When Tears Fall
"Daddy, where do babies come from?" Jack Mackenzie gave a mental sigh. How was he supposed to answer this one?
They were walking down a busy street that leads to the beach close to their home, his strong hand tightly grasping her little fragile one. In his other hand, he was carrying a shiny chestnut basket that held a large beach blanket and more importantly, food. Those who overheard her question shot sympathetic looks in his direction, stifling their laughter behind covered mouths.
"Well sweetie, where do you think they come from?" Jack asked. Right away, Angelica gave her answer.
"When two people love each other, they kiss and a baby grows in the Mommy's stomach. Then after a very long time, the baby is born! Am I right Daddy?" Her answer shocked him. She was pretty much accurate in her response. Angelica had always shown much more intelligence compared to others her own age. She loves to learn and shows enthusiasm in everything she does. There was even the time she chose to stay home and read instead of going to the park to play with him. Being a teacher, he was able to help her learning and being a father, he was bursting with pride. This was his little girl.
"Hurry up Daddy! There's someone flying a kite! Isn't it pretty?" Angelica let go of his hand and ran forward onto the warm sand. Jack removed the beach blanket from their basket and laid it gently on the ground, careful not to get any sand on it. He knew how messy it could get if sand, food and Angelica get mixed together.
Looking around while keeping a close eye on Angelica, he noticed there were only two other families around. For such a beautiful Saturday morning, this was not typical. Shrugging, Jack lay back on the blanket, letting the rays of the sun warm him. His life was truly amazing. He had a great job, a comfortable home, a caring although sometimes too caring family and a beautiful daughter.
Then, he realized something. He haven't heard or seen Angelica in the last 10 minutes. Quickly, he sat up and swung his head around wildly, hoping to discover his daughter collecting sea shells or teasing the crabs. Panic set in when he couldn't find his daughter anywhere. Jack couldn't believe this. He lost the only thing that mattered to him.
"Angelica! Angelica baby, where are you?" Jack shouted, his voice rough from his horror. Disregarding everything, he got up from his spot and ran closer to the ocean.
"Angel!" Jack called out again, praying his little daughter was close by and would hear him. 'No…I can't lose her.' Jack yelled to himself. He looked up and scanned the beach once again; and felt his heart stop. Jack let out a long breath he didn't realize he was holding. There she was with a sharp stick in hand in the middle of a swarm of crabs. Running up to her, he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms.
"Angelica, why did you leave me? Why did you go so far?" Jack asked sharply.
"Oh I saw this really shiny crab and I wanted to follow it," Angelica replied. "Did I make you mad Daddy? I'm sorry." Looking up to find her sorry puppy dog eyes and little pout, he knew he couldn't stay mad at her for long.
"Come on. Let's go back to our spot." Jack said softly.
Walking back to their original place, Jack noticed the irregular beating in his chest. 'I can't believe how close I was to losing her.' Unconsciously, he pulled Angelica tighter to him. 'Never again.' Jack vowed. Arriving at their blanket, he gently sat Angelica on the blanket who busied herself with removing food from the basket. Satisfied when he saw her happily munching on a jam sandwich, Jack was able to sit back and think.
'I wonder if it would have been any different if Laura was still here…' At the thought of the tragedy, he felt his heart sink. 'No, stop. Thinking about it won't change a thing. I have to be strong,' Yet he couldn't help it. 'Why did she have to be taken away at the birth of our daughter? She never got the chance to see Angelica, who is a splitting image of her. A blessing in a curse. How ironic.' Jack snorted.
"Are you okay Daddy? Your face is weird. It's all scrunched up and stuff." Startled, Jack opened his eyes and found himself staring up at his daughter's inquisitive face, jam smudging the corner of her mouth. She had finished her sandwich and was now sipping quietly on a juice box. He mentally kicked himself. How could he have let himself be caught unaware?
"It's nothing. Why don't you go build a sand castle? You love doing that. Let me get your shovel…" Jack drifted off, eyes searching for the basket that held her prized shovel.
"You were thinking about Mommy again weren't you?" Angelica asked somberly. Surprised once again, he raised his eyes to look at her. Internally, he cursed. Way too perceptive for her own good. Before he could answer, she said something else.
"It's okay Daddy. It's okay to think of her. I think about her all the time." Jack felt his heart twist painfully in his chest. He never knew his young daughter felt that way. Once again, he swore at the heavens that took a wife and mother away from them. Reaching out his hand, he pulled Angelica into his embrace. He wasn't sure if he was comforting her, or if it was the other way around.
"I'm so sorry sweetie. I want you to know, your mother loved you very much. We waited months for you and spent every waking moment excited for the day you would arrive. You meant the world to her. You hear me baby? The world. I'm so sorry she had to go," Jack felt the sting of tears behind his eyes and turned his head away, not wanting his daughter see his moment of weakness.
After a moment he turned back, finding his daughter's eyes closed and gently breathing. 'Perhaps she fell asleep…' Jack thought.
For the second time that day, he realized how similar Laura and Angelica look alike. Angelica has her mother's hair, full and dark. She also has her mother's eyes; big, round and as blue as the ocean. So deep, you could get lost in. They seem to go on forever and hold infinite amount of wisdom. All of the sudden, her very eyes opened.
"You're wrong Daddy. Mommy didn't go anywhere. Sometimes, I feel her and it feels like when you're holding me, but you're not. It's her. I miss her Daddy. And I know she misses me too. And you too Daddy. She misses you."
For the first time since she was born, Angelica began to cry for the lost of the mother she never had. Tightly gripping her father's thin shirt, she cried, tears soaking through. Holding his daughter close, he fought to keep his own tears at bay.
He noticed they were alone on the beach and the tide was coming in.
Listening to the quiet tears of his daughter, he pulled her in even tighter to soothe her.
And for the first time in his life since the death of his wife, he let his own tears fall.