A/N: So a few little AU guidelines, the Mystery Spot episode never happened but Tall Tales and Changing Channels did. That's all. Thanks for reading! Part two will be up in a few days :)))
Part One
"You think you're stuck in some kind of what?"
"Time loop," Cas says on the fourth Thursday.
"Oh, like Groundhog Day?"
"What's that?"
"Does the exact same day keep repeating over and over, with nothing changing but you?"
"Yes, exactly."
"Does it all reset at midnight?"
Cas frowns. "No."
"When, then?"
"It resets when you fall in love with me."
Dean accidentally squirts ketchup a foot away from his plate. "What?"
This is the first day Cas has told Dean the truth. Every day for three days they've woken up in the hotel, gone to breakfast, investigated the Mystery Spot. And every day for three days, Dean has kissed him.
And then he wakes up. And then it's Thursday again.
"Well we just have to make sure I don't fall in love with you, okay?" Dean avoids his eye as he cuts into his bacon. "Should be pretty friggin' easy."
Cas nods and says nothing, sandwiching his hands between his thighs. He hopes Dean fails.
They make a brief stop at the hotel before heading to the Mystery Spot because Dean suggests it, and Cas agrees because they haven't done it before. Dean sends Cas out to Sioux Falls to secretly check up on Sam, as he does every Thursday. He's the same, researching with Bobby on a new case. Dean had been reluctant to leave him, as he always is. But he'd felt better after he learned that he'd be accompanied by Cas.
He can't help but wonder why this is happening, and whether it's real, and whether Dean really is in love with him, or if he'll stop as soon as the Thursdays do.
Thursdays. He smirks. An inside joke Dean hadn't picked up on. Seeing as Cas is the angel of Thursday, safe to say, he feels a little targeted.
But if he's gonna be stuck with anyone in this, he's glad it's Dean. Because yesterday, when Dean kissed him for the third time, he realised he loves him, too.
"Hey, Cas, what the hell is this?" Dean yells as soon as Cas gets back to the room. He's holding something in his hand, and Cas's trenchcoat in the other. (He'd left it in case Dean had to go out, seeing as it's winter and cold and he loves him.) Cas takes a second to focus. Oh. It's the amulet.
"It's your amulet."
"I know it's my freakin' amulet, why the fuck do you have it?!"
He'd forgotten that it was a secret, he's been carrying it around for so long.
"I picked it up after you threw it away a few years ago. I thought you might regret it."
"You -" He readjusts himself on his feet. "You never told me?"
"I was saving it for when things were good with Sam."
"Things are good now."
"Properly good. Not your version."
Dean lets out a breathy laugh, his anger turning to amazement, and he starts to smile. He looks from the necklace to Cas and back again, eyes eventually settling on Cas and not leaving. Cas swallows.
He doesn't think, oh no. He doesn't think, not again. He doesn't even think, not yet.
He thinks, I love you, too.
They kiss and it's perfect and Cas warms from head to toe and this is the best type of flying, much better than his version -
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans. Cas decides to try a new tactic.
"Dean, I love you."
He freezes. "I'm sorry?"
Cas doesn't reply, just waits as Dean turns to him slowly.
"Like, as a friend? Like, 'hey, I love you, man'?"
Cas shakes his head.
Dean nods. "Well, okay."
The day continues as usual.
Dean is on the phone to Sam, listening to all the research Sam's done about the Mystery Spot. Dean didn't even ask him to do it. Sam had just assumed. Cas feels unnecessary, so fetches Dean a double bacon cheeseburger from that seaside shack in Delaware because it's his favourite and he loves him.
Cas hands Dean the bag. Dean nods in thanks without making eye contact, making notes with his phone held awkwardly between his ear and shoulder.
There's nothing else to do so Cas pretends to fly off but really just disappears and watches Dean as he gets off the phone and pulls the burger out of the bag. He winks at it and whispers "you and me gonna have some fun" before taking a bite. His eyes close as his childhood memories come flooding back and he swallows and sits there for a little while, thinking. "Damnit," he says eventually. "God fucking damnit."
