A/N: A story dedicated to my lovely sister, scoobygang101. It was intended as a parody, but it expanded into a little bit more(only a little bit) It's mildly OC, for those paranoid few of you.
Mary cried with relief as she looked at her newborn baby, thanking God that this one was born with the correct amount of body parts.
She was excited to show off a finally normal baby to the world, however, Mary had not yet told Marshall about the baby for fear of his uncontrollable rage. The last time she told him about one of his illegitimate children, he quit his job and renewed his gambling habit.
Mary was brought back to Earth by the sound of the infant crying. She walked over to where the baby lay to see that he was looking for something to play with or teath on.
The baby was fussing as she leaned over the crib. He reached out his little hand to clutch a handful of her long blonde hair.
"Oh, no Mary Jr.," she said to her son, "don't pull out Mommy's weave!" She worked so hard to get her hair perfect every day! How dare Marshall not take responsibility for the child that was undoing all her hard work!
Emboldened by the raging passion within her, Mary decided she was going to tell her lover the truth. She slammed all the doors as she stomped out to her car, brimming with fury and terrible thoughts.
She drove to the gas station first, to get gas. She was shocked to see Marshall sitting on the curb, shirtless, counting his money. However, his wardrobe choice did not surprise her in the slightest.
Like an animal in heat, she growled at the sight of him and cracked her knuckles, wishing to break them across Marshalls face, engulfing her body in flames of agonizing ecstasy. She quickly composed her face and wore her smile like a champ.
She got out of her car, careful not to break her mask of calm, she closed the door gently. She strode casually up to Marshall, hands in her pockets. Such a baller!
"Oh, hey Mary," he said from behind a cigarette.
"I have something I want to tell you," Mary said. She sat down next to him and lit her own cigarette off the end of his.
"What is it?" he asked.
Mary took a long drag on her cigarette before she responded: "It's about that night eight months ago, at your mother's house, remember?"
"What about it?" asked Marshall cautiously.
"Well I got pregnant and had a baby. I just thought you should know."
Marshall just sat there, looking shocked at the news, then when it dawned on him, he jumped up and knocked over all the newspaper boxes.
He gesticulated and stuttered awkwardly for about two minutes before his tiny mind managed to piece together a sentence: "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Because I thought you would react this way and I didn't want to deal with your rage problem," Mary said, her fear of Marshall almost completely eclipsing her rage.
"Well this changes everything! I want to be there for you and this baby!" said Marshall, shivering with enthusiasm.
Mary was stunned. Never before had Marshall been eager to support any of her children. Had he changed since the birth of her last son? She was so thrown by this statement that she quite forgot to be intimidated. Was it love? In spite of herself, her face cracked into a smile.
Marshall was thinking as he looked into Mary's illuminated face, how gullible this woman was. He thought perhaps she thought their love was real, or could be cultivated if they lived together. In truth, he did not know himself how he felt. Sometimes he wanted her to die, and other times, like that night eight months ago, he wanted to have a million of her babies. He was so conflicted, and these conflicts caused him to make terrible decisions. It was his hope that If they moved in together, that they could finally fix whatever was so unstable between them.
But there were things Marshall could not deny: he was a wild stallion! A flaming screaming zebra king! A new god like him could never be tamed by something so weak as Mary, the dark sniveling tadpole.
Naïve Mary could not help but to be completely enraptured by Marshall's glowing disposition. She looked up at him, eyes swimming with tears.
"Really? Then let's move in together!" she shouted, oblivious of the fact that she was making a terrible decision.
In fact, this was yet another example of how Mary's continuous bad decisions were steadily unraveling her life, right before her eyes.