Chapter 1

It was Monday morning on set. It had been a great weekend for Chris.

Catching up on some deprived sleep, writing on a new screenplay – one he was extremely excited about – and hanging out with some of the crew and cast of Glee.

He was absolutely ready for work and had some great scenes to shoot in this upcoming episode.

He felt really blessed in every way. These last couple of years had been a wild ride and more dreams were coming true that he had ever dared to imagine.

He checked the script in the trailer and found the right outfit for Kurt.

It actually wasn't too bad this time. It was nearly something he would wear himself, and that made him wonder, if he was changing style or Kurt was!

Both scenarios were scarring and hilarious at the same time.

He got dressed, filled a couple of diet cokes in his bag and headed for makeup.

"Hi Chris" Liza welcomed him in front of the mirror, "You sure look Kurtsie today."

Liza was his secret favorite makeup person and he loved talking to her.

"You think so … hm … and I thought I almost looked like Chris today."

"Oh I love you both so don't worry one bit."

"You're so sweet Liza." Chris sighed dramatically.

"So you're having a long day?"

"Always – but the weekend has been great, so I'm not complaining."

With makeup on, the right outfit and a superior facial expression Chris could almost feel Kurt Hummel appear out of his bones as he walked towards the choir room.

The room was buzzing with voices and laughter and Chris joined the fun and the preparations going on for the scene.

Kurt and Blaine were supposed to sit next to each other, so Chris headed for Darren to go through their lines.

They hadn't talked for more than a couple of minutes though before Chris realized that something was up.

Darren usually was full of energy and drive, but he suddenly seemed quiet.

"Are you okay buddy" Chris asked Darren without anyone else hearing.

"Yeah I'm fine", Darren looked away.

"You don't look fine to me" Chris put his hand on Darren shoulder.

Darren took his time, but eventually said: "I broke up with my girlfriend last night…. and she didn't take too well." Darren shook his head a bit, "so now I just feel like a big jerk."

Chris had never seen Darren like this and it all of a sudden got to him.

"Sorry to hear that. You had been together for quite a while – hadn't you?"

Darren nodded, "yeah she was there for me before all of this happened."

He looked around in the choir room. "So she is convinced that it's because of the girls hanging all over my pictures – and that I now think she's not good enough for me.

She told me to come back to earth and become who I was before Glee."

Darren looked Chris straight in the eyes. "But what she and I had feels like ages ago; and I don't have the same feelings for her anymore. And at some point she's right – I'm not the same anymore."

"I don't think any of us are the same", Chris then replied. "It's impossible for others to quite understand what we are going through here, and how crazy all of this can be … and to change doesn't have to be a bad thing you know." Chris gave him an encouraging smile.

Darren pushed him friendly with his shoulder.

"Still feeling awful though."

Chris was thoughtful for a while and then said: "I know we all kind of wanna believe that there's someone out there for us, who can make us happy for the rest of our lives – but honestly – I don't know. Maybe there is someone that matters in different stages of our lives."

"So you don't believe in love that lasts for a life time?"

" Yes I do – I mean I see it my parent's marriage – I just haven't experienced it myself." Chris all of a sudden got a bit shy.

"You're a good friend Chris."

Darren looked at him and Chris suddenly noticed a vulnerability he hasn't seen before in those eyes.

It was intense and made him feel warm inside.

"So are you Darren." Chris looked back and suddenly got a bit dizzy.

The director called to order, but Darren and Chris kept next to each other on set for the rest of the day.

Things turned busy in the following weeks. Shooting schedule was tight, but Chris didn't mind. He did what he loved to do and was surrounded by people who shared his passion, and dreams came true in the midst of it all.

He often found himself in deep conversations with Darren.

There were still a lot of funny moments and jokes between them, but most of the time they talked about serious stuff.

The things going on in their lives, what opportunities they were offered in the jet stream of Glee, and what would happen in the afterlife of the show. Many decisions were made by heart, but they started to use each other in the process.

Darren played some of his songs for Chris and they started a fantasy novel together. They made the wildest brainstorms on the storylines and the other cast members sometimes tried to follow their craziness which led to so many hilarious situations.

From that point things started to slightly change between them.

It was little things at first - things that Chris didn't think much of in the beginning – at least that what he tried to convince himself about.

They were sitting a bit closer to each other, Darren made eye contact for a little bit longer. Private jokes they shared with each other without anyone else following or noticing.

But gradually Chris felt the moments between them getting more and more intense.

It scared him and at the same time it felt so good.

Sometimes when Chris was lying in bed at night, he found himself confused, and feelings were starting to form, but he always buried them thoroughly, not really allowing them.

Things developed further during a scene later that season.

Blaine had been attacked by Sebastian and had suffered an eye injury. Kurt, Rachel and Finn went to see him and wanted to cheer him up with a song.

The script said Blaine and Kurt would hold hands in the scene.

They had done that in so many takes before today, so Chris tried to calm down. But through the first rehearsals and takes holding Darren's hand all of a sudden got so much more tender than usually.

Darren caressed his fingers and squeezed his hand gently when he looked at Chris – and when neither of them let go of each other's hand in between takes, Chris felt a jolt right in the stomach.

Cory and Lea at one point tilted their heads looking at Darren and Chris saying: "oh you're so sweet together looking like an old married couple".

They all made numerous jokes about that and laughed a lot.

But even though Chris was afraid they could look right through him and that they must have detected how his heart was beating way to fast – it was impossible to let go of Darren's hand.

The afternoon was scheduled with dance rehearsals and even though they weren't holding hands anymore, Chris felt the attraction across the room like lightening that electrified everything around him.

He felt Darren all the time – knowing exactly where he was in the room and sensing when his eyes were searching for Chris.

It was so hard to concentrate and Chris made more mistakes than usually which made Zach tease him a lot.

Chris decided to spend that night in the trailer trying to get some writing done and hoping that would take his mind of things.

But he ended up pacing the limited floor, trying to talk some sense into himself.

Let go Chris. It can never happen.

Take care of your heart.

He doesn't mean anything by it.

He's just being his charming self.

I will not go there.

I cannot go there.

Focus now.

It was so diffucelt to fall asleep and he kept waking up with a burning sensation of Darren's hand in his.