A/N: So, this one just seemed fun. I dunno. Really, I don't.
Also, in this world, Juliet and Lassie's desks are together. It confuses me why they are across the room from each other if they're partners.
You know the drill. I don't own it. I wish I did, but I don't. None of it is mine. Let's not dwell on that fact, 'kay?
/│\
Head detective Carlton Lassiter of the SBPD has seen it all. Murder, suicide, substance abuse, rape. Also, murder. Lots of murder.
However, there are still a few areas where he needs to be handled with kid gloves. For one, his partner's relationship with the department's resident psychic.
With the assistance of the Chief and Gus, Shawn and Juliet have been able to keep a top on his opinions about the situation. Keep physical contact to a minimum, limit flirting, don't discuss extracurricular activities.
But this? This is going to sent that all to hell.
"Just, break it to him gently," the Chief had said.
They'd decided to let him come to his own realization. They figure it's safer that way, even if Carlton is still likely to have a cow. Either way, Shawn will be wearing a bulletproof vest until further notice.
She tries to hint it or casually slip it into view. He doesn't notice. He's a detective, for Christ's sake! He should have noticed from day one.
That brings them to day four, Lassiter still in happy oblivion. He and Juliet are analyzing a map of a suspect's movement when Juliet reaches out to point at a warehouse with a green tack through its center.
"Seems like this would be a nice, predictable hideout," she says, angling it just right so the light reflects off into his eye.
"Al right, lets check it out," He holsters his sig and pulls his jacket on.
"Wait, Carlton," Juliet grabs his wrist, pressing the cool gold against his skin. "We want backup?"
"Get a cruiser or two to follow," he says, shaking off her hand. "I'll get the car."
She watches him walk away, sighing. Why won't he just notice? Maybe it's one of those psychological things where he's suppressing the idea because he doesn't want to believe it. He can't really be that thick, can he?
On the drive to the warehouse district, she considers blurting it out. No, she has to stick to the plan. So she bites her tongue and sits quietly in the passenger seat.
Their guy is found in the warehouse. He puts up a fight, losing in the end. Cuffs on, he snaps at Juliet, "Watch it with that thing," he nods at her hands.
When she gets home, throwing her keys on the table in exasperation as she walks through the door, Shawn looks up at her expectantly.
"Nothing!" she says, throwing her hands up in the air. "How can the man solve case after case, be head detective for the love of God, and go four whole days without noticing?" She stalks to the bedroom, Shawn following.
"Maybe he wants you to tell him?" He suggests as she kicks off her shoes.
"If he had noticed, he would not have been able to contain himself this long," She sheds her jacket and Shawn unzips the back of her skirt, handing her a pair of flannel shorts.
"I don't know, Jules. It's not like he's going to be happy about it. Maybe he just needs more time."
"Maybe we could get someone to casually slip it into conversation," she sighs, flopping onto the bed face down and her next words are garbled.
Shawn sits down and pats her back gently, "You do what you have to, Jules. You know him better than anybody."
"Mmmmffffhhhhhrrrnnk," was the only reply he got until a moment later, when she lifts her head. "Five more days. That's it."
Days five through seven go much the same. She drops hints, flashes it in front of his face. He shows no recognition whatsoever of the meaning of it all.
Day eight. She doesn't want to have to resort to day nine. Today it's do or die. Standing in the Chief's office for briefing, she's fidgety. As Karen hands her the file and Juliet nods, "And congratulations, Juliet."
Lassiter leaves with a bewildered look on his face.
"What was that about?" He asks slowly.
"Well, we have a case, Carlton. That's what that was about," she shifts uncomfortably, smiling all the same as they make their way back to their desks.
"O'Hara," he growls, giving her the glare that is usually reserved for Shawn and his antics.
This makes her momentarily believe that he's finally put two and two together. "Carlton, Shawn and I-"
"Hey guys!" Buzz would pick that moment to skip over and go all happy-go-lucky in what was about to be a serious conversation. "I heard you just got a new, high profile case! Word travel's fast, doesn't it? Well, if you need any help, just give me a call! Oh, and Juliet! Congratulations to you an-"
He quickly shuts his mouth and excuses himself when he sees Juliet wildly shaking her head no before finishing the statement.
"You want to tell me something, O'Hara?" Lassiter snaps, sinking into his chair. He folds his hands over his crossed legs and looks at her expectantly.
"I've been meaning to tell you, Lassiter. I really have." Suddenly, she's terrified to tell him. "Shawn isn't my boyfriend anymore."
Lassiter practically jumps from his chair, hugging her fiercely. "I knew you would come around, O'Hara! Spencer is just-"
"He's my fiancé." She blurts quickly, all the words becoming one as she hold up the back of her left hand for his inspection.
He immediately releases her.
"What?" His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs slack because he cannot even begin to fathom his partner marrying Shawn. He can't tear his eyes away from the gold and diamond engagement ring, even though he would very much like to.
"Shawn and I, we're getting married," she says slowly, looking away as if acting embarrassed by the fact might ease his wrath.
He looks at her as if he wants to say something, but he plops back into his seat and reads the file instead.
"I tried to break it to you easy, Carlton," she says, sitting at her own desk. "I tried to let you come to your own realization. But I've been wearing it for over a week and it was getting ridiculous!"
By now, he wasn't paying attention. You could argue he was in shock. Well, he didn't pay attention until none other than Shawn Spencer himself walked into the bullpen.
Lassiter takes a ragged breath, closes the file and takes it in one hand, stands, and stalks out, throwing a forced 'Congratulations' over his shoulders.
"You told him," Shawn observes, pulling Juliet up from her chair and slinging an arm around her waist.
"Yeah. He'll come around," she says confidently.
"How can you tell?" he asks, cocking his head to watch the detective storm out.
"He didn't shoot you," Juliet says matter-of-factly, shrugging as she pats Shawn's cheek.
"Well, that's a good sign, right?"
She smiles and nods as Lassiter crashes through a cloud of uniforms on his way to the door.
/│\
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