Okay so this is the first story I've posted on fanfic in awhile, I've had I believe now 3 fanfiction accounts. I'm hoping this one sticks. Like I said this is the first story I've posted or written in almost three years so I apologize in advance if my writing isn't as top notch I'm pretty rusty. I definitely plan on writing many more Spoby fics in the future as well as some other fandoms. We'll see how it goes. Well I hope that you enjoy :)
Everything Has Changed
In all honesty, she doesn't really know quite what to think. To say she was shocked when she found out was a complete understatement. The reveal destroyed her, and if you knew Spencer Hastings, you knew she didn't do vulnerable. She never broke down, but this was different. She thought he was different. He was her first love, her safe place to land, but he wasn't a safe place anymore. She had been right from the beginning; the devil did have a name and that devil was indeed Toby Cavanaugh.
At first she had been in denial; she couldn't even imagine him being apart of this—apart of the A-team—but he was. It was a fluke really; they had just spent the last hour lying in her bed engaging in some pillow talk and exchanging kisses here and there. It was honestly the happiest she had ever been. Sadly, he had to get to the next job site, and, after some reluctance from Spencer, she finally let him go to get a shower. After he departed the room, she decided to grab his blue shirt and she quickly pulled it over her small frame. As she was about to walk out of the room, she heard the distinct chirp of Toby's cell phone. Being her usual Hastings self she was curious, so she walked over and picked up his phone. What she saw caused her to become puzzled.
Remember the plan?
The text was composed of three simple words, all from a Blocked I.D.
She had quickly put his phone back where she had found it and scurried from the room. She had never asked Toby anything about it. Mainly because she felt that if she talked about it, then, if it was what she thought it was, it would make it true and she didn't want that. She wanted to hold on to the only semblance of normal that seemed to be in her life. Sadly though, her curious Hastings nature won out– she had to know the truth, even if it destroyed her.
She walked into The Brew and smiled as she passed Angie on her way up the stairs. It had always been peculiar to her; Toby had never had her over to his loft. He had always made the excuse that it was a bachelor pad– that her OCD would go into overdrive and she would want to clean every square inch. She knocked on the door cautiously, not really sure what to expect. As she knocked, the door slowly gave way; she looked at it for a second before pushing it further open.
"Toby?"
She said, walking fully into the apartment. What she saw in front of her was what she had seen all those months ago in that hotel room with Mona; when Mona had revealed herself as "A". Pictures of her, Hanna, Emily, Aria, and Alison were covering every square inch of wall space; Alison's diaries were stacked up in the corner of the room; and that damn dollhouse with all the dolls was exactly as she had seen in it April. The thing that really caught her off guard was what she saw sitting in the corner furthest away from her: it was the rocking chair that Toby had made her.
She couldn't really figure out what had come over her, but in all honesty the last time they had talked she had snapped. Spencer had yelled and screamed curses; while Toby had tried to put in his two cents but it was a moot point. There was no way to talk Spencer down when she was pissed.
"You bastard!"
She was shouting, only stopping the furious pacing she had been doing to begin throwing random things around her room at him. Luckily she was so enraged that her aim was off and he was easily able to duck and not get hit by the objects flying at him.
"Spencer, just let me explain I never-"
But she didn't give him a chance to finish. She stormed over to him and began hammering her fists into his chest. The blows had no effect on his very fit body, but he continued to let her pound her fists anyway.
"I can't believe you! After all that you know, you are doing this! I mean, how could you?"
He looked up at her, shock in his eyes.
"After all that I know? I know nothing, Spencer! I knew nothing because you would never let me all the way in! I wanted answers that you wouldn't give me. So I went to the person that I thought would." he yelled out, causing her eyes to glaze over in anger.
She shoved angrily against his chest and he was surprised at the strength that she possessed. He stumbled back slightly at the force.
"So you went to Mona? You know I want to tell you, but I can't because it's not safe. My main priority was to keep you safe!"
He scoffed at her and rolled his eyes, all while crossing his arms across his chest.
"Come on Spencer, we both know that you wouldn't have told me. That's the problem- you are always shutting me out. I wanted to know why this was happening again, I knew that this is what it had to be. Over the summer you were carefree and spontaneous; I could tell you finally felt free. But after Alison's body got dug up, I knew that something new was wrong. You were jumping every time your phone rang. I mean, what was I supposed to do, just stand around and watch you suffer in silence? You don't do that when you love someone."
She looked up at him, a tear rolling down her cheek as she whispered one question to him quietly.
"Just tell me this; was the job in Bucks County just an excuse to go find your answers?"
He looked down at his feet and slowly nodded his head, not saying another word. Spencer nodded and wiped the tears that were silently streaming down her face.
"I think it would be best if we don't see each other anymore." she whispered, hugging her arms around her stomach tightly.
He looked up at her and, as mocha and azure met, he nodded solemnly. Without another word, he walked out of her room and shut the door. Toby leaned back against the wooden barrier as tears streamed down his face. Unknown to him, on the other side of the door, Spencer had curled up in a ball on the floor and was trying to keep the sobs wracking her body at bay.
That conversation had occurred three weeks ago; the first week she had spent crying non-stop. Even the girls weren't sure what was going on for the first few days. Once they were clued in, they had tried to comfort their friend; but between their own problems and the fact that she wasn't letting them in, it was making things more difficult. Her mother of all people had been concerned about her and had tried unsuccessfully to get Spencer to change into more "presentable" clothes, but Spencer wore the shirt; the one with the anchor until his smell was gone.
