Snapshots of Life
Chapter One
By: Vree
Date: 11/13/07
Summary: Snapshots of life and the telling of stories in the "Seduction of Naruto" verse.\
Warnings: OOC, talk on sex and intercourse, but no actual sex, so I think I'm still good. AU... Ughm... Can't think of anything else really...
This chapter: Itachi and Makoto have 'the talk.'
Disclaimer: I don't own them… Never have…. Never claimed to.
"Itachi, my cute, adorable boy." Makoto smiled sweetly at her son, appearance poised and thoughtful as she gazed at her 13 year old son. "I think it's time for us to have a talk."
He raised an eyebrow at her, a confused frown creasing his forehead. Had she found out what he and Shisui had been planning? He looked at her loving smile and decided that that couldn't possibly be it, or she'd be after him with a frying pan. "What is it mother?"
Her smile turned impish as she looked quickly around, grabbed her son's arm and drug him to the living room. Itachi was shocked by her behavior, which was much unlike his mother, and allowed her to do this, if only to find out what was going on. Once on the couch, Itachi watched as his mother crossed her legs and regained her poise. "I've decided that it's time that I told you one of the more important facets of life."
Itachi frowned at her in confusion, "I already know about killing and death, age and strength, intelligence and… Strength. What else is there?"
Makoto smiled at her son, patting him on the arm, "I figured your father never told you about this. I swear, he's trying to turn you into an asexual killing machine, but the bastard forgot one thing!"
Eyes wide, Itachi stared at her as she continued, "He forgot my need for grandchildren, so thusly, you're not going to remain uneducated on this!" She punched her fist in the air, snickering quietly at the though of getting one up on her husband.
"I'm afraid to ask now, but what?"
"Sex."
Itachi tried to run away, he really did. It just didn't work. Somehow she decided this would be a good time to use those female superpowers. You know, the ones that appear when they either want to save or humiliate their children. With one delicate, pale arm, she forced her son back down in his seat. "Now, Itachi honey. You need to know about this. You're getting to the point in life when you'll start getting interested in girls."
"No mom! I'm really not! I'm not interested at all! We really don't have to talk about this!" Itachi would almost seem to be pleading, if he wasn't an Uchiha and too proud to plead.
Makoto arched her eyebrows at him and leaned in closer, "Well, then are you starting to get interested in other boys… I noticed that you and Shisui are suddenly spending more time together…"
"MOTHER!"
She had the grace to look sheepish, "What? It's a legitimate question. I wouldn't be any less proud of you… Don't know about your father, but I wouldn't…" She brightened, "And then you could start adopting that much sooner! Grandchildren!"
Shaking his head, Itachi managed to scoot away from his mother minutely, "I don't like ANYONE that way, and if all is right in this world, I never will. I don't like boys. I don't like girls. I like shiny pointy weapons and being a ninja."
Waving a hand, she rolled her eyes at her son, "And thusly, you are a perfectly normal Uchiha male, but they all got over it… Maybe somewhat later than normal… I have a theory that that has to do with the Sharingan and a chemical imbalance that it could potentially cause in the brain, but I digress." She patted his knee and scooted closer, "They all got over it and you will eventually as well. And when you do, I want you to be prepared."
Sighing, Itachi frowned at his mother, though it looked more like a pout, "I'm not going to be able to get away, am I?"
Smiling brightly, Makoto shook her head, "Nope! I have ropes placed all around the house. If you run, I'm hunting you down like a little weasel, tying you up and still giving you the speech I have planned anyway. You can't avoid it."
Grumbling under his breath, he muttered, "Fine, let's get this over with."
Makoto cheered and brought out her props from behind the couch. Quickly setting up an easel, she placed a series of large white meeting presentation grade cardboard papers onto it. The first one had, "Makoto's Talk on SEX!" on it, with glittery hearts and stars all around.
Giggling like a madwoman, she started, pulling down the cover piece, showing a drawn picture of a pretty girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes,(1.) "Itachi, this is a girl. Now, I know you know what they are, but I had to be sure, what with how you treat them." She pulled down the sheet, "This is a boy. You are one. No need for more explanation there." Snickering, she pulled down the next sheet and was glad to see that Itachi was blushing faintly, "Now, these are the same two naked. Can you tell me the differences you see?" She looked primly at Itachi.
"……"
Arching her eyebrow, she continued on, "Yes, one has a penis, the other a vagina. Also, one has breasts, while the other has pecs. Though let it be noted that some men have what we call 'man-boobs.' There's no shame in this, it's just another facet of the human body." She flipped off the cardboard, not paying any mind to her son now. "This is an erect penis and this is a flaccid penis. Notice that it grows to a larger size, normally, and hardens when excited. I imagine even with your anti-social hate for all, you've had this happen to you at least in your sleep." Another paper down.
"This is a close up of the vagina. Notice the opening here. This is where the penis is supposed to penetrate, not to be confused with this little hole back here." She stopped to point, "That would hurt, unless it's stretched before hand, but we'll get to that when I talk about gay sex. I don't want to confuse you…"
Itachi was shaking in his seat. Too much imagery of things he'd never even really thought of before. And who knew that girls had such a weird thing down there… Slowly, his mind reset itself to gay to preserve what little sanity remained. He managed to keep himself from screaming as she pointed once more at the picture.
"This is the clitoris. Learn it's location! Trust me, your future wife will love you forever." She muttered under her breath, "I only wish my husband got this speech."
