Lily's Worst Memory

by the Whispering Lady

For years afterward, Lily would wonder whether it was the best thing she did or the worst.

I certify that this story is based on the Harry Potter world of JK Rowling.

A tawny owl soared into the kitchen and dropped a letter into Lily's lap. She rapidly opened the envelope, her eyes moving quickly to the signature at the bottom. Once she reached it, she let out a low gasp, as she looked quickly around the room. Once she saw that she was alone, she bent back over the parchment.

Dear Lily,

I know that you will want to hide this letter from Potter. But believe it or not, I wish to see you both. I realise that you might be hesitant to see me after all this time, and your husband will show no less reluctance. However, there is much that we should discuss, and I have some information that will interest you. I hope that you and Potter will meet me at the Hog's Head on Saturday next at 2:30 pm. Please send a reply with this owl.

Hoping to see you soon,

Severus Snape

Lily knew that after waiting so long for her oldest friend to come around, there was no way she could turn her back on him now, not when he reached out to her now. And a quick talk with James confirmed that her husband would certainly not leave her alone to meet his worst enemy, even if he was her best friend in all the world. There was no choice, then, but for them both to go to Severus' meeting. Lily wrote a hasty reply and gave it to the tawny owl, who hooted once and then swept away.

A few days later, Lily and James put on travelling cloaks and in the blink of an eye had Apparated to Hogsmeade's village square. They walked to the Hog's Head and sat at a table. Lily strode briskly to the bar and ordered a firewhisky. Once she had carried it back to the table, she explained to James, "I just feel a bit nervous is all. I think I might need a bit of a strong drink." With a wry expression on her face, she added, "I think you might need one, too."

James nodded and stood to go over to the bar. Before he took more than a couple steps, however, the bell jingled as Severus Snape walked through the door. Lily swallowed a lump in her throat and reached for her drink.

"So," Severus sneered, "Mr. Potter." His eyes softened as he added, "Mrs. Potter. I think we should move to a room where we can talk at length."

Lily and James followed Severus to one of the back rooms, where he closed the door and cast his 'Muffliato' charm. Then he continued to speak.

"The chief of my enterprise would like to meet you. I think you will be interested to hear what he has to say."

"So what — all this secrecy, but no information?" James asked angrily. "Sorry, Snivelly, but we'll be going now. Goodbye."

But Lily clutched his arm and shook her head. "No, James. We agreed to this meeting. I think we should listen at least."

As James nodded and sat back down, a tall, dark-haired man walked in the room. James stood up again, ready to leave, and Lily moved to do the same, but Severus motioned to her to remain seated, as he whispered, "It's all right. He won't hurt you."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter," said Voldemort. "I trust you already know who I am and why I am here." He steepled his fingers and looked across the table expectantly.

After a long pause, James offered, "Because you want us to join you." He added defiantly, "But we won't."

"That is unfortunate, really, that you say that," Voldemort said smoothly, "as you are of esteemed Pureblood descent. Your entrance into the Death Eater ranks, therefore, will be much simpler than that of the lovely Mrs. Potter."

Curiosity began to eat away at Lily as she asked, "But you know about my family? Then, why would you want me to join?"

Voldemort looked directly at her for a moment, until her head began to ache. Then he turned and said, "Severus."

"Yes, my Lord?" Severus asked.

Voldemort continued, almost conversationally. "I really must congratulate Mrs. Potter. She has done so much to help me."

"You liar!" James almost shouted. "She's done nothing to help you — just the opposite, in fact!"

Voldemort smiled in a way that made Lily shudder and reach for her firewhisky. "An admirable trait, Mr. Potter, this defence of your wife, but one that, lamentably, is ultimately flawed." He looked at Severus and pressed on. "One of my greatest followers — "

"Thank you, my Lord," broke in Severus.

Voldemort turned his attention to Lily. She faltered slightly, but then rallied enough to return his unwavering gaze.

"This man who, as I said, has done much for me," Voldemort continued, "only became my follower fully after he lost his last friend unattached to the Dark Arts. That was you, Mrs. Potter, was it not?"

Lily replied in a flat voice, "Yes. I did that."

"Then," said Voldemort, "you recognise your tremendous role in the advancement of the Dark Arts. Severus' work at Hogwarts was admittedly great, and his work with you was as well. But once he gained a bit of confidence and power — well, his work shows great improvement, and there is much potential for the future."

