AN: This is a parody of the fanfiction, My Immortal, written by XXXbloodyrists666XXX. I advise you to read that before you read this. Check out the SECOND link under worst fanfic ever, and inuyasha fanfic.
Chapters 1-5
My name is Mary Sue Light'ness, I have beach blonde hair and my favorite color is pink. I'm 100 goth though, if you couldn't tell, you're a gay fag and should rot in hell. I wore all the sexy clothes I bought from my favorite store Hot Topic.
"Hey Draco!" I said as this adorable blonde boy walked by me.
He looked at me like I was crazy and said "Why the fuck are you talking to me?" .
"Ok talk to you later baby," I said smiling cheerfully at him as he walked off.
He stopped and slowly turned around. He looked at me with an expression of disgust, then he pulled out his wand and killed me. What progress, the last time I even looked at him, he slowly tortured me before brutally killing me with a knife. He's gonna soon be mine.
The next day I woke up in my coffin and it was pitch black, I screamed. The power had been cut off for me again. I got frantic and started banging against the ceiling. Suddenly, light filled my coffin and there was a girl with black hair staring at me. She was my best friend Willow.
"Oh hey there buddy," I said cheerfully.
"Oh… its you," she said, then slammed the coffin door on me as I started to get out.
"Ha, good one, talk to you later," I yelled out of my coffin.
I finally worked my way out of the coffin and there was this morbidly obese girl named Joeberta Le'Flaggert staring at me. If you wanted to see dork, then just ring her up on her cell (ROFL, LOL, OMFG, :D, LMAO: get it? cause im gothic).
"I like totally saw you talking to Draco yesterday, and all he did was kill you, your really improving," she giggled.
"I know, just the thought of him makes me horny" I said snickering.
"Do you like him?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and skipped to the Great Hall.
"Like ttly!" I shouted.
"Giggle; Giggle" she exclaimed. Just then, I saw Draco.
"Hey" I said.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH, WHAT DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO DO KILL YOUR ASS" he yelled.
"Ha ha, always the kidder, my little Draco, so guess what's happening in London tonight" I said flirtatiously.
"Leave now or I will kick your gay bitch ass,"
"Good Charlotte is having a concert and I want you to go with me," I said, ignoring his threat, knowing he wouldn't hurt his snuggle buns
"I would rather have sex with Voldemort than even talk to you, SO GET AWAY," he screamed at me
"Ok honeybunch, I'll pick you up at eight," I said winking at him.
He pulled his hair and screamed. Then he grabbed a sword from the wall and chopped off my head. Then he ran off skipping, thinking he had finally killed me.
Isn't my Draco just adorable?
On the night of the concert I hopped in my Smart Car and drove through the Slytherin portrait straight to the boys dorm. I honked the horn twice and heard someone from inside scream "OH GOD DAMN IT!"
I giggled, recognizing my Draco's voice.
He stormed out of the dormitory and looked at me with rage in his eyes.
"WHAT DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO DO TO KILL YOU!" screamed Draco.
"I'll tell you if you go with me," I said smiling.
Draco thought for a moment, he was thinking if it was worth the risk.
"Fine, but you better tell me or I will kill you at the end of every chapter god damn it," Draco threatened.
"Oh you'd do that anyway snookums," I said.
"WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME THOSE STUPID NAMES," Draco yelled.
I smiled at him and opened the smart car door. He got in sulking and I drove through the portrait again. As we drove down the hallway I heard the portrait cussing me out.
When I reached the concert Draco refused to move so I started rubbing my body against him until he got up and started yelling at me.
"Isn't that Joel just so hot," I said to Draco.
Draco's face brightened up, "Yes, he's a stud, I say you go ask him out and never talk to me again," he said brightly.
"I would but he's dating that marvelous inspiration Hilary Duff," I said smiling.
Finally the concert ended with Draco muttering about how nice death seemed. I got back in the car and started driving. Finally I turned and Draco said "Where the fuck are you going, Hogwarts is that way."
"True, but we're going to the forbidden forest," I said cheerfully.
Draco just smiled, I was so happy I thought he had finally fallen for me. When we landed I got out of the car and he followed. I put him against a tree and started taking off my clothes and he kept smiling, I grabbed his hand and started moving it down to my vagina. He just whistled a tune and then we heard a rustle in the woods.
I looked into the forest and a werewolf sprinted out at me. It lunged and started ripping at my neck muscles, I giggled and started getting an orgasm as he clawed at my vagina. Then the werewolf completely ripped off my head and threw it into the woods.
"Thank you so much, I owe you big time," said Draco, practically worshipping the werewolf.
The werewolf ran off into the forest, leaving my maimed body behind.
Dumbledore made me follow him as he shouted at me. When we reached his office, Draco, McGonagall, and Snape were sitting.
"YOU FOOL! RAPING A STUDENT!!"
"You fucking bitch," said McGonagall.
"You dumb little skank," said Snape.
"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM," I screamed.
"Draco, you can go up to your room," said Snape pulling out a medieval flail then patting it gently, "I'll deal with her."
"Ok, just be sure to hit her extra hard, don't want there to be a chance at her living," Draco said smiling.
When Draco left, escorted by McGonagall and Dumbledore, Snape lifted the flail and hit me 42 times with it, until all that was left of me was bone fragments, and gut parts splattered across the wall.