A/N: Welcome to my story! :3 It's the first one I had the nerve to post up here, sooo.... I hope you like it. Lol.
First chapter's kind of short...more like a prologue than anything, no? It gets more interesting second chapter in. This is my first time writing for Naruto, so I hope you guys enjoy it! I still have a long way to go before my writing is legitimately good, but for now it's good enough to put up here...
ENJOY THE STORY! WISH SATSU-CHAN LUCK!

Get Out of My House, Chapter One:
A Burglar? Really?

If there's one sound I don't want to wake up to at night, it's the sound of someone lurking around in my house.

Honestly, I'd never fallen asleep that night; it was one of those nights where I just couldn't find a comfortable side to the bed. I'd tossed and turned and just couldn't find that dreamy world where unicorns were coming to give me chocolate to relieve the stress of being a Shinobi.

I heard the door open; that was the first thing that made me nervous. Didn't I lock it…? My eyes shot open and I subconsciously reached for the shuriken on my bedside table—don't ask. I'm paranoid. Heavy footsteps started making their way through the house and I sat up on the side of my bed, feet hovering just before the floor. The footsteps changed tone; they sounded like they were in the kitchen. Someone was rummaging through the drawers in the kitchen. A thief…? Maybe throwing a few shuriken would scare them enough to just see them run off…

I knew I was wrong when I started sensing some chakra levels that don't belong to my meager supply in my household. Not just a small amount—this person, whoever they were, was strong enough to be a notable Shinobi. It was stronger than those of my friends, so I couldn't pass it off as one of them coming to eat all my cookies in the middle of the night again…

So, conclusion? Someone was in my house, and they were not the normal criminals. What could I do about that?

I could be smart, escape through my bedroom window, and run for it.

Or, of course, I could be a fucking idiot and actually confront the crook myself.

I chose the dumb plan.

I padded soundlessly over the hardwood floor of my bedroom and slowly, carefully, and silently, I turned the knob of the door and peeked out.

The room was dark. So much for confronting the crook. Reaching to my left, I fumbled for the lightswitch.

Finally, I met the lightswitch and the lights in the area flickered on. I readied myself to start throwing some shuriken at the crook.

The crook was in the kitchen connected to my small living room. It was a blonde…er, dude? He looked pretty much like a woman at first glance, with blond hair longer than mine that covered half of his face, a blue eye—covered in eyeliner, no doubt about that—and clothes that looked like something I'd wear if I went clubbing. Slung over his shoulder was a black coat with red clouds.

…Wait a minute, red clouds…

I stumbled back with an astonished expression on my face. He smirked.

His voice was surprisingly deep for such a feminine appearance. "Surprise, yeah. Got any orange juice…?"

"You…!" I exclaimed. "You're in the bingo book!" I know I'd seen that face in there, with that cloak—It was Dei-something, if I recalled correctly. Yes, Dei-something…Deidara! That's it! The Akatsuki who captured the Kazekage! I knew it was a good thing to hang around those libraries! I actually learned something important!

Deidara raised an eyebrow boredly. "And…?" he asked flatly.

"I—er—g—" I stammered, heart beating a mile a minute, hands up to protect my face as if he were about to strike me—or, knowing his special talent, blow me up. "Get out of my house!"

Now, maybe that wasn't the brightest thing I could say to an S-ranked criminal. He was definitely going to blow me up now.

To my surprise, he just stood where he was and looked at me for a moment before turning around and opening the refrigerator. "Ooh, lemon-lime! My favorite, yeah!" he exclaimed as if I weren't even there, taking my soda out of my refrigerator. When he finally dared face me, he did so with a bored expression, popping open the soda can and taking a sip out of it. "Why should I leave? I don't see any problem with hanging around here, yeah."

I sure was glad I hadn't had anything to drink all night, because if I did, I probably would have pissed in my pants. I shivered like I was in a subzero arctic in my underwear; this killer, this criminal, was looking right at me like he wasn't even intruding. Which he definitely was intruding.

Maybe he was trying to just mess with my head before he killed me. Maybe he thought my freak-out session was funny. Then he'd blow me up like how he tried to incinerate our Kazekage.

But…I didn't want to die. I wanted to marry someone, have a couple of bratty kids, then retire from the Shinobi business and be just another annoying old fart.