Gagging slightly, Itachi hugged a pillow to his face, hoping that the loving cotton would suffocate him and this would all be done with… Or that this was some horrible nightmare that his subconscious decided that he deserved for being a bad person. 'Kami, I'll be good if you make it stop! All the naughtiness that I've got planned, I'll stop if you stop this!'
Sadly, she continued, unknowingly sealing the fate of the clan by pulling that paper down and pulling the pillow away from Itachi's face. He just screamed and grabbed another. "Now, this is what is called 'penetration.' It's when the penis enters the body through one of the three orifices normally used." She showed the next panel, showing only three words, "These areas of penetration are, the mouth, the vagina, and the anus." Another board for the pile at her feet. "Oral sex is when you use your mouth to stimulate a person's 'private bits,' with sucking, licking or anything else people's demented imaginations can think up to do with their mouths… Some other time, I need to tell you about deviants and fetishes…." She placed her hands on her hips. "Well, are you going to look at the pictures!"
"No, I'm gonna die!"
She frowned lightly, "You know I felt like that when I got the talk as well… You eventually get over it… Of course my brother became gay." She brightened slightly, "He's the reason I added homosexuality to the talk. I need to call him and find out how him and his boyfriend are doing…"
Itachi jumped up, blanched at the pictures, closed his eyes and smiled at his mother, "Yes, do that now!"
Shaking her head, she shoved him back down, "Nah. It can wait. He'll understand. And anyway, you should be glad to have me doing it. I've used this presentation for the last two years for a class that the academy had... Of course this year it was cancelled for some reason..."(2.) She shrugged and pulled down the next board and Itachi whimpered, "Now these are varying positions for vaginal intercourse. Really, as long as you can push it in it's sex." Next board, "Anal sex needs more preparation. During vaginal sex, if a girl is sexually excited, there is a natural fluid that will coat her body there and make sex easier on both of you. With anal sex, you'll have to use your fingers and lubricant of some form to open up the passage enough to enter. This is more common between two men, which makes sense, because…" Another board down, "They have prostates! When stimulated, it causes a rush of pleasure, which in turn makes anal sex pleasurable between the two men." She grinned, "And it's kind of hot to watch too, but yeah…"
"I really didn't want to know that about you mom…" Itachi was as red as he could get and confused at this point. He'd just have to sort through all this later.
Shrugging, she pulled the board, giggling, "Now sex should only be for when you're in a loving, stable relationship, but it's also a great stress reliever!" She blinked at herself, then shrugged, "Though you should be careful, because there's all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases that you could catch. I've placed pamphlets on your bed for you to look at, I'll quiz you on them later…" Smirking cutely, "I think I've traumatized you enough today."
Itachi had an almost gleeful look on his face, "Does that mean I can leave and repress this memory now?"
Shaking her head and grinning, she shrugged, "Yeah. Shoo, go play with your friends."
Racing for the door, Itachi decided that it was time to move up his plan… And that he was NEVER going to have sex… Ever! Speeding past his father, he muttered continually under his breath, "I am an asexual being, I am an asexual being… Never… Eeeeww…"
Fugaku blinked at the boy and shook his head, "I told her not to do it…. She should have let him learn it by experience, like all Uchiha do, but nooooo."
He looked at his wife, who was now posed in the doorway, arm elegantly raised above her head and leaned against the door, hips tilted, head cocked, with a sexy smile on her face. "It had to be done… He'd end up hurting himself or his partner, you know that." She reached out her other hand and pulled him by his shirt to her, "Now, why don't you and me give a live example to an audience of none?"
Laughing, he shook his head, "Woman, you're weird, but I like it."
With that, they vanished into the house and were not heard from for five hours. Three days after this incident, Itachi killed his entire family after gaining the Sharingan from killing his best friend the day of the talk… Sasuke just decided all the moaning and screaming he heard was his ancestors trying to warn him about what was to happen and mourned his inaction.
Later he would find the presentation. Thinking it would be amusing, he brought it down to show Naruto, causing them to try a variety of the positions, with both normal form and Sexy-no-Jutsu form... But that's for another story.
(1.) Drawings by Jiraiya... She blackmailed him after she caught him peeping in a bathhouse, drawing while watching her. Instead of beating him, she though it would be a good idea to have a Sannin owing her a favor. This is how she used it. He still mourns the lose of her presence in the world. If only because he couldn't figure out if she was just insanely open or a complete pervert...
Also, on a side note, this does look like Naruto's Sexy-no-Jutsu form, and it's that way for a reason that will be explained later.
(2.) One of the academy teachers finally went and saw how graphic it actually was and freaked out... Hee hee. I could just see Makoto looking at him in confusion and then wandering off, "You're loss... Bet your wife loves you..." Snickering evilly as she turns the corner, leaving a blushing male ninja in complete humilation as the other academy teachers who'd peeked their heads out to listen laugh at him...
A.N.: And so goes the first Snapshot. If you liked it! Review and tell me! I'd also like it if you have any ideas for a Snapshot, tell me! I love ideas! They're wonderful until they completely take over your brain.
Also, how scary is it that I know that much about sex… Didn't have to look anything up… And I think that's pretty comprehensive… I didn't go over the common erogenous zones, but that's only because I think Makoto would let him figure out that for himself… If only so he would get addicted to the pleasure and give her tons of grandchildren.
Next Snapshot: A day in our childhood; Naruto and Sasuke!