Friday Night Bites
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters. I own a laptop and a mind that won't shut off concerning these characters. The lyrics used in this story are from the song Volcano by Damien Rice. Please take a listen if you haven't already.
I Kissed Her Mouth
"…Volcanoes melt you down
She's still too young
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me."
As the last line left my lips I felt a shudder wash through me. I could still feel her, see her, taste her, all of her…like a disease.
"Hey, Jazz, let's run through it one more time," I spoke into the microphone, inside the recording studio. "Rose, when you come in on the third verse you need to have more longing in your voice."
"Alright, my man, ready when you are." Jazz was always happy to rework a track until we got the emotion right.
"Whatever, Cullen, like you're such a sick masochistic fool. How the hell do you come up with this shit anyway? Seriously how young was she? How broken did you leave her and in what city? You know so I can get the emotion right and all." Rose glared at me with her usual diva-bitch defense. The way I wrote this song it called for two parts, one to be sung by a female. If her voice wasn't exactly what I was looking for on this recording I wouldn't put up with the tantrums and inquisitions into my personal life. My personal life was just that—personal.
No one knew about her; only me—she was mine. It was never supposed to get so out of control. Christ, I was so out of line, out of my fucking mind…
I needed a break from touring and decided on a road trip with my guitar; a notebook and a pen were all that were necessary. California disappeared behind me and I returned to Washington, longing for the clouded sky to canopy the confusion the sunshine laden coast seemingly induced.
I drove until I found a distant dive joint in an unassuming town, needing a beer with preferably no women in sight. As I sat and swigged my beer down, thoughts began to flood my mind. I was successful. Isn't that what I'd always wanted? I was writing and performing my own music making money and people—women—loved it. Only, I needed something more. Scribbling down drabble in my notebook and throwing back my third beer, I glanced out the front window.
That was when I noticed them, a group of rather unassuming college girls—three of them. Their faces lit up with laughter and they were linked arm and arm as they continued down the street. The one in the middle was different. There was an uneasiness about her, insecurity. She wasn't at all what would normally catch my eye. She was genuine. Her long sepia hair and the knowing nut brown eyes—stunning—both colors in the same family and naturally inconspicuous, but on her resplendent.
I watched as they entered a café across the street. Not knowing what propelled me, it took only a moment to gather my things. I left some cash on the table. As I threw my stuff in my car across the street, I retrieved an old baseball cap from my passenger seat. Tugging it further on my head and looking down, I wandered into the café, hands deep in my pockets.
It seemed like a college joint, one I would have frequented back in the day. Coffee, music and chatter filled the surrounding air. I knew I was taking a chance in a place like this; the whole point to my excursion was exile. It was summer and cafés lured college kids just like bars, places I typically tended to avoid as of late. But I couldn't stay away. I had to get another look. I needed to see her up close.
I ordered a large black coffee and sat in the back corner alone and incognito, or so I hoped. All it would take is for one of these girls to recognize me and approach for an autograph then I'd be forced out of this town as well, possibly without another glimpse of her, ever. I wasn't the type to pray, but I sure as hell wished for the Gods to see fit to let me at least get a closer look at this lovely girl before I had to leave. Why, exactly, I had no idea?
Sipping my dark roast, I eyed the warmth emanating from the mystery girl. Watching every slight movement she engaged in, the way she slouched in the booth and brushed her hair from her shoulder. The blonde occasionally would bump her shoulder and the tall one with the glasses seemed to smile and nod a lot. I wished I knew what they were saying as I stared like the creepy stalker I'd become.
The contents of my recycled paper cup were nearly emptied and I was lost in visions of her. My agitation grew and my leg began to shake mimicking the buzzing in my mind. I was ridiculous. What would I even say? Then she would see who I am it wouldn't be real—it would be too easy.
I looked down and stared at the emptiness inside my cup when I heard the giggles increasing slightly. Christ, I needed to leave.
"Are you…I mean…I'm Bella, and my friends wanted me to ask if you're…Ed Cullen?" She was standing right in front of me now. My breath had been knocked from me; Bella what a beautiful name.
"Um…no I think you have me mistaken." I muttered the lamest response that came to mind.
"Oh well that's good I guess. I mean I don't really know who that is anyway. So… um I'm sorry for the confusion." She turned, slightly twisting her legs into one and other.
"Wait… You uh…don't listen to his music?" I was baffled, not with conceit but I'd never thought I would get this lucky to speak to her, let alone her have no idea who I truly was.
"Well ya, I mean, I've heard his stuff on the radio before, but I'm not some crazy groupie or obsessed stalker like my friends over there. I don't read about that kind of stuff." Her shoulders shrugged and the earthen quality to her eyes flickered with life—embarrassment.
"Oh, so I could be him and you wouldn't really know either way." I smirked.
"No, I'm pretty sure you're not him." She gave it back with a roll of her eyes.
