A/N: I don't own anything from J.K Rowling or the creators of Batman...I am merely using them in my own evil plot of world domination via fan fiction. Mwah ha ha ha!
Severus Snape potions master, head of Slytherin house at Hogwarts, exonerated Death Eater, war hero, greasy git, and bat of the dungeons, was drunk. Completely, head-over-heels, sloshed. He was reclining on his bed at some ungodly hour of the morning with a half-empty glass of fire whiskey in one hand, and a half-empty bottle of the fiery alcohol in the other. His green silk sheets were pooled around his hips, and his bare chest rose and fell smoothly with each breath. The telly and vcr/dvd combo given to him by Hermione Granger, Charms mistress of Hogwarts who used her talents to enable the devices to work without electricity, flickered in the dark chamber as the credits of Batman Forever rolled over the screen for the eleventh time that day.
Now Snape didn't always spend the day, sunup to way past sundown, in his bed watching the same movie over and over, but he figured that he was due a vacation before school resumed. He drained the contents of his glass one final time before pulling himself out of his bed and pulling on the billowy black teachers robes that had earned him the title Bat of the Dungeon.
He slipped out of his dungeon apartment and made his way silently to the kitchens. Well as silently as one could when they were completely pissed. About half-way down the hall where the kitchens were located he bumped into a suit of armor, rather hard apparently, because the suit fell to the ground with a loud, echoing clang. He fought hard to restrain a giggle (That's right. I said it. Snape...giggled!) as he pulled the suit armor upright and leaned it against the wall.
"Sorry old chap! Hallooooo! Hallooooooo! Anybody there?" silence. "Well bugger off then!" he cried loudly and staggered off in the direction of the kitchens still giggling madly.
He was bent over a counter cutting slices off of a block of cheese (something one should never attempt when drunk) when the portrait guarding the entrance to the kitchens swung open once more.
"Severus?"
Severus paused mid-slice and glanced over his shoulder at Hermione.
"Noooooooo." He said, drawing out the word like a guilty little kid might do.
"Oh really. Well then, who are you?"
Snape swung around with both of his arm stuck straight out and a flap of his robes clutched in each hand, so that the robes fanned out below his arms like the wings of a bat.
"Iiiiiiim BATMAN!" he cried, before falling to the floor in another fit uncontrollable giggles.
A/N: I know, I know...I'm addicted to writing parodies. But remember, the first step is to admit you have a problem.
The next step is to deny that you admitted it.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Review!!!!! My muse needs to eat - even if you thought my story was garbage. Constructive criticism is always helpful.