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans.
"I'm sorry. Good morning."
"Yeah. Morning," he grumbles, pushing past Cas to the bathroom. Cas exhales slowly. Day 6. Thursday again.
They check out the Mystery Spot at night this time, Cas keeping quiet and distant all day as not to set anything off in Dean. He waits at the hotel while Dean eats breakfast, lunch. He nods and avoids eye contact and sighs and says "humanity is giving me a headache" and deals with the resultant look on Dean's face.
It's dark so they take flashlights, Dean whispering "stay close" in that low voice, and Cas doesn't need to be told twice. He treads quietly, watching the muscles in Dean's neck move as he looks around.
"Doesn't look like there's anyone here," Dean says at a normal pitch after a few minutes of scouting around. "Can you, I dunno, sense anyone?"
"No."
He receives that face again, the one that's a little bit hurt but doesn't know why. Cas knows why. But he can't tell him.
And then he hears a gun cock behind him.
"Don't move!" cries a male voice, and Cas spins round to see that an old man is holding a shotgun out in front of him.
Dean raises his gun immediately. The man aims his at Cas. "Drop it or I'll shoot!"
Dean's face transforms instantly, becoming scared and horrified and still confused as to why. He glances over to Cas.
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans.
Cas looks around himself in disdain. Even though Cas had been in no real danger, what with being an angel and all, Dean had reacted by imagining, if for a fleeting moment, a world without him. Of course he'd fallen in love with him. Stupid.
It occurs to Cas that he didn't sense the man's presence behind him, or at all. He wonders what would have happened if Dean had been shot. Presumably fell in love with his last seconds. Cas isn't sure how he feels about this.
"Hey, Cas, look alive," Dean says, walking past him to the bathroom and slapping him on the shoulder. "Big day ahead."
"You think you're stuck in some kind of what?"
"Time loop."
"Oh, like Groundhog Day?"
"In the basic concept, yes."
"Does it all reset at midnight?"
Pause. Hesitation. "Yes."
Dean cuts into his bacon, still looking at Cas. "You think it's got something to do with the Mystery Spot?"
"It's possible. I went there before and I found I couldn't sense other people's prescences. It was like my senses were off."
"You went there already? When?"
"Last night." It's correct, for him.
"We were driving all last night."
"While you were asleep."
Dean frowns. "Couldn't have waited for me?"
"I don't sleep, I thought it would be useful to have a little knowledge on the place before going in there." Cas remembers sadly that it was Dean who taught him to lie in the first place.
Dean eyes him for a few seconds, sizing the situation up. "Yeah, well, next time tell me. I would have come with you," he says eventually.
Cas considers arguing some more, but it's pointless, seeing as he's lying about going in the first place. "Okay."
"Okay then." Dean nods to himself, turning his attention back to his food. "You find anything else?"
"The owner has a shotgun."
Dean snorts a laugh around a mouthful of food. Cas smiles fondly. "Good to know," Dean says. "So, when's the best time to go back, d'you think?"
Cas tells himself that it doesn't mean anything that Dean is asking for his opinion on what he does best. It's just because Cas went last night.
He thinks about the question. So far he's only been to the Mystery Spot once, at night. And we all know how that went.
"What about now?" Cas asks casually.
"Full of tourists? You sure?"
"We can better observe the effects of the place. Also, it's less likely there'd be any trouble with people around."
"Alright, this one's on you." He finishes up his food, slapping some money on the table and winking to the waitress, Doris. As they walk out, Cas looks at the diner he's been in a few times. Nothing ever changes, apart from whether they go to it or not, and how much Dean knows. It's like the world stays the same around him while Cas is changing. And the only other thing he can change is Dean.
When it comes down to it, if you asked him, he wouldn't be sure whether he wants to give this up. To ask Dean not to fall in love with him? To not see that look in his eye? To not feel his lips on his own, his hands on his waist, in his hair? That's not something Cas is sure he could ever do.
