I know this is long and just a summary of my life but it might help with the story, but its sort of funny in a ironic kind of way. You can skip ahead if you want.

This a fan fic of a fan fic Naruto. The Fanfic is Dreaming of Sunshine and its an OC self-insert of the author one Shikako twin of Shikamaru. This story is if I was the one reincarnated as Shikako instead of the original narrator. I'm the less smart person, with bad social skills, bad planing skills and horrible memory. I'll also be a little more crazy and off-hinged than the actual Shikako. And I'm still not sure if I want to be Orochimaro the Second coming.

Prologue

I died and was reincarnated.

But no though I did not die in some cliché sob story or a glorified ball of flame. OK I did die burning but I died a really crappy death. So I was taking a walk in my relatively safe neighborhood, looking to loose some wight after really letting myself go. Where all of a sudden I was whacked in the back of my head with a vase, stabbed, soaked in gasoline and promptly set on fire.

Wait so how did I know that I was hit with a vase since they came from behind me? Right after I was hit; I passed out and had an out of body experience.

So I watched, helpless as the guy drop the vase and pick up a gas container, ready to start the light show. While the other guy stepped in from the side and gutted me. The guy waiting patiently for his turn then dumped me with some foul shit and lit me on fire.

You'd think that an out of body experience would let me off the hook because right then the sting of gasoline in my nose pulled my self-awareness back into myself as I felt my skin start to burn. And I could smell it, I could smell my own burning flesh. It burned. I writhed on the ground as my skin sort of melted – scorched itself...

The only thing working all throughout this was my hearing over the roar of the fire, I heard two guys laughing. I can't believe no one in my neighborhood came out to check on the fire in the middle of the street and and the guys that were practically giggling. Here was how the exchange went.

Nyaa-huk (Man, I really want to go Mwha-ha ha ha ha)

Hehehehehe hihiihhihih (Must resist urge to go Mwha ha ha hah ha)

So bloody... siad Guy # 1 as he stared at small pool of blood that escaped me before I had burst into flames.

So pretty...and shiny... said Guy # 2 as he watched the flames of my body flicker.

Gyaak

Cough cough went Guy # 2, (Man the fires getting to me)

So... Same place? Said Guy # 1

Yea... Two weeks? Guy # 2

Yeah, answered # 1

Then the two went to their separate cars and drove off in different directions.

So I died just like that.

I wasn't mugged or raped or any of the other worldly desires these kind of assaults warrant. I was just murdered literally for nothing. These two must have been the only bad guys in the whole world who actually did it for the shits and giggles (except for maybe psychopaths and serial killers but from the dialogue I can believe that they were).

I died and although it was shitty I didn't really have a life anyway. I didn't have any friends and even if I did I didn't have any remarkable traits or even hobbies to share with them. I didn't do anything but read either books or online novels or search the web for more. Read read read read. Read all the time; it was an all encompassing need. I wasn't even "Book Smart" since all I did was read fiction.

I had a mom and a dad, and three siblings... A dad who i hadn't seen since I was almost two, and a dead older brother who I've never met and two half sibling that I never met. Who were conceived by my dad and his new wife; who had went to find a wife in the homelands who desperately needed a shiny new green card. A year after he separated from my mom..

I'm not even sure if I even like reading anymore or if I ever liked reading. Now that I think about it; it might have been a coping mechanism. I was a bright, out going, and overly naive and optimistic person as a kid or so I used to like to believe in. But the more I look back on those days I realize that I was a totally self-centered and bull-headed brat. A really naive and dumb kid who had ideals and didn't even know that wars still existed and that thought racism only existed on T.V.

Run races with boys because it was fun and exhilarating to run? Sure! Ignore girls because I didn't want to jump rope or actually talk with people but not at them? Yep, that was me! Be deeply upset and resentful at the boys when they over shot me by third grade? Yes indeed-ie! Trying to beat up boys and ignore girls was what the rest of my stay at elementary school was like.

The only things I remember fondly those days was when I lead around a group of 1st graders as a fifth graders and taught them about the bugs I used to love so much. But I even ruined that when I tried to stop one of them from picking lady bug cocoons up since it would essentially leave them defenseless to the other ladybugs in the jar. The kid dropped it so fast like his hand was burned. The kids then looked like they all wanted to cry and then ran away.

The other was my fifth grade teacher who I had a crush on. The thing was that I was one of those unfortunate kids who were smart for my but weren't that smart. I didn't feel at home with most of my class but the smart kids excluded me. I was smart of enough to effortlessly go through elementary and middle with good grades but when it mattered I did not even know how to study properly.

So instead I talked to my fifth grade teacher and had a crush that I had to actively think on since I thought of him more as my best friend. Then he betrayed me; called up a parent meeting and said that I was socially impaired because I wouldn't go make friends and kept bugging him. It wasn't that I couldn't tell the social nuances apart but it was that I registered each and every one of them, filed them away and promptly ignored them to go on doing whatever I wanted.

He tried putting on a variety of labels that didn't stick because they were all far fetched. He just wanted me out of his hair.

It also did not help that he would never actually look upset when he reprimanded me and was always so soft spoken. I thought it was light banter between friends although I did notice that he didn't look particularly interested in what I said.

