Disclaimer: Not mine, Bellisario's.
The ring
Set shortly after Harm and Mac returned from Australia. Mic just turned up in the USA.
It was Friday and the week was nearly over. It was almost half past seven and they were on their way back from an investigation. They were not talking; only the radio played softly. Suddenly the silence was broken by the rumble of Mac's stomach. Harm chuckled.
"The animal in you is awaking, Marine?"
"Guess so," she grinned back. "What are you going to do about it?"
"It's never a good idea to have a ferocious beast run free," Harm teased
"You better feed me then," Mac retorted.
Agreeing with her Harm looked around for a place to eat. For miles there was no restaurant in sight but then, in the distance he saw flashing light. Nearing he realized it wasn't an eating-house but the entrance to a carnival. A large gateway, rimmed with flashing lights invited the visitors in, promising them a good time.
Harm slowed down and looked at Mac. The place brought back memories about an evening he preferred to forget but he would let her the choice.
"Picking up a bite here or do you want to find something else?"
Mac opened her mouth – she had the same thoughts - but her stomach beat her. Harm laughed.
"I guess it's here then." Feeling a bit awkwardly Mac nodded and with a suppressed sigh he looked for a place to park the car, and, following a sign he turned the car towards a makeshift parking lot. Moments later they entered 'fairy-land', both having to shrug of an uneasy feeling..
Music blared and the air was filled with the heavy smell of hot dogs, fried onions and cotton candy. Mac looked around and pointed.
"There are the stalls with food."
Both holding a corndog, in Harm's case vegetarian one, and a bag of fries they wandered on. Needless to say Harm had wrinkled his nose at the fatty delicacy but that had earned him only a stuck out tongue from Mac, who dove in with gusto. After finishing their meal they wandered through the carnival, looking at the different attractions.
A man in a clown's suit approached them. "Lottery tickets, Sir? Four for five dollar."
"Why not?" Harm reached for his wallet and gave handed the man a fiver. The guy presented him with an iron ring, on which small envelopes were stringed. At random Harm picked four of them and started to tear them open. He was lucky; although two came blank, two of them had a number on them.
"You can go over to that stall to redeem them for your prizes, Sir," the seller pointed out.
They walked over and Harm handed the two winning tickets to man behind the counter. The man smiled and grabbed a stuffed toy.
"Guess AJ will love this," Harm told Mac and she nodded.
Meanwhile the man had rummaged through a drawer and now handed Harm his second prize, a thin silver ring. Harm's face dropped.
"What do I do with a ring?" he muttered under his breath but the man heard it anyway. "You can give it to your girlfriend," he pointed out, laughing.
"She already has one," Harm replied.
Mac kept silent. For the sake of her life, she didn't know what to say.
They walked on, the silence now strained.
"You aren't going to marry Brumby, are you?" Harm suddenly asked.
"I don't know. We are not that far, yet." She twisted the ring around her finger 'It's a friendship ring."
They walked on, both faking interest in the different games.
"Why?" Now it was Mac's turn to ask a question out of the blue.
For a moment Harm contemplated faking not understanding but then he decided she deserved an honest answer.
"I don't know. All I can say I wasn't ready, yet. Something was stopping me. Fear of the unknown, fear of damaging our friendship, fear for our jobs, fear of losing control …? I really don't know."
"That's important to you, isn't it, Not to lose control?"
"In my world, when you lose control, you can die."
"You're not in your world, now." Mac said softly. "You can lose control with me."
Harm sighed.
"I know. But old habits die hard."
"Don't I know it," Mac heaved a sigh as well.
After a while she asked once more "Why?"
"Why?" Harm didn't get her.
"Why now? Why do you want to talk about it now, after all these what is it, weeks, months?"
"Loss."
Mac frowned; she didn't get it.
"I don't understand; can you explain, please?"
"There were so many times I wanted to call you, just to suggest to do something together. So many times I wanted to tell you something or just spend time with you. Many times I already had the receiver in my hand and then I remembered you were with Mic. I felt … there was a void ... I felt …" He snapped his fingers trying to find the right words. "I felt empty, amputated. Maybe I never fully realised how much you mean to me." Facing away he swallowed heavily.
Mac went silent.
A few moments later he started to speak again. "I know this is ... it's not fair to do this to you. Ask you to break up with him, to choose for me. I know I should take my loss. After all, I brought myself in this situation. But I can't."
Once more Mac played with the ring on her finger.
"Mic is a good man."
"A man who accused you of murder," Harm couldn't stop himself from saying.
"That much is true. But he is a good man. He really thought I was guilty and what would you have done? What do you do when you honestly think the one you're persecuting is guilty of a crime?"
Rhetorical questions they both knew the answers to.
"I don't think you want to hear this but you and he have a lot in common."
Harm snorted; she was right, he didn't want to hear.
Mac went on "The things I love in him are the same things I love in you: determination, honesty, the will to do what's right."
They walked on in silence. Mac was thinking long and hard and Harm didn't interrupt .
"You know I am going to burn bridges I won't be able to mend when I break up with Mic, do you? I mean, when things don't work out between us."
He nodded.
"I know I ask a lot of you. Don't think I didn't think of that, things not working out between us. But I promise you I will do everything I can to make it work."
She looked at the ring in his hands. He followed her look and realised he still held the little item. With a sideways look he let it slip into his pocket.
Mac faced away, in vain trying to hide her disappointment. Harm grabbed her hand.
"Mac, I will make good on it, I promise. Just give me some time, a few days."
He already had an idea.
Mac nodded reluctantly. She would rather have him make a move now but a promise of Harm was as good as a certainty.
"Okay, a few days."
Mac's apartment
The next evening a dinner was planned and Mic was to pick Mac up at seven.
