Author's Note: I had written this for my short story class about two years ago and figured it was about time I reworked it, typed it up, and posted it online. The prompt was to write about my neighbor, but considering I don't know my neighbors, I took someone who I thought would probably be a very interesting and desirable neighbor. Too bad he only exists in two dimensions.
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me.
Cute and Chinese
By Blue Jeans
Like typical college students, my roommate Lyn and I were nocturnal animals who slept until the sun rose high into the sky. But recently the two of us found a reason to 'greet the buttcrack of dawn,' so to speak. Or at least the hot, sweaty, bronze backside of our new neighbor as he worked out in the patio area of our apartment complex. For awhile, we simply knew him as 'Cute-and-Chinese,' which later turned into 'very-cute-and-anti-social-and-Chinese,' and finally settled into 'smoldering-hot-with-muscular-body-and-still-anti-social-and-Chinese.' This final nickname happened after Lyn and I had a Hot British Men movie marathon that lasted until about six in the morning.
The two of us were dozing in the living room, watching the end of 'Pride and Prejudice,' when we heard the door of the apartment next to ours open. Wondering what Cute-and-Chinese was doing up so early, we exchanged a look and peaked out through the blinds covering our sliding glass doors. Our apartment was in the corner of the building, and his was the next one over, so we had a good vantage point. A very good vantage point. In front of our apartment stood Cute-and-Chinese in all his masculine glory, wearing a pair of baggy white pants, socks, and soft black shoes. That was it. No shirt. None at all. Our mouths were hanging open, and the carpet was probably getting wet from the saliva dribbling off our dangling tongues. He did a few stretches, turned his nicely muscled back to us, and walked downstairs into the patio area.
I looked at Lyn. She looked at me. The two of us quickly and quietly opened the front door and snuck out to the balcony, peeping over the railing to see our neighbor finishing his stretches. Then he stood up and moved fluidly into a series of Tai Chi katas, his face set in rigid concentration.
For about a half-an-hour our world revolved around Cute-and-Chinese. His strength, his grace, and his pure masculinity were driving these two hormonal college students wild. Then the worst possible thing that could ever happen, did. It began innocently enough, just a little bit of a tickle in my nose. I was so absorbed in watching our gorgeous neighbor that I only scratched at the side of my nose distractedly. But this wasn't enough. The tickling continued and if anything, it became more insistent. I sniffed a few times, and I took a couple of deep breaths, but I was unwilling to leave my perch behind the railing. That was my downfall. The sneeze that ripped itself free of me was inhuman in its strength, and it shattered the serenity of the early morning when it echoed off the walls of the building.
Cute-and-Chinese was in the progress of doing a very complicated form, one which involved his putting all of his weight on one leg, and also required his full concentration. When I sneezed, he was so startled by the noise that he lost his focus and his balance all at once. After a few frantic seconds of trying to reclaim it, all the while flapping his arms like a bird, gravity prevailed and he toppled over onto the grass.
There were a few seconds of total shock on his part, but then he shot a glare in our direction. He began storming towards the stairs, probably intent on eliminating us through very slow and painful death by blunt object. Lyn and I made a mad dash back into our apartment, slamming the door shut before he reached the top of the stairs. Then the two of us had a good laugh about what had happened and went to bed, dreaming about shirtless Chinese men. We didn't think much of what had happened, but fate obviously had other plans for us and Cute-and-Chinese. Or at least for me.
About two weeks after our 'incident,' I was heading up the stairs of the complex after a class, feeling very drowsy and exhausted, as I had been spending long hours working on completing an important project. My mind was elsewhere, looking forward to a hot shower and then collapsing on my bed, when I collided with something firm and warm. Moments later, I found myself sprawled on the ground, sparkly stars in front of my eyes which faded as I slowly sat up. Then my eyes met a pair of near-black, almost pupil-less eyes. The eyes of my very attractive and, right then, very angry neighbor.
"YOU!" he snarled and began to stalk closer.
"Eeeeep!" I yelped, scooting back on my rear end, away from him. Just then, the door of his apartment swung open and a young man with a long braid and gorgeous purple eyes peered out around it. A grin spread across his face as he took in Cute-and-Chinese and myself and our current predicament.
"Hmm, and here I thought you said you were going to go check on your laundry!" my neighbor's friend laughed.
"Shut up, Duo. I just ran into a neighbor." Cute-and-Chinese frowned at Duo but all the signs of anger were gone from his face and his features relaxed into a smile. It occured to me that Duo had probably saved me from certain death.
"You didn't tell me that you had such cute neighbors!" Duo exclaimed, and came over to help me to my feet, after which he proceded to drag me into Cute-and-Chinese's apartment. "Come on in! I made spaghetti and Wufei was just complaining that I made way too much again. You look exhausted and hungry– you're in college right? College students never eat right anyway, so you might as well have some of the spaghetti, and there's also garlic bread, and..." he rambled on without stopping for a breath.
I had a very good time that evening. The three of us talked about various topics over dinner, and I learned that the two men were going out. Sad news for myself and Lyn if either of us had hoped to snag Wufei's attention, but not a total loss. We now have a third member on our peeping raids, one who enthusiastically holds up score cards to rate Wufei's performance in his morning excercises. He tells us embarrassing stories which make us laugh but cause Wufei to fall over and shout meaningless threats of death by blunt object at us. It's nice to no longer have to run in terror or cower behind the blinds. The view from the balcony is, after, a much better one.