"Xelda: Warrior Princess? Or, Xena At Westbridge High"
by Erich
Copyright 1999-2000
A "Xena: Warrior Princess"/"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" crossover.
DISCLAIMER: Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda and all other
characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Sabrina, the Teenage
Witch," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright
property of ABC, the WB, Archie Comics and Viacom. Xena, Gabrielle, Argo and all other
characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Xena: Warrior Princess,"
together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of
Universal Studios. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this
fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the
sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any
way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all
disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be
republished without the author's consent.
Chapter One
A sharp shriek brought Xena's head whipping round to the sound's source.
Several yards away, Gabrielle was waist-deep in bog, hopelessly entangled by her
own efforts at extricating herself.
"Oh, my," Callisto gasped with feigned concern, "It looks like your
little friend's gone and gotten herself caught in quicksand! Nasty stuff--I know
from experience."
As Xena assessed the situation, Callisto's mockery continued. "It looks
like it's come down to a choice between catching me and saving your friend. I
have to admit, I love seeing you stuck in these dilemmas. Wish I could stick
around and bask in the angst, but I've got to be going." With that, she kicked
her steed in the sides, laughing as it galloped away.
Callisto was wrong, of course...it was no dilemma at all. Xena had not
even heard her taunts as she rushed to Gabrielle's rescue. "Don't struggle," she
urged, "you'll only sink in deeper." Once she arrived at the bog, it was a
simple matter to cut down some sturdy vines and extend the impromptu lifeline to
the half-submerged bard.
"Callisto escaped," Gabrielle observed in an apologetic tone.
"She ran away," Xena replied, "but she hasn't escaped yet. It may not
happen soon...but I--we--will make her face her judgment."
"All right, Xena! You tell 'em, sister!" the small black cat cheered as
the TV screen faded to black.
"Salem, are you watching that silly program again?" Zelda Spellman asked
as she walked into the tastefully-furnished living room, closely followed by her
sister Hilda.
"Silly program? You must be referring to something else. You couldn't
possibly mean the incomparable Xena: Warrior Princess, not by any stretch of the
imagination."
"Whatever," Hilda sighed, "now scootch over. It's almost time for our
show."
The cat grumbled as the sisters shooed him aside and parked themselves
on the couch. Hilda picked up the remote and changed the channel.
"You know, it's kind of a blessing in disguise that OtherRealmMedia is
out, and we're stuck with these mortal channels," she remarked. "I would never
have discovered this show otherwise."
"Ssh!" urged Zelda. "It's starting!"
A deep, authoritative and enthusiastic voice issued from the TV set.
"Tonight, the Travel Channel takes you to exotic, sunny Trinidad!"
"Sonny Trinidad?" Hilda asked. "Didn't I go out with him once?"
"Hush, Hilda."
The sisters sat rapt in the gorgeous scenery as the travelogue
continued. The time flew by until, almost an hour later, a young blonde girl
rushed energetically through the front door. "Hi Aunt Hilda Hi Aunt Zelda," she
blurted out before stopping in her tracks. "What's this?" Sabrina asked,
stepping up behind the couch and turning her attention to the screen.
"Well," Zelda explained, "since our Other Realm cable company isn't
working--"
"57,000 channels and nothing on," Hilda interrupted.
Ignoring her, Zelda continued. "We've been exploring what mortal
broadcasting has to offer, and, well...we've developed something of an addiction
to the Travel Channel."
"It's about as close as we can get to a real vacation lately."
"Oh," Sabrina said, "well, I'll just let you get back to your show."
At that point, the announcer intoned: "Join us again tomorrow for a
journey to beautiful Barbados!"
"Oh, Barbados!" Hilda squealed. "I love Barbados! Gosh, we haven't been
there in ages! When was it?"
"You know perfectly well, Hilda. Remember? The great landslip of
1786...?"
"Oh, throw that in my face again!" Hilda pouted. "Anyway, it looks like
the place is fixed up pretty nice now."
