Wow, I'm actually writing this! For ages I've wanted to write a Sev and OC fic; and now here it is! Aren't you lucky?! Hope you enjoy it and please review, ta very much! :D
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Severus Snape sat in his private rooms and drew in a deep long suffering sigh. Discarded on the desk in front of him was a letter from Dumbledore disclosing that he had not been chosen for the vacant Defence Against the Dark Arts post. Again. Snape tilted his head back to look at the stone dungeon ceiling and heaved another sigh.
"No doubt the new 'professor' will be presumably inexperienced, plain idiotic and a guaranteed pain in my..."
However, these thoughts were sharply interrupted by three quick knocks on his door. Severus sighed once more, determined to curse the person on the other side of his door into oblivion for interrupting his aggravated chain of thoughts. He swiftly crossed his room and swung open the door with so much vigour he had to hold onto it to prevent it from smashing into his wall.
"What?!" But his anger was quickly reigned in, as the stern face of Professor McGonagall greeted him. He longed for it to have been a student to release his anger, hate and all around feelings of injustice to. However, this fantasy would have been quite impossible, since school was yet to start in a week and only the professors were the current residents of Hogwarts.
"Severus. I'm glad I caught you in a good mood."
Snape snorted. Though both he and McGonagall knew he was never in a good mood. And if he knew a good mood this would have probably been one of them. But a good mood from Severus Snape had been rumoured to predict the coming of the apocalypse.
"Yes, well Minerva, is there any reason for your... delightful visit?"
"Actually there is Severus. All the professors are required in the staff room. To greet the new professors, you know."
Severus knew. This happened every single year and even though he hated these welcoming parties, he had long since given up the effort of worming his way out of them. It was greatly beneficial to his ears to just go and avoid the yearly nag from McGonagall. Besides, he'd stay for Dumbledore's welcoming speech, glare daggers at each and every person in the room, drink the 'non-alcoholic' punch and be gone. No one wanted to speak to him anyway, and that he was thankful for.
He nodded and moved forward to leave his rooms. He swore he caught a hint of disappointment from McGonagall's face as he came quietly. He lightly snorted as with a flick of his wand, rose the protective spells around his rooms. He and McGonagall then made the journey to the staff rooms. The silence was awkward. Even though Snape had great experience in awkward silences, being the cause of most of them, McGonagall did not. Therefore, she felt the over-whelming compulsion to make conversation.
"Something tells me that this year, we are going to have our hands full."
He guessed she wanted him to given an input such as "Really?"or an "Is that so? Do tell Professor, I am all ears." But he gave none, slightly because he was still ruffled from not being chosen to be DADA professor (again), minorly because he was being forced to be sociable and majorly because he was Snape.
McGonagall, however, was quite used to this lack of reaction when talking to Snape, so she continued.
"Yes, they are quite the pair. All I will say is bring earplugs. I would use Sprout's earmuffs; little obvious, though I do wonder if they would notice..."
Severus realised he was not going to get out of this conversation without speaking a single word so he gave her what she wanted.
"How so?"
McGonagall momentarily had a surprised look sweep across her face, but quickly dispelled it and continued.
"Well, you will see. Do you remember a Miss Katherine Vertigo and Miss Isabella Mane by any chance? They were Gryffindors."
Severus paused. He was certain those names rang a bell, but he couldn't remember which one. He chanced a guess at them being on the quidditch team a while ago, yes that must be it. Very rarely any Gryffindors made any kind of impression on him. Well, except bad ones, but then he would hastily repress their memories from his mind.
"Obviously you do not. Otherwise you would have had the same reaction poor Professor Flitwick had. Poor man was petrified to his seat for hours."
Severus was actually about to reply, but they had reached the staff room doors. Both professors heaved long suffering sighs, but for quite different reasons, and McGonagall moved forward to pass through the door.
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Three seconds later Severus had an epiphany. Another three second later, he wished had never come. A further three seconds, he wished he had never been born.
"Oh. My. GOOOOOOD! Kate! Totally look at THIIIIIIS!"
A flash of pink flew past him, knocking him into the wall. He steadied himself to be once more, only to again be shoved against the wall, this time by a flash of red.
"Omgee, Izzy! Thattisawesome!"
Severus didn't even bother to extract himself from the wall, but looked dumbfounded to the sources of said flashes. However, he was shortly interrupted by McGonagall.
"Ladies, please. Would you care to introduce yourselves to Professor Sn..."
