"Stay" - A MMFD Fanfic

A/U where instead of leaving and letting Rae go to the party in Uffington, Finn stays and fights. Contains a minor point from Ep6 that was used to fit with the timeline.

A/N: This is initially a one-shot and also my first ever fanfic, so although I feel that I might expand it further, it depends on how it's received, if anyone thinks it's any good and what happens in my head lol!

"So you'd have to move?" Rae asked quietly. Sadness and fear flashing across her eyes all at once.

"That's what I'm sayin'. I'm thinkin' 'bout moving away" Finn replied with a small nod, his eyes falling down to the ground as he watched her eyebrows furrow, unable to read her mind. Looking down at the warm mug of tea in his hands he sighed, his insides screaming for her to beg him to stay. "Because I've got no other reason to stay…" he let out quietly, turning to look at her, questioning, "Have I?"

Within moments she broke his gaze, chewing her lip as she blinked away her feelings. Is it really that easy for her? He thought silently. Are we really that done? Suddenly the silence was broken as she sat up hurriedly,

"Oh shit! I've got to go, I've got to be in Uffington for 7" She exclaimed, a bit too happily. His insides twisted at her tone, as he glanced towards the clock as she gestured. He placed the mug of tea down beside her bed and stood up nodding sadly, making his way towards her door to leave. "We'll chat more about this later, yeah?" She smiled, acting like he'd just told her he was thinking of getting a new bike, not leaving Lincolnshire. "To be continued?" she asked with a cheeky tilt of her head. He sighed, looking across the room at her knowing that those three words had started something so tragically beautiful, and now they were ending it forever. He nodded imperceptibly with a sad smile.

"To be continued".

He pulled the door open, stepping out into the hallway his hand ready to pull the door closed behind him. This is it. He thought. The moment this door closes she's out of my life forever. His mind was set, he was going to Leeds, and he had to find a way to move on, to get over her. Lincolnshire, the gang, all of it made that impossible. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He'd spoken to Chloe earlier in the evening and her words rattled around his mind 'Maybe you never do' she'd said sadly when he'd asked how you get over someone, admitting to her that he couldn't get Rae out of his head. Maybe she was right, or maybe he just needed new faces and new places to fill his thoughts instead. Still stood in the doorway his shoulders slumped, his mind screaming at him to just pull the door closed and walk away, for his own sanity. But he couldn't. He just couldn't walk out the door and leave her behind. Did she not understand what he was asking? Did she just not care at all? The questions raced around his head and he could feel her eyes on his back, knowing she was staring at him. He gave in; groaning loudly in frustration and leaning against the doorframe, letting his head fall backwards to rest against the wood.

"You are such a dickhead", he muttered, unsure if he was talking to Rae or himself.

"What?" she exclaimed, her slight tone of indignation rising in her voice.

"You. Are such. A Dickhead". He enunciated slowly, his head still resting against the woodwork, his hand still on the handle. He knew he should just leave, but his feet seemed rooted to the spot, the handle glued to his hand. Why can't I just leave and move on? Be happy? He asked himself.

"WHAT?" She shouted, standing up from the bed angrily. "Don't call me a dickhead!"

He pushed himself away from the support of the door, turning to face her with an angry sadness that he hadn't felt since his mum left. "Why not? I mean, you're either a dickhead or you're a bitch, I'm not sure I can tell anymore" he shouted.

"What the fuck have I done that makes me either?" She snarled back.

"Well, Rae." He paused, filling his lungs with air that felt too cold for the heat of the anger building inside of him. "You're either a dickhead 'cause you don't understand that I've just asked you to give me a reason to stay, or you're a bitch because you care so little about me you don't care that you're breaking my 'eart!" His tone changed, resigned, sad, and suddenly fearful to know the real answer.

His insides twisted and turned, his heart racing with adrenaline. It felt like his skin was tingling, like the feeling he got before a fight, all that anger and fear and excitement running through his veins. She stood in front of him, her mouth open, her face flashing an anger he'd never seen before and he looked away, unable to hold her stare when she was looking at him with such hate. This weren't supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to hate each other. He thought as the anger and adrenaline slowly faded away, replaced by a soul-aching feeling of emptiness and loneliness. He looked up at her through his lashes, wanting to take every part of her in knowing that now, after this; she'd never love him back. Her mouth was pursed, her brow furrowed deeply. He glanced down, watching her hands balling into fists like his own had done so many times before. Even now, even like this, he understood exactly what she was feeling at that moment. His mind flashed back to the newly hung Stone Roses poster in his room, hiding the damaged wall from his father. For him though, the night she'd shown up and broken his world, ended in a hole in a wall and bruised knuckles, his stomach lurched at what it might have done to her. What she might have done to herself. Her hands came together, her fingers scratching at the back of them and he finally allowed himself to look at her fully. Only moments had passed, but the silence in the room made it feel like hours. He looked her in the eye, wishing she could hear all the questions he was trying to ask with just that one stare, and she crumpled, sitting back onto the bed as her eyes filled up with tears.