"Yes," Zelda sighed, "truth to tell, I wouldn't mind going back there
myself."
As her aunts wistfully contemplated the splendor of the Caribbean, the
wheels started turning in Sabrina's mind.
* * *
Her aunts' dreams of a tropical vacation continued to gnaw at the back
of Sabrina's thoughts all through school the next day. At lunch, she brought up
the subject in conversation with her boyfriend Harvey.
"I dunno," she said, "it's just kinda sad. I mean, Aunt Hilda and Aunt
Zelda work so hard, what with taking care of me plus their own jobs...they
really do deserve a nice vacation, but they just don't have the time."
"I know what you mean," Harvey replied, "my mom loves those travel shows
too. It's like you get to fit an entire trip in just one hour...sometimes I
think she'd like to just, y'know, get inside the program."
Sabrina's wheels clicked into high gear.
After she got home, Sabrina rushed to her room and consulted her book of
spells. "Let's see...technomancy...telephone pranks...ah! Here we go,
'television spells.'" She scanned the page until she found the appropriate
enchantment. After reading the instructions, she chanted: "Aunts Hilda and Zelda
need a change of scene, so help get them into the video screen."
A swirl of colored lights, and a small black box with many buttons
materialized in Sabrina's hand. On it was inscribed "The Ultimate Remote."
"Perfect!" she grinned.
Sabrina carried the remote down into the living room and sat down in
front of the TV. "Okay," she said, "this thing seems pretty self-explanatory."
She carefully manipulated the buttons as she continued, "Okay, 'menu'...then
'prog'...and now, just punch in the date...the time...and the channel for their
travel show." She paused. "Gee, you'd think something this advanced would be
able to handle those VCR Plus numbers."
Just then, the telephone rang. Sabrina set the remote down on the couch
as she rose to answer it.
In the corner of the living room, Salem had been oblivious to Sabrina's
activity, as his attention was focused exclusively on a fluttering moth close to
his head.
"That's it, baby," he muttered, "come to papa Salem..."
His paws lashed out and batted at empty air. The moth flew away.
"Come back here!" Salem howled. "Oh, you're gonna wish you stayed in
your cocoon..."
Sabrina picked up the phone. "Spellman residence," she declared into the
receiver.
"Hey, Sabrina," replied the soft voice on the other end.
"Hey, Val! What's up?"
As Sabrina and her best friend chatted on the phone, Salem pounced after
his quarry. The moth hovered nearby, tantalizingly close to his reach. "I've got
you now," Salem gloated, leaping up onto the couch. As he scurried over the
cushions, his paws trampled over the keypad of the remote.
He bounded off the armrest and flew gracefully through the air, coming
to a perfect four-point landing on the throw rug. His momentum carried the rug
sliding across the floor, but Salem remained perfectly upright on its center.
"Have I got style, or what?" Salem grinned, then paused. "Now, what was
I doing? Curse this feline attention span!"
The moth fluttered away unnoticed.
"Okay, Val," Sabrina said as her conversation wound down, "I'll see you
tonight at the Slicery. So long!"
Hanging up the phone, she returned to the couch and picked up the remote
once more. "Okay, I've got all the info entered in--now I just have to press
'save' and...presto!" She grinned. "Perfect! Now, when Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda
sit down for their travel show tonight, they'll get that dream vacation they've
been wishing for."
* * *
After dinner that evening, Sabrina walked into the kitchen and found her
aunts sitting at the table. Zelda was engrossed in the latest issue of her
scientific journal, while Hilda was busy filling out a crossword puzzle.
"Say, aren't you guys supposed to be watching that travel show?" Sabrina
asked.
Zelda glanced at her watch. "Well, it's not quite time yet. We still
have a few minutes."
"Well, I mean, you don't want to miss the start." Sabrina winced
inwardly. If they aren't there when the spell takes effect... "After all, for a
place like Barbados, you'd kick yourself if you missed even a single second."
"My," Zelda observed, "you seem to have caught this Travel Channel fever
as well!"
