yugi was now crying on Kaiba who was holding him and glaring at Anzu.

"So, there you have it. I have uncovered the truth. My work here is done," I said and closed my eyes.

"I hate you," Anzu said lowly, and this made me snap my eyes open and look at her. "I've hated you since Duelist Kingdom," she told me and this surprised me. Since then? "I noticed. I noticed the way he looked at you and he spoke to you more than with us. He came out for you, not the rest of us. When I realized Yugi and Atem weren't the same, I hated you more, because I knew he was the one that liked you, and you him," she explained and she was glowering at me.

I spared her a glance and looked at the ceiling. "Well, it wasn't truly my fault, was it? I didn't force him into a relationship. I didn't pester him into one. We decided this willingly," I told her.

"You know about that?" Yugi asked.

"It was… kind of obvious, especially when it didn't last long," I supplied.

"You think you know everyone, don't you?" she asked me.

I snorted. "Apparently not. Didn't know you were capable of hating someone so unlike you," I told her.

"I hate you and your ego," she told me.

I smirked. "Hm, so that means you must hate Bakura and Kaiba too, I mean, their egos are bigger than mine," I said and before anyone else knew what was going on, I heard a loud 'smack' before my cheek started pulsing in hot pain. Of course, I only flinched at this, I wasn't really in a position of abrupt moving. My eyes began to water before I blinked hard once. I was about to make a comment about the fuming girl in front of me when Ryou surprised everyone. He pushed her.

"How dare you! How dare you do something like you did and then hit my best friend!" he shouted at her. I only blinked. His what now?

She laughed. "Your friend? You're friend abandoned you… made you cry. You're friend? You mean, the one that was mean to you, the one who insulted you?" Anzu asked.

"How do you make lies in front of me?" I asked angrily. "I never insulted him!" I defended.

She laughed again. "And somehow that's not as bad as making him cry and abandoning him, right?" she asked with this superior smirk I didn't like.

"Well, I at least admit I did those things… at least I wasn't a hypocrite… like you!" I shouted back. I closed my eyes, I was getting dizzy.

"Well, you weren't there when he cried because you left, because you were mean, because you didn't remember, were you?"

"And whose fault was it that I didn't remember? Who came up with the brilliant plan that didn't even work?"

"And don't be rubbing that in her face, you weren't there when he cried either. Don't take credit that doesn't belong to you," Bakura told her.

"You know Anzu, we didn't know you had it in you to be like this… so you've been lying the whole time then?" Jounouchi asked and Honda was glowering slightly. Huh, well, my intention had been to uncover her once I had known this was all her fault. I guess I didn't think of the consequences, of everyone turning on her… I guess she deserved it, but it was still kind of sad to see this happening when they had been friends for so long.

And then Atem spoke. "I can't believe you would do something like this Anzu. We all trusted you… we believed in you. After knowing you for so long, after all of us being together, and something like this breaks our friendship. I thought you were better than that Anzu, I thought more highly of you than you deserve," Atem told her and his last statement surprised me. That was pretty harsh coming from Atem.

She looked at him and tears began gathering in her eyes. "I… I just… I just wanted…"

"A chance," I supplied. "But Anzu… sometimes we have to let things go… I did. For a year. I learned to let go of a lot of things, of a lot of people. You can do it too, but in a better way than I did," I advised quietly. I felt bad for her, there crying in front of everyone, of Atem.

She glowered at me. "I don't want to hear it from you! I don't care! I made you suffer that year! Well, good, you deserved it! Every bit of pain you got you deserved it!" she shouted at me. She tried to slap me again but Honda and Jounouchi stopped her.

"You have no right. You have no right to talk to Kisa that way! You of all people don't have a right to even talk to her, to any of us!" Atem told her angrily and I only blinked at him. He was angry… on my behalf…? Then he looked at Jounouchi and Honda and said to them in a much calmer tone, "Will you please take her away and make sure she's not allowed to visit Kisa?"

"You got it Atem!" Jounouchi said and they both led Anzu out who wasn't making much of a scene, though she was struggling against Honda and Jounouchi.

I looked up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. After a year of being mean, of avoiding them, of being harsh toward them… and they were still defending me. They still looked out for me, they still cared, despite everything. 'How dare you hit my best friend!' Ryou… gods, he really had been my best friend… and despite everything, he still viewed me as one. And everyone… Atem, Bakura, Ryou… they had saved me from my own stupidity… and everyone… everyone was here with me. 'Did you think she was as feeble-minded as you?' Bakura had asked, I supposed that was a compliment. Other than Ryou, I didn't think I'd know anyone who could figure Bakura out entirely, except maybe Marik. And then what Kaiba had said… he had seen it from my point of view… that, let me tell you, didn't happen often, I mean, it did, but we usually would argue about it until he realized I was right… or I realized he was right when he was.

I opened my eyes and realized they were all staring at me. I'm not exactly sure why. I turned to look at Yugi and Ryou. Abruptly I said, "For the record, I always had trouble being mean to you two."

"Really?" Yugi asked surprised.

"Have you looked at yourselves in a mirror? With eyes like those…" I trailed off and shook my head. "I bet you use them on your boyfriends to get what you want," I said with a smirk.

"And how would you know about that?" Bakura asked suspiciously.

"Of course she'd know, she used them on me all the time," Atem said with an amused expression.

"I think it'd just be weird if I used it again," I said with a shake of my head.

"Why?" Ryou asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know… I can't picture myself doing it anymore… not like there's a reason for it anyway," I said. I felt him take my hand and I looked at him. His eyes were looking so incredibly hopeful it hurt, so I turned away. "Anyway, why did you all come?" I asked.

Kaiba didn't say anything, only rolled his eyes. Bakura was the one who answered. "We've all been coming for the last four days, you just weren't awake to see it," he said and gave me a 'duh' look.

"We wanted to make sure you were going to be okay. We were all worried about you," Ryou added and he smiled that friendly smile of his that he hasn't used on me for so long I couldn't help but stare for a moment.