"It's a mystery spot!" says the old man, the owner. He smiles, like he's excited about it.
"How?" Cas asks.
The man winks. "Take the tour."
"We have already. Nothing weird about it," Dean says, voice uninterested and slightly cold. He looks around at the thirty or so people milling about due to the recent article, sighs, and says "let's go" in Cas's ear, loud enough for the owner to hear.
Panic crosses the man's face. "Wait," he says suddenly. "I can't... I shouldn't tell you about this."
Something hints to Cas that he's really going to.
The man looks around himself, then leads them into his messy little office, closing the door behind him. "Okay, you guys are with the press, so I wouldn't usually be telling you this, but my car was just stolen and I'm running behind on rent and this-" he gestures to the crowd outside the door "- ain't cutting it."
Dean nods. "We understand. Anything you can tell us."
"Okay. Right. A couple weeks back, I was in here at night and I swear, I heard this voice."
"Can you describe it for us?"
"It was creepy, like... I don't know if it was a man or a woman. And it just, it just, laughed. It was horrible."
Dean's face furrows in suspicion. "Anything else?"
The man shakes his head slightly. "Not then. But after that night, weird stuff started happening here. Like, real weird stuff. Dexter Hasselback went missing, and stuff keeps disappearing all over the place. I keep seeing things, like in the corner of my eye, that I know can't be real." The way he says it gets rid of any hesitance Cas had had to believe him. He's blatantly terrified.
"Thank you for your time, sir, you've been very helpful," Dean says, turning to Cas and giving him the look that means it's time to go. Cas nods to the owner and follows Dean out of the building.
"What you thinking?" Dean asks, pocketing his notebook and pulling out his cell.
"This sounds like a trickster to me," Cas replies.
Dean raises his eyebrows. "Gabriel?"
"No, there are other tricksters. Real ones. It could be one of them."
"Wooden stake, right?"
"Yes."
"Alright. I'm gonna call Sam, catch him up in case he's chasing some false leads." He dials speed dial #1 on his phone and has a brief conversation with Sam.
"Well, that's enough for now. I say we hit the hotel, get the stuff, come back around nightfall to gank this thing."
"I agree." Cas's mouth quirks up at the side.
"What?"
"What?"
"What you smiling for?"
"I was just thinking about how passionate you are about helping people. I love you so much."
Long pause. "Oh."
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans.
Cas watches Dean's bare torso before a black t-shirt is pulled over it. He watches his bare arms before a plaid shirt is slipped on, and then his bare arms again as the sleeves are pushed up to the elbows. He watches his fingers fumble nimbly with the laces of his boots, weaving in and out and in and out like the way Dean has been slowly weaving his way into Cas's heart, adding patterns and shapes to the outside until Cas realised one day that he was built into the foundation, too, he'd been slowly staking claim, so subtly that Cas hadn't even noticed until the process was complete and he was woven there forever.
"Do you want breakfast?" Cas asks, moving to watch Dean brush his teeth and rinse his mouth. Dean just nods and gives him a thumbs up.
"The diner down the road has a special on today. Something with bacon, I think."
Dean spits into the sink. "Really? That's lucky."
"They also have pie, too. I could bring one back here, if you'd like."
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
"Oh, are you serious?"
"A trickster? You sure?"
"I'm relatively certain."
"Well, alright. Let's hit the hotel, get the stuff, come back around nightfall to gank this thing." He checks his watch. "It's only 2pm. Wanna go get some lunch?"
"Dean, I don't eat."
"I know, I was asking if you wanted to come with me."
"Oh. Yes, okay."
He takes shotgun in the Impala, still marvelling at this fact. Dean is in the driver's seat and is reversing into the street in less than five seconds.
"You're a very skilled driver," Cas tells him.
"Yeah, thanks. It's just practise. You put me in any other car, takes me just as long as anyone else."