It also didn't help that every time I tried to make an effort with talking with the girls my age was that I would have no idea of what to talk to them about. And my horrible social skills would then blurt out something totally random.

Sadly I always looked like an idiot or a lesbian. It didn't help that one day I actually did try to befriend a lesbian. One day during P.E I saw that a girl was sitting in a corner and crying and I asked her what was wrong, and she replied that her friends didn't want to be her friends anymore since she knew she was lesbian. Long story short I told her I would be her friend and soon afterwards I was betrayed by the girl. It was like a witch hunt. No! I'm not the witch, she is! Later on another girl went so far as say that I was peeking under the stall to look at her because she saw my hair. Hell I was a VERY hyper kid; with really long hair. It probably did drag on the bathroom floor.

All in all my middle school years went like this. 6th grade: I started reading. A boy made fun of me because of it. I made friends with the new girl and she betrayed me to the cool girls who made fun of my clothes. I befriend a chubby boy who became my only friend for the rest of the year and crushed on him.

7th: New boy bully, class icing. I befriend the really quiet boy, get him to open up to me and found out he was a mentally disturbed kid who wanted to kill his family in their sleep. He also had a crush on me so I thought it was a good idea to flirt with another boy in hopes of getting him to get over me. Bad idea. The boy I flirted with changed classes and the first one mysteriously disappeared; probably to get professional help. I like to tell myself that if I hadn't gotten him to open up no one would have found out his homicidal tendencies until it was too late.

8th: I avoided all contact with people and jumped at every word spoken to me like they wanted to insult me.

9th: I became friends with the shy girl who sat next to me throughout the year but since I had the social skills of less than an elementary school kid I was not able to deepen it to the point that I could hang out with a friend. It meant a lot to me during that time though since she was my only friend so we drifted apart very easily.

10th & 11th: I became friends with a group form my church youth program which had eight people in it. I actually became close to them and hang out at public places and actually had small talk with people my age for once. I was ecstatic, I had normal friends for once; who I could chat with normally. Sadly I messed that up to since I had a habit of creepily touch one girls hair a lot; I think she thought I was lesbian and she shunned me. It wasn't like I didn't touch some of the other boys hair too but then again one of the other boys started to avoid me because of that. It did not help that I had a habit of staring at people.

12th: No friends, no life.

Then I was a half-ass-ed freshman in college who only talked to my mom and some cousins...occasionally. Now I read so much that its starting to affect my health; my eyesight is getting worse and my thinking and reading process is slowing down. I sometimes get headaches from not sleeping too. I always had a thing with not remembering things and memories in general and now I have a hard problem remembering things from years ago and even words slip from my grasp.

Its not amnesia I just have a bad memory, and sadly only remember the bad things in life. I read so much, spend too much time in my own little world that my horrible social skills became crippling social anxiety. It also did not help that my thoughts started to feel slow and thick in my head. Too much reading and not enough of actually thinking. Here's a saying that I find remarkable to my life. If you don't use it you lose it. And I think I now read because I don't want to think about anything anymore, and I haven't really thought too hard in two years.

It also did not help that the only person who I actually did talk to was my mom. We're what happens when you try to put out an oil fire with water. We bicker, we rile each other up for every little thing. I wasn't always such a bad daughter its just so hard when your mom tries to rile you up. And explodes for practically random things. Sometimes she finds new things to criticize me about but most of the time its the same things. My horrible posture, my I don't care attitude, and even the way I shower. Its that I don't care its just when you've had someone tell you your whole life that you don't care; and that you're going to grow up addicted to something whether it be sex, drugs, alcohol or gambling. That I'm going to become a horrible addict(gambling) like my dad when I grow up.

That I just don't care about anything, she says she knows how I am but she's been saying that since elementary school. In fifth grade she didn't want me to walk behind her on the stairs(I think she thought I was gonna push her down them), its not that she's crazy or anything its just that I think the packet my fifth grade teacher sent home with me ruined my relationship with her. It essentially went like this "Is your child a psychopath?" Does your child hear voices/ run away from home/ kill small animals?

Which I never did do any of them but she looked at me differently afterwards.

I was a sickly kid, but not in the bad constitution kind of way, the trapped in the hospital kind where I couldn't go out to play. But the kind where I had a weak immune system and got sick every other month. I missed school a lot and my mom had to miss work and got fired a lot. So I'm the reason why she's stuck with a horrible job from her sister's husband's company where everyone there thinks she's there to spy on them. Its not that this thought is not warranted, I've had two aunts who've been run out of the job and family friend who said she could not work in that kind of place (where everyone dogs you) anymore. I owe her everything in the world, I just wish we had a better relationship.

One of my fears when I was younger was the fear that people in scrubs would drag me away during school and shove me into a white room. A nice and quiet and safe room. With nice white, padded walls. In elementary, middle and 9th grade I thought that I should just give up fake a melt down and get it over with. I felt hounded during those days.

So Back on track, I died and was reincarnated but I didn't reincarnate in some RPG like world with OP powers and gathered a sexy harem (in my case reverse harem); I admit I've been reading too many light novels. Instead of another world though I wish I had restarted my life over because it's chalk full of regrets.

P.S: All the boys in my life who actually like me for more than one day are at least a little mentally unstable.