Looking back on his life, Auron wondered if he'd made some bad choices.

He'd been the top of his class in school. Every college in the area had wanted him, but no. Yevon was hip then. He'd joined up with the monks in Bevelle, but he'd made the dumb decision of turning down that priest's daughter. The only solution then had been to just quit.

Normally, Auron considered himself a person who worked hard and never gave up, but the monks were all jerks, obsessed with nepotism, blah blah. There wasn't really a lot of thought given to Yevon when there were penitent ladies to schmooze with and collection plates to pass. The so-called "religious" life hadn't been for him.

But there he had been – no college education, some monk training and that whole fancy sword hobby that had cost him thousands of gil in lessons. So what to do? Logic would have said "Go to college, better late than never." But no. He'd seen the ad for "Managers wanted" and he had thought it would only last a year at most. A manager of a sandwich shop at the age of 25 – that would surely impress the ladies.

But that was ten years ago.

This is his story.

--

Tales of a Samurai Sandwich Maker

Chapter One – The One Where There are No Pickles

Auron considered the back room to be his office. Even in a management position, the fine owners of the Spira Speedy Sandwich corporation had not deemed it necessary for franchise managers to have a space to call their own. And so he'd scrounged up a few extra gil for the desk that was now crammed into the back behind the tubs of mayonnaise and the extra bread racks.

There wasn't room for a chair, so he used the overturned box that had once held the fancy new toasting machine now that Spira Speedy Sandwich had moved beyond the usual cold sandwich offerings. Apparently toasted sandwiches were the wave of the future, but in Auron's estimation, people went across the street to Kinoc's if they wanted a toasted sandwich.

Then again, people went to Kinoc's whether they wanted the damn bread toasted or not. If there was a benevolent force in the universe, this franchise of SSS would close and he would be free. Free to spend his days not smelling like cheese and ham. Free from his obnoxious employees. Of course, he didn't have the kind of money to retire and would have to find something else – but managing a crappy chain sandwich shop with more employees than regular customers was not happening to him again.

Kinoc had tried to lure him over with the promise of being the Day Shift Manager at his store, but it wasn't for him. At least Spira Shitty Sandwiches didn't require him to give the customer a sandwich for free if he didn't smile when handing over the receipt. Auron didn't do smiles.

It was ten in the morning. The bread was baking, the peons were slicing up the meat and veggies, and Auron was doing his best not to bang his head against the wall until he killed himself. The first wave of lunch customers would be rolling in at quarter to eleven, and it was the buy two foot-longs, get one free day. Auron hated this deal. Everyone ordered it, and they ran out of fixings by noon.

Spira Shoddy Sandwiches had across the board allocations for meats and veggies and cheese at all their franchises, and even though he'd called corporate every day for months now, the greedy bastards wouldn't let up. And so he'd lost even more customers because they were slicing everything thinner now. He'd been able to see through the cheese slices that Tidus was working on that morning.

Speaking of his least favorite employee, the perpetually annoying teenager was knocking on the door of the storage room. At least Tidus pretended to respect the fact that it was Auron's office.

"Hey Auron!" The kid's voice was like a dentist's drill, piercing and noisy. Auron looked up from the disappointing accounts ledger to spy the young man with a sigh. Tidus wore his visor sideways and never tucked in his shirt. He was the least professional person on staff, with the exception of his father. But Jecht was another story for another day and thankfully, the drunk wasn't working until tomorrow.

"What is it?" he groaned, slamming the ledger shut.

Tidus scratched his head, and Auron wanted to faint. Whatever product that kid had in his hair better not be coating the tomatoes, he thought. "Um, we've got a problem?"

"Could you be a little more specific?" Where the hell were his ulcer meds? They didn't even have customers yet, and already there was enough of a problem that even Tidus thought it was a problem.

"I just noticed that we didn't get our pickles in today."

Auron was ready to grab Tidus by his crooked visor and beat him into a bloody pulp which could then be advertised as the Spira Stupid Sandwiches Sauce of the Month. "You just noticed this now? We open the door in twenty minutes!"