He looked calmly across at Lily. She was, for the moment, reminded bizarrely of a parent-teacher meeting. After a few seconds, when she finally had the courage to speak, Severus opened his mouth instead.

"My Lord, I think Mrs. Potter might prefer — "

"No," said Voldemort, glaring at Severus until he bent his head.

"No, I think Mrs. Potter," Voldemort paused, "would prefer to consider her past. After all, without our past, we are nothing. Our past shapes our present."

Lily blinked. "That is all true. This is nothing I haven't thought about before, however, quite a lot, in fact."

"Yes, I'm sure you have," said Voldemort. He then turned his attention to James. "Now, Mr. Potter, for you, as I said, the transition will be much more easily done. You do not have the regrettable Muggle heritage of Mrs. Potter. In fact, your bloodline is pure almost as far back as mine."

"Is that so?" James shot back. "And I suppose you're not really a halfblood?"

Voldemort nodded. "Touché," he said. "Although, I must say, you are making an excellent start, arguing about blood status superiority. Your friendships also speak highly of you."

James glared at Severus.

"Yes," admitted Voldemort, "it is true that you have a — less than happy — relationship with Severus here. However, I was referring to your enduring friendship with the werewolf, which is much more promising."

"Remus," said James, his hackles rising, "is a human, nothing more."

Voldemort replied, "Once more, admirable, your staunch protectiveness. However, it is questionable whether Mr. Lupin would extend the same friendship to you." He looked at Severus. "If I am not much mistaken, there indeed was an attachment between Mr. Lupin and Mrs. Potter in school."

James answered, slightly out of desperation. "There was that one time that we all teased Remus for liking her. But that was nothing, and that was the end of that."

Severus began to speak then. "Well, was that in fifth year?" He paused. "It wasn't? It was in second? It may then interest you, Potter, to know that Lupin had feelings for her in fifth year as well, and that those feelings were not unrequited. That was one of the last things Mrs. Potter," he paused, eyes glittering, "told me. Although she didn't have to; I could see it for myself." He looked at Lily as he added, "I would never betray a confidence."

James made no reply, but Lily could tell from his face that the interview was over, and that it was time to regroup. Feeling incapable of selecting exactly the right words, Lily motioned to Severus, who said, "My Lord, I believe the Potters have heard your generous offers well. Perhaps they shall require a few days to consider the offers' various merits."

Voldemort nodded. "Very well," he said. He stood. "Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter, my thanks for this meeting. I will arrange for another, in two days' time, for you to offer your decisions."

He turned and walked out of the room, Severus behind him. James and Lily soon trudged in silence to the town's central Apparition point, where they quickly returned home. James headed directly up the stairs, but Lily stayed in the kitchen, heating water for tea and trying not to think. It was not until she sat down with the mug in her hand that the words of Voldemort began to form in her mind.

"This man who, as I said, has done much for me, only became my follower fully after he lost his last friend unattached to the Dark Arts. That was you, Mrs. Potter, was it not?"

Oh, yes, it was. Lily could argue until her face turned blue that she had been insulted, that she had been angry and even afraid, that she had known for months that it would come to that...

But none of that mattered now, did it? For whatever reason the events may have been necessary or whatever, she had done what she had done, and now the consequences were hers to live with. And they had led, in such a plain way, such a set path, to the current horrors. How had she ever thought that anything else would result?

"Then you recognise your tremendous role in the advancement of the Dark Arts."

Severus was a gifted wizard; he always had been. And he had always leaned toward the Dark Arts, in both study and practise. But – he had been leaning away from the Dark Arts at Lily's urging. With a few more years of hard work, would he have joined the Order instead? Would each potion, each spell, have been for the side of the light rather than against?

And what did that say of Lily, that she gave up when it was hardest? Dumbledore always mentioned the choice between the right path and the easy one. So, if Lily had chosen what came more easily to her, that had been her first step down the wrong path. And the first step was always the largest, the most intense. So if she had already taken that monumental first step, why couldn't she do it again?

Lily's train of thought came to a screeching halt as James came in. She remembered her tragic love affair with Remus as James sat down slowly.

Lily turned to him and asked, "So, everything okay?"