"Well, I mean, we've all been coming to see you, but Atem hasn't really left… or at least for too long," Yugi said. I blinked at him. "The only times he went home were to shower and eat breakfast and then he'd come straight back here."

His words made me feel as if I was really a part of the group again. I smiled slightly and squeezed his hand gently. He looked at me. "You dummy, you didn't have to do that. You need to sleep properly," I told him.

He shrugged and didn't look at me. "I wanted to be here when you woke up," he said to me. I gave him a half smile.

Bakura chuckled. "Aw, how adorkable," he said.

I smirked and looked at Bakura. "Right, because you wouldn't do the same if Ryou was lying unconscious in a hospital bed," I said.

"Yeah? Well… at least if he was we wouldn't have been not speaking for a year," he retorted.

" 'Kura!" Ryou scolded. I smiled mischievously at the nickname and his eyes narrowed.

"Doesn't mean we don't feel the same as we did a year ago, 'Kura," I said and gave a small laugh. Yugi and Ryou giggled when Bakura glared at me before looking away. He looked uncomfortable. Then Ryou and Yugi came to my bedside (ha! Sounds like I'm about to die). "Well," I said to them, "thanks for coming to my funeral rehearsal," I said to them.

"Kisa!" Atem scolded.

I looked up at him. "What?" I asked.

"That wasn't funny," he said and his grip had tightened on mine.

I sighed. "Sorry," I said before turning back to the two teens. "I joke. But seriously, thanks, I guess, for coming by and for not hating me enough to still care… I guess," I said awkwardly. It'd been a while since I had to say something like this… besides, I wasn't expecting to ever say this to them ever again.

They smiled at me. "It's okay, we understand. We're your friends after all," Yugi said and he held my wired hand.

"I meant it, you know, you are my best friend," Ryou told me.

"I made you cry… Anzu was right about that… and I… well, I guess I did abandon you, so she was right about that too," I said.

"But that's okay… I understand why you did it. It wasn't your complete fault," Ryou told me.

"Well, it wasn't your fault at all," I said. After all, they hadn't known what had happened until it was a done deal.

"Well, you didn't know that. Besides, we can start over… if you want," Ryou suggested timidly.

"Really? I mean, I was pretty harsh," I told them.

"Of course we can!" both Yugi and Ryou said with a smile.

"Masaki wasn't exactly the best replacement," Kaiba said with a shrug.

"Seto!" Yugi said.

"What? You know I never liked her… even before. She was annoying," he told him.

"Not to mention she had the longest and most boring friendship speeches," Bakura added.

"Well, to your upside, I can't make speeches as good as Anzu's. I'm more of… not like that," I told them.

"Better wit than long speeches," Bakura told me.

"At least I can finally put my mind to work again," Kaiba said.

"Which reminds me, aren't I her replacement, since she was friends with you people before I came along?" I asked them.

"Hey, I'm out, she was never my friend," Bakura said.

"Nor mine," Kaiba added.

"At least… you didn't lie to us," Ryou said quietly and Yugi nodded silently. Then we all fell into silence.

"So, do you want to start over?" Yugi asked me.

I didn't answer right away. "I… I think I'm going to need time to think about this," I told them.

"We can give you that," Ryou said with a hopeful smile. Oh, geez, did I mention he had a pretty smile too? Yes, Ryou was indeed a pretty boy, but… I was in love with the Pharaoh… I mean, I'd take sexy over cute any day, if we were talking about appearance. "I bet this took a lot out of you," he told me.

"Oh, that's right, I think it's best to leave you to rest," Yugi said and smiled at me.

"No joke, this took a lot out of me. At least I'm conscious now," I said and sighed.

"We're glad about that," Ryou said and Yugi again nodded in agreement.

Bakura grinned. "But I bet Pharaoh's even more glad. Think of things he can do to her now," he said.

" 'Kura!" Ryou exclaimed.

"Of course not, 'Kura. You think I'd let him here at the hospital?" I asked matter-of-factly.

He rolled his eyes at me. "I meant out of the hospital," he clarified.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Right. That you don't know," was all I said.

"Well," Ryou said hurriedly, "um, we should go now and leave you to rest then," he said and went to Bakura and tugged his sleeve.

I couldn't help the smirk. Yugi then went to Kaiba. "Ryou's right, we should let you rest, it's been hard. But we'll come visit," Yugi told me.

"Yeah, we will," Ryou said with a smile. With that, they began going toward the door.

"Thanks," was all I could think to say. Ryou and Yugi smiled and nodded. "Hey, Bakura, Kaiba," I called and they stopped before turning and raising an eyebrow at me. Huh, I'd always had the impression that if Bakura had his own body, he'd be like Kaiba. Guess I was right. "Never thought I'd see the day the three of us would be participating in an argument, and not against each other," I said and smirked.

Bakura rolled his eyes at me. "Uh-huh. One in a million," he said.

Kaiba smirked at me. "Don't grow accustomed to it. I like arguing with equals," was all he said before him and Bakura left.

I smiled and looked up at ceiling. "Why am I not surprised at their responses?" I said with a small laugh.

"Because you know them well," Atem said. His sudden words made me blink.

"Why don't you go with them? You look like you need to sleep," I told him.

He stared at me for a moment. "No... I want to see you better first," he told me and gave a small smile.

I gazed at him. "You don't have to, it's okay, you can go," I said.

He took his hand away from mine and took my face in his hand. "I want to see you better first," he rejoined.

"Well, if you insist," I said and rolled my eyes but gave a slight smile.

"So, what do you think? About what Ryou and Yugi said?" he asked me.

"I need time Atem, it isn't exactly easy to make a decision like that, although, I know it wasn't their fault, they didn't know. I can't blame them for it. Besides, I never thought I'd see the day Kaiba and Bakura of all people would look out for my well-being," I told him.

He gave a slight smile before it faded and then he wasn't looking at me. "How about me? Would you… give me a chance?" he asked me quietly.

