Disclaimer: What you're about to read was not written by J.K. Rowling, okay?

A/N: Finally, a challenge I think I can finish in one go! This is Kore-of-Myth's Shuffle Challenge. I've tried doing challenges similar to this one before, but every time I skip over songs because I don't like them much. This time, I'm not going to-promise.

What d'you want some kind of reaction?

Well, okay, that's fine.

-Lily Allen, Not Big

Everyone in school referred to you as some kind of a Sex God. You were supposed to be this absolute divinity in bed, and I can't lie and say I didn't want to find out for myself. Was Lavender telling the truth when she proclaimed having multiple orgasms from just your tongue? Did Daphne really mean it when she said sex with you was like taking a yoga class, stretched and twisted and bent in every way possible? I wanted to find out.

And I did. Two years after graduation, when you drunkenly coerced me into your bed. I barely remember that first time. Which could've been for the fact that I was nowhere close to sober, or it could've been the less than memorable experience. You weren't that great, at all. Not that first time, and not the time after that. It was for the better that we actually started dating; at least I got nice presents out of our companionable relationship. But the sex? Was shit. Lasted about ten minutes, too. How old are you, fifteen? And now that you've gone and fucked Pansy, again, I can tell everyone I know.

Waking up and lying next to me

Wrap me up in your arms and back to sleep

-Britney Spears, Heaven on Earth

She'd been waiting for this, this moment in time, this man, forever. Hermione Granger wouldn't have believed it if you had told her five years ago that she'd dream about waking up next to Draco Malfoy for the rest of her life. But it had happened, and she did. They were enemies, once. Now, she didn't know what she'd do if she ever lost him. Lose herself, most likely. She'd do anything to keep him, absolutely anything. He only had to say the word.

It was strange, being so absolutely caught up and obsessed in one person. She felt weak sometimes, pathetic, but those feelings were always eclipsed by the feeling of being absolutely in love with Draco. He was her everything, her sun, her moon, her stars, her heaven. Hermione wished she had the words to explain this to him; he always chuckled and ruffled her hair when she tried to tell Draco just how much she loved him.

"Love," Draco said groggily, his voice husky with sleep. His arm tightened around her naked waist, and she was pulled back tighter against his solid chest. "I can practically hear your thoughts. Get some sleep, alright?

Love you more."

Nan, you're a window shopper

Mad as fuck, only just alive

-Lily Allen, Nan, You're a Window Shopper

"Hermione, darling, may I inquire as to what the fuck you're wearing," Draco asked with an ill-concealed grin. He thought he'd seen Hermione in everything - sexy scraps of lace that barely passed as lingerie, Weasley-made sweaters, even stained sweats on a Saturday - but this was by far the worst.

"Oh don't tell me you don't like this lovely pink unicorn jumper," Hermione said sarcastically, tossing a throw pillow at Draco as she made the bed. "I told you I'd have to wear my birthday gift from her. Always have to wear the gifts when you go to visit Nan. Just wait until you're part of the family. I'm going to help her pick out your gift." Hermione grinned deviously.

The tension is getting hotter

I'd like to hold her head under water

-Sublime, Doin' Time

A droplet of sweat rolled down Draco's spine and came to rest in the dimple right above his bum. He swore there was no air on in the tiny apartment he and Hermione had been forced to share for near three months. The summer heat was finally getting to him, and he'd stripped down to only his black cotton boxers. He groaned in annoyance before flipping over on the bed and tucking his arms behind his head. God, it was so hot. It was a shame that things only got worse when Hermione got home.

He understood the assignment; two aurors, selected because of their different talents, had to hold a stake out and try to catch the biggest money swindler to ever hit the wizarding world. Things had begun to change though, especially in the two weeks past. Every single time Hermione entered the room, Draco felt as though he were burning up, flames slowly licking at his body. How did she not realise what she was doing to him, in her tiny sweat-soaked tank tops, and almost-nonexistent shorts? How could she not see that every time a drop of beaded on her neck, her forehead, that small dip of cleavage usually hidden by a shirt, he wished nothing more than to lick it away, slowly? Maybe she did notice.

If I had a shotgun you know what I'd do

I'd point that shit straight up at the sky

And shoot heaven on down for you

-Sublime, Don't Push

Draco Malfoy clearly recalled the first time he'd tampered with illegal drugs. He wasn't sure why everything that felt so good was illegal - underage girls, marijuana, semiautomatics. The first time he'd taken a toke from a small white joint, he'd coughed. Coughed and sputtered and with tears in his eyes thought he was dying. Theodore Nott had simply laughed and patted him on the back, eyes already far-away and bloodshot. After that, he never wanted to stop. Every single time he smoked, he reached some new height, some new nirvana. Daphne Greengrass shouted at him that he was psycho, depressed, her bright lipstick smudged, her mascara running down her cheeks. But he wouldn't let that stop him.

"Granger, Hermione," Draco said with a chuckle that grew into a hysterical giggle. "If I could, I'd shoot heaven down for you. I would." Hermione burst into hysterics at his proclamation and said, "I'm hungry."