"Aw," Hilda jumped in, "we might as well go in now...even if it does
mean being exposed to Salem's Xena-mania for a minute or two."
On the television screen, Xena was riding her steed Argo through a field
of tall grass, sharing a laugh with Gabrielle as she walked alongside them.
"Ah yes," Salem purred, "approaching the perfect end of another perfect
episode."
Hilda and Zelda walked up to the couch, Hilda pushing Salem aside as she
took her seat.
"Hey!" Salem yelped, "Do you mind?" He climbed into her lap and stared
into her eyes. "I believe this hour was set aside for my enjoyment?"
"Oh, relax," Hilda groaned, "you can still catch the end of your little
show."
Perfect, Sabrina thought, they're in position. Now, as soon as their
show starts, the spell will--
At that moment, all three occupants of the couch shimmered and wavered
like a wobbly broadcast signal, and were sucked into the waiting television
screen.
Hilda and Zelda found themselves standing in the middle of an open
field. Immediately, they asked "What happened?" and "Where are we?," their
voices overlapping so it was unclear which one had asked which question.
Down by their feet, hidden by the lush foliage, Salem replied "Don't
you--pffst--recognize the scenery? It's--pfgh--just like that Xena we were just
watching?" A brief pause. "Could somebody--huphs--please pick me up so I don't
have to keep talking through this grass?"
Zelda looked out toward the sky. "Sabrina?" she demanded. "What have you
done this time?"
"And could you please undo it?" Hilda added.
Sabrina could hear her aunts' voices coming from the television set,
though she did not see them--her attention being focused on the two startled
women and the thoroughly confused white horse that were currently wrecking the
living room.
"I'm a little busy with some problems of my own!" she shouted back to
the set.
DISCLAIMER: No permanent damage was done to either the Xenaverse or the
Sabrinaverse in the production of this fanfic. However, they both learned to
laugh at each other--and themselves. All animal action was monitored by the
Other Realm Humane Society. No cats, horses or moths were harmed in the making
of this story.
by Erich
Copyright 1999-2000
A "Xena: Warrior Princess"/"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" crossover.
DISCLAIMER: Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda and all other
characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Sabrina, the Teenage
Witch," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright
property of ABC, the WB, Archie Comics and Viacom. Xena, Gabrielle, Argo and all other
characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Xena: Warrior Princess,"
together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of
Universal Studios. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this
fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the
sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any
way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all
disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be
republished without the author's consent.
Chapter One
A sharp shriek brought Xena's head whipping round to the sound's source.
Several yards away, Gabrielle was waist-deep in bog, hopelessly entangled by her
own efforts at extricating herself.
"Oh, my," Callisto gasped with feigned concern, "It looks like your
little friend's gone and gotten herself caught in quicksand! Nasty stuff--I know
from experience."
As Xena assessed the situation, Callisto's mockery continued. "It looks
like it's come down to a choice between catching me and saving your friend. I
have to admit, I love seeing you stuck in these dilemmas. Wish I could stick
around and bask in the angst, but I've got to be going." With that, she kicked
her steed in the sides, laughing as it galloped away.
Callisto was wrong, of course...it was no dilemma at all. Xena had not
even heard her taunts as she rushed to Gabrielle's rescue. "Don't struggle," she
urged, "you'll only sink in deeper." Once she arrived at the bog, it was a
simple matter to cut down some sturdy vines and extend the impromptu lifeline to
the half-submerged bard.
"Callisto escaped," Gabrielle observed in an apologetic tone.
"She ran away," Xena replied, "but she hasn't escaped yet. It may not
happen soon...but I--we--will make her face her judgment."
"All right, Xena! You tell 'em, sister!" the small black cat cheered as
the TV screen faded to black.
"Salem, are you watching that silly program again?" Zelda Spellman asked
as she walked into the tastefully-furnished living room, closely followed by her
sister Hilda.