"Quit staring at me like an idiot, yeah," Deidara said. I snapped out of my fear-stupor. "I asked you a question."

"Well…" I snapped. "This is my house that you're so rudely intruding upon!"

He chuckled. "I don't care," he replied curtly. "Why should it bother me?"

I sighed. Maybe I shouldn't have acted so rebellious, but I did anyway. "It's common courtesy to stay off of someone else's property."

"You should have told me that before I became a criminal, yeah," he snorted sarcastically.

I leered at him and slowly started walking from my doorway—my safe haven—and into the open room to the right of the low countertop that linked with the kitchen. This…sucked, is the only way I could put it. Deidara watched me with one half-lidded eye while I snuck around my own house like a scared cat. He asked, in that creepy, masculine voice, "What the fuck are you doing, yeah?"

My mom and pop always told me to tell the truth—but maybe I told the wrong truth at the time. "Hiding from you." As soon as I blurted it out, my hands flew to my mouth—what, did I want to get killed sooner?

He snorted. "You're not doing a very good job of it," he grumbled, taking a chunk of cheese out of the fridge and munching on it like I wasn't even there and it wasn't mine to begin with. Noticing that I was still cowering, he sighed and rolled his one visible blue eye. "You could at least pretend not to be a coward, yeah."

As if a puppeteer was pulling a string up from my back, I automatically straightened up, cringing as if I had been ordered to do so. In doing so, something bumped in to me from behind. Yelping like a puppy, I jumped back and faced my enemy to find it was only the back of my couch, facing in the opposite direction of the kitchen and toward the nice little television set I kept against the wall.

Now, I not only felt scared as shit, but I also felt like a complete idiot for freaking out at a sofa. I should have known my own house better than this… It'd been arranged the same way for years. Same sofa too, all dull brown and mushy. With that, I recalled something I said to a good friend once. 'It's brown, smelly, and mushy. Sounds like a fucking huge shit. Out of all the couches I could buy…'

That was definitely not relevant to my situation at the moment, though. Maybe I needed to concentrate more on survival techniques.

Well, Pop once told me that I was going to wind up getting blown up before I was thirty. I was twenty four. Whoop-dee-doo. Was he psychic or something?

"What are you looking at, yeah?" Deidara asked nonchalantly. It was then that I realized that I had wound up in another of my crazy stupors of deep thought, where I sit there and stare in to space with my mouth half-open. I straightened up again, a sweat gathering nervously at my brow. "Oh—I—"

He chuckled at my attempt to make a coherent sentence, flipping his hair in an arrogant way that reminded me of the models on those teen magazines that my little sister read. "I know I'm sexy and all, but that doesn't mean you have to stare at me all the time, yeah," he commented.

"Wh—What?!" I stammered angrily, a bit of red coming to my face. "I wasn't even looking at you, bastard!"

He smirked. "Sure." There was some obvious sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Okay, okay, send me to an asylum now. I'm actually having a conversation with a psycho who works for one of the most feared criminal organizations. My mother and father would disown me if they saw their precious daughter not trying to attack him at the moment or raise an alarm.

Actually, I was about to do quite the opposite. "Can I go to bed now?" I had to say, it was the middle of the night and I was tired. And if the he-she had no plans yet to blow me up, I could at least rest up before I had my guts spread over the floor.

He shrugged. "I'm not stopping you, yeah," he replied. He just kept rummaging around my kitchen. "Hey, you got any gauze or anything?"

I half-shrugged and started heading back to my bedroom at the end of the hall. "If I do, it's in the bathroom. First door to the right." Only door to the right, I added to myself, opening the door at the end and making my way back in to the room, crawling back in to my bed, and closing my eyes.

Maybe this was one of those really stupid dreams that you get from eating pizza before bed. That would explain why the big scary ninja wasn't being very big and scary. Maybe I was going to wake up and I still had plenty of cheese and orange juice left in the fridge.

Telling myself over and over again that this was just something silly and pepperoni-induced, I slowly drifted off into some sort of a dream world involving the neighbor's cat eating the cookie dough I was trying to shove into the oven.

A/N: There you have it! GOOMH Chapter One! If you have the time, feel free to review and tell me what you think! There's more to this coming soon...:3 Have a SUPER AWESOME Day!