"Why's that exactly? Have a seat." The last statement sounded more like a demand but she obliged.
"Well, firstly, what the heck would a famous musician be doing in a lame coffee shop, in a small town, on a Friday night? And according to my friends over there he is never alone on a Friday night." She was quick with her retort and it caused me to smile.
"Really? Well, Bella, I guess you got me there. I'm Anthony. Nice to meet you."
"Yeah, well, I'd better be getting back and let my friends down easy. They're sure to be disappointed and all. It may require a double scoop of ice cream tonight. So see ya around, I guess."
"What do you do after ice cream?" I wasn't ready to let her go.
"Typically, I just listen to them drone on and on about Ed Cullen and how they want to have his babies, how his voice makes them ovulate, how they want to lick his jaw and run their fingers through his chaotic sex hair, until I can't take any more of their inane childish behavior. Then I head home and bury my nose in a book." I watched with intent interest as she seemed irritated with their obsessive behavior, the behavior I dealt with on a daily basis. It got old quick.
"Wow that must be rather rote and monotonous for you. I can only imagine. So after a little coddling and ice cream with the girls, maybe we could hang out for a while?" Fuck! I sounded like I was in grade school. 'Hang out? Can I hold your hand too?' Damn, I was twenty-five. What the hell was wrong with me? But there was something about her, something different that I felt the need to discover.
"You mean with me...alone?"Her eyes narrowed as her voice dropped to a whisper.
"Yeah, well…in public somewhere… I'm not a creepy stalker either, but so we'd both feel comfortable and we could talk. I like talking with you." I sounded like a desperate moron, like the former me, the one who couldn't casually ask a girl out. It was weird.
"I don't know. I mean usually I just go home, alone." There was hesitance in her voice, but I didn't push it.
"Oh."
"But…" I knew I'd heard a waiver of resolve.
"Yeah?" Hope surged through me, excitement.
"I guess I could come back for a decaf in a bit." She smiled and her whole face lit up.
"Yeah…I'd like that. I'll be here."I grinned like the idiot I'd reverted to, not the smooth talking famous persona I was used to dishing out.
With that she turned to reunite with her friends. As soon as she rejoined them the laughter increased and I tried to hide my satisfaction. I waited and she returned just like she promised a couple of hours later.
"Don't hold yourself like that
cause you'll hurt your knees
Well I kissed your mouth, and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down…"
I was listening to the final track on the CD, for the upcoming release. My voice was haunting, the exact emotion I felt as I wrote the song four years ago. I was headed out on tour, to promote my new album, unsure if I would be able to perform this song live. How did I let that girl, I couldn't even bring myself to say her name, get so underneath my skin in just a week? I would never know…
We stayed up that night talking about nothing and everything. At midnight the café finally shut down, and we walked to a nearby playground, settling into the swings. I hadn't been on a swing in at least fifteen years. It was different and exciting, and I knew I had to tell her I couldn't lie to her any longer. She was so honest and pure.
"Bella, I have to tell you something but I hope this doesn't ruin anything, if it does I understand. I just… I can't lie to you. Look I really am Ed Cullen…Edward."
She giggle-snorted and my eyebrows twisted as I watched her. "Yeah, right. I thought we were through with that angle hours ago? Look, I already told you I'm not into him. And really that seems like a lame way to get into a girl's pants."
I was completely caught off guard. "Um, I'm not trying to get into your pants, and I can prove that I'm him…I mean…me. I am Edward Cullen." Didn't I want to get in her pants? Well, yeah, the thoughts rushed my mind but not like that. She made it sound cheap, like I was only interested in sex. If I had been interested in that I never would have left the sun and the sand in search of the grey respite. Truly, it was her that interested me, though, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to touch her, kiss her and feel her against me. That wasn't my motive for talking with her and that was the truth. I wasn't entirely sure what my motive was, but this was surely a surprise.
"Look, I don't play games and you seemed different. That's the only reason I took a chance today. I should probably go."She spoke steady but looked hurt.
"Bella, please, I'm not playing games. Look at my license. I just hopped in a car, took a spontaneous trip and somehow wound up in this town. Then you came along, and it was refreshing that someone truly didn't recognize me and we seemed to hit it off. It was nice to just talk and be me without all of those built up expectations everyone else places on me. Fuck, I'm sorry! Let me at least make sure you get home safe."
She held my California license in her hands and looked back and forth between the laminated card and my face several times before speaking. "So you're him. You're Ed Cullen? Edward Anthony Cullen is…The Ed Cullen?"
"Edward…Yes." I nodded slowly.
"Edward? Right, so do I just have 'fuck with me' written all over my face? My friends kept droning on about how uncanny it was that you resembled him so much. Gah…I'm so stupid. Look, I know all about you and really I'm not interested so let's just forget it. I can get home from here. I'm fine."