"Silly program? You must be referring to something else. You couldn't
possibly mean the incomparable Xena: Warrior Princess, not by any stretch of the
imagination."
"Whatever," Hilda sighed, "now scootch over. It's almost time for our
show."
The cat grumbled as the sisters shooed him aside and parked themselves
on the couch. Hilda picked up the remote and changed the channel.
"You know, it's kind of a blessing in disguise that OtherRealmMedia is
out, and we're stuck with these mortal channels," she remarked. "I would never
have discovered this show otherwise."
"Ssh!" urged Zelda. "It's starting!"
A deep, authoritative and enthusiastic voice issued from the TV set.
"Tonight, the Travel Channel takes you to exotic, sunny Trinidad!"
"Sonny Trinidad?" Hilda asked. "Didn't I go out with him once?"
"Hush, Hilda."
The sisters sat rapt in the gorgeous scenery as the travelogue
continued. The time flew by until, almost an hour later, a young blonde girl
rushed energetically through the front door. "Hi Aunt Hilda Hi Aunt Zelda," she
blurted out before stopping in her tracks. "What's this?" Sabrina asked,
stepping up behind the couch and turning her attention to the screen.
"Well," Zelda explained, "since our Other Realm cable company isn't
working--"
"57,000 channels and nothing on," Hilda interrupted.
Ignoring her, Zelda continued. "We've been exploring what mortal
broadcasting has to offer, and, well...we've developed something of an addiction
to the Travel Channel."
"It's about as close as we can get to a real vacation lately."
"Oh," Sabrina said, "well, I'll just let you get back to your show."
At that point, the announcer intoned: "Join us again tomorrow for a
journey to beautiful Barbados!"
"Oh, Barbados!" Hilda squealed. "I love Barbados! Gosh, we haven't been
there in ages! When was it?"
"You know perfectly well, Hilda. Remember? The great landslip of
1786...?"
"Oh, throw that in my face again!" Hilda pouted. "Anyway, it looks like
the place is fixed up pretty nice now."
"Yes," Zelda sighed, "truth to tell, I wouldn't mind going back there
myself."
As her aunts wistfully contemplated the splendor of the Caribbean, the
wheels started turning in Sabrina's mind.
* * *
Her aunts' dreams of a tropical vacation continued to gnaw at the back
of Sabrina's thoughts all through school the next day. At lunch, she brought up
the subject in conversation with her boyfriend Harvey.
"I dunno," she said, "it's just kinda sad. I mean, Aunt Hilda and Aunt
Zelda work so hard, what with taking care of me plus their own jobs...they
really do deserve a nice vacation, but they just don't have the time."
"I know what you mean," Harvey replied, "my mom loves those travel shows
too. It's like you get to fit an entire trip in just one hour...sometimes I
think she'd like to just, y'know, get inside the program."
Sabrina's wheels clicked into high gear.
After she got home, Sabrina rushed to her room and consulted her book of
spells. "Let's see...technomancy...telephone pranks...ah! Here we go,
'television spells.'" She scanned the page until she found the appropriate
enchantment. After reading the instructions, she chanted: "Aunts Hilda and Zelda
need a change of scene, so help get them into the video screen."
A swirl of colored lights, and a small black box with many buttons
materialized in Sabrina's hand. On it was inscribed "The Ultimate Remote."
"Perfect!" she grinned.
Sabrina carried the remote down into the living room and sat down in
front of the TV. "Okay," she said, "this thing seems pretty self-explanatory."
She carefully manipulated the buttons as she continued, "Okay, 'menu'...then
'prog'...and now, just punch in the date...the time...and the channel for their
travel show." She paused. "Gee, you'd think something this advanced would be
able to handle those VCR Plus numbers."
Just then, the telephone rang. Sabrina set the remote down on the couch
as she rose to answer it.
In the corner of the living room, Salem had been oblivious to Sabrina's
activity, as his attention was focused exclusively on a fluttering moth close to
his head.
"That's it, baby," he muttered, "come to papa Salem..."
