Characters: Dean, Sam, Cas, John, Bobby
Pairings: Gen
Warnings: Child abuse, implied prostitution, show level violence and blasphemy, swearing.
Spoilers: Seasons 2 to 5. Season 8.
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, I'm just playing with them. The title is from Chinua Achebe's book, a book I highly recommend.
Author Note: This story wouldn't be half of what it is if it weren't for my amazing betas, mb64 and Maddy77. They are both a delight to work with and have been a huge help in pointing out my Britishisms and generally highlighting the numerous times I've written something completely idiotic. Any mistakes that remain are wholly mine as I honestly think these two girls can't go wrong.
I'll hopefully be posting every three or four days.
Please leave me your thoughts. Feedback is hugely appreciated.
"We are our choices." – Jean-Paul Sartre
Castiel doesn't remember coming into existence.
He just knows he's been around for a long, long time. Long enough to remember the great volcanoes with their clouds of ash and toxic fumes that rolled over stormy seas. Long enough to witness the self-replication of the first RNA molecules, triggered by a lightning bolt, coincidence, and just the slightest helping hand from the Maker. Long enough to see a bacterium engulf another bacterium and start the long process of the evolution of eukaryotes.
Existing is an odd concept. Does he exist if he is no more than a wavelength of celestial intent? If he does nothing more than watch time go by? Is it an existence at all if he could die right now and there would be no proof that he had ever been?
But angels don't die. Not unless God wills it.
Castiel looks upon the Earth, watching as life forms, as Pangaea splits, as ice ages come and go. He can see his Father's work there. He can see it in the curve of the sand dunes, in the infinite hues of the seas. That is how he knows He exists. There is evidence of His presence.
Castiel cannot help but note the irony. He is here, ever-present, watching, and yet he doubts his own existence more than he can ever doubt his Father's.
Castiel watches plants take over the land. They are small at first, but they grow in size due to the lack of competition. The Earth's atmosphere starts to change. The choking carbon dioxide gives way to life-sustaining oxygen. A fish starts to come out of the sea.
Castiel is told that God has big plans for this fish.
This is the first he hears of God's plans. He does not know what to think. He decides to have faith in the Maker. He is a good soldier after all.
These creatures continue to evolve. They survive earthquakes and floods and glacial advances with a tenacity that Castiel cannot help but admire. He wonders what his Father's plans for them may be.
But Castiel is not important enough to be told these plans. He's not an archangel, he's a foot soldier. His job is to observe and be ready to do his bit when the time comes, so he does just that.
The angels start talking again. They speak of the new species of primate that has evolved in the African savannah. They do not appear to be anything special, save their large brain sizes and strong affinity for social interaction.
And yet, the angels speak more than they have spoken for millennia. They whisper of plans and fates and destinies. They whisper of the Father's Will and the Day of Judgement.
One angel speaks out in defiance. Michael casts him down to Hell. All talk stops.
Lucifer is henceforth labelled an abomination, an outcast who serves as an example to the rest of the angels.
Castiel wonders how God can be capable of creating an abomination.
The angels do not like to talk about their fallen brother. But even through the silence Castiel gathers that these bipedal primates are important in God's eyes, that it is the job of all angels to watch over them. He gathers that Lucifer dared to disagree with their Father's plan. Michael, the shining paradigm of the obedient angel, does as God wills and removes their insubordinate brother from His holy kingdom.
This is the second time he hears of God's plan.
Castiel floats over the Earth, watching these curious creatures, these humans, slowly colonise the land. They make tools for hunting and foraging, collecting enough to eat for a day or two. They are relatively at peace with nature.
But then agriculture takes hold. These humans start to live together to farm and form societies. They start to dispose of their waste in rivers, to deplete the land of its resources. Castiel cannot understand why Father cares about these parasites. How can these creatures be the chosen ones?
God sends down His child to bring order. He dies on the cross, trying to atone for their sins.
The Son of God does not die instantly. It is a drawn out death full of pain and misery at the hands of the very creatures Father holds dearest. And yet the Son forgives.
Castiel will never forget the soft smile that graced his features as the last tendrils of life left his body.
On the other hand, try as he might, he cannot recall a couple of centuries. All he can dredge from the depths of the blank slate of his memory is the faint talk of killing firstborns and the bitter taste of righteous anger. After that, there's nothing. This worries Castiel a little, so he sits in the heaven of an eccentric victim of drowning and tries to recall.
It is about then that Castiel learns of the rest of God's plan.
He hears it via the talk of the other angels, the ones who are considered worthy of being privy to the Maker's will. They seemed to have deemed it necessary for Castiel to know now. There are over six hundred seals holding their estranged sibling in Hell. Of these, sixty six are destined to break and bring about the Day of Judgement.
Nonetheless, it is Castiel's duty to guard the first seal.
He sits for a long while and ponders the necessity of guarding a seal that is destined to be broken.
It feels uncomfortably like questioning the Maker's will.
Castiel desists and returns to watching Earth. He looks upon man fighting man in the name of God. He wants to scream at them to stop, to tell them that God doesn't favour one or the other, He loves them all. He loves them more than He loved His son.
