Note: I removed the italics ending because a-lot of reviewers suggesting it would be better so I hope you like it now that it's fixed!.
Note: I do not know entirely if anyone will like it or not, I just thought I had to write it. So I'm I apologize for the future as it can be seen as very depressing – somewhat. Yeah the title is kind of lame but hey, I like it.
This is a Misa x L – Of course, but mostly focusing on Misa's state of mind.
It is an AU because in this plot Light defeated L's successors and was able to make his world become a reality.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note
The Happiness that Kills
It happened a long time ago, the death of a certain young prestigious detective by the name of L Lawliet, and still there had not been a single moment where it hadn't crossed her mind. Even after Light's flawless victory against L's successors, Misa continued to think about the sweet eating pervert also known as Ryuzaki-kun.
It was strange because she wasn't nice to him at all, and whenever they crossed paths Misa would scorn him but even so he sustained fresh on her mind as if he had never actually died. Misa knew that if Ryuzaki-kun was still alive she would have to thank him for helping her so much.
With Ryuzaki's death she finally managed to realize something that was long blind to her – the simple fact that Light never truly loved her. Light may have addressed her with a few words and then promised her a position at his side but it wasn't the same as before when Ryuzaki was around.
Back then Light would let her arm drape around his neck and even give her a quick chaste kiss when she was fighting with Ryuzaki about dates with Light. It was irritating to come to the conclusion that Light was just using her as an alibi so he could be seen as the innocent one because he had 'feelings' and 'cared' about his 'girlfriend'.
Misa scoffed as she entered the Metrorail and took a seat by the window. She always would secretly wish that L was still around so she could selfishly use him to get back close with Light but that in turn would be silly considering Light didn't love her and there was no way to bring someone back from the dead. It was impossible, Misa held a bitter laugh, just as unattainable as it was to revive a Shinigami.
Light was waiting for her back at their apartment, probably to show her his glorious plans and ideas for his new world. A world she suddenly didn't want to be a part of anymore since she didn't feel challenged to any further extent. There wasn't anyone to talk to on a regular basis like a friend considering there hadn't been a real one in years. No one could fill his place.
Shamefully Misa had cheated on Light a couple of times, if Light found out she would most likely be dead, and cast aside which didn't sound so bad if it meant leaving. However the chance still stood that he wouldn't consider it after all she carried out his demands but if he did shout at her about it, Misa thought she wouldn't give a damn.
Misa needed to feel love, even if it was false, Misa would cooperate because she wanted to feel wanted again. There were no longer any eyes watching her as she came into the room with a smile. In fact the routine was always the same, Misa came home, Light scorned her, and then she would leave to do another errand – same thing every day.
It was all hysterically funny, at least to her because here she was cheating on her boyfriend but whenever people wished to befriend her she would reject them. It was quite simple to explain why as she was afraid she would lose her memories of having spats with Lawliet.
Some friend she was though - Misa wasn't even there the day he died. It was L's own fault because he made Mogi to watch over her and keep her away from the Task Force building. Misa assumed the reason for it was that he had suspected that he would die that day and he didn't want her to see it.
Nobody likes seeing a friend pass away, well maybe Light enjoyed it, but she didn't because well...She really did care about Ryuzaki's health – why do you think she always yelled at him for eating so many cakes! It's just not healthy yet that doesn't matter now… Lawliet…
Misa…
Misa jerked up from her thoughts to see an old man tapping her shoulder gently.
"Miss, Miss, is this not your stop?" Misa blinked, gazing around to see that this indeed was her stop and stood up turning to give a thankful bow to the man before headed out the door. Misa swore she heard L's voice, but why in the world would he ever contact her of all people? Another silly delusion her mind managed to create.
How funny that Misa would miss Ryuzaki so much to the extent of hearing his voice – especially with the fact of hearing her name being called out in such an unusual fashion. It was always just Amane-san or Misa-san never just that annoyed, 'Misa' dragged out by Light.
Her cell phone was ringing and she could only imagine who that could possibly be! Taking out her phone she rolled her eyes as she saw five letters flash on the screen – L – I – g –h –t. She answers it willingly preparing to squeal and smile in hopes to break the ice barrier around Light.
"Light-kun-"
"Misa, what the hell are you doing?! You were supposed to be here already!" Light complained through the line, she could practically imagine him pacing the room with Ryuk watching with an amused grin.
"Misa was on her way Light-kun, Misa just got-"She paused biting her lip trying to think of an excuse, "Caught up by a bunch of fans." Misa is a bad girlfriend; she constantly lies to Light more than she's supposed to.
"It's always your stupid fans." Light grumbles sounding aggravated, "Takada never had that sort of problem."