She stared at the floor, her hands fidgeting in her lap, scratching at the skin until it reddened under her touch. Almost silently she muttered, "You left one out. I'm a dickhead because I don't have the guts to answer".

He remained frozen, his body screaming to move towards her but his feet refusing. But what's the fuckin' answer? He screamed inside his head.

"Rae, I need t'know. Because… 'cause I'm dyin' inside. I can't stay here if I can't 'ave you. I can't watch you with other… people, and not feel broken up inside. I just can't Rae. I can't anymore. I can't!' He began to shake his head, his own eyes filling with tears, a desperation filling his voice that left him shaking. He stared at his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets to pull his jacket around himself tightly.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I really am. I'm not what you need, even now. You don't need my madness or me in your life. You deserve to be happy, to be with some gorgeous, skinny girl who can be normal and make you happy. That's not me. I'm not normal, or skinny, or gorgeous. I'm just mad and fat and ugly and I can't let you ruin your life for someone like me, someone so…"

"Fuck what I NEED, Rae! Why can't I 'ave what I WANT? YOU, RAE! I WANT YOU!" He cut off her spiralling rant of self-loathing as he shouted, louder than he meant to causing her to jump as his feet finally became free unstuck and he closed the gap between them in one hurried stride. Softening, his voice quieter, he dropped to his knees in front of her, his hands reaching out to stop her scratching, "I want you, Rae. I've wanted you for so long, because you are normal and you are gorgeous and you do make me happy. Why can't you see that?" He shook his head, his words coming out all wrong, "No. No, I know why you can't, I get it, not properly, but I know you're not better. I just don't know why you won't let me try showing you diff'rent. Please, Rae, let me love you". He lifted his hand to her face, tilting her chin up so that she was forced to look at him, his hand still holding onto hers. "Rae, please, let me love you".

Her breathing shuddered as she shook her head imperceptibly, but he knew she wasn't saying no. He knew that it was because she didn't believe him; that she couldn't let herself believe him not that she didn't care. He watched another tear silently roll down her cheek and he knew then, in that moment, just how beautiful she really was. He'd always thought she was gorgeous, but this was different, this was true beauty. The kind that runs deep, deep down inside a person, so deep they don't even know it's there. The kind of beauty that just radiates from them with every breath and the kind of beauty that can destroy any man. Because that's what she'd done to him. Not on purpose, not even because of breaking up with him, but because from the moment his lips met hers in a sweaty, stinking changing room with blood on their hands, he was destroyed, inside and out. He'd thought then that she could be his greatest love and he knew now that she was. His thumb brushed away a tear gently, his other hand rising to smooth away the hair falling around her face.

"Rae?" He questioned, "Say something, please?" His throat tightened and he swallowed hard, as she sniffed, still unable to look him in the eye as a long silence filled the room, broken only by the beating of their own hearts.

"Stay." She whispered barely even audible, still looking down at her hands, the back of one of them bright red from her scratching. She cleared her throat, her eyes flickering up to him for just a second as she tried again with a little more force. "Stay."

Without pause he was on her, his lips crashing onto hers as his hand pushed into her hair, pulling her to him with a desperate urgency. He could taste her tears on her lips and it filled his heart with sadness that he couldn't fix her with something as simple as a kiss. Kiss me back! He silently urged as he realised she was still motionless against his lips. Oh god, please kiss me back! And then she did. Her lips parting against his as his tongue snaked between them, flickering against the tip of her tongue as he heard a quiet, gentle moan from her. He began to stand up, never breaking his lips from hers as his other hand grabbed at her waist, trying to pull every part of her against him just to feel her again. He'd missed her closeness so much, feeling her body pushed up against his. He felt her relax in his arms, leaning backwards, pulling him onto her and he let her. Her fingers worked their way up his spine to his neck, tickling him along the base of his hairline before working deep into his hair, sending shivers through his body.

He'd forgotten what it was like to have her lips against his, it was like the whole world melted away into nothing and he hoped that somehow she understood how that felt.

When he had her lips, he was okay; nothing hurt any more.

He was whole.