I put the card back in my wallet and slid it into my pocket without taking my eyes off of her. I let her words settle as she stood still.
"You know all about me huh? What would that be exactly? The stuff we've shared over the last five hours or the stuff your friends read in their stupid magazines and online blogs? For the record my eyes aren't emerald, copper isn't even a real hair color and I hate the name ED!" I didn't know what happened but I just snapped.
It was just like it always was only different. Now, I was irrationally irritated that she didn't believe who I was, but I was trying to convince her of the real me. It provided a bit of a conundrum for me, because who I really was... is who she had just spent the last five hours talking with. But my persona was who she thought she knew, just like all the thousands of other women—women who would willingly throw themselves at me. The irony of the situation was uncanny; she seemed repulsed by the idea of the persona, and yet she was the only girl in years I allowed to see the real me.
"Oh, really! Well, Ed… your eyes seem green to me and…" she reached up and tugging the cap from my head in one swift movement. "...and your hair does look like walking sex, the highlights the color of a penny perhaps."
I reached for my cap but grabbed her wrist instead. "It's Edward. And I'd like my hat back." I held her for a moment realizing that this was the first contact we had shared. Her wrist was small, soft and warm, pulsing with the life that surged within her.
"Whatever, Edward. I know what I see." Her breathy words betrayed her.
"Really? What is that exactly, Bella?" I took a step closer, letting her wrist go reluctantly. She was still grasping my cap.
"A self proclaimed player that honed their craft. Someone that has to be in control and in the spotlight, someone that can never go undetected and be truly satisfied." With each statement she muttered, she stepped even closer until we were nose to nose. I angled my neck down because she was much shorter than me. Her shallow breaths were breaking on my face.
"Bella, I thought you wanted to leave?" I whispered. She shook her head ever so slowly. "I'm going to kiss you." She nodded slightly as I turned my head to the right and leaned in further. I could hear the first few chords of a melody begin to write itself in my head. I kissed her mouth and threaded my hands through her hair. Her scent blanketed me and my tongue searched for contact. Her soft delicate warmth invaded my own mouth, leaving a slightly sweet essence in its wake.
We stood and kissed for several minutes. Her hands finally dropped the unimportant ball cap, reaching instead behind my neck playing with my hair at the nape. Her fingernails, soft and hesitant, drove me further. I deepened the kiss and pulled our bodies closer with one arm wrapped around her waist. I couldn't pry my other from her silky hair and the scent it stirred in the air. I felt her begin to writhe against me and realized I needed to stop. I shoved distance between us quickly and heaved for a breath.
"I'm sorry," she uttered.
Dumbfounded, I stared. "Don't apologize! I just…I should be the one to apologize. Bella, look I really didn't intend for this to happen. I should probably get you home."
"You don't…want me?"
I let a mangled moan escape. "God, Bella…I do! I just want you to know I'm not 'that guy'. Look, you just completed you're first year of college. You have your whole life ahead of you. I'm the last thing you need. You have no idea what you are offering and no idea how tempting that is, but I have nothing to offer you back. I'm just destruction, a distraction you truly don't need.
"I don't understand. Edward, I'm not a virgin, and I want you…please."Bella seemingly did a 180° shift here and this was a subtle nod to her conflicting youthful hormones.
"Please, don't do that. Don't beg. Don't put me in the position of importance over yourself. I'm not worth it."
"I'm not! It's just sex Edward, and I want to share that with you."
"Bella, please stop. Besides we are in a public park and it is three o'clock in the morning. Shouldn't you be home? Isn't someone worried about you?" She stepped closer and I backed away a bit. Then she bent down to retrieve my hat.
"I only live around the corner. Besides, Jessica and Angela probably fell asleep hours ago, thinking I was reading in my room."
I slid my ball cap back on. "Christ, they don't even know where you are? I could be some crazy stalker having my way with you and nobody would even know where you were? I'm taking you home now. Come on." Grasping her hand, I began walking us back towards my car.
"I'm not a child, Edward! And you're not a stalker. You're an incredibly hot rock star with a voice that makes women want to perpetuate the population with your offspring alone. Obviously you have no real interest in me and now… I just feel…silly…stupid. Forget it."
"Bella, would you stop. Get in!" I opened the passenger door and closed it securely behind her. As I got in and started the ignition, I looked over and noticed the tears silently spilling down her cheeks. "Please don't do this. Don't you see? I want nothing more than to take you back to my room and make love to you, but I am nothing to put your hopes in. You're so young, so different and I just can't do that. I didn't come here for this."
"Would you stop! I'll be nineteen in another month, and I don't understand your warped sense of chivalry or virtue. Just tell me the truth. I know maybe Jessica is more your type with her blonde hair and big boobs..."
