My Name Is Barry Allen
By: Riley
Summary – He was supposed to make it back. He was supposed to save the city and return to STAR Labs for his victory party. But he knew there was a chance he wouldn't make it and needed to let everyone know his story.
"My name is Barry Allen…and I have a lot to say. Things that I never thought I would ever have to say, but due to unforeseen circumstances, if you're watching this, then you'll know I'm no longer here."
Captain David Singh wasn't the hardass he let everyone believe.
He was actually a very sensitive soul who had become very desensitized to the world around him. He had seen his fair share of car accidents and industrial accidents, domestic abuse cases and wellness checks, and drug deals gone wrong. In the end each and every case haunted him, but in his line of work it was just another day. So he made jokes and worked to make sure everyone under him was able to push things aside and continued working.
One day at a time, he constantly reminded them.
He put up a wall and that wall was hard to break down. His husband, Rob, knew when David Singh returned home from work that he was to give him space to distress and turn back to the loving man he didn't particularly show to those that worked around him.
Only the select few. He wished one of those select few were Barry Allen.
The same Barry Allen who died while trying to save the city.
It had been a harsh blow for everyone around him, but for Captain Singh it was even harder. Because even without having been told; David Singh knew Barry Allen was The Flash.
It was such a crazy notion when it first crossed his mind. It explained all of the absences, all of the strange excuses to leave, how he managed to get from one place to the other with little effort, how he always managed to do what would've culminated in being a few days of work into a few hours. Truthfully, Captain Singh—fondly—thought Barry Allen was nothing but a science nerd who was eager to learn and make a difference.
He knew Barry's entire background; of how his mother was murdered when he was young and his father framed for the crime. How Joe, the supposed murderer's best friend, took Barry in. How Barry continuously tried to run back to his home, his sanctuary, no matter how vandalized it became. How Barry would be found frantically ripping down the police tape that enclosed the house like a straight jacket. The tape ripping apart like it was nothing.
How he would take buckets of water and a brush and scrub and scrub and scrub at the foul graffiti until his hands were red, raw, cracked, and bleeding. How Barry would continuously stick to his story that his father would not and could not look him in the eye and lie about not killing his mother.
How Barry would be forced to go to therapy sessions, be interviewed at the CCPD, and speak to psychiatrists who tried again and again to break him down and insist, "You saw your father kill your mother, and you were so traumatized that your mind made up the 'Man In Yellow'."
And how Barry would insist back, "He would never do that" with as much conviction that Captain Singh could feel his eyes burn into him even through the glass that separated them. How even though his eyes would be filled with tears that there was a burning fire of determination that would never be quelled. So Captain Singh wasn't surprised when the next thing he knew he looked up and there was Barry freaking Allen standing at his desk with an application in hand saying he wanted to become Central City's newest forensic scientist with the CCPD.
How after the first few minutes of the interview Captain Singh knew he was going to hire Barry and that he'd be a great asset to the police force. But he had to make Barry work for it; it wasn't going to come easy. And still, despite having such a young face that never had him taken serious and little other than the degree he—rightfully—obtained in a few years, Barry took everything in stride and worked hard. That same fire of determination Captain Singh saw in his eyes years ago.
And now it was gone.
As Captain Singh sat at his desk he looked out through the windows that surrounded his office and at his co-workers, at the men and women he had worked with for the last twenty years of his police career. How they continued to put themselves in the line of fire day after day to protect the citizens of Central City. They all moved slowly, as if underwater, going through the motions without thinking of their next move. And yet, they simultaneously continued to avoid speaking, knowing what the conversation topic would move to.
The CCPD was never this quiet.
Captain Singh's day was never so mellow. On almost a daily basis—he could practically set his watch by it—there'd be some sort of a metahuman crisis that would have Joe and Barry stand to the side and speak quietly as if no one noticed them. Then they would leave in a hurry and Captain Singh would lean back in his seat and go to the news reports to see what The Flash was going to take on that day. Then Barry would be back at the office, acting like everything was okay even if he'd be slightly out of breath, slightly jumpy, and unable to keep that specific cocky smile off his face when he had a job well done.
