Even in Death
Don't own anything and if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfics, I'd be writing episodes. XD
No. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be...but it was. House was..dead. What?
Cuddy couldn't bring herself to think the words 'House' and 'dead' in the same sentence. There was no way the man who had cheated death so many times before could be dead, it just wasn't possible...But yet he was. She'd always known it would happen eventually, that one day he wouldn't get lucky the way he always seemed to, but she'd always pushed those thoughts out of her mind. It just wasn't possible! Of course he'd get lucky! He was House for God's sake! He couldn't die!
Cuddy knew how illogical it was to believe somebody couldn't die but she didn't care. She'd rather believe that sweet, sweet lie than admit to herself that he was,indeed, killing himself. He had killed himself...
And now here she was. A broken heap on her office floor, without the will to even move to her desk chair. She was a complete mess. It had only been ten minutes since he had been brought to the ER dead on arrival. Ten minutes since her entire world had ended.
She had stuck around just long enough to get the details of what had happened before she fled to the comfort of her office where she could break down in peace. Cuddy knew she couldn't run from this forever. Eventually she'd have to acknowledge his death, not just by grieving, but by also going to see him one last time. By saying goodbye.
She didn't think she could bear seeing him. It would just be too painful to see the man she had loved nearly all her life cold, pale, and unmoving. Dead.
He was dead....
And it was her fault.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard the door open and bang shut. She knew how pathetic she must look but she didn't care. He was gone...
"Lisa, I'm so sorry." Came Wilson's sorrowful voice that made her look up, her tear streaked face matching his own.
"This is my fault." Cuddy said as new tears fell shamelessly down her cheeks. "I should never have given him the methadone. I knew the risks..."
" And so did he. Look,Cuddy, this wasn't your fault. You knew if he kept doing the methadone he could stop breathing at any time. There was no way of knowing it would be this time.."
"I just wanted him to not be miserable." Cuddy sobbed as Wilson kneeled down next to her and put his arms around her.
"I know. I did too." Wilson said, collapsing next to Cuddy on the floor. Cuddy looked over at him to see he had his face in this hands. He was crying too.
She'd never felt more guilty in her life.