When She Cries

by nyafor5

I'm lost. With no one. No guidance. Nothing. I try to stop, I want too. It's hard. I look at my scars and cringe at what I've done. I Cringe at the gruesome sight. Petrified of it it happening once more. I asked the great and powerful for help, but is yet to been received. I could've stopped it, but I didn't. And then I found him. A oneshot I turned into a story.

1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys!So it's me, Maryna of course. Okay. This one-shot ( wondering if I should continue or not) actually means a lot to me. A lot of people that are close to me are going through more than you could ever imagine, and times get tough. I know sometimes it feels like you're all alone, but you're not. More people care about you than you think. It always gets better. I know sometimes it feels like it won't, but it will.I know sometimes it feels like your only escape, but there are many more ways.A one-shot based off the song "When She Cries" by Britt Nicole. Stay strong. I love you guys 333. Read and Review!

**I own nothing but the plot… I honestly wish I owned HH. This show would have seasons non-stop if I owned it. Kk.**

S/O: To my peeps on Tumblr!Love you guys 33.

I took the blade. The ache heals me. I trap myself in this hole, this room. The bruises sting, but it relieves me. This agony. This scar. I'm screaming, but no one hears me. I can sense a crack in my heart. A crack that's pleading to grow, and I want it to.

"Little girl terrified, she'd leave her room if only bruises would heal. A home is no place to hide, Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels."

The days go by, symmetrical to the one before. The reflection in the blade stares at me. I don't want to, but I do. I don't want to break. Or hide. I try to find a direction, but I'm lead to my current destination. I hurt, but the pain is my pleasure. I asked him to show me the path, this is it.

"Every day's the same, she fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray."

I cry. I cry to my loudest ability , no one comes for the save. I cry myself to sleep, no one tucks me in and reassures me it's okay. I need my mom, but she was taken away from me. From me to the one above.

"She wonders why. Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?"

I see them smiling, taunting me. I want to be happy, but the universe refuses. I want to drop the blade, but the pain disagrees. They treat me like I'm contagious, like arms length is the safest way to be, it's not. I need a hug, but I'm some type of disease. A disease that no one wants to catch. Nothing is okay. Nothing is alright, and yet they act like I'm not there. I am, but I'm invisible, well my soul is. You can see my body, but my soul is still trapped in my room. My room that left when my mom left, yeah that one. The room that kept my happiness with it, that room.

"Everyone's singing but she can't seem to smile. They never get past arms length, How could they act like everything is alright?"

I left the bathroom, pulling down my sleeves so my pain wouldn't show. So my memories the scars left wouldn't be revealed, but no one would care. I want to cry. I want to scream. The blade, the ache. The only solutions that screams for me, except with no sound. No earaches. In all honesty, I want to be heard. I want someone to take the hurt away. Tell me it's going to be okay. Tell me that you're going to be here, and not only for a season. I want to be held. Held like I'm loved. Held like I'm the only thing that matters. In all honesty, I want to be wanted. And then I dropped. I dropped to my knees and I prayed. I need you.

"Pulling down her long sleeves, to cover up all the memories that the scars leave. She says 'Maybe making me bleed, will be the answer that could wash the slate clean."

I want my next time to be my last time, and never look back to the times that I looked to it. I want my last time to be my time. My time to finally find who I am. I don't want to look at my bloody reflection, but I do. I see a girl. A girl that's looking for an escape, and can only find one way out. A girl that wants to be loved. I see someone that wants to be secured and safe. So great was the extremity of the pain and anguish, that I not only cried, I shouted. I want everyone to hear me. I want attention, I do. I don't want to be invisible, or treated like I am. I'm not invisible, I'm alone. I'm fighting this battle, this one person battle. A battle with myself. The good, and the bad. The pain, and the pleasure.

"Maybe making me bleed, will be the answer that will wash the slate clean."

My belongings flew into the bag, each throw fuming with anger, with hurt, with anguish. Tears flowing down my face like freshly dropped rain. I want them to. Holding them in is destroying me, and I want them to flow. Flow and don't stop if that's what it takes, just no more holding it in. I want this to be the day, but this isn't the only time my mind has been set. Many times before I thought was going to be the end, but it wasn't. I go running back to the silver when it gets a little tough, and that's what I want to avoid. It's no good for me, I know. People change, things happen. My life's motto. I was the girl who brought the joy, and the main one to keep it flowing. Was. I was that girl, but who am I now? I want to say my name, but I don't know who I'm referring to. The girl that I used to be, or the girl that I am now. The bag threw itself over my shoulder, and I take off. My legs not stopping until I made it to my spot. I don't like to call it that anymore, though. This spot. This spot where my mom made her decision. Her decision to end it, end it all. Her body in the air, until she landed.