Yeah, Barry wasn't as good at keeping that secret as he thought he was. There were too many people close to him that 'just so happened' to work on metahuman stuff. But still, Captain Singh kept quiet about his knowledge. There were too many variables at stake and the last thing he wanted was to be the one who ruined the secret by getting caught up in all of it. No matter how many times he had that familiar, almost parental, swell of pride when he would watch The Flash save the say again.
This time when Captain Singh turned to his computer and turned on the monitor he was struck with all of the same notifications he was trying to avoid. Emails of condolence, newspaper articles, blog posts, phone messages—whose idea was it to have phone messages linked to their computers anyway? It angered him to see what people were saying, how they could speak dismissively and so factually about Barry like that.
He wasn't just a member of the CCPD he was a member of the work family.
He wasn't just Henry Allen's son, he was someone who tried tirelessly to clear his family's name.
He wasn't a martyr, he was a person.
He was Barry Allen and he was gone.
Leaning forward to turn off his desktop screen, Captain Singh paused as something caught his eye. A new file. Of course he would notice it, like many other areas of his life he kept his desktop clean and tidy. So what was this new file? He clicked. It took a few seconds for the computer to react, to bring up the video file.
As soon as Captain Singh saw Barry's face he closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Fuck!" He slapped the table with the top of his hand, the sudden explosive sound making him jump as it shattered the silence around him. He could tell everyone was looking at him through the glass windows but didn't lower the blinds. He couldn't get up. Frozen. He was so frozen.
He was looking at the face of a dead man.
And if it weren't for how used to metahumans he had become, Captain Singh wouldn't believe it.
A message from the dead.
It took a long, tense, five minutes before Captain Singh managed to bring himself to start the video. The guilt gnawed at him. Which was crazy because he shouldn't have felt guilty. Everything with Zoom had been a Flash thing, not a CCPD thing and yet Captain Singh felt guilty. Maybe if he hadn't allowed Barry o work at the CCPD none of this would've happened. He would've gone to work in Keystone City and wouldn't have been around when the Particle Accelerator blew up, he wouldn't have been struck by lightning, wouldn't have been there when metahumans started popping up, and would've still been alive.
That's what his heart was saying though his mind, his critical mind knew it wasn't the truth.
Even if he hadn't become the Flash, Barry would've gone to help everyone anyway because that's what Barry Allen did.
Captain Singh took in a deep breath and started the video. The Barry on screen glanced at the camera for a few seconds, his eyes narrowing as they shifted back and forth over the screen.
"Is it on?" he murmured to himself. "I don't…hm…" Barry leaned back and brought a hand up to his mouth, reaching over to look at a manual. "Oh…oh! It is on! Gosh…"
Captain Singh chuckled to himself. As smart as Barry was, he could be a little bumbling sometimes.
Barry on screen cleared his throat and his face become serious. The Flash serious. It was like Captain Singh was looking at a completely different person than the smiling, enthusiastic, inconspicuous young man he had—in a sense—watched grow up.
Why did the good have to die young?
"My name is Barry Allen…and I have a lot to say. Things that I never thought I would ever have to say, but due to unforeseen circumstances, if you're watching this, then you'll know I'm no longer here. I didn't make it back, no matter how hard I tired. I don't know if I stopped Zoom even though I tried my hardest. I want everyone to know I tried my hardest. I tried…"
Barry leaned back and rested his hands on his head. He let out a long breath, puffing up his cheeks for a second before they deflated. His blue-green eyes shifted towards the area right above the camera, pensive, haunting. Then, finally, Barry leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees.
