Hi everyone! This is my first story, so I'm not sure how you will receive it. Reviews will be appreciated, constructive criticism and the like. If you don't like it, please don't flame me, you may tell me my areas for improvement.

Disclaimer: I do not own Chihayafuru and all other characters. However much that I like to, I don't have enough imagination to cover for a story like this. Suetsugu-sensei does though.

On to the story then!

The First and Last

I

He sometimes wondered if there had always been something wrong with him. Whether he really had a few screws loose. Why else did he have to convince himself that loving her isn't such a bad thing, even when he knew that she would never look at him that way – that she would never gaze at him with affection meant for someone supposed to be more than a friend?

He had thought that things were going to get easier once he had gotten used to the fact that their… friendship will be just as what it should be,- just friendship. Obviously he was wrong in that little aspect. He isn't the martyr that his friends had almost always joked about, not the self-proclaimed patient man that he had thought himself to be. He was frustrated, that much is clear, of the kind of relationship he had with her. He could support her in whatever dream she had, -be it becoming the Queen of Karuta or becoming whatever else she had planned to be someday. But it is obviously exasperating that he could only support her as a best friend, her best buddy, and not as the man who had loved her ever since their childhood.

Being forced to hold back his affections would drive any man crazy. In his case, he had long been teetering on the edge of insanity.

Even after all these years, he was madly, deeply, insanely in love with her. And she is probably the first and last woman that he was ever going to love.

Mashima Taichi wondered, for the umpteenth time, whether he had done something incredibly wrong in his past life to make him suffer like this. Why would he be like this anyway, loving a girl who doesn't even act like a girl? A girl who falls asleep anywhere AND everywhere, be it on his shoulder or a tatami mat, who drinks noisily out of a water bottle, who cries messily with snot coursing down her face? Yes, very un-ladylike. And yet, for some reason unknown to him and his friends, he is madly in love with her.

Dammit.

Everyone had thought that his life was perfect as a child, -such is what his 'friends' from childhood had believed and had so often teased him about. He had everything in life, -the intelligence, wealth, popularity and the talent for every sport existing to this day. By the time he had reached puberty and it had wiped away all traces of his childish innocence, everyone he knew started saying that he had everything in life, -the intelligence, wealth, popularity, the talent for sports and looks. They had teased and remarked this to him so many times that he had started believing it, though something had been holding him back to actually fully believe it.

It isn't true that he had everything, because let's face it, the one girl he had fallen in love with had her eyes on someone else. If he did have everything, he would have been the happiest person in the entire universe.

There is no such thing as perfect. It may come close to that sometimes, but never perfect. Such is the rule of life.

Ironically, he was ready to trade anything in this world just to have her recognize him, acknowledge his feelings. But being the little airhead girl that she is, that would take years. He was never lucky though, so maybe take that as a century instead.

He wondered why he was still hoping.

I am an idiot.

And which is why, probably, he was also being pestered right at this moment.

"She was asking for you, Mashima-san."

He looked up from the book he was reading, pinching his nose bridge as he glanced up to the nurse who was standing by the door to the library of the hospital, (yes, believe it or not, this hospital has a library,) who was holding a little girl by her left hand, no older than eight. From what he could see from his position, the girl had thick, curly brown hair tied into two high pigtails, and looked otherwise serious for a little girl.

He stood up, wondering why on earth was a little girl looking for him, considering that he did not know any little girl for that matter. He was looking questioningly at the nurse, who shrugged, a small smile gracing her features.

"She had just come out of Terada-sensei's office. I saw her standing by this door looking lost, so I asked if she needed anything. She asked if she could see Mashima Taichi-oniichan." She gestured to the little girl who was looking up at him with big, round eyes. "She seems to know you."

If he thought about it, it was certainly a bit unsettling that this little girl knows who he is. He hadn't known any kids from his neighborhood, -let alone kids of certain friends from his class in college, so it was certainly a surprise that this kid knew him and where to find him. Oh well, he too shrugged. He was studying medical contexts anyway and as such, is exhausted mentally. He could use a little distraction. "Thank you, Tsukishiro-san. You can leave her with me."

The nurse gave him a flirty wink which he didn't notice as he focused on the child in question, bending down on his knees so he could be eye level with her. Disappointed, the nurse left the room, closing the door gracefully behind her. As he gained eye level with the girl, he sucked in a sharp, surprised breath when he managed to see her eyes clearly for the first time.

Her eyes… dammit, her eyes are just like…

It was exactly like hers.

The round, auburn, doe-like shaped eyes stared back at him curiously and after a few minutes, filled with quiet excitement and awe. A smile curled around the little girl's lips, oblivious to the expression on his face. His palms started sweating, and he licked his lips nervously.

Why in the world does this kid have her eyes?!

"I knew it. You look a lot like him in the photo," the girl said in a tiny voice, eyes alight with excitement and happiness, surprisingly straight for someone no older than eight. "You really are here in this hospital aren't you? She talks about you a lot…" she continued, still with the shy, tiny voice.

She…?

"What can I do for you, little lady?" he asked, his heart beating painfully fast against his ribcage. "You must have your parents worried about you. Do they know you're here?" he continued, staring back at the girl and wondering whether someone really hated him out there. Why else did he have to see a little girl who had eyes freakishly the same as hers and remind him of something that he will never have?