"Damn, Bella, just a minute ago you were angry because of whom I am and my supposed track record for getting into girls pants. Now you want me to literally rid you of yours? I think you should really think about this. How do I get you home? By the way I never noticed your friends, nor do I care to."
"Take a right up here." Her voice was weak and shaky.
Besides giving me the rest of the directions, we were silent in the confines of my rented car.
"So, I'll wait until you get inside."
"Yeah, whatever."
"Bella…" but I stopped because I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was thinking. I knew I could've easily had her in my bed. Some parts of my anatomy in particular really wanted nothing more, but the voice of reason inside me knew I was doing what was right, although, I truly wanted—needed more. This was my M.O. what I always did. I would run and distract myself with some new phase, something, anything that would make me feel — make me bleed. But this was wrong and I wouldn't hurt her. I was like a volcano, unstable and unpredictable, able to erupt at a moment's notice. My life was my music and I only took from life.
She leaned in closer taking advantage of my weakness in the moment. Our lips met again and I teased and coaxed her closer, deeper. Her lips on mine made me hard instantly, just like earlier, as my need and impulse surged to feel more of her. I let one hand ghost down her neck and brushed her hair aside as my nose followed the trail, allowing her to breathe. I inhaled her scent and allowed my hand to glide down her arm, my fingers innocently grazed her breast by mistake, and I let my teeth gently sink into her skin behind her ear before I found my bearings and stopped myself from any further temptation. I forced distance between us for the second time that night.
"Bella, please…don't force this. You'll regret it."
"Bye, Edward." To my utter surprise she didn't argue as she opened and shut the door to take her leave.
That was the day the disease began to silently spread, too young to treat, secretly taking over and killing me more a little each day.
BPOV
"Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
Volcanoes melt me down"
AsI listened to the female voice on the radio echo my thoughts from four years ago and his voice join hers, the tears fell without permission, just like they had the first night we met. I never forgot that week of my life. At only eighteen, the hours we spent together however fleeting were real and delicious, laced with chaste passion…
That next morning I hid in my room longer than usual, needing the quite. I let his words dance in my head from the night before. "Please don't force this you'll regret it." I did as he asked. I felt slightly humiliated and undesirable, but what I actually regretted was listening to him. I didn't want Ed Cullen rock god. I wanted the man I had spent five hours with, the man whose laugh was contagious, the man that consumed coffee like water, and the man that swung with me innocently as we talked about all of our shared interest.
"Bella…"I heard Angela's voice from behind my closed door.
"Yeah come on in, Ang."
She entered and knew immediately something was up.
"Bella, spill. I know you came in late, or should I say early. I heard you crying. I probably should have come in sooner, but I know you like your privacy so I was trying to be respectful. I can't take it anymore…please tell me what's going on."
"Oh, Ang, I don't even know where to start."
"Was it that hot guy Anthony?"
"Hm… yeah I guess you could say that." I didn't bother correcting her, and I never told Angela or Jessica that I had spent time with Edward, aka Ed Cullen rock god; laughing, flirting and kissing.
We got up and went out for a late lunch. Laughing with the girls helped a bit, and I gave very few details of the prior night. Leaving my best friends at the deli, I decided to return some books to the library.
What happened next was where it all became terribly jumbled and distorted. It was where my youth deceived me, where my naiveté was proudly revealed to me. I was stupid.
I rounded the corner to the section that housed some of my favorite poetry collections and there he was. His baseball cap firmly in place and nose tucked deep in the pages of a worn book. He had a small leather notebook beside him and the tip of a pen teetered up and down from the corner of his mouth. He took my breath away, and I accidentally let out and audible gasp.
His eyes darted up instantly and his mouth fell slightly, causing the pen he held between his perfectly sculpted lips to drop on the table. The noise seemed much louder than I was sure it was but it reverberated in my ears and time seemed to stand still. Why would he still have been here?
"Bella."
"Edward…wh…w…"
"I um didn't think I'd run into you again."
"Yeah, well, it's a pretty small town and if you hang around much longer everyone is gonna be running into you, literally."
"That's just it. It may be small but no one here seems to recognize me and well, it's kinda nice." He offered me a small smile and it made want to melt.
"What are you reading?"
"Oh uh…nothing I haven't read before." He snapped the book shut as if he was suddenly disinterested.
"Oh, okay. Well it was nice running into you again. "
"Wait…"
"Why…why do you do that? Why do you push me away and then tell me to wait? What exactly is it you want Edward? Because I know you clearly have no interest in sowing any wild oats with me."
He began to laugh and shook his head, revealing his perfect white teeth and delectable smile.
"See, that is where you are wrong. Firstly, I don't sow wild oats but if I did, I think I'd definitely want to do it with you. Secondly, I tell you to wait because I can't seem to get enough of you and your unpretentious, easygoing charm."
"Well, Edward, what do we do now?"
"I don't know. It's your town. You tell me." His smirk returned.
