Author's Note.

I don't own Gravitation, nor the characters in it. The plot is my own.

One.

Nothing.

A number divisable by nothing.

Hardly significant.

One love, one heartbreak.

One man.

One has turned to so many firsts.

So many 'only's'.

Now one is all.

He wanted him absolutely. Desperately. So desperately that his hands trembled from the need to posses him if he was not so careful as to keep them in check. His eyes danced, sparkling auqua, above a wide, perfect grin. Usually, however, his eyes squeezed shut as the smile played across his lips. Smiling was a strain. His eyes watered and ran so often now that it's presence burned in his chest. Not that he was never happy. No, not at all. Many things made him happy. Ryuichi's tantrums, childish grins and 'Na no da'-ing had become a source of comfort to him, the way familiarity always was. Being on stage, his fingers fluttering about the keyboard, brought a genuine smile to his face. Iced green tea and running a company, being addressed in the honourific. Yes. Many things made Seguchi Tohma happy. However, when it truly mattered, he was the most unhappy man in existance.

In the weary hours of morning, Tohma lay tangled in expensive sheets, his body wracked with sobs.Tears dampened the pillow around his head, mocking him. Such blatant weakness made him self-concious, even though he was alone in the room. Is this as hard as it gets? Another sob tore from his throat and he clamped a delicate hand around his mouth. You don't see me and I can't say I blame you. A figure flashed in his mind. Hair spun gold with eyes to match. He morphed from a young boy skipping through puddles into a distant man drowning himself in alchohol and waiting for the poison to take him. I tried so hard, Eiri.Tried so hard to make things good for you. He got barely a forced 'hello' from Yuki any more. Not unless he needed something. Tohma could live with that. He would have to. When it came to Yuki he would take what he could.

Tohma stood, the floor creaking under his weight. He padded slowly to the bathroom, flicking the light switch lazily.He turned the tap slowly, as if it weighed more than he himself did, splashing cold water on his swollen cheeks, trying to wash away the thoughts inside his mind. They would not venture far. They never did.

"Pleeeease?" The whine did more than snap him out of his thoughts of self-pity, it shattered him out. He had been so engrosed in his thoughts, he had forgotten that he was not alone. "Pleeeease lemme have it, Noriko? I want it so bad!" Ryuichi reached his hands out, impatiently opening and closing them. With a wink, Noriko handed the cherry from her Shirley Temple over to him. He swallowed it with a content sigh, before turning on Tohma. He had barely time to wonder further as to whether the shaggy haired man had bothered to remove the stem before Ryuichi was hugging him in a way that closely resembled a football tackle. "Do you have a tummy ache, Tohma?" he asked in a voice that did well to mask any seriousness that may have been lurking in it's depths.

"Hm?" Tohma smiled his closed eyed smile. "Why yes, Ryuichi, my stomach does feel a little uneasy tonight."

"I knew it!" The boyish man bellowed, causing the bar-keep behind the freshly cleaned counters to jump and almost lose grip on the cup he had been drying.

"Hmmhmm." he laughed slightly. He didn't feel much like keeping company tonight. The drink, however, he was more than happy to get past his lips. "Well, you always have been very perceptive." he replied, knowing that any compliment given to the singer caused his face to break into a smile.

Truthfully, though, Ryuichi was very perceptive, especially concerning Tohma himself. Tohma knew this and it made him more than a little uneasy. Ryuichi had been the only one to know when he was upset before. Many times, infact. Tohma didn't understand that at all.

"Tohma, did you hear me?" A female voice tinkled across his plane of thought. He smiled his smile again. "No, sorry. I didn't"

"Psssh, where are you tonight?" She didn't bother to repeat herself, so Tohma wrote off what she had said as obviously unimportant.

"It's been a very pleasent evening, but I should get going now." He held his hand up good naturedly as Ryuichi protested. "I have a lot of work to do in the morning, and I've lost a lot of sleep as it is. Good night." He turned, hat in hand and walked out the heavy door, into the dimly lit street with a deep, unnoticed sigh.

Inside the bar Ryuichi fidgeted in his seat. Part of him wanted to rush Tohma and hug him until his head popped off. The other part of him wanted the orange slice from Noriko's new drink. The one she was wrapping her tongue teasingly around, causing him to whimper and shove his fist into his mouth to muffle his sobs of protest.

In the end, the gluttonous part of him had won the battle.

Tohma sat, his forehead resting on his tight fists. His eyes watching the steam rise from a cup of tea he knew would not touch his lips. Eiri... he wanted so badly to wrap his arms around the man, to touch his warm lips with his own, to run his fingers through his beautiful honeyed hair. Yuki was always cold and emotionally distant. Ever since New York. Tohma new it was his own doing. Knew that it was himself that had taught Yuki Eiri to wrap inside of himself and keep his heart safe. Too much time around Tohma, and he went from carefree to stoic. But it was a mistake. He reasoned with himself. Yes, it was my fault. All my fault. But I didn't mean too hurt him. I wanted to protect him. Tears ran freely down his ivory cheeks. As much as the tears bothered him, he left them unwiped and unstopped. Why bother? Perhaps, if he allowed himself this...weakness, it would stop hurting.

His feelings were never so potent. So there. No, even though he knew the full extent of his feelings for the younger man, even though he had admitted Eiri's importance to others to their fullest extent, it was never like this. Because there had always been some glitter of hope that Yuki would indeed come to him.

"Tohma, just stop. I don't need you any more. Not like I used to. I'm a damn adult now, not a kid. Stop coddling me and leave me alone." The line had died soon after, leaving Tohma gripping the reciever, his knuckles white, face pinched. So, Yuki had no further use for him. He had served his purpose and now he was being thrown to the wind like yesterday's paper. Maybe he was wrong to try to protect Eiri from all and every, but he couldn't help that. It was like breathing. Always in him to do.

He allowed his head to fall further, face sliding into shaking palms. He had so much to do in the morning. It was 4:00 am and his day started in two hours. His nights lately consisted of consuming heartache, not the usual light slumber they once had. At times, fate would allow him to cry himself into a state of sleep, or thoughtlessness. Usually, however, he was handed nothing but an empty hollow feeling that kept him awake for nights on end. He knew today was going to be hard. He also knew, however, that he would go about his day as if nothing was bothering him.

That was just his way.

Noriko sat in confusion as Ryuichi's face changed from boyish to serious. His usually playful eyes watched the retreating back as he called a light goodbye to Tohma. Trying to return the scene to one of normality, Noriko ordered a drink she knew came topped with a peice of fruit. As she thought, it caught the man's attention. Almost fully. Just as she was about to hand the orange over to him, he stood up stiffly and waved goodnight, leaving her, fruit in hand, to wonder just what had caused the sudden change in Ryuichi.