She was cut short by the two flashes appearing in front of them causing McGonagall to stumble backwards slightly, quickly regaining her composure as though she was used to this type of thing. Severus however, was tempted to stay clinging to the wall, but removed himself and took a good look at the pair in front of him.
The first thing that struck him was how exceptionally bright they were and secondly... well 'they' were definitely going to need to be put away before term started. Snape however didn't get much further than this when McGonagall began talking.
"As I was saying ladies, you will remember that this is professor Snape. Severus, this is Isabella Mane" she gestured to the pink one. She had bright blonde curly hair that fell to her chin, ad her face portrayed a childish innocence, though Severus doubted highly that this girl was innocent. McGonagall continued "Professor Mane, shall be taking over the Muggle Studies post and this is Kate Vertigo."
Snape turned his eyes to the red one. What struck him as he looked at this Kate Vertigo was that she was very beautiful. Her hair fell down to her elbows and was a dark red-brown that looked wondrously silky to the touch. Her face sported large bright sapphire-blue eyes, but her lips were what captured Severus the most. She wore lipstick that matched the bright red of her robes and their full quality almost begged to be kissed. She had a modern day beauty look that Severus nearly always passed by most of the time, but she was in a league of her own. His eyes followed her perfect neck towards the two offending uniform rules and he would have given anything to...
McGonagall coughed. Loudly.
Severus's eyes jerked towards her and she shot daggers at him.
"As I was saying. Miss, or should I now say Professor Vertigo" the red one beamed "has recently returned from her travels around the world to become our new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. She travelled as a part of a special team of trainee aurors who..." Severus had stopped listening and looked at this Professor Vertigo once more. From her rather impressive cleavage, he followed down her body to her legs which were quite readily on display due to her short skirt. He carried on down the length of them to her shoes which he recognised immediately as impractical. They were amazingly high and a thought stuck him that without them she would be exceptionally short; easily a head below him. A thought passed though his mind of what her legs would look like wrapped around his...
But again he was interrupted. Not by McGonagall's constant droning of all Vertigo's achievements, but by Vertigo herself.
"Would you like me to rotate? My butt is out of this world."
The room went silent and every pair of eyes turned to look at them. McGonagall looked completely aghast. Severus felt a heat rush to his face, but quickly suppressed it. Thanking years of practice over his emotions.
Her face didn't even have the decency to look at least a little bit ashamed, but was in a cheeky smile as if she had just asked him to give her a piggy-back. He realised how young she truly looked and how much of an old, giant, pervert he must now seem.
He smirked at her, "Yes, I thought you would say so. I was merely considering how inappropriate your current dress sense was and if the students would ever consider to taking you in the slightest bit seriously. Maybe as a starter to a lesson you should get them to work out whether their robes have more fabric than your entire attire. That might at least teach them something about textiles, Miss Vertigo."
Her face betrayed a hint of anxiety. Severus realised he had struck a nerve. It was quite an obvious nerve as nearly every single new professor was nervous how the students would react to them.
McGonagall continued to look aghast and the hush that had fallen over the room had increasingly become more tense. However, her face resumed the cheeky smile.
"Awwww, don't be like that Sevvy! And here I was thinking we could be friends! You soooo loved us when we were students, right Izzy?"
The pink one chimed in at this point.
"Totally! We helped you clean your office!"
"With frog-spawn." Kate added, and Snape glared at her. Her shining smile was really beginning to get on his nerves.
"Yeah, and we gave you presents every Valentine's Day!"
"We knew how much you loved blood lollypops..."
'It was them!?' Severus thought, and they continued to reel off the lists of their school day 'affections' for him. Their pace got faster and faster until it just became an unintelligible blur of noise to Snape and he attempted to keep up with them but he simply couldn't. How anyone to speak that much and it to be understood was beyond him.
"And the flamingo..."
"That was us!" They added in unison.
"Though it turning everything to pink wasn't quite the plan" Kate added thoughtfully "But it was a good touch don't you think?" They beamed simultaneously up at him.
Silence followed. Severus stood there looking gobsmacked. All the years of bizarre and random pranks had been them. He chanced a look at McGonagall, and her hand was kneading her forehead in a desperate attempt to fend off the oncoming headache.
"So yeah! We totally wanted to improve your mood, you know?"
"Yeah, but it looks as though it didn't work" they turned to face each other, pouted, then returned beaming up at him "but now we have allllll our working days to make you smiles isn't that great!"
Severus stood there, blinked, felt oncoming pangs of pain in his head and sighed. He had definitely repressed these two from his memory.