I got bored and wrote a sort of sequel to 20 Ways to Annoy Orochimaru. I'm still figuring out how the upload tools on work. I do not own Naruto or any other parts of the story beyond what I have thought up myself.
Naruto opened the door to his apartment with a sigh, cracking his neck to try and work some of the knots out. He entered, shutting the door behind him and tossing his keys on the small stand by the door. Team Kakashi had just come back from another crappy C Rank mission that Tsunade had sent them on; most of knots he had didn't come from the boring scroll delivery, but from the punches Tsunade and Sakura had given him after he had loudly voiced his displeasure at the boring mission.
"Damn Baa-chan and her damn sake and her damn boring missions . . ." he muttered as he limped over to his couch and plopped down on it, stretching out with a groan. He kept grumbling under his breath as he thought about the treatment he received at the hands of the Hokage and her apprentice – Sakura seemed to hit him more often after training with Tsunade – and he chalked it up to Tsunade's legendary temper. He almost regretted helping Ero-sennin bring her back – almost – but his eyes softened as he remembered that it was her odd way of showing him affection: affection meaning physical violence . . . things being thrown at his head at high velocities . . . crappy missions. He growled as he looked around his apartment. "There has to be a way to get her back," he said thoughtfully as he looked out the window towards the Hokage Monument, his eyes alighting on the busty Kage's likeness. I haven't pulled a good prank in awhile, he thought wistfully, then frowned. He wasn't allowed to buy anything that could be considered "prank material" without a signed permission slip from Tsunade . . . his eyes glittered as he remembered the prank that caused that little rule to be passed. Tsunade's hair had been neon blue for a month, which was the same amount of time the enraged Hokage had put him in the hospital (he had put a little chakra reducing chemical he had "borrowed" from ANBU headquarters into the dye, so Tsunade had not been able to cover it up with a henge). Jaraiya had loved it, though, calling it "kinky." Naruto sighed as he thought of his teacher who had passed on fighting the Akatsuki member Pain. His wandering eye noticed his desktop computer which he hadn't been on in awhile, not since the little incident with his fan fiction and Sasuke killing Orochimaru (he shivered a little as he remembered hearing about what happened). That had been several months ago and so much had happened since then; Pain's attack, the 4th Great Shinobi War, Sasuke becoming Otokage . . . he growled in irritation at Sasuke achieving his dream before he did. Getting up suddenly, he went over and turned on the computer.
"You have 124 unopened emails." Chimed his computer in a feminine voice and he groaned. Quickly going through them he found that most of them where spam and emails from a fan fiction author from the same site he wrote on, someone named MindsEyeofSasuke (he sweat dropped a little at the awkward – and creepy – pen name) who kept asking for more of his fan fiction. He looked at the clock over his stove, then glanced out the window at the Hokage monument again. Suddenly he smirked and began to type:
20 ways to annoy Tsunade
1. When you're in the middle of a conversation with her, stop and look at her breasts and ask her if they're real or fake. Then randomly stop her periodically to ask her if she's sure.
2. Sneak a salt shaker into her hand whenever she summons one of her slugs.
3. Whenever she complains about her breast size ask her "If you're such a great med-nin, why don't you just perform breast reduction on yourself?"
4. Update Jaraiya's spy network on every aspect of her day to day life.
5. Take her out on a date to a restaurant and order some escargot.
6. Dispel her special genjutsu whenever she gives a speech in front of the villagers, without her knowing it.
7. Water all of her Sake down so she can't get drunk.
8. Replace her Sake with "lady drinks." (Appletinis anyone?)
9. Cast her for a role in the Hangover Part III.
10. Ask her "If the Slugs are so great where's their sage mode?"
11. Fight her Slugs with the Snail summons and pwn them.
12. Ask her if she only took the slug summons "because they were the closest thing to a creature with tentacles" she could find.
13. Follow her around all day and treat her like Princess Tsunade by attempting to wash and dress her, chew her food for her, and warm her sake in your mouth, and when she blows up, say in a confused voice "but I thought you were royalty . . ." then act crushed and depressed.
14. Secretly sell her a bunch of winning lotto tickets and watch her freak out and expect a natural disaster.
15. Slyly suggest that now that she's getting on into her old age maybe she should start playing bingo instead of gambling all the time.
16. Whenever she's in a private meeting, bust in the room, look sheepish, and say "I'm sorry, I was looking for Kurenai-sensei and I coulda sworn I heard her . . ."
17. Use Impure World Resurrection Technique to bring back Jaraiya from the dead and have him follow her around all day moaning "Breastsss" while shuffling like a zombie.
18. Whenever you catch her sleeping on the job, take a marker and write all over her face.
19. Whenever she's not looking sneak extra paperwork on her desk so that the pile always stays the same size.
20. Follow her around all day asking her if she's still sure they're not fake.
He chuckled evilly as he hit the upload button – granted Tsunade would probably never see it, and if Sakura did she would . . . slaughter him, then drag the remains to Tsunade so she could revive him and slaughter him herself, but he felt better. He got up to cook supper with a whistle.
Meanwhile at the Hokage's office . . .
Tsunade stared warily, and a little suspiciously, at the stack of paperwork on her desk. She had been working double time to cut back the size of the pile so she could finally go home and get smashed, but no matter how fast she worked the pile stayed The. Same. Size. She leaned back in her chair and sighed before turning it around to view the Konoha sunset . . . and froze. Standing on the balcony was Jaraiya – he had sallow skin, sunken eyes, pale lips, and was hunched over as if broken or exhausted – but it was Jaraiya never-the-less. His bloodshot eyes found hers and he shuffled a half step towards her.
"Breastsss . . ." he moaned, his hands reaching out as if to grope her ample chest.
Naruto finished the last mouthful of ramen with a contented sigh and leaned back, but jumped as a shrill scream split the air.