Okay, I was trying to get out of my funk that I've been in, so I wrote this. Now mind ya'll, it's a heartbreaker, but it's pretty good. I used a clip from the song There You'll Be, by Faith Hill. Enjoy, and please remember to review!
Disclaimer: Not mine!
This little oneshot is dedicated to Jenelle and Justin, Melody, Paige, and Dani. Thanks, everyone.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
The door at the end of the hall mocked her. She walked into her bedroom and laid down on the large bed, her hand covering her empty belly. Seven months. For seven months, they had laughed, talked, and even sang to the little person growing inside of her.
She crawled under the blankets and pulled them tightly around her, but she still felt terribly cold. Too cold. Her body had betrayed her in the worst of ways. It couldn't even handle the final two months of the pregnancy, or even a month to give her son a fighting chance. She stifled a sob, shoving her fist against her mouth as the tears came in a torrent.
It wasn't fair! Why her son? He had deserved a chance at life. A chance to learn, laugh, and love. But his little life had ended in his father's arms before he had even had a chance to do any of those things.
She rolled over onto her side and held a pillow against her, burying her face in it's softness. A bright blue nursery lay beyond the door at the end of the hall, completely ready for the arrival of their bouncing baby boy. The one that they never brought home.
Jason Robert. They had picked out that name the night the doctor looked at the sonogram and told them that they were having a little boy. He had only lived for two days, but she would always remember him. She closed her eyes, and it was as though she was holding him again in that hospital room, with his dark brown eyes staring up at her.
From only a few minutes after his birth, they knew that they wouldn't be taking him home. And it killed them both to sit there holding him, knowing that. Only forty eight hours after his birth, he had died in his father's arms in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. She opened her eyes and pulled out a picture from under her pillow.
Through her tears, she looked at the moment frozen in time. She was sitting in the bed, with her husband's arm around her and their son in her arms. Even with the impending pain hanging over them, they looked happy. She wiped her nose and slid the picture back under her pillow.
With the door open, she could hear the sounds of soft sobs float into the room, and they broke her heart even more and evoked more tears. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her pillow, moving only when she felt the bed dip down beneath her husband's weight.
She immediately moved closer to him when his arms slid around her, and she buried her face in his chest and tried to stifle her sobs. "I miss him," she whispered through her tears, and she felt one big hand stroke her hair.
"I know you do. I do too," came his choked reply, and she balled the front of his shirt in her fists and pulled him closer against her.
Together they grieved for the son they had lost, and together, they slowly began to heal.
Five years later…
"Mommy! Mommy!"
Alex spun around on her heel and ran in the direction of her daughter's voice. "What's wrong, Missy?" she demanded, crouching down in front of her three year old daughter.
"Who's dis baby?" the little girl asked, and Alex felt as though the air had been sucked out of her lungs as she looked at the picture clutched in her daughter's chubby little hands. "Mama?"
Alex sighed. She knew that this day would come, but she wasn't ready. Picking up her little girl, she carried her over to the couch and sat down. Missy snuggled into her mother's arms and rested her head on her shoulder.
As they both stared at the picture, Alex was filled with conflicting emotions. On the one hand, her heart still ached over the loss of her son. But on the other hand, she was thankful and happy that she had become pregnant again, that she had carried to full term, and that her beautiful little girl was there with her.
She bit her bottom lip, then hugged her little girl and kissed her dark brown curls. "Missy babe, you know who that is, right?" she asked, pointing to herself and her husband.
Missy nodded furiously and grinned up at her. "You and Daddy!" she exclaimed, and Alex laughed and nodded.
"Yeah, that's me and Daddy." She touched the picture with a trembling hand. "And that baby is your big brother, Jason."
"Brother?" Missy repeated slowly, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Where is he?"
Here comes the hard part. Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled against her tears. "He's in heaven, baby girl. Your big brother is an angel."
"Why, Mama?" Her innocent question tore at her heart.
"Because, baby," she said softly, searching desperately for a way to explain the concept of death to her three year old daughter. "God sometimes needs angels, and he picked Jason to be… to be your angel."
"My angel?"
She nuzzled her face into her daughter's thick curls. "Yeah, baby. Your big brother is an angel, and he's always watching out for you. Do you understand that?"
"I tink so," Missy said slowly. "He always watches me?"
"Yes, sweetheart." She pulled her little girl into her arms and held her tightly as she leaned back against the couch. Missy snuggled into her mother's arms and sighed quietly.
Alex leaned her head back and closed her eyes, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear a song playing softly.
In my dreams I'll always see you
Soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be
A place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you'll be
And everywhere I am, there you'll be
The house was too quiet when Bobby walked through the front door, and he smiled sadly when he saw his daughter sleeping in his wife's arms. When their son had died in his arms, he was certain that somehow it was his fault, that he had somehow put too much stress on his wife, and that had caused her premature labor.
And because of that, he was certain that he would never have another child. But then Alex had gotten pregnant four years ago, and even though the doctors were certain that everything was fine, he wasn't so sure. Then they had placed that tiny, dark haired baby in his arms, and he had fallen in love with her instantly.
He walked over to the couch and carefully pried their sleeping daughter from Alex's grasp, cradling her against his broad chest as he carried her to her room. She stirred and stuck her thumb into her mouth, sighing softly. He smiled and kissed her forehead, whispering, "My Missy."
He reached her bedroom and laid her in her toddler bed, tucking her baby blanket around her and kissing her forehead before he stood up again. As he rose to his feet, he looked around the pink and purple room, and for a brief moment, he could see the blue color that the walls had once been.
Tears stung his eyes, and he quickly swiped at them. He had lost his son, and nothing could ever bring him back. But the little girl in front of him had brought joy back into both his and Alex's lives, joy that they thought they could never feel again.
He reached down and tucked her beloved stuffed pink tiger under her arm, smiling as he did so. She never went anywhere without the thing. Ever since they had brought her home from the hospital, it slept near or with her. The moment Mike had seen her, he had declared that she was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen, and had presented her with the pink tiger. He loved Missy, and she loved her Uncle Mike.
He fidgeted with the blanket again, then smoothed his large hand over her small back as he whispered, "I love you, baby girl."
She stirred and sucked her thumb, and he laughed and watched her sleep for a few more minutes before leaving her room quietly.
He was surprised to find that the couch was empty when he walked back into the living room, and he looked around a moment before deciding that she had gone back to their bed.
He turned back around and walked back to their bedroom, smiling softly when he saw her sleeping form in the middle of their big bed. But before he went to join her, his eyes flitted to the door at the end of the hall, and suddenly, it no longer caused that familiar ache in his chest.
No, the door at the end of the hall was one to a brighter future, full of life, love, hope, and promise. And knowing that, he smiled contently and walked into his bedroom.
The End
A/N: Alright, I know that it was depressing, but it was begging to be written. Thanks for reading, and please remember to review!