Rowena Trevelyan didn't know what possessed her to pick up the small hat. It could be that growing up in the circle really didn't prepare her for self control when it came to shopping. They had been in Val Royeaux and she had passed s small stall selling dolls when she spied a hat that looked oddly close to the one that Cole wore. It also looked like it would be the perfect size to fit the stuffed winged nug that she had procured from Krem last week. So it didn't take long before she was back in Skyhold fastening the small hat to said nug. She lifted the soft, stuffed toy up to eye level, looking into it's glossy button eyes. She smiled as she tucked the toy under her arm, making her from her rooms to the main hall.
She had wanted to show Cole her new prize as soon as she got back to the keep, but the party had come back late in the night and it took the remainder of her strength to crawl into her bed. She hadn't even removed her travel worn robes, simply collapsing into a deep, dreamless sleep. This morning she awoke stiff and feeling like she had been rolling around in a horse stall, the smell coming off her didn't change that opinion any. Which is when she silently thanked the Maker for the invention of bath tubs. Josie had been a treasure and found a copper tub, finding it a new home in the Inquisitor's chambers. Also, being a mage had the added bonus of never running out of hot water. So after a long, borderline scalding, bath Rowena through on her clean outfit, braided her sandy blond hair, and grabbed her new nug friend to introduce him to Cole.
Rowena was so lost in her own musings that when she entered the hall she wasn't paying attention to where she was going until she walked into something solid and metal. She walked into it with such force that she felt herself lose balance and begin to fall backward, when strong hands came forward to grab her shoulders, preventing her from tumbling back. Rowena brought a hand up to cover her nose which had taken the brunt of the impact, screwing her eyes shut in discomfort and embarrassment, praying her would be rescuer was not who she thought it was.
Sadly, before he even spoke, she knew it was Cullen. The moment he had grabbed her his scent had pervaded her senses. The smell of leather, the tang of metal, and some sort of musk that seemed to be purely Cullen. Not that she noticed such things, not that she thought about his smell much, or thought about burying her face into the crook of his neck to drink her fill of that smell.
"M-my Lady Trevelyan, are you alright?" His voice washed over her, sending her heart into a frenzy of unsteady beats. "I am so sorry my Lady, I was just heading to the ambassador's office with a report and I didn't see you."
That was when Rowena opened her eyes only to notice the papers that were scattered between them. Her face was heating from the combination of the embarrassment of the situation, how near he was to her, and the fact that he had yet to take his warm hands from her shoulders. She raised her head to look him in the face, but the farthest she reached was the top of his chest plate.
"It's alright commander, I wasn't paying attention. I was just-" that's when she realized that she had moved her arm so now the stuffed nug was tucked up close to her chest, his button eyes now fixed on Cullen. Maker, she must be a sight, the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, cuddling a small toy, and running into people. She was amazed at that moment that people allowed her to lead anyone, let alone a Inquisition. "I...I was just...going to see Cole." She finally got out, moving her gaze up slightly so now she had settled on his chin.
"I see..." he coughed, finally taking his hands from her shoulders, one of these hands immediately went to the back of his neck, in what she suspected was a nervous twitch. She had seen him do it enough in her presence. He always acted nervous around her, she chalked it up to her being a mage. His experiences as a Templar would have taught him to be wary of mages. That's what she had been telling herself whenever he stumbled over his words, or had trouble looking her in the eye. He didn't even seem to know what to say when she would awkwardly flirt with him.
He took a step back to kneel down to begin picking up the fallen papers. Rowena quickly joined him, grabbing as many as she could with one free hand. As she reached for the last paper her hand brushed against Cullen's gloved fingers who was also reaching for said paper. A twinge of disappointment ran through her has he jerked away his hand like he had been burned. Her teeth gnawed on her lower lip, attempting to keep herself from frowning at his reaction. "I-I am very sorry Inquisitor, I...I must hurry and give this to Josephine...excuse me." He quickly snatched up the last page and left in a hurry.
Rowena unconsciously held the nug toy closer to her chest, trying to get her heart beat to slow, while at the same time trying to untangle the knots that had formed in her stomach. As she stood, her eyes fell on Varric who was smirking at her in a way that made it obvious that he had seen the whole transaction and which left her feeling even more embarrassed by her actions. Did everyone know about her unrequited feelings for the commander?
