Clenching the newly minted plane ticket, Brennan watched from afar as her partner laughed and smiled like he had not done in years. The way his body shook sent a shiver down her spine. Had she ever made him that happy? Sure, he had genuinely seemed happy around her but the way his eyes lit up, dancing against the windowpane, that… that is what she longed for. To be that woman, to be it for him.
Knowing that I can't turn the rain into sun anymore.
I've given you all that I am; now I stand here too scared to hold your hand.
But there she stood plane ticket in hand ready to put the longing aside but for what? To go back to feeling nothing after years of finally feeling alive? If she looked deep enough she would have known that was not the case but sometimes all it takes is a lie to make it through the day. She didn't love him. A lie she had been telling herself for years. He was the unobtainable man, the man who in her eyes was perfection but that perfection came at a cost. A lie.
And lie, she did. Causing her heart to shatter at the slightest touch. How could he not see what he had turned her into? Once a cold, rational being had filled with such warmth she burned those around her, including the only man she would ever love. The flickers he caused made her heart jump in expectation but the gaping wounds left in his wake, proof positive of the change in her, those would be a constant reminder of a man she would love for lifetimes to come. Loving from a distance, knowing the truth in the lie and the death at hand.
If that is what it took, she would be that woman. The woman who loved him with pure adoration but just wasn't cast from the same mold. She had put her all into a partnership with him, just to have it fall flat in her face. It might have been her fault for doubting him but doubts can only get you so far. She had waited patiently for the man she once knew to come back to her and soothe her wounds. To pacify years of doubt, to just be the man she had fallen for. But that man had all but died, the man before her was searching for a life she never thought possible, a love without her in it.
He had become her everything but as the weeks turned to months, her importance began to slowly slip. At first she watched with bated breath for each fling to end, to get her second chance at love. But when he picked woman after woman, she knew the truth. He was determined to love another. The shattered woman shook at the self fulfilled prophesy causing her flaws to shine brightly under the newly dawned sun.
For her mold had cracks barely discernable to the naked eye but she saw them as plain as day. They haunted her deeper than any murder ever could. Relentlessly she was told by all that said they knew her best that they would be perfect together but Temperance Brennan knew the truth. She was perfectly flawed. Right down to her fragile heart that shattered in his eyes by day and died nightly as she lived in fairytale of a happily ever after.
You are everything to me
This is why I have to leave
Weighing all of her options, Brennan had to face the facts and the fact was, he would never be hers. Her reality was plain to see. The man of her dreams was sitting before her in their booth with another woman, laughing and the twinkle in his eyes… that twinkle was practically killing her.
Under the ash and the lies
Someone beautiful once here now dies
And the tears burn my eyes
And with that, she knew it was the end of something so beautiful and breathtaking she couldn't help but stand in awe of what she had created, what they had created. Maybe on another plane of existence things would have turned out differently but in her reality there was only one truth.
A truth buried so deeply in a lie, she wasn't sure when it had all happened. When it had all shifted and she had turned into the lie, consuming all she had left and leaving her with no other option then to leave. She had hoped there was another way but once you give your heart and soul to someone there is no turning back. The fact that he would eventually love another, shattered any hope she had of ever being whole once more. That dream died the day she had told him he wasn't worth the chance to prove her wrong.
Relinquishing control of her lie for just a brief second, Brennan inhaled deeply and shook.
"Know I will always love you." She whispered into the wind, letting love wash over for the last time. "Always, leaving you will be my only regret."
Turning back toward the cab, Brennan felt the tears finally knew everyone would be shocked by the resignation scrawled so neatly the night before. But a life without him was a life not worth living. So she had resigned herself doing right by society, in a distant, foreign land where no one would know how shattered she truly was.
'He could not possibly love me.'
For that lie was killing her because the truth was, she knew he did.
Lyrics: Sleep Well, My Angel By We Are The Fallen
I know, I know super angsty but I assure you, without a doubt, if you were not too fond of the angst you will love Awake While Dreaming. What is that you ask? What this is a prequel of, silly. Without giving too much away I will say it will please the masses and is unlike what I have done before. So stay with me for this bumpy ride and you will be rewarded. Want the new story? Well, you know what to do.