Entry One:

Er, hello. I was given this diary, and I'm not quite sure what exactly to do with it. So, I'll just tell you what happened today.

That's what these things are for, right?

I feel like a tween girl.

Anyway, today was quite eventful. Saw an article on the front page of the paper about the Doctor. Well, not about him, but crop circles are cliché alien, right?

I guess I ought to tell you about the Doctor, eh, Diary? Since you've never met him, and all.

Now I'm talking to a book. Wonderful.

Anyway, the Doctor. He's brilliant. But don't tell him I told you. It'll only go to his head. He's clever and brave and remarkable... and a little bit sexy!

It's odd, really. I was trained to be an emotionless monster. A psychopath with no moral compass. And I lived that way for a long, long time. Melody Pond, trained assassin. I was raised to kill that man. I had been ordered to murder the Doctor when I first got the chance. And I planned to. I tried to.

I did.

The Doctor lied dead before me and I felt nothing. At all.

But then I felt everything.

I felt the pain I should have felt years ago, knowingly lying to my parents' faces for all of our childhoods.

I felt the guilt I'd suppressed after kicking Rory Williams into the sand day after day in primary school.

I felt karma's payback that didn't come after I'd spent the night with Amy's then-boyfriend.

And seeing a man lying lifeless before my eyes, I almost lost it.

But I stayed stoic.

And right before he died, he told me to deliver a message to River Song.

River Song, River Song. The only person I'd heard about all day.

Who was this "River Song?" Whoever she is, I'd thought, she means the world to him. She is the center of his universe.

And honestly, that bothered me a bit!

I mean, I had this brand-new and gorgeous body, and I hadn't killed him at first sight! I could've, but I didn't! The man should have been grateful! But no! All that mattered was his precious River.

With his dying breath, he told me he loved her.

And I had no response except "I'm sure she knows."

But he was already dead.

Memories flooded back of every single horrible thing I'd done in my lifetime, and I looked at the face of the dead man lying before me.

A beautiful man. A clever man. A brilliant, witty, daring man. A funny man who, instead of trying to prevent his death, donned a tuxedo and top hat for the occasion! A man who was in no way perfect, but perfectly broken so as to fit like a puzzle against my own shattered state of being. A dead man.

Then I realized that it didn't have to be this way, that this perfectly flawed man could still live.

The future of the universe was balanced on one choice: Melody Pond or River Song.

And so (with my mother's permission, of course), I made the choice. The choice to be River Song, to save the love of my life, and to become the love of his.

And now, as I lay in this hospital bed, thinking about how I gave away my remaining regenerations to a man who simply ran off without me on another adventure, I'm thoroughly thinking through my decision.

I hope I made the right one.

-River Song

18 July, 5123

Sisters of the Infinite Schism