But James turned away from her, so Lily, feeling not a little hurt, left the room and headed to the bedroom, contemplating what she hadn't before, that her past failings had not only created consequences for her. Once she reached the bed, Lily curled up on it and lay there for what felt like hours, until she drifted into dreams in which her Modryb Eira reminded her that she had harmed everyone everywhere, both in her old home and in her new one, and that she would carry the memories of her past wrongs forever...

As Sirius, Remus, and Peter were still busy with their work for the Order, Sunday passed in a hazy blur, and the next thing Lily knew, she was back at work with her coworker Augustus Rookwood.

They left the dark room together, and he said, "Goodness, that was some strong magic, wasn't it? And facing it together gave us more power still. I think my head's still spinning a little. Just think, then, what a few powerful friends could do with all that power..." And he vanished, leaving Lily alone with her thoughts.

She could work with Severus again, her dearest friend, her Sev. Her quality of magic certainly had suffered a bit for their fight. Was it time to work together again? Did it even matter on which side? The Dark Arts offered just as much power to work with as the Department of Mysteries, certainly much more than they had had in school. Just think-

Lily shook her head. She needed to go home, now. This solitary thought was no good for her mental well-being. So she took a lunch break, and she went home to prepare for her meeting. When she got there, she saw James standing in the front lawn, and she heard another internal voice enter her head.

No, it said. All of these reasons are just rationalisations. You want to make such a massive, fundamental change — and for what? For the past?

Because I can never fix my mistakes.

Yes, you made a mistake. But you cannot fix a past wrong by committing a present wrong. You know that; the past will always be there, but it does not limit present choices. So you may feel bad about it, sure, but you know what you've got to do.

Lily walked up to James and took his hands in hers. "James, I love you," she said.

He raised his head to face her. "I know you do," he said.

"So what do we do now?" Lily asked.

"Well, Lily," said James, "I think we have to say no."

"Yes, I think you're right," Lily said. Her voice to her sounded a little bit forced, but, she supposed, nothing that time wouldn't heal.

And on that somewhat comforting exchange, they Disapparated and reappeared in Hogsmeade once more. After a few steps, they reentered the Hog's Head and met Severus, who led them to the same back room as before. Lily drew in a sharp breath as she saw Voldemort standing at the table, and she heard James do the same.

Voldemort spread his arms. "Welcome back, Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter. So, you have had time to consider my offer?"

James glanced at Lily and then replied, "Yes, we have. But we have to decline."

"Both of you?" asked Severus, his eyes straying to Lily's.

Lily swallowed, and in a quiet but firm voice said, "Yes, both of us."

Voldemort's demeanour changed instantly from the almost jovial mien he had displayed before. His eyes glowed scarlet in a horrifying way, and his mouth turned downward into a clearly unhappy grimace. "This news troubles me," he said. "Surely you know the dangers I can inflict on — for example, your family? On your two parents, Mr. Potter?

James blinked, but he kept his gaze steady. Seeing this, Voldemort turned to Lily. "And Mrs. Potter – "

"My parents are already deceased," said Lily. "They died in a traffic accident."

Voldemort nodded gravely. "Of course. Just as your Aunt Eira died in that train wreck." Lily let out an involuntary gasp, and Voldemort continued. "You have a sister, Petunia, do you not?"

"We – we have not spoken in a year," protested Lily. "She disapproves of my life's decisions."

"But your family has always been quite close, has it not? So, the moment you reach out to her — know that I will kill her, and then you," he said.

Lily quailed and nudged James, who said, "Well, we have given you our decisions. Good day, then."

A voice, Severus' voice, began to speak in Lily's head. It said, "Lily, take James and go, now. I will cover for you."

Lily squeezed James' hand, and the two Disapparated. Just before she vanished, she caught a glimpse of Severus' face. He looked so sad and alone...

They reappeared in the Order headquarters, where everyone had just returned, and a huge party seemed to be underway. Noticing James' and Lily's worn expressions, Sirius called out, "Hey, what happened to you?"

Everyone fell silent as James answered, "Voldemort tried to recruit us."

"And what did you say?" asked Sirius.

"No, of course!" James called back. "What else?"

The hubbub resumed, and people came over to congratulate Lily and James on their recent success. James was almost assaulted by Sirius' bear hug. Of course, the first to approach Lily was Remus. Lily didn't miss the way James' gaze hardened over his friend's shoulder.