"Atem…" I trailed off. My defenses were low and really, I didn't quite want to say no… not now that I knew what had really happened.

"Please. I know… this was all my fault… I can't believe I let myself… that I didn't see it. I chose to do this, I know… but I hope that you can forgive me," he told me but he wasn't looking at me.

"Atem," I said and with some work I raised my bandage (but non wired) arm and touched his face. He looked at me and I couldn't help but smile softly at him. "I can't blame you, Anzu played all of you, even me. If she gave you the speech I think she gave you, it was only logical for you to agree with her. She had convincing words, I know. Anyone who would've been in your place would have done the same," I told him.

"Except Kaiba and Bakura," he told me. He raised an eyebrow when I laughed softly.

"To even listen to what Anzu says, you have to be friends with her, you have to like her, which both Kaiba and Bakura admitted they didn't," I countered.

"They had the right idea then, something I didn't see until now," he told me.

"Well, the situations were different. Kaiba and Bakura aren't big on friendship speeches… something that makes you different from them. And Anzu had always been good with those. You couldn't have guessed, nobody could… I didn't, until today," I told him.

"Could you… do you think… we still have a chance?" he asked me then.

I looked up at him. "I think you have as much of a chance as Yugi and Ryou and the others have of me joining them," I said.

"And how much of a chance is that?" he asked and now he sounded a bit more hopeful.

I smiled. "A pretty good chance I think," I said.

Then he smiled at me before he kissed my forehead. "Well, I think you should get some sleep, we definitely have tired you out," he said.

I smiled. "I will only if you get some sleep too."

"I will, we both will," he said before he went to the chair and settled. I closed my eyes and after a while I knew no more.

Gomenasai, I let you down

Gomenasai, gomenasai,

Gomenasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

It had been two months after that incident at the hospital. Like they had said, I was given time to think about it… and they also came to visit, as Yugi had said. In fact, I had kept my part of the bargain too, I had thought about whether I could be part of the nerd herd or not. It hadn't exactly been an easy decision to make considering it had been a year since I'd had any type of real contact with them, though I understood it hadn't been their fault at all. I probably wouldn't have seen through Anzu's plan had I not known what I knew about her, her more… intense side.

I sigh and open the door. On this day the Game Shop wouldn't have gotten much costumers but today it happened to be closed, however, it was the only way into Yugi and Atem's home. And yes, I had decided to give them a chance, all of them, including Atem. I knocked on the door and it wasn't long for someone to open, that someone wasn't Atem, it was Yugi. He smiled at me.

"Hi Kisa, come in. Atem would've answered the door, but he's a bit busy," he said and opened the door wider. I walked in.

"Thanks," I said. Together we went to the others. Everyone was already there, though there were two people I wasn't expecting to see. Mai and Shizuka. My surprised was short-lived when I saw Atem and Jounouchi dueling, though it ended shortly when Atem played the last card, taking the rest of Jounouchi's life points. "Hey, Jounouchi, bet you made it worth his while," I said.

Jounouchi grinned at me. "You bet I did!" he said. I smiled my hello to everyone and went toward Mai and Shizuka.

"Long time no see," I said to them. I was surprised when Shizuka hugged me. "Huh, didn't know you'd missed me so much," I said to her and returned the hug kind of awkwardly.

"Made yourself scarce," Mai said.

"Due to some unfavorable situations," I said with a shrug before Shizuka let me go. I went toward Atem.

"Glad you're back," she said to me and I smiled a bit.

"Glad to be back, really," I said and 'eeped' when Atem pulled me to sit on his lap. I smiled and settled against him.

"Not like you missed much," Bakura said as Ryou shifted on his lap to be more comfortable.

"Why are you here then? Oh, that's right, because Ryou gave you cow eyes, right?" I asked with a smirk and Ryou giggled.

"Cow eyes?" Kaiba asked with an amused expression and lifted an eyebrow.

"Yes, cow eyes," I said and gave him the puppy eyes.

"Haven't lost your touch I see," Bakura told me.

"Someone once said to me that old habits die hard," I said and smirked.

"Huh, so you finally listen," he told me.

I rolled my eyes. "You said it wrong."

"How so?"

"You see, I have selective hearing, so I listen to what's convenient to me," I said and grinned.

"What kind of selective hearing?" Kaiba asked me.

"Oh, I don't have to tell you, either of you, I'm sure you both know," I said and shrugged.

"Comparing me to you?" he asked me.

I smirked. "I believe someone told me something about equal wit?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Point taken."

I gave a light laugh. "I missed that," I said and shook my head.

"Just practice."

"I know. Can't wait when we've warmed up," I said and he only rolled his eyes at me. "So, what's planned for today?" I asked them.

"We haven't thought that far yet," Yugi said from his place on Kaiba's lap. He was mindlessly playing with Kaiba's hair.

"How about a change of scenery?" I asked.

"What did you have in mind?" Atem asked me and his fingers ran through my hair before settling on my waist. Gods, I had truly missed that.

I shrugged. "I don't know. My house, the arcade, the park… oh, crap!"

"Don't think I want to go there," Bakura said and I couldn't help the laugh, though it seemed like the others couldn't either. "What's up with you?" he asked me.

"There was something I wanted to give Hinamoto-san," I said. "Um… I need to go back to my house. So, wherever you guys plan to meet, I'll see you there?" I asked.

"Well, we never said we were going anywhere," Kaiba told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, fine, I'll see you back here then," I said.

"Well… why don't we go to your house then and ask Hinamoto-san to come with us?" Ryou suggested timidly.

"You want to go to my house?" I asked surprised.

"Well, I kind of missed it, it's been a long time," he said and gave me a sheepish smile.

"I think that's a good idea, I haven't been there in ages," Yugi said.

"Same," Atem told me and Jounouchi and Honda nodded.

"I don't think I've ever been there," Shizuka said.

"But you all have to agree. I mean, we could go somewhere else…" I said. It felt weird, having them want to come over.

