Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Like I had to tell you that…
A/N: Well, I owe a good bit of this story to Labbess, as she helped a lot with the plot. Oh, you want to know why it's called "Pipe Cleaner Theatre"? Well, that's because Labbess created a bunch of the Naruto cast out of pipe cleaners, and we were messing around with them, and POOF! The plot (or lack thereof) fell into place. So…here's the story! Congratulations, by the way, if you can understand what's going on and follow it.
Note on the characters in here: as given when writing humor, everyone's kind of OOC, but you'll get over it. Oh, I guess I should also say that there are hints of a couple pairings, listed here: KibaHina, ShikaTem, InoSasu, SakuLee, ShikaIno, NejiTen. So feel free to make of everything what you so please. If you think one line points to "NaruTen", then fine. It does. I'm not going to argue it. However, know that Labbess put the KibaHina fluff in here. So there're more than "hints" of that.
Oh, there's also a lot of "MEANWHILE"s in this story (since there are so many characters to follow), so it gets a little confusing.
One
The sun was shining over Konoha, and everyone was not at the ramen shack eating ramen. No, they were doing activities that had nothing to do with ramen. Ino and Tenten were shopping in a mall precariously perched on a cliff; team 8 was enjoying themselves by taking a nice relaxing dip in a hot tub that was slowly revolving (well, Kiba, Hinata, and Akamaru were anyway. Shino was…being Shino. He was collecting bugs or something else Shino-like); team 7 was near the cliff, doing separate activities – Sasuke was meditating on a hill, Sakura was at the bottom, watching him, and Naruto was sitting a little way away from her, watching her and eating ramen (okay, I lied. Naruto is doing an activity that has to do with ramen); Neji was training and/or watching birds in a clearing while Rock Lee ran in circles around him (don't ask me why, because that's just what Lee does), unintentionally creating a ditch; Shikamaru was…sleeping, undisturbed; and Chouji was not…around. And the Sand Siblings were in Suna, minding their own business, training.
That morning had moved particularly slowly, and because everyone wanted both their day and the plot to pick up…
PUNT! Suddenly, Shino went flying as a giant foot came from the heavens and punted him across Konoha.
MEANWHILE
"He's just so wonderful," Sakura sighed, staring up at Sasuke.
"Why don't you pay attention to me, Sakura-chan?" Naruto whined.
"Because I don't like you," she said simply and matter-of-factly.
Suddenly, something rather heavy landed with a SPLAT kind of sound near Sakura.
"GAH!" she shouted, jumping up. Sasuke was unbothered.
Naruto leaned closer to the object that had fallen from the sky. Upon closer inspection, it was their fellow genin, Shino.
Naruto poked him.
"NARUTO! STOP THAT!" Sakura berated him, slapping his hand. She leaned closer.
"Uuuuuuhhhhhh," Shino let out an almighty groan.
Sakura shrieked, leaping away.
Naruto poked him again.
"Uuuuhhh," Shino groaned again.
"He's dying," Naruto decided suddenly. He glanced up at Sakura, then began poking Shino again.
Sakura leaned down again. Gently, she poked him. Then with more fervor. Then again. And again. And again and again and again, just like Naruto was doing.
"Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
MEANWHILE
Neji struck out at an imaginary enemy again. He stepped back and shook his head, displeased with the attack. He did it again, but was once more unsatisfied. He tried again.
"Neji!" Rock Lee said suddenly, stopping where he was, his ears perking up. "I think I hear my dearest Sakura-chan screaming! I must help her!"
"All right, Lee," Neji growled, his form faltering for a moment.
Without another thought, Lee took off, racing across Konoha.
MEANWHILE
"So, isn't Sasuke, like, the cutest?" Tenten said in a rather high-pitched voice, giggling girlishly.
"Ha ha, totally!" Ino agreed, matching the giggle.
"I, like, only wish I could, like, date him, though," Tenten said, still smiling.
"I know. Join the club, girl," Ino nodded, also smiling.
"He's just, like sooo—" Tenten coughed. "Look, Ino," she said, her voice returning to its normal pitch, "I'm really sorry, but I can't replace Sakura for you."
Ino sighed. "I guess you're right," she said, dropping the fake smile and speaking normally again. "You don't have to pretend to be her anymore."
"Thanks," Tenten smiled at her. "Anyway, we're supposed to be shopping, aren't we?" she said, pointing to a store. "Come on; let's see what they have in – WHOA!"
Tenten threw her arms out as she tripped on a rock, trying to stop herself from falling, but her actions were in vain. She fell – right off the edge of the cliff.
SHOCK! "TENTEN!" Ino shouted down, off the edge as her shopping-partner landed. "ARE YOU OKAY?"
"I'm fine…" came the muffled answered from below. "I only broke five ribs…"
ANOTHER SHOCK! "Are you sure you're okay?" Ino shouted back down, worriedly.