"I have an idea. Do you trust me?" My eyes were hard but playful. I had no idea if he was willing.
"Hm…Yeah, against my better judgment, I think I do."
We left the library that afternoon and headed for my meadow. It was a place I would hike to by myself and then usually read. I never brought anyone else there. I drove us in my beat up truck, and he briefly joked about its capabilities out on the open road. We spent the whole afternoon into the evening laughing, talking and reading to each other. As the sun began to set overhead, our conversation began to lull, not uncomfortably, but I couldn't force the sexual tension from my brain since the first moment we kissed and it began to float in the air and hover between us.
"Bella, who are you?" He scrubbed his hands over his face roughly and exhaled before returning his stare.
I didn't answer him. All I could think in that moment was how badly I wanted to make love to this man and how I would settle for his lips on mine one last time. As if we were on the exact same page, he leaned in closer and kissed my mouth. His hands rushed the sides of my face and he held me firmly. I wanted him to nibble my neck like he had last night. God, making out with him was addictive and it only made me want more.
We kissed until my lips became swollen, and I could feel the pulsing between my legs. I had only had sex once before and it was really very inconsequential, more like a task completed. And I had never felt like this. My skin flushed and tingled with every chaste touch he'd grant me, careful not to tip the scale. His breath was heavy and mimicked my own. I could feel his erection pressed against me, and I wanted to feel him in my hands. I wanted him something fierce, but I was nervous and unsure.
I was full of all the clichéd youthful hormones and contradictions that surged inside of me, confusing want and need, love and sex. I discovered both later on but nothing was as memorable as those stolen moments—we'd shared.
"Bella…" Every time he'd break away first, forcing distance between us. He spent a week in my town, with me, and no one ever knew. We shared meals and conversations, laughter and companionship, and we made out like high school kids. It was crazy but so incredibly erotic.
It was Friday already and I knew he was leaving for California in the morning so I took him to my meadow—our meadow, one last time. The kissing continued just like it had in previous days, but I wanted more. I didn't care about his stupid moral compass and his perverted sense of right and wrong. Legally, I was an adult and I knew what I wanted, even if it only happened once. Better to have loved and lost as they say…
"Edward… I want to ask you something."
"Yeah, anything, beautiful…" His hand grazed my cheek tenderly.
"I…uh…really want to…you know. Edward, please. I know your leaving but please just leave me something to remember you by."
"Bella, I can't—I won't—you'll regret that. Please stop asking me."
His lips dipped lower once again and our mouths heated up. I knew I couldn't take much more before I just spontaneously combusted, let alone how he'd done this for nearly seven days. As we rolled back onto the blanket, I began rubbing and igniting friction between his legs with my hips as I found some sense of relief for myself. Then I decided I was done with pleading, taking matters into my own hands I began unbuttoning his shirt. Instead of slow, I opted for quick and painless, hoping he would acquiesce willingly. I reached the final buttons and slid my hands up his heated, naked chest, lacing my fingers between the smatterings of hair that covered his hardened chest. Feeling his firm flesh with my bare hands, tracing the contours of his ridges was so incredibly intimate and propelled me even further.
His mouth finally returned to the spot beneath my ear and his teeth toyed with my neck. I never felt anything as sensual as this man's mouth on my body. To be fair, I had only really made out with my high school boyfriend who I lost my virginity to and the times we shared could hardly compare. What Edward was capable of doing with his mouth and hands above my clothing made being naked seem suddenly unimportant. Although, I wanted it still—with him.
A series of sounds and exhaled breaths left him as I experimented and flicked his nipples lightly with my fingers. His teeth grazed my exposed collar bone and even that caused me to gasp with pleasure. His face ghosted lower down my shoulder above my shirt and he stilled by the middle of my arm. Edward rested his forehead against my arm. I feared that would be the moment he decided we were finished. Instead, his hands grasped my shoulders and tugged me up a bit, his eyes filled with confusion. His head fell and he rested his weight on my chest between my shoulders. I froze not knowing exactly what he was thinking and what was to come next. Only my breaths were moving between us. With each inhale, I could feel his cheek graze my clothed breast.
I decided to keep pushing, propelling him further. I knew what I wanted. I made movement with my arms slowly, and he released his grasp on me, keeping his head planted firmly in place just breathing. I heard him swallow and I ran my fingers up the back of his shoulders until they settled in his thick hair. I let my nails lightly massage his head and began to shamelessly arch my chest towards his face. I longed to feel his warm mouth on other parts of my body, clothed or not. I only wanted more. Anything he would grant me I willingly was ready to accept.
He began slowly at first as he turned his head towards one of my breast. Inhaling as he glided his nose upward passing over my nipple. When he reached the tip I shuddered. I knew this would be my last chance, and I wanted nothing more than to feel his wet lips on my naked skin. I began slowly unbuttoning my own shirt from the bottom when he stilled my movements.