The glare faded after a few seconds, and one member after another pressed in on Lily and James, laughing about how they had defied Voldemort, how this would be talked about for years to come. And it was true; what needed to be done was done. Yet even as Dumbledore smiled at them, Lily couldn't help but wonder whether maybe, just maybe, Voldemort had won this round.

After a few minutes of congratulation and celebration, the party returned to its true purpose, praising the recent raid on the Rosier residence and the bravery of the Prewett brothers. Lily and James joined the others in raising their glasses to the two men. After the first few toasts, a great quantity of food appeared on the tables, only to disappear almost as quickly. Once the tables were once again bare, Fabian tapped the wireless and grabbed Dorcas to dance with him to the music filling the room. As soon as the wizards were too involved in dancing to notice, James nudged Lily and Disapparated. Lily felt both relief at leaving the party and apprehension at being alone with James, at beginning the discussions that had to come next. After a few moments' contemplation, she settled on the concepts of deliberation and duty, and she turned on her heel and vanished.

She reappeared next to James on the front lawn. James turned to look at her, but then a frown crossed his face. Lily looked around as he stormed into the house. Much to her amazement (and a little to her discontent), she saw Remus materialise just a few feet to her left.

She strode over to him angrily and demanded, "Remus, what on earth brings you here?"

Remus seemed a bit taken aback, but he replied, "You seemed a little down at the party, so I thought I'd come and cheer you up." He paused for a moment, looking around. "But I see I may have come at a bad time."

Lily spread her arms. "Yes, Remus, I'm sorry, but it is. I'll tell you all about it, just — not now. I need some time to think."

Remus nodded and blinked out of sight with a loud crack. The second he had gone, Lily sprinted into the house, where she found James seated on the couch. Lily sat beside him and looked up hesitantly, but James just looked in front of him, not blinking. After an agony of stony silence, Lily offered, "You know, we really have to talk about this sometime."

James kept staring before him. Lily paused then tried again.

"You know, James, Remus was just there to see that we're all right, that's all."

Silence. After a few more minutes, she announced to the room, "Well, I'm off to bed."

Lily got up and trudged up the stairs and into the bedroom, where she flopped onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Why – why couldn't she have a simple friendship? First Sev, now Remus – her two best friends. And after all, nothing had happened — and then she married James, meaning that nothing would happen in the future either. So why all the fuss? Why tell James? For a moment Lily was blindingly angry at Severus. Why had he told Voldemort her secret? Surely he had known such a powerful dark wizard would do nothing but lord the information over them. And the other part of it — was it true? Had Remus liked her back that year? There had been a few times, yes, when she had thought that perhaps he did. But no matter. She shook her head. That was all behind her now. All that was important from that past was how it had disturbed James. And if he could not speak of it, even to Lily, there was no hope it would ever be resolved. So what to do? Just hope for the best — and have less complicated friendships. Lily decided to write to Lupita in the morning.

Noting that James had never come in, Lily rolled over and waited for sleep to claim her.

Morning came, and Lily saw that she was still alone in the house. She made herself some tea and Flooed to work. The Department of Mysteries, at least, tended to make her day more interesting. The day's assignment was to investigate the connection, for it seemed there was one, between a wizard's mood and the quality of magic he produced. Lily tried hard not to focus on the recent conflict so as to perform proper research, and she studied the matter thoroughly until the chiming clock reminded her that it was long past time to go home. She sighed, wondering whether James would be there, then walked to the fireplaces and returned.

James stood there, in front of the fireplace, smiling. Remus, Sirius, and Peter stood to one side, and Lily remembered with a start that it was her birthday. She quickly schooled her features into a more excited expression, and she Apparated with her friends to a nearby pub, where they were joined by Starhi, Mudhi, and Lupita.

"So, Lily," said Lupita as they all sat down, "how have you been? It feels like it's been almost forever!"

Lily smiled. "Indeed it does," she said. "I was thinking of you just yesterday. How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," Lupita smiled. "But – you, Lily?"

Lily laughed. "Yes, I'm doing quite well in my internship. Better, now that you have come today. So, how is life in Madrid?"

Lupita's eyes crinkled."It's great! I love my new job. But really, Lily," she added more seriously, "I was always afraid of growing out of touch with my language and culture, of leaving Spain forever. It's so good to help my country."

