Written for Screaming Faeries' 'Vanilla Ship Bingo' on HPFC.
Pairing: James/Regulus (non-romantic)
Word Count: 336
The Failed Mission
by padfoot
...
James never tells anyone about the failed mission. The bone-cold chill of the wind that sweeps off the ocean, the icy raindrops that beat against his skin, the roaring of the waves. The sense that every natural force in the world is willing him away from this desolate place.
He never tells anyone about the man in the black cloak. The man who stumbles through the storm, his frame slight but his steps strong as he forces himself forward. The man who walks to the edge of the cliff then glances around just once before he jumps. The man whose eyes James sees and recognises in that split second when it's already too late.
James never tells Sirius that he knows how his brother died. He wonders if he should, if that's what a friend would do. But there are no rules about that, about telling your loved ones that their hated siblings are dead. He wonders if he is enough of coward to do it for himself – to tell Sirius just for the sake of relieving himself of his nightmares.
"Lily," he whispers, when their bedroom is dark and silent, and he's lying awake for the twelfth night in a row.
"Hmm?"
"If something happened to Petunia, would you want to know?"
"Of course," she says. Her eyes meet his, sleepy and gentle and curious. "Why?"
"No reason," James tells her.
He decides to tell Sirius tomorrow.
Only tomorrow, the Bones are killed. James is the one who discovers their bodies. All thoughts of Regulus are driven from his mind by the stench, by the sight, by the screaming noise in his mind that makes him feel like he's going to faint. Bile rises in his throat, and James knows in that moment that this is the reality of war. There is no sense in lingering on every death. There is no sense in trying to relieve himself of his nightmares. He knows he won't sleep soundly one more night until this war is over.