"Oh, the possibilities… I mean, there was this figurine I saw last time…" Bakura trailed off and grinned.

I laughed. "I may be many things Bakura, but I am observant, so I'll notice," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm the former King of Thieves, you can't outsmart me," he said cockily.

"Well, let's see about that, shall we?" I asked.

"I have no qualms on going over and getting to know the place," Mai said and shrugged. I smiled.

"Might as well, since Yugi wants to go," Kaiba said and shrugged.

I frowned. "Um, okay then, let's go," I said and after everyone had gathered their things we went on our way to my house. For some reason, the walk home felt short, and can you believe it? Kaiba, as in Kaiba Seto walked to my house with everyone. Who would have thought that possible? Anyway, we walked to my house and once I'd opened up they all went in and settled down. "Do excuse the mess," I said and picked up the brushes I had left out.

"There isn't a mess to excuse," Mai observed from her place next to Jounouchi and I shrugged.

"You know, this place hasn't changed a bit," Ryou said with a smile and Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Well, there isn't much to change in here," I said and shrugged. "Now, please make yourselves at home, I need to go get Hinamoto-san's present and give it to her," I told them.

"I think you should invite her over," Yugi said with a smile.

"Yeah, sure, if you guys don't mind," I said. I got expected responses from them; sometimes I don't know why I bother asking. I went upstairs to get her present, which I had unfortunately not wrapped because it wasn't much of a present more than something she had asked me to do.

"Can I go with you?" Ryou asked when I came back down the stairs.

"I would let you… unfortunately, 'Kura here I'm a bit worried about," I said.

"Geez, you make it sound like I'm going to go mad and steal everything in sight," he told me.

"Actually, I'm afraid you're going to get into an argument with someone-"

"Well, you wouldn't be here to see it, would you?"

"-and wreck my living room," I finished and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, that I can't promise I won't do," he said and grinned.

"I thought so," I said and smirked.

"What is it you're giving Hinamoto-san?" Shizuka asked.

I can't believe a simple question made me so uncomfortable. "Um, I… she asked me to paint something for her a while back… and I only recently finished…" I said and trailed off, shifting uncomfortably again.

"You paint? I didn't know that," Ryou said and blinked at me.

I sighed. "You make it sound like I'm some professional. It's a hobby; I do it from time to time when I have time. I haven't painted very much since I came here to Japan," I said and looked out the window.

"She asked you to paint something for her?" Yugi asked and when I looked at him his head was tilted to the side.

"Um, I suppose I may have mentioned it to her… and then we were talking about a book series she liked… and then she asked me if I could paint her favorite character for her," I explained without really wanting to.

"Can we see it?" Mai asked.

I gave a slight groan. "I guess," I said without enthusiasm, "just know it didn't turn out like I wanted it to." I turned it over and showed it to them. Well, if a silence was comfortable, this definitely isn't that kind of silence.

"What exactly were you expecting to paint?" Kaiba asked and raised an eyebrow.

I didn't quite know what to make of Kaiba's question. "Well, the background is kind of simple and there were a couple of shades I didn't get quite right," I explained.

"The end of the world," Kaiba agreed sarcastically and smirked at me.

"Well," I said and looked away, "you'd understand if you were familiar with it." I rolled my eyes and looked at them. "Anyway, I have to go," I said.

"I'll go with you," Atem told me with a slight smile and stood.

"The stray that doesn't stay too far from the nice girl," Bakura said with a grin.

I returned the grin. "I believe the more accurate words would be: like you don't stray too far from Ryou," I said.

Kaiba chuckled and Bakura glared at him. "Like you can laugh when you can't keep away from the-"

"Okay, I think we get the idea, Bakura," I interrupted before he called Yugi 'the container' and causing Kaiba to get into an argument with him. Bakura sighed but then he smirked at me. "Well, Atem and I have to go. Like I said, make yourselves at home, and um, Ryou?"

"Yeah?" he answered confusedly. Gosh, that boy was just so cute!

I couldn't help but smile at him. "You're the one that's best acquainted with the house, mind taking over for a bit?" I asked.

He smiled as if I'd given him the best present ever. "Sure, I'd love to," he said. Shortly after, Atem and I left.

Funny how I had missed him so much and yet he was the one that couldn't keep his hands away. Not that I minded at all. At the moment he had his arm around my waist and we were walking pretty close. I smiled. "You know, it feels great to be back. I… feel so guilty about everything I did," I admitted to him.

"We can't blame you, nobody can. We understand why you did it, and it's obvious Yugi and Ryou-kun wouldn't ever blame you, and the others, Jounouchi and Honda, they understand too. I do too, though it wasn't quite pleasant," he told me and kissed my temple.

I sighed. "Yeah, I know it wasn't pleasant, that was the point. But… Kaiba and Bakura, they like to have their opinions quite openly, they certainly would bring it up," I said.

"But they would never blame you for it, even if they brought it up."

"You sound so sure, Atem," I replied.

"I am. Don't you realize that if they had been in your place that's the way they would've acted because they're proud… I probably would have acted in the same fashion," he told me.

I was silent before I said, "I don't think you could have. You may have pride but you have learned humility… something it took me a year to learn," I said to him.

"We shouldn't be thinking about that now. The past is the past, leave it behind," he told me.

"Sometimes it's hard to… but you're right, I should focus on the present," I said and nodded as if to confirm this. He held me closer and we reached Hinamoto's house. "Maybe I should have called before coming over," I said and sighed before I knocked the door. To make it look proper Atem let go of me.

An older version of Hinamoto opened the door. "Hello, may I help you?" the lady asked.

"Oh, hello. I am Chanson Kisa and this is Motou Atem. We are looking for Hinamoto-san. Is she busy?" I asked politely with a nice smile. Atem had a charming yet polite smile and looked like a nice boy.

The lady smiled and invited us in. "You are the one who helped Risa when she was almost mugged. She told me, and I thank you for helping her," the lady told me.