"Stop trying to take your clothes off!"
"You want to do that part?"
"Bella, you give me miles and miles of mountains and I'll ask for the sea. I'm not what you need. I had a lovely week, but what I am to you is not what you mean to me. I'm sorry I can't. I should go."
We left the meadow in silence and returned to my apartment, I fought my tears off the entire time. Then I watched as he drove off in his rented Volvo. That was the last I saw of Edward Cullen.
EPOV
"What I give to you is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding
what I really need is what makes me bleed
But like a new disease, Lord, she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt you down"
My album was released and the track Volcano, in particular, caused a torrent of emotions to surface. I was a fool. Clearly, I had done the right thing back then by not using her. But what had I done exactly? Needing an escape, needing to feel grounded, I set out to simply get away four years ago. I wasn't looking for a piece of ass that was available to me daily. I had simply wanted to feel connected to something real, something alive. As I tried to selflessly do the right thing, I still selfishly took from her. Pushing the envelope wasn't what I had intended to do. I simply got caught in the moment which I excelled at—living for the moment, forming no real attachments to anything or anyone.
Here I was, the fool that erupted and instead of relief, I felt only disappointment. She probably never gave me another thought as she continued on with her life, and here I was a complete fraud. She was too sweet and I didn't want her to regret the time we spent together. I was afraid she would confuse sex with love. The feelings I wanted to spare her from forming, if we had slept together, that I convinced myself I couldn't return… Yeah, turned out I was the lamenting, brooding, suffering one.
Friday night, backstage in a daze after my performance, I simply sat. Rose even nailed it on stage this evening. My heart was beating in my chest and my hands were clammy, and I wasn't sure what the hell was happening to me. I knew that would be the last time I'd preformed the song live. I could barely live with the consequence of my actions without having to relive the moment over and over again.
That's when a knock sounded at my door.
BPOV
"I kissed your mouth
You do not need me"
The last line of the song, his voice, reverberated through the large auditorium. What the hell was I thinking allowing Jess and Ang drag me here? I barely made it through the concert with the help of liquid courage in the form of cheep beer that tasted like piss water. Not that I had actually ever tasted piss water, but that was what they said so I didn't argue. But when he preformed that song on stage—it shoved me abruptly off the cliff, back to the two Fridays and the days we shared in between.
I rushed out of the arena, choking back the emotions in search of a bathroom and in my haste, I bumped smack into someone. "Oh my…I'm so sorry I wasn't looking…I… Alice?"
"Bella? Oh my God! How are you? It seems like forever since we've seen each other." Alice and I had gone to high school in Arizona together before I moved to Washington to live with my dad.
"It has been. Wow, you look great. What are you doing here?"
"Thanks, so do you. Where were you headed? Can you catch up for a few? I'd like you to meet my fiancé if you have time." Same old Alice, she talked a mile a minute and you could hardly get a word in edgewise.
"Uh, sure I was just looking for a restroom." Grateful for the distraction I willingly followed her.
"Oh great, come on." I walked with Alice her arm linked in mine like no time had ever passed between us, picking up with conversations right where we had left off and filling in missing gaps of time. She led us back to a private room behind the stage, and I wondered briefly what she was doing here and how she had exclusive access.
"So how is it you have an all access pass?" I murmured from the toilet behind the closed door. Thoughts invaded my mind as I asked, but I forced them aside.
"Oh, yeah Jazz my fiancé works with Cullen and they're pretty close. Anyhow, lucky I tagged along because I ran into you again. I've thought about you often through the years." Her voice sounded clear even through the door.
I sat in the enclosed space watching as my world began to spin out of control. I couldn't respond, my heart pounding in my throat. I knew I probably glorified that week we spent together four years ago in my overly active naive mind. He cautioned me yet I couldn't help but leave him a piece of my heart when he left. He thought that if he didn't sleep with me I would move on and forget him, but he was completely oblivious to the fact that my heart and my body both already belonged to him.
I knew coming here would be a mistake. I had to get out. I couldn't chance having to actually face him. What were the odds? How many adoring fans would give anything to be here using the restroom, knowing he was back here, somewhere?
Wanting to slip softly inside the toilet and flush myself down the lyrics played in my head… "But like a new disease, Lord, she's still too young to treat." I tried to convince myself that I wasn't even a blip on his radar and that he would have never written a song about me. But I knew better. He had spoken some of those very words to me that summer. However, it didn't stop the doubt and insecurities that liked to claw at my insides from beginning to take a hold, and I couldn't help but feel like a disease that lingered, just waiting to be flushed and circle the drain.
"Bella…are you okay in there?"
"Yeah…" I managed to squeak out.
I heard muffled voices coming from the other room, and I waited until there was silence on the other side of the door to reenter the room.
"Are you okay, Bella? You don't look so good."
