AarSon – Releasing the star back into the dark
Chapter 1 – Immersing in the ocean
July 2011
"This is the end, of you and me, we had a good run...now I'm setting you free".
Like a bird, released into the sky, it's time to fly.
The months spent together – 13, the superstitious unlucky number, never more proven until tonight.
The date, the 4th of July, signifying freedom, releasing the star back into the dark.
His words, left to echo, corrupting the air that surrounded them, hitting the walls of their apartment, hanging in the moment.
He struggled to digest his words, the swallowing of knives, his heart, left as cold as ice...before shattering into a million pieces.
For the man that he once knew, had turned his back, the man who once loved him...had sold him out.
The voice continued.
"We were never inevitable, our forever, was only ever going to be for a while".
Shock saturated his system, poison coursed through his veins, his whispering tone killing him delicately.
His mind began to race, searching desperately for a sign of resistance in what he had just heard, in his stance, in his face. Did he really mean those dirty words he had just said, did he mean them, did he now?
He began wishing to take it back, to where it all went wrong, but the truth was, he did not know where that was.
He was stunned, numb, just staring at him. Until the feeling took his breath away, the feeling indescribable, he looked at him, at the face of his ray of light, fading, concluding, dissolving into acid shade.
He found his voice underneath the pain that was now boiling through his soul, setting him on fire...burning and perishing him alone.
"No, no please, please. Please don't do this, please don't do this Jay".
...There was no response. Jackson stood, motionless.
The men held each other's gaze.
Aaron let his tears run free, his pain within the water.
For he knew, he was staring into the eyes that did not belong, he was staring into the eyes of a stranger, the warmth in them, corrupted, the eyes now lifeless.
Aaron fell back, his body crashing into the wall behind him.
Closing his eyes, he was abducted, into lonely darkness.
Living without him, would be like living in a world with no air, a lifeless body, roaming this world alone.
Nothing mattered but Jackson, everything that mattered was Jackson.
Remembering when, he was the boat, and Jackson the sea, together they would soar, so effortlessly, against the waves, against the world. And now, he was sailing away, alone, into a grey sky morning.
God, he couldn't think of a time, when he felt less alive.
"Aaron?"
He tried so desperately not to listen, but his voice, calling his name. He would travel to the end of the world for him, retrieve the stars, the moon in his honour.
But now the sky was empty, no day, no light... Just night, dark.
Aaron opened his eyes.
Jackson remained unchanged, his position, expression, motionless.
Aaron, his tears turning his eyes scarlet, his stare falling to the floor, but his heart kept falling further.
Aaron could not understand, why the man he loved, the only man he could ever love, was swimming with the sharks.
Aaron began to speak, whispering, desperately trying to iron the flaws that threatened his existence.
"I'm so sorry."
"What for?"
"Whatever I've done wrong, I won't do it again, I promise".
"How can you not do it again if you don't know what it is?" Jackson joked, but it failed to reach his dark eyes. He continued.
"You haven't done anything wrong."
"Is this, is this because of that guy at the bar, I wasn't interested Jackson I swear, I told him I was with someone, he just wouldn't take no for an answer, I should have told him where to go straight away, I just thought he would get the hint. I'm sorry".
Jackson waited until Aaron met his gaze before responding.
"He wasn't the first guy, and he won't be the last to flirt with ya, I over reacted about the situation, If anybody should apologise it should be me. But we can't be together Aaron".
Aaron slowly furrowed his brow in confusion in the digestion of what he had just heard, had he spotted a ray of hope in Jackson's last words?
"What do you mean, 'we can't', why can't we be together?"
Jackson rephrased.
"I mean, I don't want to be with you anymore".
"But you just..."
Jackson cut him off.
"AARON I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE!" Jackson shouted, before turning his back on him... Just like everyone else.
For Jackson, was no longer afraid, of open water, he was now, swimming, immersing himself, with the sharks.
Aaron, unable to speak, unable to move. The pain gaining momentum with his every breath, spreading like wild fire through his body, all that he could do, was to immerse himself in the agony, as it savaged beneath his skin and constricted his soul.
Aaron was struck, right through the heart, wearing no armour, with no defences, no weapons to strike back. Danger, destruction, following him everywhere he went, ready to target him at any given moment, choosing tonight as its platform.
Silence fell upon the room.
Aaron pleaded for a higher power, to make him feel no more. He turned around, resting his head against the wall.
Memories was all he had now, his lover, from out of space, the only one who made sense and understood their world.
Aaron began to remember, clinging to their time in the sun. His birthday that he celebrated with Jackson. The builder whisked him away on a surprise four day holiday in Italy. Making love in a secluded spot beneath the stars, candlelit dinners for two, no expense spared. Their first Christmas together, moving into their apartment, recollections swirled together, taking control of his mind.
Tears gently trickled down his face, as he recalled the star filled sky, the night Jackson had told him he loved him, setting the world alight, colours dancing through the galaxy.
And now, their life together eclipsed, an asteroid crashing into their private space.
Aaron struggled to breath, the realisation beginning to become real, his life with Jackson, was only ever going to be borrowed, eventually he would have to return his lucky star, into the dark.
Aaron was the first to break the silent atmosphere, still resting his head against the wall, his voice, just detectible.
"I was always going to have to let you go, wasn't I?"
Jackson, gazing out of the window, not turning to look at him, responded.
"What"?
"It's true what they say, if you love someone, you should, set them free, even if it isn't what you want. I should have figured that one out long ago. I'll go. Ano, this is a long shot but, if you, ever change ya mind...I will be waiting. I would come back in a heartbeat. But, someone like you, could never love someone like me forever, your perfect Jackson...Incredible. Don't let anybody tell you any differently ok?"
Aaron, lifting himself from the wall, trying desperately to support his heavy heart on his own, made his way towards the door.
"I love you Jackson, suppose I always will. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.
Aaron tried desperately not to let his tears drown his voice, but failed.
"When you find, that someone special, he will be the luckiest guy in the world. You deserve to be happy Jackson, so much. You don't deserve to be with someone, who is damaged goods, like me...take care Jay".
Aaron disappeared silently out of the door.
Aaron's words lingered in the air, surrounding Jackson, but his words, were not warm enough, to keep away the cold.
Jackson turned around, staring at the door. Tears, seeping down his face, drowning his heart.
Jackson moved erratically for the door, for he could not let Aaron go, not like this.
TBC