There was not a single thing left for her to hold onto; all she had now were meaningless tears and words filled with hatred. That, and a wish to vanish. The coming nights would be so long.
Atosaki Kurokawa had been born with a gift which never truly manifested until one fateful day. At the tender age of nine, the girl lost everything to a mysterious, unexplained conflagration: her parents, her home, even her will to live. She never understood how it happened, how the entirety of Fuyuki City was violently set ablaze, how she managed to survive, until she met the man known as Kirei Kotomine. She would always regret their encounter, from the way he found her half-dead and face-down in the mud to the answers he provided in the aftermath.
He called her a latent magus, a possessor of healing at that: one in a billion. The power to bend life to his will without breaking it was something he desired. And so he kept the girl as a long-term project. She never saw the light of day for ten years, left to languish in the basement of Kotomine Church with only her healing abilities keeping her alive, both in a physical and mental sense. She wanted to die, he knew, but it would not allow that. Self-preservation played a key role in this case. When he started denying the girl nourishment, she fell into a deep slumber, a comatose state in which her power grew exponentially as time passed. He had almost forgotten about her until the beginning of the Fifth Holy Grail War drew near.
"Do you remember the name you told me, girl?" he asked after he unsealed her vault and woke her. It was a disgusting scene.
She shook her head and spoke only a single word through trembling lips: "No."
"You shall be called Kurokawa," Kotomine told her, "the black river. It will carve your path into the future so long as you embrace it."
From there he fed her fables of the Holy Grail and the wish it would grant him if he won the War. He claimed he intended to restore what was lost ten years ago, and even after she realized how much time had gone by, that became her sole salvation, a new reason to live.
Soon Kotomine introduced the girl to someone he called his Servant. Her only duty was to follow him and ensure he successfully battled each of the other six Servants once without being defeated, providing him energy if necessary. There was no reason for her to object, except for the fact that she was absolutely terrified of Kotomine's so-called Servant.
She stared through dull brown eyes at the young man clad in blue. He seemed so vibrant and strong, everything she wasn't. If not for her fear, it would have been a primal sin, that of envy, that made her disdain him. Only the promise of the Grail bound her.
"Lancer," she said upon his introduction, "I… I don't like you."
He scoffed, a derisive smile on his lips. "Nice to meet you too."
The girl was given time to prepare for the first night of the War, and with it she merely lay in the grass outside the church, breathing the cool, fresh air, staring at the stars she never thought she would see again. Her heart skipped a beat when a full moon finally stole out from behind the clouds. She reached for it. This brief moment of reprieve was quite unceremoniously broken by an approaching Lancer and his flippant tone.
"What, never seen the sky before?"
"No," she said, lowering her hand.
He laughed heartily. "This ought to be fun."
Kurokawa stood slowly, reluctantly, and went to his side. She observed him a moment, perusing his every feature though her attention returned continually to his eyes. The irises were a deep red hue, almost captivating the way they reflected the moonlight like faceted rubies. And then there was his hair, cut short around the skull but long at the back, almost the same length as hers, only a deep azure instead of plain black. He wore it tied in a tail with a golden clasp.
"You're staring," Lancer informed her.
She didn't say anything as she turned away.
"Let's go," he said flatly. "I want to get this night over with as soon as humanly possible."
"Yes," she replied. "It's something we have in common."
They made their way into the city, and for the first time Kurokawa saw it in its state of rebirth. There were no more ashes, no more fires. No more death. She pressed her fingers to her lips to stop herself from crying.
Lancer's gaze fell upon her on more than one occasion, curious as to why the Kurokawa girl seemed so off. She just didn't look right with that pretty but sad face, like she was always about to burst into tears. Her mannerisms confused him, seeming so childish despite her appearing close to adulthood. Even when she spoke she reminded him of an adolescent, one lost and thoroughly confused.
By now her shoulders were trembling, and he conjectured it was not due to the temperature. He would have asked the reason, but his expectation of any good answer was low.
"I'm scared," she said at last.
Lancer quirked an eyebrow. "Of what, your own shadow?"
Her breath caught in her throat as she began her next sentence. "Of this… this world."
After the resulting pause, Lancer swept her up in his arms. She weighed almost nothing. "You're too slow. Just hang on."
She wanted to say something, to protest or complain, but no words came out. He felt so warm. He had her close to his chest, and she heard a heart beating inside. She couldn't remember the last time anyone held her.
Lancer raced through the empty city streets so swiftly that the scenery went by in a grayish blur. Kurokawa preferred it that way, so she did not have to see anything about the life she never had. Even if Kotomine had not found her, she would have survived. There could have been a new beginning. Difficult as it sounded, perhaps she would become part of a new family and go to school and have friends and lots of fun. Ten years of stagnation, of nothingness, each and every one of them pointed down an untraveled road.
Her heart contracted painfully as Lancer neared a school complex. She knew he was going there, even now. She had always dreamt of places like that. The concept of uniforms and studying and social hierarchy seemed so foreign to her. The thought of her old classmates, who were all surely dead, brought tears to her eyes.
Kurokawa felt herself being lowered down, and instinctively she threw her arms out around Lancer's neck.
"A clingy one, aren't you?"
"I'm sorry." She hastily clambered out of his hold.
Lancer merely shrugged. "Wait here. I'm going that way."
Kurokawa's already pale face went even whiter. "You're leaving me?"
"I'll come back," he said with a raised brow.
It took her a second to understand. She nodded, and Lancer trudged toward the school, a crunch of leaves sounding at each step. Shivers starting going up and down her spine once he went out of sight. Kotomine had only given her a plain denim dress to wear. It was a size too big on her and barely kept in heat.