Misa winches in reminder of that woman, Light is constantly comparing her to Takada. It's not fair, she would think, and sometimes Misa wonders if she could list off some similar qualities Light failed at compared to L but even than Light probably wouldn't care considering he won that war.
"Takada is dead." Misa reminds him in her defense. She was the one who got to be with Light in the end and it was an achievement to Misa – defeating that loud mouth, cheap, ugly, and annoying woman that hung around her Light! The nerve…
"And you are not." Light replies dryly, and Misa wonders if he secretly wished it was her that burned down in the church and not Takada. She feels unhappy at this thought it plagues her with bitterness about wanting to go away again but cannot because she is clearly bound to this world as Light's companion and nothing else.
"Yes Misa Misa is alive Light-kun so that she can be by your side forever!" Misa cries out with a sarcastic smile but Light cannot see it, so she is safe. No one can see her real feelings behind this mask she puts on of a bumbling, happy go lucky model that is never sad.
"Wonderful, look Misa, just hurry up alright, what time is it anyways?" He replies and Misa can't tell if he is being sarcastic or not, but she does ask around to find out what time it is from passing crowds. They don't answer her, much to her annoyance as it was terribly rude of them to make her keep her 'boyfriend' waiting.
"It's exactly 2:00 pm." A very familiar voice answers, and Misa freezes at the sound. It makes her grow rigid in place at the idea of him being right behind her. "Did you hear me Amane-san I said 2:00 pm?"
It can't be there's just no way – no freaking way!
Misa spins around to see nothing but more crowds of people and a few signs of a couple cars passing by. She scratches the bridge of her nose, because this is getting on her nerves. Her stupid delusions' getting the best of her and once again her mind was on L instead of her darling Light on the line.
Misa reality snaps back into place to see Light hung up on her. He doesn't like when she ignores him, and she knows Light will be extremely peeved off when she greets him once more. Misa knows she best be on her way, or else.
XXX
Today was Valentine's Day, and Misa begged Light that he would go out with her but he never showed up to their date. She was growing tired of it all the lack of compassion growing strain on her body, and Misa all together swore she would stop eating. Her stomach would reject it anyways. Misa wasn't a disposal like Ryuzaki. She couldn't fit every ounce of sweet into her tummy only a few pieces that would grow less each day in the future unless she changed.
Change can never be a good thing, but sometimes It can be if strived toward it a long time. She stood bare feet on top of the roof of the old task force building with her mind cluttered by confusion and despair which never lead to good things.
The wind brushed by lightly whipping her blonde hair around and her toes curled to avoid the cold without her precious heels to protect them. Her heart skipped lightly with each passing beat as she stepped forward reaching out to pull herself on top of the highest spot of the diving board. This was the end.
"What do you think you're doing Amane-san?" Although she could not see anything but the sight of the city ahead of her Misa knew the illusion of L had made its appearance known again.
"Escaping this hellish nightmare once and for all, Misa can't stand this pain anymore. Misa can't act happy, it hurts her insides, and she can't think properly." Misa replies but she will not spin around knowing the second she will he will be gone again.
"This isn't the way Misa…" He replies softly trying to reason with her but Misa doesn't want to obey to him. Misa never complies to L's wishes it's always been like that from the very beginning.
"Besides –"Misa huffs out angry as she pulls a blonde hair bang behind her ear and away from her face. "You aren't real so please stop trying to change Misa's mind." She adds with tears prinking her eyes since the real L couldn't be here as it was just another mind trick.
Misa saw a doctor not too long ago when Light asked her to go on an errand one day; they prescribed her to medications because they said her brain waves were in bad shape. She was suffering from hallucinations, and they were all illusions of L.
"But I am –"
"No, you're not because the Lawliet I know is dead, dead, DEAD!" Misa cried out loudly into the heavens, and the figure behind her stood in silence as her arms reach out to the sky with a frown. Slowly they dropped to her side and a lone tear ran down her cheek. She immediately reached up with her left arms sleeve and wiped it away but held her arm still over her eyes. "Besides Ryuzaki-kun always made me smile - not cry - s-so you can't be him." More tears fell, "You're not him, he's gone, and I want to be with him too, because I-I –"
"I know-"
"No you don't!" Misa protested, swinging her arm down and turning to face the emptiness of the world around her but this time it was different. Her heart tightened, her lips widening with a smile when her eyes found his. However she took step back in surprise, and realized her mistake too late as she was falling back into the abyss below but she didn't care because she was able to see the man she desired to see before her passing.
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Thanks again for the reviews! I'm glad this One-Shot was a good read!
-Takiasmuse