I was being stupid and not paying attention, and didn't realize that the
stuff I was writing was far above the rating I had it set at. I've moved it
higher and (finally) gotten around to reposting it. Please, if you still
think the rating's too low, let me know and I'll change it immediately.
I was watching Lord of the Rings (FOTR) one day for the umpteenth time when I realized Legolas doesn't smile throughout the entire movie. So I watched it again, actually counted his lines (I could recite them right now, if you wanted me too) and realized he only had sixteen. And voila! The idea for this fic was born. Obviously it only applies to Fellowship of the ring, and the original version at that (he has more lines in the extended version.) But yeah. I wrote it on the nine-hour train ride from my grandparent's house. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Legolas says hi!
Sixteen lines. Sixteen measly lines. That's it. No wonder I don't smile. How am I supposed to smile when I only have sixteen lines? In a three hour movie! Boromir has more lines that that and he DIES. And they're not even good lines that you can laugh at. Oh no. That would be too much. Nope, I LABEL things.
"He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn."
"Crebain from Dunland!"
"Goblins!"
"Orcs!"
"A lament for Gandalf."
"The horn of Gondor!"
And when I'm not labeling things, I'm being overly dramatic.
"We must move on. We cannot linger." I mean, you can just hear the usher-in-the-evil music in the background.
Oh, and of course we can't forget, "It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat have been growing in my mind. Something draws near, I can sense it." Actually, I kind of like that one. But the point is, my role sucks. I need more lines.
I don't even get a mandatory love interest. Aragorn gets one. Why shouldn't I? I mean, sure he's the (future) king of Gondor, but so what? I 'm an elf. I'LL live forever. When his great great great to the power of 25 billion grandchild dies, I'll still be alive. And, quite frankly, he stinks. No, literally, he stinks. So why does he get all the women? Even Eowyn and Faramir fall in love, and they're secondary characters! I mean, yeah, she tried to steal Aragorn from Arwen and I don't want either of them- they can have each other. But that's not the point. I want a love interest. (If anyone so much as mentions Gimli, I swear I will shoot an arrow up your ass. Actually, I don't want ANY member of the fellowship. But especially not Gimli. Yuck.) Everyone else in the fellowship gets one. (I would also at this time like to ask that you please refrain from overwhelming responses clamoring to be my love interest. Thank you, but I prefer elves. And if you tell me you're an elf, or even partially one, then you're delusional, which I also do not find a turn on. Now watch half the population of rabid fangirls faint and drown in their drool at the thought of Legolas and turn on.)
Well okay. So maybe Aragorn and Sam are the only fellowship members with love interests you actually see/read/know of. But the rest of them get them eventually. You know, except for Frodo. But he goes to the Undying Lands. And he's not even an elf. And Sam gets to go later. No that I'm suggesting anything or anything. Oh yeah, and Boromir doesn't get a love interest. But he's DEAD, so it doesn't matter. And Gandalf. But he's a wizard and......... well......... yeah. Oh, and Gimli. We're not even going there. Besides, he gets to go to the Undying Lands too. And he's not and elf either. Like any elf would ever be that hideous. (Once again, as a safe reminder, I leave you with the mental image of an arrow rammed up your ass. Have a nice day.)
Okay, so maybe it's actually less than half of the fellowship who end up with a love interest. But you know what? It's STILL not fair. Because I'm en elf, and I'm more beautiful than all of them. And besides, THEY all have more than sixteen lines. Oh shut up. Just shut up.
I was watching Lord of the Rings (FOTR) one day for the umpteenth time when I realized Legolas doesn't smile throughout the entire movie. So I watched it again, actually counted his lines (I could recite them right now, if you wanted me too) and realized he only had sixteen. And voila! The idea for this fic was born. Obviously it only applies to Fellowship of the ring, and the original version at that (he has more lines in the extended version.) But yeah. I wrote it on the nine-hour train ride from my grandparent's house. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Legolas says hi!
Sixteen lines. Sixteen measly lines. That's it. No wonder I don't smile. How am I supposed to smile when I only have sixteen lines? In a three hour movie! Boromir has more lines that that and he DIES. And they're not even good lines that you can laugh at. Oh no. That would be too much. Nope, I LABEL things.
"He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn."
"Crebain from Dunland!"
"Goblins!"
"Orcs!"
"A lament for Gandalf."
"The horn of Gondor!"
And when I'm not labeling things, I'm being overly dramatic.
"We must move on. We cannot linger." I mean, you can just hear the usher-in-the-evil music in the background.
Oh, and of course we can't forget, "It is not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat have been growing in my mind. Something draws near, I can sense it." Actually, I kind of like that one. But the point is, my role sucks. I need more lines.
I don't even get a mandatory love interest. Aragorn gets one. Why shouldn't I? I mean, sure he's the (future) king of Gondor, but so what? I 'm an elf. I'LL live forever. When his great great great to the power of 25 billion grandchild dies, I'll still be alive. And, quite frankly, he stinks. No, literally, he stinks. So why does he get all the women? Even Eowyn and Faramir fall in love, and they're secondary characters! I mean, yeah, she tried to steal Aragorn from Arwen and I don't want either of them- they can have each other. But that's not the point. I want a love interest. (If anyone so much as mentions Gimli, I swear I will shoot an arrow up your ass. Actually, I don't want ANY member of the fellowship. But especially not Gimli. Yuck.) Everyone else in the fellowship gets one. (I would also at this time like to ask that you please refrain from overwhelming responses clamoring to be my love interest. Thank you, but I prefer elves. And if you tell me you're an elf, or even partially one, then you're delusional, which I also do not find a turn on. Now watch half the population of rabid fangirls faint and drown in their drool at the thought of Legolas and turn on.)
Well okay. So maybe Aragorn and Sam are the only fellowship members with love interests you actually see/read/know of. But the rest of them get them eventually. You know, except for Frodo. But he goes to the Undying Lands. And he's not even an elf. And Sam gets to go later. No that I'm suggesting anything or anything. Oh yeah, and Boromir doesn't get a love interest. But he's DEAD, so it doesn't matter. And Gandalf. But he's a wizard and......... well......... yeah. Oh, and Gimli. We're not even going there. Besides, he gets to go to the Undying Lands too. And he's not and elf either. Like any elf would ever be that hideous. (Once again, as a safe reminder, I leave you with the mental image of an arrow rammed up your ass. Have a nice day.)
Okay, so maybe it's actually less than half of the fellowship who end up with a love interest. But you know what? It's STILL not fair. Because I'm en elf, and I'm more beautiful than all of them. And besides, THEY all have more than sixteen lines. Oh shut up. Just shut up.