TMNT=Not mine. Alas Tauni, I forgot to slip in Zombie Klunk. He'll pop up somewhere else. Anyway, for all those overly dramatic death-fics, especially when Michelangelo's the unfortunate dead turtle and his family goes into complete shut down and vow that they're never going to be happy again and whatnot. Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall in exasperation. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty good death fics out there. But at the same time there are plenty of overdone bad ones.
One morning, as Mikey trundled to the kitchen to start making breakfast since none of his brothers were food-inclined and they were all going to starve to death if Michelangelo did not exercise his cooking talent, tragedy stuck. No, it wasn't Leonardo making breakfast in secret, since he'd learnt the ways of cooking whilst away on his travels. Nor was it Master Splinter preparing food, as he'd cared for four turtles for many years before Michelangelo was old enough to be the family's kitchen slave for all eternity.
The tragedy came in the form of a flying blade that materialized out of nowhere. It struck Michelangelo right through the plastron and pierced his heart. He had half a moment of excruciating pain before dropping over.
He was dead.
And that was a total tragedy.
For now the Hamato family was going to starve to death!
There was a moment of shocked silence as his family surveyed his corpse. Don trodded over and, rather redundantly, felt for his brother's pulse. "He's dead," he announced, just in case none of you realized it the first time.
"NOOOOO!" Raph wailed, "How can this be? What is this tragedy that has befallen our family?"
"All our light," Master Splinter muttered, "All our light is gone."
It was true. The lights had died immediately at Michelangelo's passing and the lair was bathed in an eerie glow from those weird markings on the wall.
"I'm never going to be happy ever again!" Don sobbed.
"He was my sunshine!" Raph blubbered. The line sounded vaguely familiar. "He was my sunshine…my only sunshine," he perked up as he recalled a song.
"He makes me happy when skies are grey!" Don added his voice to Raph's. The two turtles burst out into a dance number that would have had the cast of Glee green with envy.
By the time they finished the song they were on a slow waltz, Raph was partnered with his brother's corpse and Don was dancing with Master Splinter.
"Well done my sons," Splinter said as they finished, "We must move on from this tragedy and learn to cook for ourselves. Come, let us find a recipe book and make pancakes."
Leo poked his head out of the dojo. "Blueberry pancakes please!" he called out. He caught sight of Raph dragging Michelangelo's body away, sword still wedged in his plastron. "Oh, bullocks!" he muttered under his breath.
"Would someone give me my katana, please? I may or may not have lost my grip on it during my kata."