She wasn't sure why she was doing this to herself; but she couldn't just stay buried in the warmth and covers that her bed provided, drowning in self pity and pint after pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. She rubbed her hands nervously together and pulled her phone out of the back pocket of her skinny jeans, re-reading the text she had mulled over sending for two hours earlier in the day. She had originally written a play-length text, but after deleting everything, she finally decided on one simple message:
Meet me in an hour. You know where.
After staring at the text for several minutes, she eventually convinced herself to hit the send button and she waited. It didn't take him long to reply.
I'll be there.
It was so simple, but looking at it made her heart race. Even after all of the hurt that he had caused, she missed him. She truly felt alone. Aria had been wrapped up in Ezra's "baby mama drama" as she liked to call it; Hanna had been playing super sleuth trying to figure out just what Mona and Toby had up their sleeves next and who else was helping them. Then there was Emily; she was still trying to put back together her own pieces, as well as Paige's, and it seemed to be a never ending puzzle.
She wrapped her arms around her middle, pulling the beige rain coat she wore closer to her small frail body, as a gust of the chilly November wind blew past. She got wrapped up in thoughts of the town she overlooked, thinking about all the monsters and secrets, some even that she was unaware of, that were currently lurking through Rosewood. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the cracking of tree branches or the crunching of his feet walking up the gravel path.
He took her being consumed with her thoughts as an opportunity to really look at her. He hadn't gotten to really see her in what felt like years, when it had only been a few weeks. He took in her sunken cheekbones, where her usual dimples were no longer visible, and the hallow darkness that had taken over her once bright mocha colored eyes. Her usually perfectly styled mane was in disarray. It was obvious to anyone that she didn't seem to care what she looked like anymore. He had caused that, and it almost made him sick inside- the fact that in order to protect her, he, in turn, had to hurt her like this. The fact that he hadn't gotten the chance to tell her first, and that she had destroyed the rocking chair he had spent hours slaving over to make perfect. In all honesty, he didn't blame her; if it would have been him in her shoes, he would have done the same thing.
He took the last few steps to finally come to stand beside her, trying to hide the evidence of the tears that had just rolled down his face. He noticed her glance over at him, but she didn't say a word. She just faced away from him again and continued staring down at the town below.
She had taken in the black hoodie that seemed so out of place on him, along with the black sweatpants and the black converse that were on his feet. His usual blue eyes, that she could get lost in like an ocean, didn't have the sparkle they normally did; they were dark and dull, just like her own. Now that they were here, she didn't quite know what she wanted to say. In all honesty, she didn't want to break the silence between them. It was the most safe and serene she had felt in weeks. Suddenly she noticed how close he was; she could smell what she could only describe as him- saw dust, laundry detergent, and his natural smell that she just couldn't seem to define.
His rough, calloused hand reached out slowly for hers. She looked up into his eyes hesitantly. He seemed to sense her wariness.
"I figured we could sit, since I think we'll be here awhile." he said, motioning back to the bed of his truck.
She nodded lightly and allowed him to take her hand. They walked slowly over to the truck. The tan Chevy had so many memories of happier times: their first "I love you", as well as many nights spent laying in the bed of the truck staring at the stars and exchanging kisses in between whispered sweet nothings.
They both pulled themselves up onto the bed of the truck, lost in the memories of just a few short months ago. The twinkling lights from the city below illuminated their faces as dusk overtook them. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Spencer finally spoke for the first time since he had arrived.
"I missed you."
It was such a simple statement, but it made his heart swell with warmth and a small sad smile crossed his face.
"I've missed you too." he whispered back, catching and holding her gaze.
Slowly he raised a hand to her cheek and his eyes ask the question, which she quickly answers by turning her cheek into the palm of his hand. The calloused, rough skin is a nice contrast to the smoothness of her cheek. She had missed it more than she could have ever thought.
"We really are screwed up, aren't we?" she said with a light chuckle.
He allowed a small smile and the exhale of a chuckle to leave his lips. He began to remove his hand from her cheek, but Spencer quickly grabbed his hand in both of hers and kept it locked between the two of them. He smiled warmly at her, the first real smile he'd had in weeks.
"So what happens now?" she asked with hesitation in her voice.
He looked straight ahead, not really sure how to answer her. Mona was expecting him; now actually, but Mona could wait. The plan could wait. There was a lot that Spencer didn't know about, that she shouldn't know about. This was his way of keeping her safe. He would do anything to stay with her just a few minutes longer, but maybe, just maybe, if Mona's plan to break down the A-team from the inside worked, they could be together; be happy with no more heartache.
"We enjoy this moment, while we still have it. Then after that, who knows, we can leave it up to destiny." he said, intertwining his fingers with hers.
She looked up at him with a questioning look. He laughed lightly at her and smiled a smile where the wrinkles beside his eyes pop out and his dimples stand out prominently.
"We both know that I don't think that way. Toby, I have to know-"
He cut her off by bringing her into a tight hug against his side and planting a light kiss on her temple. He hoped that with those actions she could feel how much he loved her without him having to say it. She sighed and smiled slightly, playing with his fingers that were still intertwined with hers, getting his message completely.
"Maybe for once I can let destiny lead me." she said quietly as they stared off into the night at the stars, not thinking about anything around them or in their lives except that moment.