Ok the basic to this is Alucard is changed into a woman by Integra because he keep making snide comments about how "delicate" she is. Then Alucard finds a way to truly annoy his master even in his state.

"Oh Lady Alucard!" Called Sir Hellsing. "Miss Alucard I have a mission for you." A black mist glided into the Hellsing master's office.

"Yes, my master? My mission?" A woman stood before Integra dressed in Alucard's trench coat but with a more feminine suit.

"First rules. One no shooting anyone but your target and yes the other men will be there. So will Seras if she ever stops giggling." Integra smiled. It had been quite a day. First discovering that little spell Abraham had been saving to really mess with the monster formerly know as Dracula. Then parading Alucard around the mansion. " Next your mission will take place at this warehouse. I will be monitoring from here."

"Yes, my master." Alucard's now higher pitched voice responded. He dissolved into the black mist and reappeared in front of the ware house. As soon as he had a semi solid from grunts of laughter and fake coughs echoed.

"Alucard, proceed with the mission." Integra's voice came from the earpiece.

Skip the fight scene (if I get enough reviews say 5 I will add a hilarious fight scene so review!)

"Target silenced, and master?" Alucard spoke into the little mike he had been given.

"Yes, Alucard."

"I feel like singing to you, do you mind." He popped into her head and made it to where he was heard weather or not she keep the radio connection open.

"No Alucard DON"T YOU DARE!"

"I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout..."

"ALUCARD STOP THIS INSTANT!"

"No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time"

"DON"T YOU MAKE ME MAKE IT PREMANET."

"The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

"Oh dear sweet Jesus help me and stop this bloody git."

"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"

In the office Integra is going made listening to Alucard's singing. Then cue a nice little red-blonde headed girl.

"Sir Integra are you okay."

"No, Alucard is singing in my head. Go shoot him the... wait Dammit he doesn't have them any more. Just go blow him up or something."

"Yes Sir." It will take Seras at least 8 more lines of this ridiculous song to get there

"The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down

The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

Seras is in sight of Alucard who is belting the lines at the top of his lungs. However before Seras gets there a group of oddly dressed teenagers appear.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS FINALS NIGHT." All at once they pile on him. To this day they still can't find a few parts and his hat?

Sorry about the end it was just finals for a friend of mine in a different state so I sent an e-mail to her that sticks your computer to play your lowest played song on media player over and over for 8 hours.Guess her song. Oh and as she found out it only get longer if you try turning it on and off. evil smile She said I should add that part so I did On and if I owned Hellsing there be a threesome of IntegraxAlucardxSeras Hehheheheheh Dirty mind thinks of different things they can do.

Peace the Rancid One