"Fine…" Tenten called back up. "Lee runs into me all the time…this is nothing…"
"Oh, all right then," Ino said, shrugging and smiling as she spotted a purse in a store window. "I'll see you later, then—"
"Medic-nin," Tenten managed to call back up.
"Oh, all right," Ino said, her face falling. "I'll send help." She started walking towards the clinic in the mall…but darted sideways into a store. "Tenten won't mind if I buy just a couple things…" she said, smiling.
MEANWHILE
"Ha ha, isn't this great, Hinata-chan?" Kiba asked, leaning back in the hot tub and smiling up at the sky.
"Um, um, Kiba-kun…?" Hinata said timidly.
"Yeah?" Kiba asked, looking over at her with a smile.
"Um…Akamaru, he's…" She pointed down at the water where a white dog was at the bottom of the hot tub, looking up at them.
SHOCK! "AKAMARU!" Kiba shouted, jumping up. He, unfortunately, fell backwards over the edge and his head hit the control box. The revolving hot tub began to spin faster…and faster…and faster…
"K-Kiba-kun!" Hinata called, holding on for dear life as the hot tub began spinning at its top speed.
Regrettably, the plea for help was unheard by Kiba, as he was now unconscious. And Akamaru was drowning.
MEANWHILE
Poke. Poke poke. Poke poke poke poke poke po—
"SAKURA-CHAN!"
"YAH!" Sakura shouted again, leaping a foot in the air. "Lee…?"
"I heard your cry for help!" he said, bending down and taking her hands in his. "Is there anything I can do to help you, my dear Sakura-chan?" he asked earnestly.
Then he saw Shino.
"Uuuuuhhhhh."
"Yes," Sakura said suddenly, answering Lee's previous question. "Yes, you can help."
"Anything, Sakura-chan, anything!" Lee said.
"You can take Shino…to the hospital!" she smiled at him.
"RIGHT AWAY!" he shouted, jumping up and lifting Shino.
"Uuuuhhhh."
Lee then took of sprinting to the left.
Sakura sighed. "Five, four, three, two, one…"
"SAKURA-CHAN!"
"Yes, Lee?" the pink-haired kunoichi asked him sweetly.
"The hospital wasn't over there!"
"That direction, Lee," Sakura smiled, pointing to their right.
MEANWHILE
Sweet silence, Sasuke thought, sighing gratefully. It had been a while since he had heard nothing except the forest creatures rustling in the bushes, the birds singing…and Sakura screaming.
He winced. I thought too soon, he realized. But this is why he was here. He crossed his legs and closed his eyes. He looked to be in a rather uncomfortable position, but who are we to question him? He began meditating…again.
Hard as he tried, though, he could still hear loud voices coming from the bottom of the hill. Don't turn around, don't turn around, he told himself. Just…ignore them. They're just…arguing. Don't turn aro—
Not listening to his conscience, he turned to see what the commotion was, despite the fact that it seemed to have gone away. Sadly, his uncomfortable position was forgotten. He began to tumble down the hill. Try as he could to stop himself, he eventually hit a rock and was knocked unconscious.
With another SPLAT kind of sound, another body landed near Sakura.
"SASUKE-KUN!" she shouted, and then keeled over from shock.
Naruto, getting bored, moved over to the other body and began poking it, not realizing Sakura had fainted.
MEANWHILE
Neji sighed. He just couldn't get the move perfect. He had been practicing for hours (not true – it had only been twenty minutes) and still hadn't accomplished much (not true – he had basically mastered the move). He shook his head and decided to go home for some chilled noodles.
"I'll try again tomo—WHOA!" Not watching where he was going, he tripped into the ditch that Lee had unintentionally created while running in circles. He landed on his back and was left staring up at the sky.
"Dangit," he muttered as he tried to get up. For some reason, he couldn't.
"Is anyone out there?" he called helplessly. "Anyone at all?"
And yet, in all the chaos, there is still one in Konoha who has been able to remain calm throughout all of this…
Shikamaru turned on his side, and continued sleeping in the clearing. He hadn't heard any of the screams from the nearby hill, nor had he heard anything from the nearby cliff and shopping mall. Well, that's what he wants us to believe, anyway. After all…why should he help them? It is all much too troublesome…
End of chapter one
Will Tenten ever be saved from the bottom of that Cliff of Doom? Will Kiba wake up in time to save Hinata from her spinning fate? Exactly how long has Akamaru been drowning and hasn't yet died? What will become of the two-thirds of Team 7 who are unconscious? Why doesn't Shino talk, and only moan? Will Neji ever get out of that ditch? What is Shikamaru dreaming about? And what are the Sand Siblings doing in all this? The answers to all these questions (not really) and more (not really) coming next chapter!
(Now review. If you don't…then the next chapter isn't coming.)