this is my first story so it probably sux

all alone I seem to brake

I stair deep in thought at the campfire flames I have been thinking about this a lot and have decided tonight was the night.

things just haven't felt the same in a long time I've found my self desperately clinging to any thing to make the pain go away, to numb my self until I can no longer even make a coherent thought. all to escape it just hurts so bad .

it started about 8 months ago I just didn't feel alive any more it was as if my sole had died the only thing that kept me from killing my self a long time ago was the need to lead and protect my flock but that seems irrelevant now because it is obvious they are fine without me.

they have been functioning without me just fine for the past month. I had basically been hiding the fact that I was depressed pretty good but angel was suspicious of the fact that she couldn't reed my thoughts any more then 4 months ago fang found cuts on my wrist he freaked and we had a meeting the they that told me to "stop cus we cair about you" I was too far gone even when angel started crying I didn't care, I just wanted to be left alone but I put on a mask of fake regret and told them all I would change and quit cutting.

I didn't and a month later I started drinking the flock could see I was falling apart but they didn't care they just turned their heads and pretended every thing was as it was supposed to be.

it was only last month did I give up entirely. we were fighting some erasers and I just thought what was the point really I didn't want to live so why not so I just stopped and let the erasers overtake me but they were beaten back by the flock be fore they could kill me.

so after that day fang had unofficially officially taken over as flock leader.

I finger the blade in my palm making my way further and further away from our camp site in the woods. I had waited till every one had fallen asleep then made my way deep into the surrounding forest.

then I finally stopped at a small clearing in the woods where the full mood shown thru the leaves at a fallen tree. I then pulled out the blade while sinking to the ground, I stared at the blade for a long moment as I thought I would finally be getting my wish and all the reasons for it came flooding into my head.

a song I had herd before came to my mind.

Memories consume like opining the wounds

I'm picking me apart again

you all asume im safe hear in my room

unless I try to start again

I pull the blade close to my skin revealing in the feel of the cold steel across my forearm as I place it at my wrist

I don't want to be the one the battles always chose

cus in side I realise that I'm the one confused

I start the cut pressing as hard as I can while slowly pulling up my arm

I don't know whats worth fighting for or why I half to scream

I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way Ill never be alright

I lift the blade to see crimson pouring from my left arm as I place the blade once more on my right

so I'm braking the habit

I'm braking the habit tonight

blood seeps down my arms now in large amounts and I know it is now only a matter of time till the cold vice like grip of deth will have come

clutching my cure I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more than Any time before I have no options left again

my breths are now coming in small rasps now and im starting to feel cold

I don't want to be the one the battles always chose

cus inside I realise that I'm the one confused

I don't know whats worth fighting for or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way Ill never be alright

I look back and can just barley make out the dim light of the camp fire then I lean back my Head to look at the night sky for it will be the last I see

so im braking the habit

I'm braking the habit tonight

Ill paint it on the walls cus I'm the one at fault

Ill never fight again

and this is how it ends

my vision has now become hazy darkness seeps in at the corners it may be that my head is playing tricks on me, Iv lost a lot of blood, but I think I see a blurry figure off in the distance

I don't know whats worth fighting for or why I have to scream

but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way Ill never be alright

something shakes me violently but I cant see Any more I can barely hear or feel Any thing but I was almost sure I herd my name

so I'm braking a habit

I'm braking the habit

I'm braking the habit tonight

its over now im falling into the final black abis and no one cares no one knows