The kid shrugged. "Sorry, I was checking the bread."

Liar, Auron thought angrily. The kid was listening to blitz matches on the store radio, not the soft jazz that corporate had declared the most encouraging in a potential sandwich purchase. Auron would probably stick his head in the bread oven if he heard another saxophone wailing.

"Well, do you want me to pull pickles out of my ass, Tidus? If you'd told me yesterday when I placed the order, then we'd be overflowing with Yevon-damned pickles! But no! You tell me NOW."

Tidus raised his hands in innocence. "Well, I could go to the supermarket?"

Ugh. Petty cash was getting lower and lower every day, but it's not like corporate gave a chocobo's feathered ass about it. Auron opened his bottom drawer and hauled out the metal box. "Here is 50 gil," he said, handing the money over to the obnoxious kid. "You will buy 50 gil worth of pickles. Not 40. Not 45. 50. Understand?"

"I'm not stupid, you know."

"Work harder to convince me then," he snapped back, shoving the petty cash box back in the drawer. "Now get moving."

Tidus gave him a salute and bounded off. The kid had enough energy to power an entire fleet of Al-Bhed scavenger ships. Auron grabbed his visor from the coat rack and adjusted his tie. He'd have Tidus' prep job done in a third of the time, and they'd actually be able to serve customers when they walked in.

"Where's Tidus going?"

Auron did his best to avoid the adoring eyes of his slightly less obnoxious employee. Rikku was a good worker, too chatty with the customers, but she knew which end of the knife to hold.

"He's taking care of our pickle shortage," he informed her, gritting his teeth as she stood closer than necessary while he took the loaves out of the oven. "Would you move it, Rikku? This bread is hot and I don't need a lawsuit. You Al-Bhed are crafty, using all your old gibberish legalese."

Rikku smiled and skipped over to the end of the sandwich line. She knew he'd been a religious hardliner back in the day and usually forgave him for his comments about her people. It probably had to do with her obscene crush on him, one more irritation Auron faced in his day. He'd fire her if she wasn't as competent as most of his other employees put together. "I could slice the bread, sir! Just tell me what to do!"

He already had a sycophant on staff. He didn't need another. "Stop trying to be a suck-up like Yuna and go check the soda fountain. Someone bitched me out about watered down orange pop yesterday, and it's not happening again."

"You got it, boss!" Rikku nearly decapitated herself since she decided to look at him and not the swinging door that separated the sandwich line from the rest of the store. "Ouch!"

He rolled his eyes and let the little blonde shake her ass at him all she wanted. He didn't really care. The wheat and white were sliced – the specialty bread of the month was still in the oven. Of course, Tidus had been a dolt and put it in the oven last even though he'd been instructed specifically not to do so.

A few minutes later, the demon child returned with his arms so full that Rikku had to open the back door for him. Auron's face fell as the triumphant young man set down his purchases on the counter. "Here you go, Auron! 50 gil worth of pickles!"

Auron wanted to smack him into next week. "Those are cucumbers! What do I pay you for?"

Rikku skipped over, peering through the glass that separated customer from the idiot employees. "Well, um…can't you make them into pickles? Like, put them in a jar with vinegar or something?"

Tidus turned scarlet. "Oops. Sorry."

50 gil, gone! Gone! But they had enough cucumbers for the next two days, not like it mattered since the extras got thrown out at the end of the night. "Slice them. Just slice them and tell the customers that you're the idiot who can't tell a pickle in a freaking jar from a cucumber."

The kid nodded, hurrying around to get started. The bread was set, Rikku had done her magic with the soda fountain, and Auron was tempted to make a sign advertising how customers could have as many slices of cucumber as they wanted (unlike anything else that would go on their sandwiches).

He grabbed his keys and opened the front door, unsurprised by the zero people waiting to come on in the store. It was quarter to and already the line was out the door at Kinoc's. Whatever. Just because they had sliced prime rib. Who ate that crap anyway, really?

