A/N: I guess this is the band that really makes me write all the depressing stuff. I adore Counting Crows' music. It makes me want to sit there and cry to it all night. I love it. A shorter series of Gwevin to Counting Crows' music. Should consist of 3 songs, all in Kevin's POV.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song nor the characters.

You Can't Count On Me

We linger together under the night sky. The lake's lapping waters eat away at the shore with soft sounds that touch my ears like the purring of a kitten. I can't help but feel so relaxed. And I know this is all too good to be true. I know this is wrong. I know it's not right for me to live so peacefully for so long. I can't have this kind of life. It's not allowed. She shouldn't be able to rely on me like this.

Our fingers are twined together as she snuggles into my chest. A piece of grass is hanging in her hair, the little blade shining emerald against her fiery scarlet mane. I love her. I love her so deeply. So deeply that it hurts.

The moon shimmers like a diamond in the night air. I love the way its light reflects off her pale, porcelain skin. It makes her look like a little china doll. I love her. I love her so much. This feels too right. I'm not supposed to know what love is. I'm not supposed to be able to love. I'm not supposed to know all this stuff. I'm not worth her time. I'm not reliable. I'm not worthy of her.

"You're tense," she says, her face burying itself deeper in my chest. I can feel the heat flushing to her face as she can hear my heart racing and beating in my chest. "What's on your mind, Kevin?" Gwen's voice is so soft. I love her. I love her too much for my own good.

So innocent, that's her. She is the picture of perfection. She could be a model or a rocket scientist. She could have the smartest, nicest, richest guy in Bellwood. She could have anyone she wants. She could do anything in this world. She could have anything she wants and I can't give her everything she needs and deserves. I can't be that perfect guy for the perfect girl.

"Gwen," I breathe after drinking in some of the brisk night air. I tighten my grip around her waist, hoping to keep her warm against the chill. She takes it as a comfort and curls against me a little more. "I just…." I keep my eyes on the moon even when her perfect jade orbs look to me curiously. "I just want you to know that you can't count on me, Gwen. That's all. I'm not trustworthy. And I don't deserve you."

A smile possesses her perfect features and I see a glimmer of laughter in her emerald eyes that twinkle even more in the moonlight's bright white shine. "Kevin, stop," she says, moving so that our faces are closer together. She's practically looking down at me and I'm fine with that. I like looking into those gorgeous eyes of hers. They're so beautiful, just like she is. "I love you. That's all that I need to know."

"I'm too prone to getting caught up in everything." I want to tear my gaze away from hers, but she's got me locked in so deep that I can hardly think of actually looking away from her beauty. "I'm dangerous." I reach up to stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. It feels so soft. It's good to feel human skin again. I like knowing that we're both alive and human, despite my imperfections and her eternal brilliance. "I won't always be around, Gwen." Her smile is quietly fading on her lips, slowly but surely, it's dying. "You can't count on me."

"Stop saying that." The pad of her thumb runs along my skin, tracing my jaw line tenderly with that gentle touch of hers. She's so beautiful. She's so perfect. I love her too much. It's getting harder to resist. I shouldn't be in love. I don't deserve love. "You're fine, Kevin. I believe in you. And Ben believes in you. That's plenty to know that you'll be fine. We trust you with our lives."

My throat closed up. I'm a danger to her and her cousin. I'm a killer, a murderer. I'm nothing whereas they are everything. I shouldn't have been close to them at all. Now I was wading into dangerous waters.

The trees rustle over us and I keep letting my skin brush against hers. It's so soft and she's so sweet and so perfect. I love her. I truly love her.

"Gwen, please don't trust me," I plead softly. "Please don't believe in me." I can't help but notice how sad she looks when I say those words. It's like they truly pierce her soul. I hate hurting her. Hurting her hurts me both physically and mentally. "I don't deserve anything."

Once more, she lets herself lay across my chest. Her arms are around my torso; it's a comfort just to know she's there. I silently watch the moon as it floats in the dark sky. "Kevin, you've redeemed yourself." Her face is buried in my chest and she's so warm and so beautiful and she's so perfect. She's too perfect for me. "Stop being so pessimistic."

My mindset still doesn't change, but I kiss her crown of crimson hair. I gently finger a few stray strands of it, feeling it run between my fingertips more like silk than hair. I can't believe her. She's so unreal. Everything I feel for her hasn't existed in me for the longest time. I closed myself off from everything and now finally, I was able to open up. But she shouldn't have relied on me. She can't count on me.

"Gwen, I won't always be here for you." I keep stroking her beautiful mane. It's like fire in the darkness. "One of these days, you'll be hurt and I won't be able to be here to save you. I'll be in trouble and you'll be here." She shifts her position lying across my body, but she hasn't brought her gorgeous gaze to meet my own. "I don't want to have you hurt because you trusted me too much." I feel this throbbing in my chest; it's the longing for love and for trust. I hate being such a worthless being. "You can't count on me to be here for all the time."

"I will anyways, Kevin."

A little fury bubbles in my veins and I can't help but wish that she wouldn't put so much faith in me. Faith is something that I have little of, little for myself and barely anything for others. I was putting my heart into her and I knew she couldn't always be there for me when I was getting myself in trouble and I didn't want her to think that I was always going to be around. Honestly, I'm just waiting for the day when my parole officer comes around to take me back to the Null Void. I'm just waiting. "Please. Don't."

It hurts to know that someone could actually care about me and that I may be incapable to give the same emotions back. I'm afraid that maybe this love isn't love but that it's lust. I'm afraid that I don't know what I'm doing. I can only feel for Gwen and I don't know what I'm feeling for her. She's so beautiful and I want to know what I really do feel for her.

"Kevin, I love you," she whispers. She still isn't looking at me. It doesn't bother me. I don't need to read her eyes to know what she's thinking. Her voice gives it all away. She's afraid I'm going to leave her. I just know. I know Gwen. I love her. I love her so much it hurts. Love hurts and I love the hurt. Pain is my drug.

I keep playing with her hair, being as innocent as a newborn child. I know I'm not going to leave her unless someone drags me away. I'll fight even then. I'm willing to do anything for her. But I don't deserve her. I don't belong with her. My heart's home is here, but my body always belongs somewhere else. It belongs in a prison far away from civilization where it can't hurt anyone when I lose control. I don't want to hurt Gwen, but I don't want to leave her. I'm torn, but I know what she needs to know.

"You can't count on me, Gwen."

A/N: I like how it came out. Reviews are gladly appreciated.

~Sky