Feet moving as fast as they could, carrying her towards the tavern, Rowena lowered her head. Avoiding anyone who might try to ask how she was doing because in that moment she was feeling anything but sociable. She might as well finish what she left her room to do however. the tavern was filled with the smells of ale, smoke, and the noise of patrons swapping stories. Nodding a hello to Krem, Rowena quickly ran up the stairs to the top floor where Cole liked to dwell.
Cole was perked on the railing, looking down on the inhabitants of the tavern, smiling and swinging his legs back and forth. Rowena felt herself grin at the sight, Cole had become something close to a younger sibling to her. If you would consider a spirit who could make you forget a sibling.
Cole looked up as she approached, his large hat just giving her a glimpse of his blue eyes. "Hello Cole." She said coming to stand beside him. "Listening in on anyone?"
Cole shook his head. "Just listening to the music, its sad but happy at the same time." He said as the melody of I Am The One drifted up from below them. Rowena closed her eyes enjoying the song in a companionable silence with Cole. After a moment she held the toy out in front of her, showing it to Cole. "Look what I found, now you match." Her fondness for the boy filtered through her words. A look of wonder showed in Cole's face as he turned on the rail so he could step off. Gingerly he reached out to pluck the stuffed nug out of her hands to bring it closer to his face for a closer inspection.
"It looks like my hat!" He said enthusiastically running a finger over the brim of the small hat. Rowena's smile grew even more at his excitement. "I saw it and thought of you."
Cole turned the toy over in his hands, looking like he was enjoying the feel of the fabric. "But that's not what's hurting you." He said not looking up from the toy. Rowena's brows knit together in confusion at his words. Before she could say anything he continued.
"The smell of leather makes me think of him, He cringes away from me as if afraid. That smiles makes my heart stop, please let him smile at me again. "I can endure it" Please Maker take his pain away. Look at me the way I look at you."
Rowena felt heat rush to her cheeks and became aware of her inability to breath at that moment.
"C-Cole, I asked you not to do that." She finally managed to get out. "I told you that my thoughts are private."
"But I want to help." Cole said looking up at her with his imploring eyes. "I can make it stop hurting."
"No Cole, I don't want to forget." Rowena barked at him, immediately feeling guilty for doing so. She sighed, closing her eyes and turning away from him. "I'm sorry Cole, I just don't think you can help me in this situation." She stared down sadly at her feet, trying to get a handle on the feeling swirling around inside of her.
"You misunderstand, I didn't say to forget I just-"
"No, Cole." She said with finality, still looking away from him.
There was a moment of silence before Cole started to speak in a soft voice, almost a whisper. "Beautiful, you are so beautiful." If Rowena had expected him to say anything it certainly wasn't that. "Cole, what are you-" She said turning to face him only to be interrupted by him continuing.
"She is soft, but strong. Hands clenching together when she is close close, wanting to touch, to run through her hair. Small prayers to the Maker, 'Please bring her back to me safe'. Talking together about life in the circle, maybe she would understand me. She smiles and laughs at Josephine across the war table, My heart swells at the sight. She comes to my office and checks on me, worries for me. I do not deserve it. Maker but she is beautiful."
Rowena's breath catches, her heart beating erratically in her chest. These aren't Cole's thoughts. She brings a shaking hand up to her mouth. Slowly a feeling of happiness started in her chest and blossomed outwards, until she was grinning wildly and holding back a laugh of sheer disbelief.
"Did I help?" Cole asked holding the toy closer to him.
Rowena beamed down at him. "You know what Cole, you did. You really did." She said turning and running towards the stairs to go and find a certain Commander who thought she was beautiful.
A/N: Dragon age belongs to Bioware, not me!
this entire thing is based on a series of drawings done by the amazing Siriusdraws on Tumblr. in some cases I took bits of dialogue from said drawings. Mainly in the thoughts that Cole voices. I also probably wouldn't have written it if I hadn't gotten the notion for it from the lovely Cullenites on Facebook, so shout out to you guys, hope you like this.
This was meant to be a one shot but I can't, I just can't. It will be at most three chapters so hey.
To those of you waiting for a update to Fading Memories it is coming. In fact it should be coming this week. I promise. Seriously.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!