"Yeah I must have just eaten something a bit off. Look, I should really get going. Maybe we can…" A knock sounded and Alice opened it before I could finish.
EPOV
"What I am to you is not real.
What I am to you, you do not need.
What I am to you is not what you mean to me."
I opened the door, trying to shake the lies I'd sold from my head, knowing I would never be given the opportunity to repent. "Hey, Jazz, what's up?"
"Nice show, man. How'd it feel to get back out there?"
"Good…it had been awhile. The first show out is never without difficulty, but I think everything went well. "
"So we gonna head and grab a bite? Alice was hoping you would join us tonight?"
"Sure, I need to get out. I feel like I've been cooped up inside far too long." We left the room and headed down the hallway to pick up Alice. As soon as she opened the door to the room I felt my world come crashing down and I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Bella…" Her name fell from my lips and it nearly killed me. I never thought I would ever see her flawless face again. Christ, she looked even better than I'd remembered.
"Edward." Her voice was soft but short, devoid of all emotion.
There we stood all four of us. Alice and Jazz exchanged glances and shrugs before they spoke. I noticed from my periphery but my eyes remained glued to Bella.
Alice always was the first to speak and never minced words. "Jazz, this is Bella. We were in high school together before she moved away. Bella, this is my fiancé Jasper." She paused only briefly and gestured between us. "And looks like you two already know each other."
"Yeah, looks like you two could use a minute. Nice to meet you, Bella. Let's go, Alice. We'll catch up with you later, Cullen." Jazz was always insightful.
Alice mumbled something to Bella but no one else spoke. She just nodded and we stood there as the door shut behind Alice and Jazz as they left.
There we were. Silence was heavy and as many times as I had thought about returning to check on her or simply have another stolen moment together, I never imagined it would feel like this. Every limb of my body suddenly weighed a ton and my mouth just hung slightly agape. I felt stunned stupid as I feared she could see right through me and the fraud I was that I hid behind. Everything became clear in that moment as I realized I had to come clean with her. This was my chance to admit my feelings and how she burrowed a nest in my heart, and the day I left was one I regretted most of all.
"Edward, I'm glad you were able to get something out of our time together, but I wouldn't want to infect you anymore. I'll just go. I know you must be busy with all your adoring fans and whatnot." What was she saying? I didn't understand.
"Wait…what?"
"Edward…apparently some things don't change. You were always saying wait…funny thing is if you really wanted me to, I would have."
"Bella, I only meant…"
"Yeah, I know, Edward. 'I do not need you.' I remember your words and I've heard your song many times. You were right about one thing, though, I was young, blindly offering to you, down on my knees like the stupid fool I was."
I couldn't believe what she was saying. I began walking closer towards her the connection commanding me—seducing me and taking control.
"Bella, just stop. Please let me finish. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about you. That week we shared was the best of my life and nothing could compare to you. I realize the mistakes I've made. But…"
"Edward, really don't feel obligated to say something…"
I grabbed her by the sides of her shoulders and forced her to look at me. "Bella, look at me! You need to hear me. I was wrong. I wrote that song hoping to finally get your haunting qualities out of my head."
"Great so I'm a haunting disease…"
"Damn, you are so stubborn! Will you just stop talking?" Talking no longer sufficed; I had to feel her. Rejection or not, either way I had to try. My mouth found hers with a raw passion. A need that had long been buried and forced down was suddenly unleashed and the force of my desire suddenly blurred my vision.
Her response was instant and our tongues gilded and tangled together warm and wet, soft and hard, deeper. I knew what I wanted in this moment was only to be with this woman no matter the outcome. I would take whatever she would be willing to offer. I wasted no time finding out. I had already lost four ridiculously unnecessary years. She wasn't a child any longer, not that she ever was, but I unleashed the full force of my need upon her.
I reached for her shirt only pausing to make sure she wanted this too. When no objection came, I stripped her of her clothes in record time. There she stood before me in her bra and thong, and I wanted to simply bury my face inside her sweet scent. Her hands caught up to rid me of my clothing and I reached to help her. I pulled my arms from my shirt as her fingers dipped lower to unbutton my jeans. As her hand gently grazed my aching cock, I verbally reassured her.
"Fuck yes…Bella, you are so beautiful, vibrant. I've dreamed of you so many times."
Her eyes only answered, deepening their connection as she slowly slid to her knees and lowered my jeans and boxers to the floor. She knelt before me and stroked my cock sending waves of pleasure through me; her hot breath mere inches from me. With an exaggerated exhale, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up to me rougher than I intended, toeing out of my shoes and pants that hung around my ankles. I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around me as I carried her to the sofa, locking the door.
"Bella, I want you, but not like that. You deserve to be worshiped, and I intend on worshiping every inch of your body first."
