Promises. On the day that I sealed Kingdom Hearts, I made two promises. Two promises that I couldn't keep, no matter how hard I tried. I was supposed to take care of Kairi, supposed to come back for her. But I haven't been able to keep either of my promises.
It has been four long years since that day. Since I made my wasted promises. As I stand in front of the door, I realize that I finally have the chance to fulfill them. But I find these thoughts…these doubts filling my head.
Is it worth it? I mean, it has been four long years now since I made those promises. It has been so long, she probably thinks that I forgot about her. Or worse, what if she has forgotten me? Not only that, but a lot can change in four years, Kairi will be nineteen shortly, and I just turned 20. We, or at least I'm not the same person I was back then.
I'm not the same person I was when I made those promises. Years of fighting, traveling, aging, and looking for what is lost takes a toll on a person. No matter how strong their heart is. The effect is only multiplied when you go through it all without anyone by your side. My friends where lost at Kingdom Hearts, and Donald and Goofy left with King Mickey shortly after. Mickey told me that Riku was dealing with some "unfinished business" and would join me soon. That day never came, I have yet to see Riku again. My vision if him is fading, my hopes of seeing my old friend are dropping after just 3 years.
You can only hold onto hopes and dreams for so long. This is what scares me so much about taking the final step in returning home. What if everyone's hopes of seeing me again have faded? What if Kairi's hopes of being with me again fade…That would be the worst of all. I couldn't live my life being unwanted by my friends and family, especially her.
I don't want to step through and find them not caring. Finding that I am dead to them. That I am but a part of history. I also don't want to never see them again.
It's driving me insane! I doubt that I could live on without sight or sound of my friends, but that would be better than going back and being unwanted…I cant choose. A life of solitude without my friends or the possibility of being unloved.
One year ago I would have stepped through without question, without doubt. But 4 years. That's more than enough time to let your dreams fade.
With these doubts plaguing my head, with my heart screaming to walk through, I make a compromise. The door leads to the secret place, or at least it should. I'll go that far, just to the secret place. That way, I have gone home, I would have heard my friends. I could get the taste of home without having to face possible rejection. With that, I step through.
I am suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia as walk through the door. Back into the Secret Place, where we, Kairi and I, recorded our childhood feelings and memories onto the rock walls. I walk around the room, looking at all of the drawings of stories and events and make believe characters.
My memories are suddenly interrupted by a crackling noise coming from the entrance. Quickly ducking behind some rocks, I watch in fear and anxiety as someone comes walking around the rocks, but the cave was to dark to make out their face. Being as quiet as possible I lean in to try and listen to the person, following their every move by the sound each foot made as it stepped one in front of the other. The sounds of walking stopped by the side of the door, being replaced by what sounded like muffled cries, I would even go so far as to call it whimpering.
The room is illuminated as a small flashlight is lit. The sudden light forced me to close my eyes, at least until they could adjust. I was still wondering who was here, who else could have found this place. The only other person we ever told about this place was Riku. Someone else could have easily stumbled upon it. All of these questions where answered when I heard a distantly familiar voice fill the air.
"Sora…why? Why haven't you come back? You promised…Why haven't you come back…I wake up everyday hoping that this will be the day that you return, but for nothing. I don't know how much longer I can wait…Sora…please come back." She was almost crying now. "The others have all but given up hope on your return, it's starting to set in on me. I find myself expecting you back less and less everyday. I hate myself for it, but I can't seem to stop it no matter how hard I try. I hate you Sora! You didn't come back! Why didn't you come back?!" The sadness in her voice was quickly replaced by anger and rage.
I knew that it was Kairi, right there in front of me. She was trying with everything she had to keep her hopes up for my return…and it was hurting her. I was hurting her. How could I do such a thing!? I didn't know what to do at that point. She wanted me back home but she hated me at the same time. Before I could make a decision, I heard her get up and head for the tunnel out.
Without thinking I blurted out "But I did come back." The sound of her walking stopped and I heard her whip around. She looked around the cave with her flashlight, but I was hidden behind the rocks still. She was trembling, I could tell by the way the light danced around the walls of the cave. Damn it! I was doing it again. I didn't think before I spoke and now looked what happened!! She was scared, afraid. I blew my one and only chance…I made her scared of my return. Scared of me.
"So…Sora…?" Her voice barely above a whisper. "Is that…Is that y-you?" Just like I thought, I had scared her. She could barely talk. It was all my fault. I knew that I shouldn't have walked through that accursed door. I was worried about hurting myself…but I ending up hurting the one who I so desperately wanted to see.
I knew then what I had to do. "I'm sorry Kairi. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to see you again. I'm sorry that I scared you, sorry for everything that I have ever done wrong to you. But don't worry, I'll never hurt you again. I'm leaving now" I got up from behind the rock that I was standing behind and headed for the door.
The flashlight shone upon me as I got up and then dropped to the floor. She was frozen in place as I walked. Opening the door I took one last look at my old home. The flashlight, still rolling around from where it was dropped, stopped on one particular carving on the rock wall.
It was the picture of that Kairi and I drew of each other. Only now there was something different. Just before I left on the journey to seal Kingdom Hearts, I drew a Paopu Fruit from my face to her's. But that's not what caught my attention. It was the second Paopu Fruit, a new one, going from her face to mine.
I stood I shock and stared at the drawing. I bent down and picked up the flashlight and pointed at where Kairi was. As soon as I did so, she burst into tears. I had never wanted to go reach out and console her more, but I never wanted to hurt her either. I had been there for less than an hour and I had caused her pain and anguish 3 times! I wanted to help her, but I knew that I would just end up hurting her.
My mind was set. I would leave, so that I would never hurt Kairi again. Saying my final goodbye, I whispered, just enough for her to hear me, "I love you Kairi, that's why I'm leaving. I can't allow myself to hurt you again. Goddbye." With tears in my eyes, I turned and stepped back through the door.
The last thing I heard before I closed the door behind me was Kairi's muffled voice, "Don't go! Please, Sora, Don't go!"
But I had made up my mind, I wouldn't allow myself to hurt her anymore. I would leave and not look back, for her sake alone. I didn't care how much it hurt, I would never hurt her again.
Note: That ended up to be a lot longer than I expected. Still trying to decide whether or not I should continue. Tell me!! If I go on, it'll most likely be from Kairi's point of view. I'm leaving this one up to the readers, E-mail at focker919yahoo.com or review! Later!