I wrote this songfic for the story "She Only Steals Diamonds" by ohgodofwriting. I advise only reading this if you have already read all of "She Only Steals Diamonds." And ohgodofwriting wrote a songfic for Diamonds: "Way We Get By."

Song: "Catch 22" by Goapele

Story: She Only Steals Diamonds

Characters: Max, Terry

She moved quickly in the jewelry store, knowing he was going to give her a ring in just a few short minutes.

"Call you at 10?" he had asked when he dropped her off after school.

"Uh…sure," she had relented, but quickly donned a lopsided smile. "Just make sure you're not preoccupied with a fight, this time."

Nobody knows what I go through
Indecisions lead me passively

If only he knew how difficult he was making things by being her friend.

She loved talking to him, but mere friendship wasn't what she really wanted. She was impatiently waiting on him to catch her drift, using a mask as her voice.

She cursed when the security alarm blared. She was moving too quickly.

One of these days, she was going to be rushing on a job in order to take a romantic call from him.

They say I want my cake and I wanna' eat it too
Not satisfied if I don't, consequences when I do

Batman had just missed her that night. She tossed the wig onto her bed with a disappointed sigh. But when her gaze sailed to the diamonds, a devious smile slid onto her lips.

Rendezvous with Batman, steal a few diamonds to pay the rent. She couldn't exactly complain…if it wasn't for the fact that Batman was a little tough to get through to, that is.

These lessons, they lead me on my way
But when company is tempting me, I turn around
But I might wanna' go that way

(I don't wanna' go that way)

The following night, she was interrupted on the job. Company had arrived. The diamond necklace remained in her fingers. She knew it was him.

"Put it down."

His growl was menacing, but not quite as much as in their first meeting. It was becoming routine, to him. Stop the thief, learn a lesson. But she hoped he was actually listening to her. All of Batman's lame one-liners were simple to deconstruct, but Terry…? He still had yet to break up with that girl.

And yet, with every fight against Batman, and every playful conversation with Terry, she was tearing herself in half.

Well, it's a catch 22
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
Yes, it's a catch 22
Damned if I don't, damned if I do

Sometimes when they fought, she almost called him "Terry." But she never really worried that he'd learn her identity. She didn't care that it was probably starting to look suspicious, her the ever-studying senior conveniently being out on a school night. No, it was too shocking to be true, for Max Gibson to be the Cat Woman.

Some might say that she wasn't taking things seriously, that she was irrational. But this was the high of her masquerade. The easiest secrets to keep are the most shocking ones.

How many times does it take to learn just one thing?
'Cause I keep ending up here

"I want you to drop the necklace, and give this up."

She smiled. Batman tried so hard to be cool. But she secretly loved his gallantry. He was so good. She was so bad.

"You don't know what you want," she continued with her gathering. "If you did, you'd act."

Batman puffed at her lesson, preparing to strike. She dropped the necklace into her compartment with a sigh.

When would he learn?


And I'm not a scientist so I just keep on praying that I won't
Keep getting the same results each day

Sometimes it was hard for her to believe that Terry was underneath the mask. They could be so different, Batman and McGinnis. Here she was, being confronted by a hero, when Terry McGinnis couldn't even shake his pesky girlfriend.

Her mood dropped. She knew that she couldn't bring herself to be with an indecisive man. Just like she couldn't steal anything but diamonds.

And I said that I can't be with you

She only stole diamonds, because they were the best. The only problem was, Terry had yet to become his best.

She smiled.

But that's what Catwoman was for.

But when you turn around I pull back your hands to stay
So many days turn to years that brought us here

She ignored Batman's commands, and started to casually leave the store. She knew he was going to stop her. The fun was in the chase, after all.

"I said drop it!"

Her hand caught his arm, flying toward her. "Not until you drop your act."


And we shied through time without too many tears
But we still made decisions, creating divisions
So many contradictions
Why didn't we listen?

Was she even ready to be in a relationship with Batman? Even if Terry changed and became all she dreamed he could be, she would still be tied to an enemy. He would stop her, and she would keep her identity a secret…for as long as reality would allow her high to last.

Well, it's a catch 22
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
Yes, it's a catch 22
Damned if I don't, damned if I do

But when he was around Dana… Oh, she could kill her. It wasn't so much that it was another woman, but of all women… Dana crushed Terry into the faltering person Catwoman was trying to free him from.

And yet, it was also the time-old game of jealousy that fueled her masquerade. Plain and simple, she wanted him for herself.

'Cause when I see you looking at her
I can't stand it, my eyes can't conceive
You give her that smile you gave to me
I love you selfishly
And I can feel so strongly

Oh, how you throw me
But still you know me
Oh, you know me

"It's over?"

"It's over. I broke up with her."

The wonderful news replayed in her mind even after they had been together for weeks.

With the girlfriend out of the way, she could take her rightful spot, and so could Terry. But things were changing, now. Every reality she tried to ignore and dreaded to realize about her secret was coming true. It was only a matter of time before he found out…

But, it's a catch 22
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
Yes, it's a catch 22
I'm damned if I don't, damned if I do

Oh, it's a catch 22

I'm damned if I don't, damned if I do

Yes, it's a catch 22

Damned if I don't, damned if I do

They were standing face to face, eye to eye. He said he wanted to tell her something. She never thought he'd ever face her again after the night he found out who she was.

She swallowed. He had never looked more serious.

"I want you to marry me."

To hell with all the promises we made
The boundaries, the pain
I don't care who's wrong or right
Let's just ignore that tonight, I don't wanna' fight

Her heart ceased to beat. She searched the lightning eyes. He was serious…and so was she. Whatever life as Catwoman with Batman held in store, she cared not. All she knew was that Max needed Terry.

"I will."


Where you lead me I'll follow
I won't stress on tomorrow
'Cause I miss you like the moon misses the sky,
The waves miss the sand, the leaves miss the breeze flowin' by
So come to me easy
'Cause I know you can please me

But it's a catch 22