I shifted uncomfortably and felt Atem looking at me. Oh shoot. "Yes, well, it was no trouble at all. After all, she was going to my house when it happened to her. If anything, I should be to blame," I said. As much as I meant it, it was also the polite thing to say.

"Either way, I would like to thank you. Also, for being her friend; although… she is a bit crestfallen. She has the impression you were only using her," the lady said more seriously.

I blinked. What? Why would she think that? "I am afraid Hinamoto-san is under a misunderstanding. You see, I recently took the time to reacquaint myself with some friends from before; however, this does not mean I used her in any way. Hinamoto-san helped in ways she is probably not aware of," I told her sincerely and solemnly.

The lady smiled at me. "I see. Oh, I have kept you. Let me go get Risa," she said and she left.

"What was she talking about when she talked about Hinamoto being mugged?" Atem was quick to ask.

"Oh, of course," I said and sighed. "That day at the Game Shop… when Mokuba and I spoke, you remember that day?" I asked. When he nodded I said, "On the way to the grocery store I heard someone scream so I followed the sound to find Hinamoto-san scared in front of the guy who mugged me the week before. I just kind of… jumped on his back and then punched him before Hinamoto-san and I ran from there," I explained.

"You really are something, aren't you? Of course, I already knew this," he told me with a smirk.

I blushed. "Oh, hush you," I said. I might have added more but at that time the lady and Hinamoto came into the room. "Hinamoto-san," I greeted with a smile.

She blinked. She seemed surprised at me and Atem being there. "Hi," she answered.

"We were talking to Miss…" I trailed off and looked at the lady. I wasn't sure if she was her mother or older sister. I wasn't sure if Hinamoto had siblings.

"Oh, I'm Risa's mother," the lady said. Oh, I supposed I had just flattered her.

"It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise. Now, I believe I should leave you to talk then," Hinamoto's mother said before leaving.

"Hey, I know it's been a while. Sorry for taking so long," I said guiltily.

"It's okay, I… kind of wasn't expecting you to come back," she told me quietly.

"Why? Because I told you about me being part of the group again? That shouldn't be a reason to, but I guess you just don't know me well enough then. Oh, by the way, I brought this for you. Sorry it took so long, but I really tried on it," I said and handed her the painting.

She was silent for so long I wondered if I had gotten something significant wrong. I was about to tell her that if I got it wrong I was sorry when she looked up at me. "You… did this?" she asked me.

I stared strangely at her. "Yeah, you asked me to paint it for you so I did. I'm sorry, some of the shades turned out wrong and the background could have used more work but… yeah," was all I could say.

She smiled at me. "It's okay. I love it. I think I'm going to hang it up, I just have to find the perfect place," she said and I didn't think she could look so happy.

"I know, how about hanging it up in the attic," I suggested. That way nobody would see it.

She laughed. What, did I say something funny? "Of course not! For now, I think I'll put it in my room," she told me. After a pause she looked at me and Atem and said, "I don't mean to seem to sound imprudent but… are you two together?"

Atem answered for me, which seriously surprised me. "Yes, we are, and I don't plan to mess it up this time," he told Hinamoto with a smile.

She smiled widely at him. "I'm so happy for you two. I always noticed the way you would look at her, ever since you transferred. I thought it was cute, but Chanson-san wouldn't talk about it… she just said you two were something before," she told him.

"Kisa was right, and thank you, I'm glad too," Atem told her.

"Well, it seems like you two will get along nicely," I said with a shake of my head. "Hinamoto-san, my friends are at my house at the moment… we were all wondering if you wanted to hang out with us."

Her eyes widened. Had I said something I wasn't supposed to? "You actually want me to hang out with you all?" she asked.

"Yes, why not? You're my friend, it's only fair, right? You don't know some of them and today most of them are over. I'd like for you to meet them," I said.

She was silent a moment. "I wasn't expecting that… but let me go ask mother," she said and went away a moment.

"You know, I like the nice, friendly, cute you," Atem told me, which admittedly made me blush again.

I sighed. "As opposed to the mean, unfriendly, serious me, right?"

"Right… although, I do like and miss the clever you," he told me with a smirk.

I sighed and grinned. "I miss our foreplay," I said lowly.

I smirked when he bit his lower lip. "Don't say it like that," he said and I couldn't help grin.

Hinamoto came in, and she had changed. "My mother said I could go as long as I don't come home too late," she told us and she was smiling widely.

I smiled in a similar fashion. "Cool, let's go then," I said.

Hinamoto's mother came in. "Do take care of my child. And I hope you have fun," she told us.

"Don't worry, we'll make sure everything goes well," I said and yes, I intended to keep my word. With that, we left. As we walked along talking about nothing in particular, my phone rang. I frowned. "Hello?" I answered.

"Kisa?"

I frowned. "Yugi? What's up?" I asked confused.

"Is Hinamoto with you?" he asked me.

"Yes, we're on our way," I said.

"Since Atem's with you I need to be on speakerphone," Yugi instructed.

I blinked and took the phone away from my ear. Pressing a button I said, "Okay, you're on speaker," I said.

"Hey Hinamoto-san, Atem, can you both hear me?" Yugi asked and they both responded in the affirmative.

"Yugi, is something wrong?" Atem was quick to add.

"Nothing bad. But you'll never guess," Yugi said and he sounded excited.

"No, I guess we won't, why don't you tell us?" I asked slowly.

"Kaiba sent someone to pick up three people we haven't seen in a long time!" he said told us.

Atem and I looked at each other. Grinning I said, "You mean, Valon, Raphael, and Alaster?"

"What? No… no, that's not who I meant," Yugi said.

"We know, Kisa was just kidding. You mean Ishizu, Rishid, and Marik, right?"

"Yes! They're coming!"

"Are we supposed to meet somewhere else then?" I asked uncertain.

"Um, well, actually…" Yugi trailed off.

Atem looked at me. "Atem, don't look at me like that. Okay, why don't you call them over then?"

"Really?" and this time it was Ryou.