"Mom!Mom!"

I hear my words echoing in the atmosphere as it did that day. That day when she decided she'd had enough of life, and it'd had enough of her. These tears sting. The tears hurt more than the blade. Tears show pain, and pain is my life. My life exactly.

"She fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray. She wonders why. Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?"

They say it's the dark before the dawn, but what does that mean? It's never going to get brighter than this, I know. Don't tell me it will, it won't. Her name is carved into my ankle, I had it tattooed the day it happened. Nora Tate. My mom. My joy and happiness. The tattoo is the best mark of them all, it marks a special day. My life made an unexpected turn that day. I always wonder what I would be if it never happened, though. If she never made the decision. If I was still me.

I stood on the edge of the hill. I don't want to, but I want her. If I'm going to go, I want it to be the way she left me. No. I can't. I spread my arms, but I don't fall. I'm not going to fall, I'm going to stand up straight, and shout my problems aloud. My mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. The tears. They are stopping me. They aren't letting me.

"This is the dark before the dawn. The storm before the peace."

I felt a strong breeze blow my hair back. It's her. It's my mom. I'm not afraid anymore. It's time to talk, talk to her. Tell her what I couldn't tell her before. My knees hit the ground, and my hands come together. I need to pray.

"Mom. If that's you, I just want to say hi. My life is not exactly gold right now, but I want to change that, for you. I've been kind of lost lately, you know? I just want to be that little girl that had the positive attitude, not letting anything bring her down."

The wind brushed it's fingers threw my hair once more, it's her.

"I haven't shown anyone, you're the only one I trust. Here are my scars. The ones that indicate what my life has been without you. I miss you. I miss you a lot, actually."

I brought my arm to my chest, I miss her. She was my reason to live, without her, I don't have a good reason to go on. I still try, though. I try, but for what is the reason?

"I love you. I haven't touched the guitar since you left. I know how special that ole' guitar is to you. I even wrote your signature on it. At least now you know why I've never brought home a discipline sheet for you to . I guess this is now, officially, goodbye."

"Don't be afraid, Cause seasons God is watching over hears day's the same, she fights to find her way."

My hands come together, well rested on my chest.

"God, are you there? If you are, I need you. I need you to help guide me into the right direction, and out of the wrong. I need you to help me. I want to stop cutting, I want to be happy, but I need help. I can't do it . If you hear me, please."

"She hurts, She hides, She breaks, and tries to pray."

My head rests onto the moist soil, and I cry. This feels good, much better than the blade. I take the sliver blade from my back pocket, this is the end. The end of me wearing sleeves everyday to hide my trail marks. The end of my insecurities. The end of the harm. The blade drops and falls from the top, I don't dare to look down to watch it hit the ground. I don't care anymore.

"You aren't alone.I'm here."

I quickly raise my head and turned towards the deep voice. This guy. This guy with dark brown hair. He pulls me into an embrace. At first I was tense, but I felt comfort when he didn't let go. This is the feeling I've been is the feeling I've been waiting to feel.

"She'll be just fine. Cause I know he hears her when she the same. She fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray ."

I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. Maybe she sent him to me. Maybe this is the time I'm finally going to go about my word, and do the right thing. The right thing. The right thing, as in no pain, no tears, no breaking, but happiness. No more depression, or negativity. He is here for a reason. Thanks God, Thanks mom. I bury my face into the crease of his neck.

"She'll be just fine. Cause I know he hears her when she cries."

Phew!I am done here! Contemplating on whether I should continue this or not. Anyway, what do you think?Read..and possibly review maybe? This one meant a lot to me. If you haven't heard the song,you should listen to it! It's very motivational! I'm here for you guys if you ever need to talk about ANYTHING ! Should I continue or..what? I know it's kinda depressing, but at least it got better at the end right?I do not own any of the lyrics, all credit goes to Britt Nicole for her wonderful song When She Cries.

Love you guys,

Nyafor5