As I laid her back, I let my fingers work the clasp, removing her bra, finally exposing her round supple breast for me to adulate and taste like I longed to. My mouth pecked her lips briefly as I headed to the mounds of perfect, pink flesh. I tongued and toyed with her nipples, sucking, licking and flicking until she began squirming beneath me. She tasted like cream and smelled of sex. I heard her small mangled sounds fill the air and swallowed hard as I steeled myself to seek what I had waited for. I let my fingers brush her stomach and waist, tracing her outline as they continued down her hips and slipped to the inner most place I desired.
She thrust and gasped as I brushed her clit through her silky thong. I leaned up and returned my mouth to her lips as both my hands urged her out of the thong. Her tongue was frenzied and her sounds came quick and loud. I returned my hands to their exploration as my fingers slid between the silky liquid sex. I pushed a finger deep inside her and her hips bucked up to garner more. I quickly added another finger as I left one chaste kiss on her lips to crawl down her body and drown in her sea of sex.
When I reached my destination her hands and nails dug into my hair and provided the pain to my pleasure; I was about to enjoy. Her pussy was pink and swollen with color. I explored with my eyes while I let my fingers work her in and out, my thumb grazed her clit repeatedly as I watched her come to life. I played her body with ease it felt as comfortable as strumming my guitar. Her sounds and grip on my hair increased in intensity, and I licked my lips in anticipation of tasting her. I slowed my assault briefly and her objection was made verbal, but not coherent.
I smiled and leaned in further to her pussy. Placing small kisses on the top of her clit and opening, I avoided the friction she was now begging for. Teasing her became addictive, knowing I was going to devour her whole. I held her hips and settled myself between her long legs, puffing small heated breaths on her then relenting with her forceful tug of my hair. She excited me like no one ever had. I let my tongue slide the length of her swollen lips, dipping inside briefly, slow and languorously I flattened my tongue and lapped her sweet sex.
"Ung…Edwarrrrd…please…"
Her murmurs and begging finally got to me so I increased my pace and resumed playing her like an intimate instrument. She began to sing for me and I didn't stop until I tasted every inch I could. Her beautiful moans filled the room, and I couldn't care less about the obvious cliché we seemed to be providing backstage. I knew she meant so much more and I had every intention of making her mine.
"Bella…" I returned to her ear, "God, you are so incredible but I can't wait any longer."
"Then don't!"
She turned her neck and her hungry mouth enticed me inside hers, her hands sliding across my back and down my shoulders. I leaned back to a seated position and pulled her with me lifting her up to straddle my lap. Her eyes searched mine, and all I could do was smile and kiss her some more. She tightened her grip around my waist with her legs and lifted her hips as she rubbed her slick folds up and down my erection, coating me with her essence before sliding completely down my cock.
"Fuuuh…ck. Bella, you feel so perfect. Damn, the times I'd imagined being inside of you never felt this good."
She continued to work me up and down as her firm ass hit my balls, and I held only her hips, guiding her allowing her to take control, taking what she wanted—needed from me. Anything she wanted, it belonged to her. She worked her rhythm over me. Her tits bounced at eye level but I couldn't pry my eyes from her stunning face. I watched her as she was coming for the second time, completely in control and fucking beautiful. She slowed her movements and began to collapse all around me. Slouching forward, I kissed her neck and urged us backwards to lean against the back of the sofa for support.
I coaxed her spent body around on my lap never breaking our connection, still inside of her, and pulled her back into me. Her back to my chest and I buried my face in her neck as her head fell back and rested on my shoulder. I held her firm at her hip and my other hand found a nipple as I teased her back to life. I whispered in her ear as I began moving in and out of her again.
"Making love to you was worth waiting for. Everything about you entices me, Bella."
"God, Edward…I never knew it could be like this." Nor did I.
I quickened my pace beneath her lifting her hips and she began to respond instantly. I nibbled kisses down her neck that drove her crazy like I remembered. As she began to lean forward, I continued the trail of open mouthed licks down her back. Teeth, tongue and lips, I kissed her back. She was leaning forward now, supporting her weight on the coffee table. I leaned into her, deepening our connection in awe at the way she gave herself to me, granting me the vision of her perfectly round ass. I stole a grope between thrusts with my hands before I decidedly lost control.
Watching her long dark hair spill forward and the gentle contours of her cream white body arch in front of me as I thrust in and out of her was ecstasy. My hands grasped her curvy hips taut. Her long graceful neck arched and she twisted her head around to watch my eyes as I drove us further. Every curve and supple inch of her bare body was exposed to me, and my orgasm overtook my entire body as I filled her entirely.
We both leaned forward spent and riding the last few moments of our shared high out together. I pulled Bella close to my body again, instantly longing for complete contact—the connection to her. She turned and crawled up into me as we held on to each other, nestled in the oversized sofa. Her small sounds of contentment made my heart swell, and I kissed her mouth.