Hazel's POV

It's been a week since Gus's passing. I couldn't even describe the emptiness that is still so raw inside my heart. I miss him so much, it feels like his passing took my soul away with him as well. My soul is just not with me anymore, it's gone. I feel completely numb, cannot even sense anything at all. My heart hurts so much I cannot even differentiate whether it is the cause of cancer or it's the pain of losing the star-crossed love of my life. During the past week, all I ever did was cry, cry, and cry again. I would cry, thinking of Gus, and then calm down for a while before reality struck me again and tears continuously and uncontrollably stream down my face. My face has been red, blotchy and swollen due to the excessive crying but there is nothing I can do. Gus is gone. The only person that I thought could bring me happiness is gone from my life. He's gone. No matter what, nothing can ever bring him back again.

I am sitting here, in front of my laptop, reading the email that Lidewij sent to me again. I'm not sure how many times I have read it, but it is the only resort that could make me feel close to Gus. I have printed it out, and like books, just these little string of sentences and paragraphs, can take me to another world. The world where Gus is watching over me, the world where there are no worries and no such thing as depression and sadness exist, the world.. where happiness is always in the surroundings. They help ease the pain of the loss of Gus, they help ease the fact that I am depressed once again over cancer, they help ease the truth that I am lonely once again. They help ease all the pain, that I never dreamed could be gone. Just thinking of Gus, had my tears flowing freely down my face again. I think if I collected all the tears that disappeared through my tear ducts, I could have few buckets of them by now. I sat there silently, letting the tears flow through, and pictured what it would be like if Gus were here. He would comfort me, hold me in his strong arms that made me feel so safe, so cherished, and so loved. I don't think I could ever be loved so much other than from my parents. He would say something, that only him, Augustus Waters, to make me laugh at the point which I am about to collapse. Hazel Grace Lancaster, he's gone and you know it. The only person you want to talk to about Augustus Waters's death is Augustus Waters. Stop wishing he was back here since the world is not a wish granting factory. These thoughts continued to roam in my head and never stopped.

My cell phone started ringing and I looked to see Isaac's name and photo on the screen. Oh shit, I have been so muddled up in my own thoughts I didn't even think of how Isaac was coping with this. Only now I realized I haven't seen him in a week and never even bothered to call him. I immediately answered the phone and was in such a rush I nearly dropped my phone. "Hello?" "Hazel Grace, do you think you could come over? I kind of need to talk to you." "Oh my gosh I am so sorry Isaac I didn't even think of how you were coping with this I am so sorry I will be over in 20 and I am so so so sorry Isaac." I continuously uttered a string of words that I didn't even realize came out of my mouth. "it's alright Hazel, please just come over." "Alright. Be there in 20. Bye for now."

I hung up the phone and immediately got dressed and did it as fast as possible since the tubes and cannula were always delaying my speed of getting dressed. I didn't even bother to turn off my laptop, just took my keys, and left. I was surprised I didn't get caught of speeding through and exceeding speed limit but whatever, I just had to get to Isaac.

When I pulled in his driveway, I saw the front door opening and he stood there. His face was all red and crumpled together so it's an obvious sign that he has been crying. "OH gosh Isaac, let's go in." He didn't even have the strength to walk inside so I practically pulled him in with all my might. We collapsed on the couch and I noticed there were piles and piles of crumpled tissues everywhere and he was a mess. "Isaac, how are you doing?" I asked him softly. "I cant even breathe. Hazel, my best friend in the world left me here alone. Gus was the only one who remained optimistic in life after my eye surgery. Everyone left me. I had no friends left. Gus was the only one who stood by my side for everything. I cant breathe and I feel like someone just dug a hole in my heart. Oh my.." Isaac couldn't even finish his sentence before he burst into a fit of tears and started coughing as well. "come here, don't worry alright? I will always stay by your side. Always. No matter what." I assured him and he sobbed even louder and clung to me tightly like there was no tomorrow.

Isaac's POV

Hazel was being so sweet although I know she is just putting on a strong and brave face. I know she is dying inside and to be honest, she looks terrible. Her face was so red I couldn't even stand it and her eyes were so swollen I don't even know how she could see. She was so pale, and she was trying to stay strong for me. Hazel was so soft and gentle, I bursted into another fit of tears and I could tell it shocked her.

Suddenly she pulled out of my tight grasp and pushed me away. "Hazel, what's happening?" I asked her. She mumbled a few sentences I couldn't comprehend and after a while I heard her throwing up and making gagging noises. shit, this was bad. I thought. Hazel never throws up. Something is terribly wrong and I am going to find out. I made my way to the bathroom, trying not to trip over anything and finally found her. I stood by the door, wanting to help and for that particular moment I hated myself for being blind. I wanted to hold her and tell her it's alright and soothe her, but due to my blindness, I was a hopeless case.

"I'm alright. Something just felt like it was rising in my stomach. I'm not sure what it is. I never throw up. I think I'm gonna call Kaitlyn." She said after a while when she recovered. "Kaitlyn is your best friend right?" I couldn't remember who this Kaitlyn person was. "yeah, she knows everything about sicknesses and all those stuff I don't know how she fits in her mind. She is a shopaholic and a real girl but she is also currently taking the doctor courses for university. I think she would know what's wrong with me." "Oh alright. The phone is right there." I think I kind of pointed off target since she let out a laugh and said something I think was 'sure it's there haha'.

Hazel's POV

I let out a laugh since Isaac totally pointed to the television when he said that was the phone. I don't know why it was funny, but oh well. I picked up the phone to call Kaitlyn. The phone rang 3 times before she picked up. "Hello?" she answered. "Kaitlyn, it's Hazel here. I think something is wrong with my stomach. Could you come over here and check me out?" "Hazel, are you alright? I'll be right there. Isaac's place right?" her voice was so full with concern and worry I was so touched tears threatened to spill again. What's wrong with me? Why do I keep crying over simple things? "yes I'm fine. And yes, it's Isaac's place. You remember the address right?" "Yup, it's right here. See you in a few sweets, love ya~"

Now that Kaitlyn is coming over, I feel better. So I turned my attention back to Isaac. And I couldn't help but let out a laugh since Isaac was trying to come to me but he went in the wrong direction instead. "Isaac! Watch out! Don't bang your head!" "Dammit. I hate the fact that I'm a blind man and I feel so useless." "Isaac, it's alright. We're here right beside you. Don't worry."

The doorbell rung and I rushed to the door and swung it open to see Kaitlyn breathless and carrying loads of shopping bags. "HAZEL GRACE LANCASTER I WAS THINKING IN THE CAR AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" she yelled in my ear I winced. "Alright, so you had some connection with Gus in Amsterdam right? Something happened between you two? Well, I think you might be pregnant cause remember the time we went shopping and you suddenly threw up out of nowhere? Well, those are symptoms. According to my biology textbook.." "WHAT THAT CANNOT BE POSSIBLE YOU ARE TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR MIND KATE TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR MIND!" I interrupted her and screamed back at her. "well, here are some pregnancy tests, do you wanna test? I bet you a hundred bucks I am right!" her eyes twinkled as she smiled a smile that is as big as the Texas sky. "Argh whatever. Let's see."

I went in the bathroom and followed the instructions. 10 minutes later, I came out and held the stick away from me. "So, I get my hundred bucks don't I?" Kaitlyn's eyes gleamed and she was jumping up and down. "I don't know, I haven't checked." "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR DO YOU WANT TO KNOW OR NOT YOU WEIRDO?" "yeah alright."

Slowly… I lowered my head, and stared at the test results.

"Oh my gawd….."