But Castiel must do nothing but watch until it is his time. He watches this war and the many that follow. He watches as mothers clasp helpless children in their embrace, as poisonous hydrogen cyanide seeps in through the vents in the gas chambers these creatures God loves so much have built for one another.
He begins to lose faith in humanity.
He wanders through the heavens, trying to find somewhere to hide from the bloodshed he has witnessed. There must be a reason for these wars, this cruelty. He's sure of it. After all, humans must fall before they learn to pick themselves up.
When the war ends, Castiel returns to watching Earth. He follows the particles that will form two brothers. One is on the tip of the nose of John F Kennedy. A few are in a blooming rhododendron in the form of carbon dioxide molecules. A couple more are in the internal wiring of the world's first computer.
It seems these boys already have quite a history.
Castiel wonders what it must be like to have a history. His constituent matter has not travelled through supernovas or volcanoes or the guts of earthworms. He is merely a standing wave, a superposition of the wavelengths that make up his grace. He has no past. He has no roots.
He does not know what to feel about that so he leaves the thought alone and settles for watching more of humanity's antics.
The indulgent, decadent, and wasteful share the same footpaths as those who have made the footpaths their home. Food rots in bins while babies cry of empty stomachs. He wonders if Father may have been mistaken when He declared these creatures His greatest work. There does not seem to be anything worth saving in them.
By the time John Winchester meets Mary Campbell, Castiel has lost all hope for humanity. There is little to love in this species that is set on killing both one another and then the planet the Lord has made for them.
But even then, these are the progenitors of two of the most important beings to ever exist, so he watches the crossing of their paths with interest. At first, the two do not like each other. They meet briefly and decide the other is not worth their time and start to go their separate ways.
Castiel's curiosity piques. This is not how destiny has been written.
He not surprised to witness Heaven's intervening by way of a Cupid's arrow. John starts to see a charm to Mary's spirited nature. Mary finds herself drawn to the softness hidden under John's hardened exterior.
After all, it is common knowledge that destiny cannot be changed.
Then comes Azazel. Castiel can see his grotesque face for what it is and every instinct within him calls for him to smite the demon where he stands. But at the end of the day, Azazel is doing God's work, so Castiel restrains himself and continues to watch. Mary takes the demon's deal and John is alive again. Heaven's plan progresses smoothly.
A year or so later, the first seal is born.
The red, sticky, bawling baby in the nurse's arms is Michael's vessel. It seems odd that the Sword of the most powerful angel in existence is so weak and fragile. But that is the way of their Father and Castiel forces himself to not question His choices.
Castiel watches this baby, Dean, grow. He watches as he learns to crawl, as he says his first words (an unremarkable 'mama'), as he discovers he can learn a lot about objects simply by popping them in his mouth.
Castiel finds he is curious about that. He can detect the very molecules that make up a substance. Any object's structure and inner workings are no mystery to him. But this child can only learn in bits and pieces. He learns by the feel of an object in his hand, by trying to use it, by watching others use it. While Castiel can tell you the temperature of a cup of coffee instantly in both Fahrenheit and Kelvin, Dean learns coffee is hot by dipping his finger in his mother's cup and consequently howling.
John and Mary's relationship is far from smooth. They argue over insignificant things like washing machines and working hours. Whenever this happens, John packs a bag and leaves for the night. This leaves Dean to sit on his mother's lap, take her face between his small, pink hands, much like she does to him, and tell her that everything will be okay.
Nothing about this little boy resembles his powerful, intimidating archangel brother. But every angel knows how this story goes. As it is in Heaven, so it must be on Earth.
A couple of years later, the younger brother is born. While Dean wailed incessantly, demanding Mary's constant attention, Samuel Winchester is quiet and watchful. He rarely cries and is generally as small a burden as possible on his mother.
They form a close, tight-knit family. Initially, Dean dislikes the idea of sharing his toys and his parents' affection with another child. However, he soon warms to having Sam around, especially when it becomes clear he will not be able to play with Dean's toys, at least for a little while longer. They go to t-ball games and buy soft toys for Sam. They appear to get by like every other American family.
That is, until Azazel comes to make good on his end of the deal.
The yellow eyes glow through the darkness as the demon lets his blood drip into the dimpled baby's mouth, tainting him forever. Mary interrupts and Castiel watches with dismay as her body burns on the ceiling. Her stomach has been slashed open like a clumsy cut by a drunken surgeon. The acrid smoke and the smell of the burning flesh are enough to make even the quietest of babies wail. John picks Sam up and thrusts him into a young Dean's hands with a cry of "Take your brother outside as fast as you can, and don't look back!"
Dean dutifully takes his younger brother in his arms and runs out of the house. His voice quivers as he whispers into the baby's ear: "It's okay, Sammy."
His arms are tiring from holding Sam—Castiel can tell from the way the actin and myosin filaments are straining against each other in the small boy's muscles—but he continues to protect the sibling he will one day fight.
Castiel watches as things come together.