As the waiters brought out mugs of butterbeer, Lily ignored the fleeting worry about her own homeland, turning to chat with Mudhi and Starhi about their new Quidditch teams. Soon, sandwiches were brought out and devoured by the waiting throng, and then it was time for presents.

Starhi, Mudhi, and Lupita pushed a large box to the table-front. "We all got this together," they explained. "Go on — open it!"

Lily opened the box to reveal a set of Holyhead Harpies photographs, pennants, and fan gear — a wonderful support of Lily's favourite Quidditch team. From Peter she had a set of quills, ink, and parchment, and from Sirius, a book — of jokes, complete with a smiley face in the front cover. Lily reached next for Remus' gift, but James pushed his box forward, where Lily found a Self-Warming Teacup.

"For your office," James said.

"Great, thanks!" Lily said, and she moved on to the last gift, a blue cylinder. Inside was a set of flasks and beakers, with a note: "I know you've worn out your old set. So take these, and continue to be the greatest Potions Master the world has ever seen."

Lily could feel James look at her beaming face with displeasure, but, as good manners dictated, she thanked Remus just as she had thanked everyone else.

Sirius raised his butterbeer and called out, "Well, Lil, here's to another wonderful year!"

After that toast, Lily raised her own glass and said, "And many thanks to my friends for all the support — and the presents!"

Everyone laughed, and they began to leave, but Remus stayed back. He walked up to Lily and put his hand on her shoulder. "Lily," he whispered. "I know there's something wrong. Please tell me what it is, so I can fix it."

Lily placed her hand on the small of Remus' back and guided him away from James' increasingly murderous gaze. She replied, "It's just that Voldemort unsettled me a little, I suppose. And it was hard for me to see Sev there at his right hand. Like it was my fault." Yes, but that's not the only problem, she thought.

"But of course it wasn't!" Remus exclaimed. "You know this – I explained it all to you before. But even though you were unsure, you still did what you needed to do — you still said no. That shows true courage, and I am so proud of you for it."

"Thank you," Lily breathed in relief. "But doesn't true courage mean I should acknowledge any guilt?"

Remus sighed. "It would, if you had any. But it was not you. If Severus had had real courage, as you do, he would not have lost your friendship. And even if he did somehow, it would be difficult, sure, but not the end of the world." He hugged Lily and said, "No, your friends know you love us, just as we love you. Don't doubt that."

"Thank you, Remus, so much," said Lily. "And thank you for the flasks. Sev helped me with those before. Now you do what he cannot." She smiled. "You make sure I have all I need."

She turned and walked back to James, who asked a terse "Ready?" before he Apparated them both back to their front lawn. This time, as James walked angrily into the house, Lily walked with him. Once they were in the foyer, she turned to face him and began to speak, each word slightly angrier than the last.

"James Potter, I demand that you speak to me now! I have had enough, do you hear me, enough of this silent discontent! Talking is the only way to fix things!"

James narrowed his eyes and began to speak quietly — so quietly as to sound all the more terrifying. "All right, Lily. Let's talk, then. Let's talk about your tryst with Remus."

Lily replied with all her dissipating patience. "Look, James, I know talking to Voldemort was difficult for you, just like it was for me. But there is nothing going on. Remus just wanted to wish me a happy birthday, that was it."

James frowned, and his voice began to rise in volume. "Yes, I suppose a nice, close, secretive 'Happy Birthday' was all he needed. But what I meant was yesterday, when he came back just to see you."

"That wasn't it, I told you — he just wanted to check on us both."

"I saw you," James pointed out. "You and him with the whispers and the closeness — probably promising to meet the next day too?"

"James," Lily said, "no, that's not..."

She detected the repulsive whiny tone in her voice and restarted the sentence.

"Nothing happened! Ever! And why are you so angry at me for nothing!" Lily now almost shouted.

"Why didn't you tell me? And why didn't he?" James shouted back.

Lily felt her hackles rise at the need to protect her friend. "Now, don't you dare bring Remus into this! He would never hurt you like that — he would die first! He would do anything for you — that is how selfless he is!"

"Oh!" James roared. "So, what is it now? You've found the better man, have you?"

"Yes, I have!" Lily shouted back. "I'm just surprised it took me this long! And you know what else? Nothing, I promise you, has happened — but it might now!"

James face flashed through several colours. "Lily-" he began, but Lily shook her head. "Fine," he sputtered. "I can't be around for this."

There was a loud crack, and he Disapparated.