Damn it all…

"I have finished my check up. I just wanted to know whether the man in the photo is really here. Aunty speaks a lot about you. She told me how you could be here in this hospital and how she wasn't sure you are really here." Her lips pushed out to a pout, lowering her eyes somehow dejectedly to the ground.

His heart, which was already palpitating, started beating even harder. A cold feeling of dread started running from the back of his neck all the way down his spine. He certainly did not have a good feeling about this…

"What brings you here then? Is there something I could do for you?" he asked again, wanting nothing more than to have the little girl out of here before someone discovers that she is there with him. This kid being here is making him jittery, and somehow he knew that someone discovering her here will bring repercussions he had been anxious to avoid.

You were always the coward after all.

He flinched as he heard that voice resonate through his mind. He narrowed his amber eyes to no one in particular, trying to get the freaking voice out of his mind. Now is not the time to remember him, especially when he had more pressing matters to deal with.

"I was wondering if you would be so kind so as to give me a discount for my check up. 'kaachan says we don't have enough income for the check up to pay for it…" she replied, her small voice getting smaller and smaller by each word.

Wha-? The more I think about it, the more this kid looks AND sounds like her!

He shook his head, trying to focus on the situation in hand. "Discounts are difficult to be just given in any hospital, little miss. Your parents know that. We do give it, but we prioritize the elderly." He leveled a serious gaze on the girl, wondering if she even understood the polite but clipped explanation. This was a kid, after all, that he was talking to.

He was therefore pleasantly and worriedly surprised when she nodded, bowing her head again and starting to twiddle with her thumbs. "That's what 'kaachan had told me…"

Huh, this kid's smart. She couldn't be related to her.

Or could she actually be related to her?

Realizing an onset of panic attack, he swallowed his nervousness and focused on her. He wouldn't know what to do if he finds out the connection between them, because seriously speaking, he didn't know what had happened to her the past three years.

Three years… that was how long already that he hadn't heard from her. He smiled a dry smile to himself. Who was he kidding? He hadn't heard from them already that long because he had chosen to cut himself off from her world, and from everything involving karuta.

He had ran away… just like before. Is it really any wonder that he lived up to what that guy had always told him?

You were always the coward, Taichi. You'd always struck me as a person who runs away whenever faced with an impossible challenge.

Yes… because we both know that you are the one she had fallen for, you blithering megane-baka. If he could answer that, he should have done so years ago. Now he could only answer to that accusation –well, not really an accusation but a statement of fact, -through his mind.

"Well, at least they are aware. I'm sorry I won't be able to do much for you. Is there anything else you might need?" he asked in a clipped tone, his mood dark, the memory having put a damper on his spirits.

The little girl looked at him once again, as if trying to see straight into his soul, making him feel uncomfortable. Now that he came to think about it, he didn't know who she is.

"What's your name then?" he sighed out, feeling foolish.

The girl looked at him seriously once more.

"Ayase."

The name had him reeling backwards, as if he had been punched in the gut. All the air whooshed out of his lungs, and he automatically gasped for oxygen. The little girl stood there, watching his reaction silently. His eyes had widened, sweat appearing on his upper lip.

This had to be a cruel trick.

First her eyes, now her name?!

"A-Ayase…" he muttered, regaining his balance. It really felt as if he had been punched through the stomach.

Dammit!

The girl nodded. "Ayase-"

"There you are, Chizuko-chan! I've been looking all over for you…"

That voice.

That freaking voice!

It was amazing how, even after years of not seeing her, of not hearing from her, he would still recognize her.

He looked up as a girl, -who was remotely tall for a girl-, appeared by the doorway, panting heavily and out of breath, straight locks of brown hair quite in disarray. He could guess that she had been running, as she bent and clutched her chest which heaved up and down as she gasped for air.

At that moment, all that he could think about was how painful it was to be able to see her again after all the years he had successfully avoided her. After all that he had gone through, tearing himself away from her (and losing all optimism in life,) having karuta withdrawal symptoms because he had to try and forget everything that would give him reminders of her, this is how it's going to be.

It was so funny and ironic that he could cry.

"Don't do that again, Chizuko-chan! You've had me worried and…" She trailed off, noticing the man the little girl was with. Her breath hitched, her large, auburn, doe-like shaped eyes (which were a perfect replica of the little girl's) widening in surprise, hurt, anger and recognition all at once, her lips parting into a small oh.

What startled him was that the last emotion he had seen in her eyes was relief. But he couldn't dwell on it, he couldn't concentrate on it, knowing that he should not be seeing her again.

Not like this.

Not after all this time.

Amber eyes stared into auburn ones. His eyes were pricking with unshed tears, even when it had been drilled into him ever since he was a kid by his mom that men should never cry.

Goddammit… even after all these years, why do I still have to love her?

And one word escaped her lips.

"Taichi…"

A/N: I have always thought Taichi to be more suitable to Chihaya. I have nothing against Arata, I love the guy, honestly. But if you look more into it, you'd find that Chihaya deserves to be with Taichi more, someone who knows her better than she even does herself and could take care of her and protect her from anything and everything- even from herself.

That ends the first chapter. Please leave a review! Thanks!