They drive in silence for a little bit, which Cas recognises as weird because every other day Dean has turned on the radio within the first minute of every car journey. He looks at the side of Dean's face. It looks normal, but it mostly always does.
"Hey, Cas." Dean turns to him and starts when he sees Cas was staring at him. "Uh, hey."
"Is something wrong?"
"No, no. No. I was just." He purses his lips, neglecting to look at the road as often as he should. "Thinking."
He goes quiet again, building towards something. Cas lets him.
"Nevermind."
"Dean, if you're troubled, I want to help."
Dean's knuckles are white on the wheel. It's like he's trying hard to stop something. Cas can guess what it is. He wants to take those hands in his, smooth out the fingers with warmth and patience.
The car stops suddenly. They've arrived at a fast food place. Dean gets out.
Cas opens his door and steps out, moving to follow Dean. "No," Dean says, stopping him. "I, uh, I was thinking we could ask the locals some questions, see if they've seen anything weird."
"Why? We have everything we need."
"Couldn't hurt to get a little background info, right? We might be wrong, or someone might be in on it."
"Dean."
"I'll meet you at the hotel later, okay? Keep your ears on." He walks off and Cas is left with a heart that would prefer being full or broken to this purgatory, this in-between uncertainty, the inability to commit to a state of mind. It's killing him.
Day 9. He's not sure how much longer he can do this.
He goes back to the hotel, sits down on Dean's bed. The duffel bag with most of his possessions is at the foot, and that's it. Nothing else to show that this is where Dean Winchester spent his night. This bed is where all of Dean's worries and inhibitions fell away and he was more vulnerable than he could ever be when awake. And all it has to show for itself is a duffel bag.
If Cas's arms were the place where this could happen, he'd show it every day in the way his Grace would beam.
He looks at the dimly lit alarm clock: 2:16pm. Knowing Dean, he'll be out until around 9. Cas wonders where he is, what he's doing, that kind of stuff. Most likely he's still at Biggerson's, with the double bacon cheeseburger he always
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. He looks around himself in surprise. He wasn't even there that time. He's never going to see how it happened, what made Dean realise he loved him. He's never going to see the look on his face as he thinks it through, whether he's happy or sad or relieved or angry. He's never going to be able to tell that version of Dean that he loves him too.
Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans.
Before he has the chance, though, Cas is standing in front of him, putting his hands on Dean's shoulders, then his face. "Cas, what, why are you -" is silenced by Cas leaning and pulling and then kissing him, for the fifth time, but it feels like the first, because to Dean, it is.
Dean kisses back out of instinct at first, and then because he wants to. He grabs Cas's hair with both hands and pushes him up against the nearest wall, connecting them at the chest and the hips as well as the lips, and Dean's kissing him like he's never done before and Cas's head is spinning and he's not waking up at the foot of the bed because Dean hasn't figured out that he loves him yet and Cas is pulling Dean closer, as close as is possible, because he doesn't know when he'll get another chance.
Cas feels the warmth from Dean's bare chest through all his layers and then Dean is taking them off, quick and rushed, frantic and grasping. They head in the general direction of the shitty bed that in this moment seems to Cas like the second most glorious thing in the world.
While Dean sleeps, Cas stares up at the ceiling, at the pattern of the paint and stains and the passing dust in the air. He has a stupid smile on his face and has done for the past hour. It doesn't look like it's going anywhere any time soon.
He looks over to where Dean lies next to him, limbs sprawled out, face sideways on the pillow. The freckles continue on his back, and Cas finds a cluster that looks like Orion.
How ironic. Cas is finding the universe in Dean.
He's careful not to wake Dean up, because he knows how this story goes. The record changes, but the song remains the same. Dean can't fall in love with him if he's not awake. This is a rare opportunity. He's content to simply watch the side of Dean's face for as long as he can.
Wait – content? No. He's never been happier.
At around 10am Dean hums, low, and sniffs. He opens his eyes slowly, blinking. He looks at Cas in front of him and smiles.