"Sure thing, I'll see you there then," I said and after saying our goodbyes I hung up.

"Chanson-san?" came Hinamoto's quiet voice.

I looked at her and she seemed nervous. "Yeah?"

"Are you sure you want me to come over… I mean, you have more people coming and…" Hinamoto trailed off.

I smiled. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. It's not a problem. I want you to meet them, and it's great because you'll meet all my friends," I said and smiled.

"Okay," she said quietly. After a bit more silence she said, "Have you not see them in a while?"

"We don't see them very often because they live in Egypt," Atem answered.

Hinamoto's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked and when we nodded she said, "Wow, that's pretty amazing! How did you meet them?"

I bit my lip. "Do you remember Battle City?" I asked and when she nodded I said, "They were in it too, which is how we met them."

"What about those other people you mentioned?"

"Oh… they live in America… we met them a while back when we had to go find something," Atem answered and Hinamoto nodded.

"Wow, you know a lot of people," was all she said and we only shrugged. Shortly after we got home. We entered and took off our shoes.

"We're back peoples!" I said with a smile.

"Because we haven't noticed," Kaiba observed.

"Which is why I must announce it," I said with a grin and looked over the small ledge over the chimeney. I rolled my eyes. "Bakura… I know how much you love that figurine, but really, do you have to make it so obvious?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He sighed and put it back. I gave a small laugh. "Oh, hey, thanks Ryou for the snacks," I said and reached for a bite-sized sandwich. Ryou has always been good at those.

He smiled at me. "Anytime," he said.

"Well," I said and pulled Hinamoto closer to the middle of the room. "Proper introductions first," I said and proceeded to introduce her to everybody. I gave a sigh of relief when they answered favorably. Including Kaiba and Bakura, which was a feat in itself.

"Hello," Hinamoto said quietly.

"Hey," Bakura greeted which surprised me before he grinned and said, "You look shy, but don't worry, you just sit your pretty little bottom down and watch as I make Chanson here run around the place."

I placed my hands on my hips and gave Bakura a look. "How about I make you run around the place when I make you put everything back," I said and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, don't you wish."

I smirked. "I don't wish, 'Kura, it'll happen," I said.

"Everyone, place your bets!" Jounouchi shouted.

Then there came an unsynchronized, "Ten on Kisa!" from some people.

"What? Not fair. Well, I'll just have to show you why I'm called the King of Thieves then," he said matter-of-factly. Hinamoto gave a quiet laugh.

"Ignore us and make yourself at home, I'll go bring some chairs from the dining room," I said.

"I'll go with you," Hinamoto said while Atem settled down on the couch next to Kaiba. Yes, I know, Kaiba. As we came in and put the chairs in the living room the doorbell rang.

I went toward the door and opened it. "Hello… holy Ra I can't believe you're actually here!" I said and allowed them to come in. They greeted me with smiles, which seemed to me a bit weird on Rishid's part but we haven't seen each other in a long time so I guess it kind of makes sense. I would've hugged them but then Ishizu and Rishid at least weren't very huggy. And wouldn't it seem weird if-

"Hi," Marik said and gave me a one-armed hug, which surprised me because I didn't think him to do that, but whatever. I hugged back.

"Hey, go on and find a seat. Oh, which reminds me, this is Hinamoto Risa, a new friend. Hinamoto-san, this is Ishizu, Rishid, and Marik Ishtar," I introduced.

"Hinamoto-san, a pleasure," Ishizu said with a slight smile.

"A pleasure," was all Rishid said.

"Um, hello. It's nice to meet you," Hinamoto said quietly.

Marik stared a moment before he stepped toward her. She looked at him seeming slightly scared. "Hello, it's very nice to meet you too," he told her with a slight smile and… wow, was he blushing? Woo, well, would you look at that.

"Aw, how cute," came Bakura's mocking voice.

"Yeah, I couldn't have seen a better scene, Ryou sitting on Bakura's lap, a picture perfect moment there," I told him in a similar fashion and made a face at him.

We all had a good time I have to say, which was strange, all we did was sit in my living room. Apparently, Marik, Ishizu, and Rishid, since they were no longer tomb keepers, they were going to be moving here, though in a couple of months they would have to return to Egypt to fix a couple of things. It was good news, they would be close enough to visit and Marik was about our age, which meant he could go to school with us. There was, of course, more bantering between Kaiba, Bakura, and I (of course), which for some reason seemed amusing to the others. Another almost-argument between Kaiba and Bakura about the term 'the container' which thankfully didn't get far when I reminded them how they were in the similar situation so they should shut up. And… Marik seemed quite interested in Hinamoto, but I'm not sure how many people noticed. Hinamoto was quite shy about it, but she smiled, that was a good sign, right? Anyway, it was cute.

"Where are you guys staying?" I asked them, though I was mostly referring to Ishizu.

"Kaiba has been kind enough to prepare rooms for us," Ishizu answered.

I nodded and had a feeling Yugi had something to do with that arrangement. "I see," was all I said. It was getting late and I was so happy about being with everyone I could've started doing cartwheels. "Hey, Ryou, want to stay over?" I asked and heard Bakura clear his throat. I looked at him. "Haven't you heard it's rude to interrupt grownups when they're talking?" I asked.

Ryou giggled along with Yugi while some of the others chuckled. Bakura said, "Well then, it's a good thing that you two aren't grownups isn't it?"

I smirked. "You can't right say that… you seem to treat him as one," I said and raised an eyebrow. Ryou, getting what I was saying, blushed heavily.

"What, jealous?" Bakura asked with a grin.

"Oh, don't you wish. Sorry 'Kura, you're not my type," I said and he rolled his eyes at me. "Anyway, I was going to invite you too, but I was asking Ryou first because if I asked you, you would've asked him anyway," I explained with a smirk.

"Sure," Ryou said with a beaming smile. Oh, how does he do that!

"We're not sharing a room," Bakura informed me.

I knew what he meant but I said, "Oh, okay, you can take the guest room and Ryou can share with me."