Lily waited a few minutes in the hallway, but it seemed that James actually had gone for good, like a child who couldn't face a real fight. She went up the stairs to the bedroom, briefly wondering what she would do next. Well, that was a question for another day.

Thankfully, the extra paperwork at work meant that, although the job was not quite as thrilling as usual, it also allowed more independent musing — or thought. Her rumination, however, was complicated by Rookwood's unfriendly mien. The way he slammed papers down on her desk and avoided her cubicle whenever possible only served to reinforce the negative thoughts circling her mind. For a moment, she even wondered whether he might be doing this on purpose. But surely she was causing it herself. With her thoughts. Her parents had died in a car crash. Lily herself had been present. But just wonder about the possibilities; just think of Petunia. Lily had assured her that her parents had died a natural death, that magic was not involved, that it couldn't have been involved. And now it was? She would have to talk to Dumbledore about it. Yes, surely Dumbledore would know. And there was an Order meeting soon. She would talk to him about it then.

The next afternoon, Lily had a Floo call from Sirius. Almost immediately, Sirius queried, "So, Lil, what all is there going on between you and James?"

Lily felt a surge of irrational anger, but she quashed it and instead asked calmly, "Well, Sirius, what has James told you?"

Sirius' forehead creased from within the fire. "So James turned up last night," he explained. "He asked me if he could stay over. I guess something happened at headquarters today, because when he came back he started mumbling about how you were a liar and Remus was a traitor. It made no sense to me. Does that make any sense to you?"

Lily frowned. "Yes, it does, but I don't know if I should talk about it. You should ask James."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. He sure wouldn't like us going behind his back like this. But, you know, he, I'm guessing, won't talk to you, and I know he won't talk to Moony, and he will only barely talk to me. Now, the usual first step is to give him a day to cool off, and then ask questions. I already did that." Sirius' voice took on a tone of desperation. "I have to get him to talk somehow, to get him through this. So since I'm the only one he'll talk to even a little right now, I need to know the questions I should be asking. Please."

Lily sighed. "All right," she said. "I'll talk to you about it, but can you Floo all the way over? I'd really rather do this in person."

Sirius smiled. "Yes, of course, Lily," he said. "Just give me a few seconds."

Lily stood and moved back to the couch as Sirius vanished, reappeared, and sat down in the armchair opposite. "So," he asked, "how did this begin?"

Lily smiled thinly. "Well, you remember that we met with Voldemort just a few days ago. In that meeting, one of the things he told James to try to convince him was something about Remus in fifth year."

"Oh, I see." Sirius straightened. "That he liked you then?"

Lily tilted her head. "You knew?" she asked. "How did you know and no one else?"

"He asked Peter and me for help," Sirius said. "Now I understand. That would make him really mad. But at Remus, not at you. Lily, there was something else, wasn't there?"

"There was," Lily said with some resignation. "That I liked Remus too."

"Yeah, I remember that," said Sirius.

"Really?" Lily asked.

Sirius smiled. "It wasn't hard to spot," he said. "For all that Remus had no idea when he talked to me about it. You never told him, though, right?"

"I never did," Lily admitted. "And I never knew how he felt, either. But I guess we'll have to talk about it now." She thought for a moment. Then her eyes flashed, and Sirius backed away.

Lily, though, waved off his concern. "Yes, Sirius, I am angry, but it is not at you. My issue, with James, is that I could've done something, and Remus could've done something, but neither of us did. Nothing happened. And James seems to think something could come of it. But I am his wife and Remus is one of his best friends! Why can't he trust us?"

"Whoa," Sirius said. "Lil, calm down. James really trusts you, I know he does. I just need to talk some sense into him so he knows that too. And he'll get to be fine with Remus, too."

"Right, said Lily. "Then, Sirius, you should go talk to James as soon as possible."

"I think I'll do that now," said Sirius. Lily passed him some Floo powder, and he left through the fireplace, hopefully to fix things with James.

A/N Lily is not responsible for anything that happened with Snape; a person's choices are, at the end, their own. Neither I nor JK Rowling suggests that. However, I do in the course of my story suggest that Lily holds herself responsible for that, no matter how much it is not her fault. And Voldemort, being able to pick up on her feelings, would seek to exploit that weak spot in her mental framework. This I believe, in both the cases of Lily and Voldemort, is consistent with their character.