"Come back soon," Kurokawa whispered, sitting down on the hard ground, knees pulled up to her chin.
She had been dozing on and off when Lancer wrapped his arms around her again.
"We're going," he growled.
"Did something happen?"
"Oh yes," was his reply.
Lancer raced through a neighborhood lined with traditional Japanese houses on either side, finally halting at a rather large one in particular. Kurokawa could only wonder what business he had there. He placed her down at the front gate before leaping onto the roof of the house and vanishing without a trace.
Part of her wanted to go inside. It looked like a nice home, perhaps belonging to a nice family. She peered around the vacant street, trying to decide whether she should follow him. The shattering of glass snapped her from contemplation. A red-haired boy holding what appeared to be a rolled-up poster had been thrown through a window, pursued by a spear-wielding Lancer. The shorter male kept running until he received a brutal kick to the side, which sent him flying into a nearby shed. She wanted to scream as Lancer jabbed at the bloodied boy with the head of his crimson weapon. The boy fell backward through the doors with a yelp while Lancer pressed on. They both disappeared inside.
"Lancer, stop it!" Kurokawa ran toward them, reaching the shed just as he was thrown out by a burst of light and directly on top of the frail girl.
"Dammit, what're you doing?" Lancer hoisted himself up and dragged her with him by the collar.
"What're you doing?!" she demanded. "I didn't think killing random people was part of your job."
He tossed her aside, a scowl on his face. "He's a witness."
"What…?"
Lancer turned away from her and focused on the young, flaxen-haired woman who suddenly exited the shed. Her unexplained appearance and the armor she wore immediately told Kurokawa that she was another Servant.
They ran at each other, Lancer's spear clashing against something invisible clutched in the female Servant's hands. He jumped back, continuing to jab using his weapon at intervals, deflected successfully by the opponent each time. The redheaded boy stumbled outside, staring in awe at the two Servants. The spot right over his heart dripped red, the tan school uniform he wore bloody. Kurokawa would have wanted to help him had he not been on his feet. He stared at her in confusion when she heard Lancer's voice again.
"You coward! How dare you keep your weapon hidden?!"
That was it then, whatever the woman wielded was invisible. She struck at Lancer, pushing him back even further. He dropped into a guard position while she remained still.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Stopping mid-fight will disgrace spearmen everywhere. If you won't come to me, then I shall come to you."
"Let me ask one thing first," said Lancer. "What's your Noble Phantasm? A sword?"
Kurokawa didn't hear what the woman had to say, her mind trying to wrap itself around that term: Noble Phantasm. It sounded so elegant and so powerful, yet she had no idea what it meant.
"Get real, Saber!" he said to the Servant. "This is only our first encounter, so how about we stop now and call it a draw?"
"I think not," she said. "You will meet your end here."
"Well, my objective all along was to gather information," Lancer said, his spear beginning to steam. "I never planned to stick around if anyone's Servant showed up…"
Weapon sparking with energy, he jumped into the air and launched himself at Saber.
"…But now I'll have your heart!"
Lancer swung, only missing Saber by a narrow margin. And then he turned on his heel, grinning wildly. An ominous aura of bloodlust coiled off the tip of the lance.
"Gáe Bolg…!"
"G-gay what?" Kurokawa murmured as the spearhead struck Saber in the chest.
She reeled backward, falling to one knee and muttering something about a cause-effect reversal under her breath.
"So, you managed to avoid the death blow of my Gáe Bolg," remarked Lancer.
Saber's green eyes widened. "That's the name of your weapon? So you're Ireland's Son of Light? The Hound of Culann."
Lancer clicked his tongue. "It's too bad my identity was given away so quickly. And Servants are supposed to fight to the death if their true name is revealed…"
He walked toward Kurokawa and picked her up with one arm.
"Are you running away even with your Master present?!" asked Saber.
"Sorry, you're mistaken," said Lancer over his shoulder. "I've got orders from someone else, and he's a coward. But if you're looking to die, try chasing me."
Kurokawa watched as Saber and the red-haired boy disappeared behind them. She looked at Lancer's profile, bright against the moon's glow, as he soared from rooftop to rooftop, finally dropping into a narrow alleyway. He sighed, his spear disappearing as he slid to the ground.
"…Are you okay?" the girl asked.
"Yeah," he said grudgingly, his pride hurt more than anything else.
She sat down next to him, close but not too close. "You wanted to finish the fight."
Lancer glared at her for pointing out the obvious.
"You were trying to kill that boy before. Why?"
"One reason," said Lancer. "He saw my battle with another Servant. Rules are rules. I don't like it either. But hey, turns out he's a Master. Best way to get the Servants is to snuff out the energy source."
He noticed the way the girl shuddered when he said those things. She probably couldn't come to terms with the whole concept of the War, seeming to be a poorly versed magus who lacked any drive.
"I don't like seeing people die like that. It's not fair for their lives to be stolen from them," she said quietly. "I'll never get used to it happening, even now."
"Used to it?"
The girl said nothing more. She wrapped her arms around herself, one hand over her heart, the same spot where he had stabbed that kid, grip tightening on the material. Lancer shook his head.
"Unfortunately, wars come with death and killing. They go hand-in-hand."
Kurokawa gave him a look so imploring that even he was taken aback. She crawled closer, as if he were a fire and she wanted to get warm. He could no longer resist; he put an arm around her.
"What good are you, anyway?" he asked.
"I don't know," she answered.
Well, for anyone familiar with Fate x autoRAIN, here is my second story to feature Atosaki Kurokawa, only for her a non-canonical version in the canon world of Fate/stay night. I hope you'll enjoy this one, and if you don't mind, please tell me what you think as you go along! It's always an absolute joy to hear your comments.