Right on time he knocked on her door, wearing a nice suit and a smile plastered on his face. That face dropped though, when he walked inside and saw Mac sitting on the couch. She hadn't changed for dinner and Mic felt himself chill.
"Sarah, honey, we had a date. You're not ready."
"No," she shook her head. "Mic, we have to talk."
A few minutes a dazed looking Mic emerged from the building. In the car he took out his phone to cancel the restaurant. Then he drove home. There was a bottle of whiskey waiting for him.
Sunday morning
Park
The air was cold and little clouds of steam billowed from their mouths. Both were panting after a five miles run. Mac was tired; she hadn't slept well after the break-up with Mic. She was both sorry for him as well as apprehensive to how things would go with Harm. An almost sleepless night had left her wondering whether she had made the right choice and her fatigue didn't help to see things clearly.
Harm sensed her down mood.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Mixed feelings," Mac confessed. "Yesterday … it was hard to tell Mic. He was so heartbroken. Not angry, that have been easier to deal with, just devastated." She bit her lips.
"I feel bad about swapping one man for another." She felt silent, remembering that was exactly what she had done, only weeks before in Australia. "And I'm nervous, I guess, about us."
They walked on. It took some time before Mac started to talk again. "How do you feel?" she wanted to know.
"Mixed feelings as well. I'm happy we are giving it a go but … I hadn't expected this but I feel sorry for Mic. Feeling guilty; I never thought I would be interfering in someone else's relation. Nervous as well, going into new territory. I mean, I had other relations but never like this," Harm offered.
"You're still in to it?" Mac didn't know where that question came from but she needed to hear his unwavering commitment. And she got it.
"Yes," Harm said, without hesitation. "I am."
"Thank you," Mac breathed.
"For what?
"For talking, being open about your feelings," she tried to explain. "If this is going to work, there can't be any unclearness between us, no assumptions. We must be prepared to talk, to tell each other how we feel. Be vulnerable …" A bit shy she looked up to him. Harm nodded pensively.
"You're right. But to learn that … you might have to be patient with me."
"That's okay. As long as you make an effort," she told him. "I will have to learn as well."
Sensing she needed a bit more he reached out and gratefully she placed her hand in his. With his other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little pouch.
"Yesterday I visited friends," he started. "You know them, Elias and Audrey."
Mac nodded. She had met them once or twice. She wondered why he changed the subject but decided to wait. After all, sometimes Harm needed a bit of time to bring up his point and one of the things she had to learn was to be patient, not to hurry him and certainly not to jump to conclusions.
"You might not know this but in his free time he is an amateur goldsmith."
Surprised Mac shook her head. "No, I didn't know."
"I told you I had plans with that ring so I went to him to talk it through and learn whether it was possible. He said it was and went to work right away."
He chuckled. "It helped I volunteered to assemble the bed and cupboard he was working on. IKEA stuff isn't that difficult to handle but he never seems to get the knack of it. Amazingly when you see what he can do with those little ornaments."
He let go of her hand, to open the little pouch and pull out a thin silver necklace. On it dangled a little ornament in the form of the number eight, lying on its side. Mac recognized the engravings as from the ring. Harm traced the outlines with his finger.
"He twisted the ring and attached a little eyelet. This is a symbol of eternity. No begin, no end." He looked at her. "This is not how long we are going to wait; this is how long I want us to be together." He waited with bated breath for her reaction and he didn't have to wait long.
Mac felt her eyes tear up and she flung herself into his arms, holding on for dear life. She choked back a sob, her face buried against his shoulder.
"Will you wear it? Instead of a ring?"
She nodded fervently. Then she pulled back, turned around and lifted her hair, thus signalling she wanted him to put it around her neck. With trembling fingers he did. Then he pulled her back into his arms and held her close, until she looked up to him. Then his lips softly landed on hers.
"Thank you," she said.
"I want to give you a ring but I know we are not there, yet. And I didn't want to give you a friendship ring, or for you to swap one ring for another," he explained a bit more. "You will get enough questions as it is, I didn't want to add pressure. Wearing a new necklace will not evoke that many raised brows, I hope."
Mac nodded; he was right and she was touched by his consideration. Harm let go of her momentarily and took the pendant in his hand. Again he slid his finger over it. "I had it engraved as well."
Mac frowned. She unlocked the necklace and turned the pendant, trying to decipher the minute letters, but failed.
"What does is say?" she wanted to know.
"My love for eternity," Harm said in a hoarse voice.
Once more Mac had to fight her tears.
"I … I …" she stammered.
"Sshhht, it's okay. You don't have to say something now," Harm soothed, wrapping her in his arms once more. "Sarah, I want to court you, I want go out with you, on dates, but when you need a bit more time to process, that's all right. We can just hang out, till you're ready."
She lifted her face up to him.
"I think I will like that, for a while. Do the things we used to do, go for a run, have dinner and bounce off a case, movie night on Friday, things like that. Just to get back in the swing of things. But I will wear your necklace." She looked at the dangling object in her hand. "Friday I was disappointed because you wanted to wait giving it to me. Now I'm happy for it shows your consideration and thoughtfulness." She tenderly placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Any plans for today?"
Harm thought for a second. "What about going home, shower and dress and I pick you up in an hour or so? We can have an early lunch and there is a new exhibition in the National Archives about the pioneers I think you might find interesting."
He looked expectantly down on her and she nodded eagerly. "Sounds like a plan."
Hand in hand they walked to their cars and a bit reluctantly Mac let go of him.
"See you in an hour then."
"Yes, see you in an hour." He watched her step into her car and drive away before hurrying to his own vehicle. He didn't want to be late!
The end