"Alright kids, first wave in about ten minutes." He didn't trust anyone but himself or that little honor student Yuna to run the register and he got it set up, adding a fresh roll of paper for receipts. "Rikku, you start. Tidus, bring it home." He liked to keep Tidus within arm's reach in case the kid needed a smack to the back of his head. And keeping Rikku at the front of the line kept her away from him with her grabby hands and sickeningly sweet smiles.

Finally, a bored looking businessman sauntered in, and Auron did his best not to frown. He wasn't going to smile, but this was the best he could do without hurting himself. Rikku tipped her visor. "Welcome to Spira Speedy Sandwiches, I'm Rikku and I'll be your Sandwich Sculptor today!"

"Uh huh. Just give me turkey on wheat."

"Foot-long or six?"

"Six."

"Toasted or cold?"

"Cold."

"Aye aye, sir!" He watched Rikku get to work, her deft little fingers slicing through the wheat quickly, and he bit his tongue as she piled on the turkey. They'd run through it all by 1, 2 at the latest if she kept it up. "And what kind of cheese can I interest you in today?"

"None. Just turkey and pickles."

Rikku grinned, sliding the sandwich down the line to Tidus. "Oh, well I think I'll have my friend finish for you." The little Al-Bhed had the face of an angel and the devil's sense of humor. Another reason Auron hadn't fired her yet.

Tidus looked ready to pass out. "Um, you said you wanted pickles..." Auron gripped the countertop tightly. Between Tidus and his ulcer…

Auron watched the customer's gaze drift down to the empty pickle container where Tidus' fingers were nervously drumming. "You don't have any pickles?" the customer asked incredulously, his eyes looking away from Tidus and out the door in the direction of Kinoc's.

Rikku smiled brightly. "We have plenty of other great things to put on your sandwich. How about some cucumbers? It's like a pickle in training!"

The customer raised his eyebrows at Rikku's cheerful face. "There's really no pickles here?"

Auron didn't need to lose a customer. He lost enough to that stupid Kinoc and his stupid prime rib lunch specials – he didn't need to lose someone who had actually stepped into the store of his own free will. "Sir, I'm very sorry about the pickles. Could I offer you another six-inch sandwich or some chips on the house?"

The customer frowned. "But that doesn't fix my problem. It just gives me more food than I want."

Tidus was just about to pick up the sandwich and dump it behind them when Rikku tossed off her smock. "Just hold on, sir! I'll get you some pickles!" Auron was gobsmacked as the girl raced out of the store and across the street, shoving her way past the Kinoc's line. The customer tapped his fingers on the counter impatiently.

A minute passed, then two. Then three, and Tidus was about ready to melt into a puddle of shame that Auron would get stuck mopping up. Finally, Rikku hurried back in, looking over her shoulder the whole time. She emptied her obscenely large pockets onto the counter, and Auron was stunned to see four brand new jars of kosher dills.

"Rikku, how…"

The girl beamed. "Pickles for your sandwich, sir!" She shoved one of the jars in Tidus' hand. "Open it!"

Tidus complied, opening the jar and piling on the pickles for the impatient customer. He and Rikku proceeded to empty the others into the pickle container while Auron rang up the sandwich. The man departed with a sad shake of his head. Once he was clear, Auron smacked his hand down on the counter hard enough to pop open the drawer of the register.

"Rikku, what the hell did you do?"

She gave him the eye, the "I want to do inappropriate things with you up against the freezer in the back" eye that made him want to vomit. "A girl doesn't reveal her secrets."

He stormed over to the trash, finding "Kinoc's Quality Pickles" written plainly on the label. "You stole these? How?!"

Rikku shrugged. "They were so busy, they didn't even notice. I'm stealthy, like a cat you know? Man, Auron you should have seen me…"

He ignored her, tossing the jar back in the trash. She'd earn a quarter an hour raise – and Tidus would be back to minimum wage very soon.