"You know what I meant."

"Yeah, I know, you can both take the guest room," I said and then asked, "Atem?"

He stared at me a moment. "Really?" he asked sounding surprised.

"Sure, unless you don't want to," I said and shrugged.

Bakura laughed. "When wouldn't he want to?"

"Oh, hush, 'Kura," Ryou admonished lightly.

"Hinamoto-san, would you like to sleep over?" I asked the girl.

She looked at me a moment. "I can't, I would have to ask mother for permission ahead of time," she answered quietly again.

"Well, maybe we should plan for it soon," I said and smiled.

"Okay," she said and seemed to brighten. Shortly after, Mai, Jounouchi, Honda, and Shizuka had to go. We made a (very noisy) farewell, and they left.

"Hey, I need to go prepare the guest room, so I'll be right back," I announced.

"Can I go with you?" Hinamoto asked quickly.

I blinked. "Uh, sure," I told her. We excused ourselves and went upstairs. As we began clearing stuff I said, "Are you okay? You're not comfortable here, are you?" I asked.

"Oh, n-no, it's fine, I had fun, you're all really funny," she assured.

"I'm glad, my friends are yours," I told her.

"Thank you… you know, I've never had friends before… let alone this many… but I'm not sure if… they like me very much," she said uncertainly.

"Are you kidding! You're well-liked I'll tell you that much. I mean, Bakura wasn't mean to you and Kaiba didn't make any type of sarcastic remark toward you. They don't find you annoying, it's great," I told her, and it was true, it was great!

"And I have been approved," she said.

I stopped and blinked at her. "Wow, I think we're rubbing off on you. Was that sarcasm I heard?"

She blushed. "Um, s-sorry, it's just-"

"Are you kidding? You don't have to apologize, no scratch that, don't apologize, it's good," I said and smiled. "I mean, I was saying because you seem kind of… more shy around Marik? Is there something wrong?" I asked.

Her eyes widened. "No! Not at all… he… I just…" she trailed off and blushed.

"It's okay, you can tell me. I won't embarrass you with the others or anything," I said.

"I-I know… I… I think he's really cute," she said and blushed noticeably, her voice was quiet.

"That's cute. You know, I think he might like you too. He was acting kind of strange," I said. It was the truth, he had been acting kind of weird, and blushing? Marik? Right.

"You think so?" she asked.

"I said he might… I mean, I don't think I've seen him blush before," I said and shrugged. "Lucky to you they'll be staying here a while. And they'll be coming to stay, oh, the possibilities," I said with a grin.

"Oh, no… no, maybe it was because I was just someone he didn't know. I don't think he could like me… especially when he gets to know me," she said quietly.

"Listen Hinamoto-san, I don't know who you've been hanging out with before to tell you what they did, but these people, my friends, they're different, and they've gone a long way to be the people they are today, and I think you're a great person, and I'm sure that when the others get to know you well, they'll think so too," I said sounding sure. And I was sure.

She smiled at me. "Thank you… I think… you're my first real friend, I'm glad to have met you… and the others," she said.

"Especially Marik, right?" I said with a teasing smile.

She blushed and smoothed the bed. "I guess," she said really quietly.

"Hm, I think we're done here," I said surveying our work, "Let's go back downstairs," I suggested and she nodded, so we went back to the others.

"It's getting late and I have some work to finish," Kaiba told me.

"It was nice of you to come by, you're welcome," I said with a grin.

He rolled his eyes at me. "I wasn't finished."

"Yeah, but something tells me 'thanks' wasn't in your vocab," I told him.

"That's why Yugi's here," he said and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Really, thanks for letting us come over," Yugi said.

I smiled. "Don't you worry, it was a pleasure having you all here, I missed it," I answered. "I have to go drop off Hinamoto-san at her home or her mother will have my head," I added.

"Well, this I have got to see," Bakura said.

"Of course you would… and in my testament I'll give my figurines to Ryou," I said and rolled my eyes when he grinned.

"Kisa, don't say that!" Atem scolded and looked serious.

I flinched when I realized why. "Sorry," I said and bit my lip. Yeah, bringing up my recent stay at the hospital probably wasn't a good idea. Marik, Ishizu, Rishid, and Hinamoto looked confused and the only ones who didn't react to the comment were Kaiba and Bakura, surprise, right? "Well, we have to get going. While we go why doesn't the albino couple and Atem go to their respective homes and get clothes and other essentials?" I asked.

"I'll have you know that I am not-"

"I know, but it's fitting. I mean, come on, you may not be albino, but it's a cute reference," I said.

"Whatever," Bakura said and looked away.

I laughed and they looked at me funny. "You stole Kaiba's word. King of Thieves indeed," I said and smirked. Bakura smirked back.

"Can I go with you?" Marik asked me.

I blinked at him. "Uh… I suppose. What do you think Hinamoto-san?" I asked.

She stared at me wide-eyed, as if I'd asked her if she wanted to make out with Marik in front of us. "I-If he wants," she said quietly.

"Okay," I said and shot a glare at Bakura when he was about to make a comment. "Um… aren't you going with Kaiba?" I asked confused.

"Yes, Marik, we have to go," Ishizu told him.

"We can wait, right Seto?" Yugi asked and looked pleadingly at Kaiba.

"Now he has to say yes, because Yugi gave him the cow eyes," I said with a grin.

Kaiba looked at Yugi a moment before he looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he said.

"I hope you don't mind. We won't be long," I told Ishizu and Rishid. When they shook their heads I said, "You can make yourselves at home, I'm sure Yugi could show you to any of the rooms upstairs if you wish to have a look or freshen up," I said. When we had all agreed, Bakura, Ryou, Atem, Hinamoto, Marik, and I went out the door. It felt rude on my part but I had to get Hinamoto home or her mother would be worried. "I'll see you guys later," I told the others and Hinamoto, Marik, and I went on our way. Somehow, Hinamoto ended up in the middle. Aw, how cute. I would be seconding Bakura's mock comments about Marik and Hinamoto, but Hinamoto was easily embarrassed, so I couldn't, though I wanted to say a couple of those comments myself.