"Captain Singh. I know you're confused about why you're getting this video message. We were never that close and, honestly, I was afraid of you. For a long time, even when I was a kid and Joe would take me to visit the CCPD I would want to stay as far away from you as I could. Back then I didn't understand how hard your job was, how you were the first line of defense for what went on in the city. How you were the one who had to make some pretty tough decisions and face those consequences, even when people didn't agree with you. You could've turned me away when I came to interview for a job but you gave me a chance and I saw it firsthand.
"Being a forensic scientist is hard. No matter how many times I would see live crime scenes and wonder what the lives of the victims were like. Their family, their friends, their whole lives that were cut short. It made me much more determined to work in forensics as it was horrifying. But what you don't know is how much you helped me, and how much you pushed me as time went on. No matter how much you scared me or was a bit of a hardass—"
Captain Singh laughed.
"—I knew you were doing it for a good reason. Nice people shouldn't get into this profession; you can't be nice all the time. There are times you have to make tough decisions, even if it's against what you believe in. That advice, the hoops I felt I had to jump through to get you to like me, that helped me. As me, Barry Allen, and…and as The Flash. Even if it was something you didn't like, you would hold steadfast to your decisions all with the strength I haven't seen in a lot of men. "
Barry grinned.
"I remember this one time the entire precinct was working on a birthday party for Detective Chyre and we couldn't decide on whether or not to give him…oh it was so stupid…something like…" Barry started to snap his fingers.
"A cruise or a resort stay," Captain Singh said.
"Oh! A cruise or a resort stay," Barry said, figuring it out seconds later. "And a lot of us were thinking of the resort and you opted for the cruise. It got to be this big…thing where we were all arguing and you decided to go with the cruise. So we got him that and when he opened his gift he looked up and said, 'What am I going to do with a senior citizens cruise? Are you trying to tell me something? I'm not that old!'"
Captain Singh laughed along with Barry.
"And even though we all knew he really hated the idea, you sold him on it and he ended up having a great time. That's what I really took form you Captain Singh, that there's always a silver lining to things. My silver lining was when I got struck by lightning. Even though I was in a coma for nine months I came out a different man. I worked to be a hero the city would be proud of, all because of the different practices and ideas I implemented that I learned from watching you. I had all of the respect in the world for you, Captain Singh, and I can only hope you had the same for me. Even if there were times you scared me more than any of these speedsters could."
Barry's grin was back and he held up a finger.
"By the way, it was me that pranked you by switching out your Big Belly Burger with vegetarian and vegan patties last April Fool's Day. I'm sorry Joe got in trouble for that. I don't know if I'll tell Joe, though. He'd kill me."
Barry's and Captain Singh's smiles faded at the same time.
"But…if you're seeing this then…well…something else killed me. Captain Singh, the CCPD is like a family and I know this is going to hit you all hard. But I want you to know I never hated you, I never hated working here. The CCPD was one of the best things that have ever happened to me. I saw you like my sort of mentor sometimes and I know if things were different, you would've worked hard to protect me and the rest of the city like you pledged to do every day, just as I did for you. I know you won't be able to pick on that 'Baby-Face' anymore but I hope you continue to pass on your wisdom to whoever takes my place. Thank you for not giving up on me when times got tough. I know I could be a little difficult to work with at times, especially being late all the time. But you never fired me over it so that's awesome."
He gave a thumbs up.
"So I guess the last thing I need is to lay it all out on the line…"
Barry looked directly into the camera.
"My name is Barry Allen," Barry said. "And I'm The Flash."
A/N: This is a short story and will probably end up only being five chapters; this introductory one and four others. And while Barry isn't alive in this story, it focuses on him. Don't worry, Joe and Iris and Cisco and Caitlin won't be ignored as this encompasses all areas of Barry's life and the importance it had to him.
Please let me know what you think, constructive criticism or otherwise. It's the first time I'm trying something as dark as this other than my one-shot I'll Be Home For Christmas.
Cheers,
Riles