"Cas, right? I'm Dean." He holds out his hand for Cas to shake. Cas laughs, batting it away. "You know me too well," Dean says, smirking, which soon turns to a grin.
Cas grabs his hand back, holding it to his face, nuzzling his nose in between Dean's fingers and closing his eyes. He breathes in Dean's smell of dirt and must and beer, holding it in his mind, tattooing it into his memory. He can't afford to let this moment go.
After a few beautiful moments, he opens his eyes to see Dean staring at him. His eyes are so big and so green and so here and so obviously in love.
Oh, no.
Cas holds Dean to him, as close as he can manage, panicking, heart beating fast. Any second now. Any fucking second. He doesn't want to go.
"Dean, I -"
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans.
"No," Cas breathes, watching as Dean gets dressed and wanders around like nothing's happened. Because nothing has happened. To him. To Cas, the love of his life has just forgotten his new favourite memory.
"Cas, something wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Dean laughs at his own joke, taking a knife from under his pillow and slipping it into his duffel bag.
"I can't do this." His head is spinning. He's gonna throw up.
"What, the case? Seems pretty simple."
"No, this."
"Talk to me, man. What's going on?"
Cas turns and grips the dresser, knocks it to the ground with such force that it breaks at the sides. "It's the eleventh Thursday I've been through, and each one is worse than the last, I can't do this anymore, I can't do this, I can't take this!" He punches through the wall behind him, hand protruding out the other side, and it hurts, but he's had worse pain.
"Cas, what the hell, stop it!" Cas feels hands on his shoulders and he's pulled back hard, thrown onto the bed. "What's going on with you?"
Then Cas sits up and tells him everything.
"Dean, I'm stuck in a time loop."
Dean sits down beside him, about a metre away so he can look at him. "Like Groundhog Day?"
"Yes, except that it resets everytime you fall in love with me."
Dean's eyebrows shoot up. "What? I, uh, I don't love you -"
"No, I know, but it keeps happening and it's really hard because I keep having to leave you."
"Tell me about it."
Cas takes a deep breath and clutches Dean's forearm with both of his hands. "The first day was normal. I had no idea. We had breakfast and then came back to the hotel and I suggested you have a nap before we went to the Mystery Spot, because I remembered how you only get four hours a night. And you looked at me and smiled like you were seeing your first sunset and kissed me and I woke up at the foot of your bed, watching you as your alarm went off.
"The second day I was suspicious but I thought maybe the Mystery Spot had done something to me, so I didn't say anything to you, but then when we were eating breakfast I leaned forwards and wiped sauce from the side of your mouth with a napkin and you said it was like we were a married couple, and then I think you started imagining it because you laughed to yourself and smiled and then grabbed my tie over the table and pulled me towards you and kissed me and I woke up again, at the foot of your bed, watching you as your alarm went off.
"The third day I knew something was off, and I still didn't tell you, because I was curious to see what would happen. I decided to leave before you woke up and saw me. I waited for a few hours before returning and when you saw me you told me how worried you'd been and you punched me on the shoulder and then pulled me into a hug and then pulled back and kissed me. And I woke up again. At the foot of your bed. Watching you as your alarm went off."
Dean is still looking into his eyes. "I'm sorry," he says.
"The fourth day -"
"Cas, I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"No, that's not what I mean." Tears form in Dean's eyes. "I love you."
"Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me..."
He stands again at the foot of Dean's bed, watching him sleep. Dean stirs as the alarm clock plays the radio. It's 6am and Dean's hand slaps out to shut off the music, sitting up and flinching when he sees Cas, as he does every time.
"Damnit, gimme some warning, would you?" he snaps as he pushes back the covers, swinging his practically bare legs out of the bed to pull on his jeans.
Cas closes his eyes. "Turn the radio back on."
Dean frowns, but obliges. The music plays on.
"...well if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it. Before the evening's gone away, I think that we can make it.
"...and I hope that I don't fall in love with you."