His paws lashed out and batted at empty air. The moth flew away.
"Come back here!" Salem howled. "Oh, you're gonna wish you stayed in
your cocoon..."
Sabrina picked up the phone. "Spellman residence," she declared into the
receiver.
"Hey, Sabrina," replied the soft voice on the other end.
"Hey, Val! What's up?"
As Sabrina and her best friend chatted on the phone, Salem pounced after
his quarry. The moth hovered nearby, tantalizingly close to his reach. "I've got
you now," Salem gloated, leaping up onto the couch. As he scurried over the
cushions, his paws trampled over the keypad of the remote.
He bounded off the armrest and flew gracefully through the air, coming
to a perfect four-point landing on the throw rug. His momentum carried the rug
sliding across the floor, but Salem remained perfectly upright on its center.
"Have I got style, or what?" Salem grinned, then paused. "Now, what was
I doing? Curse this feline attention span!"
The moth fluttered away unnoticed.
"Okay, Val," Sabrina said as her conversation wound down, "I'll see you
tonight at the Slicery. So long!"
Hanging up the phone, she returned to the couch and picked up the remote
once more. "Okay, I've got all the info entered in--now I just have to press
'save' and...presto!" She grinned. "Perfect! Now, when Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda
sit down for their travel show tonight, they'll get that dream vacation they've
been wishing for."
* * *
After dinner that evening, Sabrina walked into the kitchen and found her
aunts sitting at the table. Zelda was engrossed in the latest issue of her
scientific journal, while Hilda was busy filling out a crossword puzzle.
"Say, aren't you guys supposed to be watching that travel show?" Sabrina
asked.
Zelda glanced at her watch. "Well, it's not quite time yet. We still
have a few minutes."
"Well, I mean, you don't want to miss the start." Sabrina winced
inwardly. If they aren't there when the spell takes effect... "After all, for a
place like Barbados, you'd kick yourself if you missed even a single second."
"My," Zelda observed, "you seem to have caught this Travel Channel fever
as well!"
"Aw," Hilda jumped in, "we might as well go in now...even if it does
mean being exposed to Salem's Xena-mania for a minute or two."
On the television screen, Xena was riding her steed Argo through a field
of tall grass, sharing a laugh with Gabrielle as she walked alongside them.
"Ah yes," Salem purred, "approaching the perfect end of another perfect
episode."
Hilda and Zelda walked up to the couch, Hilda pushing Salem aside as she
took her seat.
"Hey!" Salem yelped, "Do you mind?" He climbed into her lap and stared
into her eyes. "I believe this hour was set aside for my enjoyment?"
"Oh, relax," Hilda groaned, "you can still catch the end of your little
show."
Perfect, Sabrina thought, they're in position. Now, as soon as their
show starts, the spell will--
At that moment, all three occupants of the couch shimmered and wavered
like a wobbly broadcast signal, and were sucked into the waiting television
screen.
Hilda and Zelda found themselves standing in the middle of an open
field. Immediately, they asked "What happened?" and "Where are we?," their
voices overlapping so it was unclear which one had asked which question.
Down by their feet, hidden by the lush foliage, Salem replied "Don't
you--pffst--recognize the scenery? It's--pfgh--just like that Xena we were just
watching?" A brief pause. "Could somebody--huphs--please pick me up so I don't
have to keep talking through this grass?"
Zelda looked out toward the sky. "Sabrina?" she demanded. "What have you
done this time?"
"And could you please undo it?" Hilda added.
Sabrina could hear her aunts' voices coming from the television set,
though she did not see them--her attention being focused on the two startled
women and the thoroughly confused white horse that were currently wrecking the
living room.
"I'm a little busy with some problems of my own!" she shouted back to
the set.
DISCLAIMER: No permanent damage was done to either the Xenaverse or the
Sabrinaverse in the production of this fanfic. However, they both learned to
laugh at each other--and themselves. All animal action was monitored by the
Other Realm Humane Society. No cats, horses or moths were harmed in the making
of this story.