"So, um, how did you meet Kisa?" Marik asked Hinamoto. I pretended not to listen, I looked up ahead.

"W-we're in the s-same class… I asked to have lunch with her after she took me away from that mugger," Hinamoto answered quietly and I wanted to groan.

"What mugger? Did he hurt you?" Marik asked sounding surprised and I wanted to giggle. Aw, how cute, he was worried.

"No, he didn't hurt me… Chanson-san came just in time, she took care of him and then we both ran for it," she explained.

"Oh… well, I'm glad you and Kisa met… um… do you hang out with the others often?" he asked.

"W-well… today was my first time…" she trailed off.

"Oh, well, I think we should all meet more often then," Marik said and from my peripheral vision I could see him blushing. The cutest the ever! I wanted to giggle at the cuteness.

"Um, why don't you guys go up ahead and wait for me, I have to talk to Ryou real quick," I said before staying at the entrance as they nodded and walked up the little pathway. I wanted to give a jump but instead I took out my cell phone. Instead of calling I decided to text him. Hey, Ryou, there's something I forgot to tell you. I sent the message and hoped for a quick reply.

What do you want?

I frowned. Where is Ryou? I need to tell him something.

How'd you know it's not Ryou?

Ryou wouldn't say 'what do you want?' I need to tell him something.

This message took a little longer. Kisa?

Hm, I wasn't real sure about this so I decided to end up calling. "Hey, Bakura," I said.

"Dammit!"

I laughed. "Gotcha! Give Ryou the phone."

"Fine," Bakura said and there was rustling. I focused on Marik and Hinamoto who had walked to the porch. I watched as Marik had his hands in his pockets and he was swaying slightly. Hinamoto in turn, had her hands behind her back and was shifting uncomfortably and wasn't looking at him. Well, neither of them was looking at each other except for brief glances. So cute!

"Hello?"

I sighed in relief. "Hey, Ryou, it's Kisa. I wanted to tell you something I forgot. If you look under the pot outside, there's a spare key, in case you get there before," I said.

"Sure thing. See you there! You know, I missed you, I missed when we would sleep over," he said.

I smiled slightly. "I missed you guys too, especially you and Atem. Well, this sleep over is going to be kind of different considering we'll be sleeping in separate rooms and with our boyfriends," I said.

"True, well, I'll see you there," he said and after our farewells we hung up. After sending Atem a text on where the spare key was I went toward them. They both looked at me with a mixture of relief and disappointment and I suppressed a laugh.

"All right," I said and knocked on the door. "Hope we can do this again soon," I said and smiled at them. "Oh, hello. I brought Hinamoto-san as I said I would," I told her mother with a winning smile. I could charming when I could, it was a lot more genuine when I liked the person, like Hinamoto's mother.

"Oh, thank you for not bringing her home too late. And… I'm afraid I don't know you," she told Marik.

"Hello, my name is Marik Ishtar, it's nice to meet you, I wasn't aware Hinamoto-san had a sister," Marik said and blinked at her with his head tilted to the side slightly. He looked so cute and genuine and so… innocent!

Was Hinamoto's mother blushing? "No, I'm her mother," she replied.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but you must be mistaken for her sister frequently," Marik said seriously.

"N-no, not much," she said. I think Hinamoto-san's mother wasn't expecting this. In fact, I wasn't either.

"I must agree, I thought you were Hinamoto-san's older sister," I supplied truthfully. "And I'm afraid Atem had to go home which is why he couldn't come with us," I explained. "I hope you may allow Hinamoto-san to spend more time with us, if she wishes to, of course," I added and smiled at Hinamoto's mother and then at Hinamoto.

"As long as plans aren't made and only if she wants to," her mother said.

Hinamoto gave a nervous smile. "I'd like to," she said softly. Shortly after, Hinamoto went inside and we walked away.

"What was that?" I asked on the way home.

"What was what?" Marik asked confused.

"Don't you play with me, Marik. I don't like to think I'm stupid," I said.

He was silent a moment. "Well, she doesn't look like her mother," he said.

"True… though it seemed to me you were trying hard to impress. Any particular reason why?" I asked.

"Maybe…"

"You like her, don't you?" I asked.

He was silent a longer time. "Maybe I think she's cute," he said softly.

I smiled. "So I noticed. I don't think I've ever seen you blush before," I said.

"Do you think she noticed?" he was quick to ask.

"I doubt it… maybe she thought you were cute too," I said and shrugged.

A pause before he asked hesitantly, "Does… does she have a boyfriend?"

I couldn't help but smile again. "No… she said I was her first real friend. She's told me other people have found her too agreeing and awkward. I still haven't seen it," I admitted and added, "Aren't you glad you'll be staying here in Japan then?" I smirked.

He didn't look at me. "You mean more glad. I'm glad enough being near all of you, it's been a while," he told me.

"Agreed," I said and since we were almost home I said, "Now, it's time to go to Kaiba's I guess. Huh, good to see Yugi's managed to get through to him."

"I guess," was all he said before we went in. And then I knew things were going to be all right, finally, after so long I had my friends back, with some pleasant additions. Hinamoto and Marik? Something I wouldn't have imagined. As I looked at the people in my house I couldn't help but smile, because these people were my friends, I could finally admit it, I could finally be myself again and that's all I had been looking for. These people were like part of my family. I could start where I left off and I knew things would be all right.

**Yes, I know, a crap ending but I didn't want to add more because it's already too long. Plus, that's not the ending I had originally thought of. I would have done it in chapters… but I decided not to mostly because it's a songfic. I'm aware what the expression 'off myself' means, but here it's about Kisa killing herself. I'm sorry it was so long, and if you're here it's because you managed to finish. You people who did are awesome! Thanks for sticking around and I hope you review to let me know what you thought… no flames please, but I do accept constructive criticism. Thanks! ^^