Well, that's my 2nd fic ever done! Reviews and feedback are begged for and are greatly appreciated. Hope you guys like it! :)
After the others had gone home, the drive back to the Hub was long and silent. Jack had a death grip on the wheel, his face white as a sheet. He could deal with any form of alien bent on taking over or destroying the world, but a group of cannibals was enough to terrify him. No, it wasn't the cannibals, he thought. He could still picture the scene when he burst into the room. His team was on the ground, surrounded by people who wanted to eat them. That alone made him want to vomit, but it was nothing compared to seeing Ianto, his Ianto, tied up, blood all over his face and shirt. His heart seemed to stop in that one moment, and his entire brain went numb. He had never been angrier in his life, and he was dangerously close to shooting everyone in that apartment for what they did to his boyfriend.
He glanced over at the seat next to him. Ianto had been silent the whole drive, and Jack could see him shaking despite his attempts to keep his composure. His heart broke looking at him. This was all Jack's fault. He had sent Ianto on his first field mission, and it had resulted in him being badly beaten and traumatized. He would never forgive himself. He took a shaky breath and gripped the wheel tighter, trying to focus on the road. Boyfriend. He mused over the word. Jack had never been one to do commitment or labels; it all seemed too domestic for someone as wrong as he was. But, he realized, his feelings for Ianto ran deeper than he thought they could. He no longer thought of him as a distraction, someone Jack could go to when he needed to be held or needed a good time. Ianto was so much more than that, and he hated that it took this for him to realize it. He loved Ianto, really loved him, and the thought both excited and terrified him. His eyes darkened as he pictured Ianto on the floor of the kitchen again and he shuddered. He could only imagine what the other man would think of him after tonight.
They arrived at the Hub, both men walking to the tourism office in silence. Jack took Ianto's hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly, almost to reassure himself that Ianto was still there. The two walked hand in hand through the metal cog door, and before it even shut behind them, Jack had Ianto in a tight embrace, letting the tears flow and running his hands comfortingly across the younger man's back. Ianto returned the hug just as tightly, letting out his own tears dampen the shoulder of Jack's shirt. The two men moved to the sofa together, and Jack lay back, guiding Ianto's head onto his chest.
"It's okay, you're okay, you're safe." Jack whispered soothing words into Ianto's ear through his own tears, though whether he was reassuring Ianto or himself he didn't know. "I've got you Yan, I'm here, I'm right here. Nothing's going to hurt you, I promise."
Ianto gripped Jack even tighter, trembling as enormous sobs racked his body. He had been so scared, more so than he had ever been in his life, and when Jack came to his rescue like his own personal Superman, all he could think about was running into the safety of his arms. Jack made him feel safer and more loved than anyone else he had ever met. Their complicated relationship didn't matter to him right now; nothing else mattered but the feel of Jack, the warm, broad chest that allowed Ianto to cry his heart out without saying a word. He was overwhelmed with emotion, not just terror and relief, but love as well. He loved Jack, he realized. More so than anyone, even Lisa. Somehow the thought made him cry even harder, and he snuggled impossibly closer to Jack.
Ianto had no idea how long the two of them sat there, both crying and clinging to each other as if they were the last person on Earth. When he knew he couldn't cry any more, he shifted in Jack's embrace, sitting up to look into those gorgeous blue eyes that were deeper than the ocean. Jack's concerned gaze met his fearful one, but as Jack reached out to stroke Ianto's cheek with his thumb, he couldn't help but notice some terror in the older man's eyes as well. Jack cupped his face with both hands, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Ianto's. He took a shaky breath, as if to steady himself. Ianto grabbed both his wrists, desperate for any kind of physical contact with the man in front of him.
"I thought I lost you, Yan." Ianto looked up and saw tears glistening in his lover's eyes, threatening to spill over. "When I rushed in there, all I could think about was you, and whether anything had happened to you." Ianto could feel Jack shaking. He had never seen Jack so close to losing control, and that truly scared him. "Then when I saw you crouched on the floor, and all that blood…" The immortal's voice broke on the last word, and fresh tears were flowing down his face. Ianto brushed them away with his thumbs, waiting for Jack to continue. "I… I thought I was going to lose you, Yan. I thought I would never see you smile again, never feel your lips against mine, never hear that beautiful Welsh accent. I've never been that close to losing it… I almost killed them, Ianto. I nearly killed them for almost taking you away from me. It took every ounce of strength I had not to." Jack's eyes flickered to Ianto's, where tears were also flowing. It touched him that Jack had been so scared to lose him.
"You can't get rid of me that easily, sir." Ianto managed a shaky smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
Jack still looked forlorn. "I'm sorry, Yan. I am so, so, sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" His eyes pleaded with Ianto.
"What on Earth are you sorry for, Jack? None of this was your fault. You had no way of knowing what would happen."
"If I hadn't taken you out on this mission, none of this would have happened." Jack's eyes darkened, and Ianto could tell the pain the captain was in. Jack stood up suddenly, new tears falling. "God, Ianto, I'm so sorry. You deserve better than this, better than Torchwood. Better than me…" The last phrase was spoken so softly that Ianto could barely hear it. He stood up so that his face was only inches from Jack's. He cupped the immortal's face in his hands, stroking his cheek softly.
"I knew what I was signing up for when I joined Torchwood. I knew there would be risks, but I wanted to be a part of it anyway. So don't you DARE go blaming yourself for this, Jack Harkness. None of this, and I mean none of it, was your fault. You have done everything in your power to take care of the team, to take care of me. You would let Cardiff fall to ruin to save any one of us, and you would die a thousand deaths for your friends. You are an amazing man, Jack, with an amazing heart."
Jack was touched and immensely relieved by Ianto's words. Though he still felt guilty, he was glad that Ianto didn't hate him for putting him through this. That was more than he had dared to hope for, and Jack didn't know what to say. He really didn't deserve this man, he thought sadly. He pulled Ianto close to him, crushing his lips against the younger man's. Ianto kissed back hungrily, his fingers weaving into Jack's hair and his tongue caressing his. Both men poured all their conceivable emotions into the kiss, Ianto's love and forgiveness, and Jack's love, guilt and comfort. It was pure bliss. Not particularly passionate, but everything that both of them needed in that one moment. It wasn't until breathing became an issue that they both broke away. Ianto gave Jack a reassuring smile, one that told him everything was okay. He pulled Jack into a tight hug, burying his head into his lover's shoulder. He rubbed soothing patterns along Jack's back.
"I love you, Yan." Ianto pulled back in shock. The captain's eyes bore into his, bluer than he had ever seen them, and shining brighter than he thought they could. "I should have said it a long time ago. I took you for granted, and I'm never going to do that again after what happened today. I was scared to admit it before… I've lost too many people and I was scared to lose another. But that doesn't mean I should make you feel like you're second best, because you're not. You mean everything to me, and I intend to show you every day from now on."
Ianto was speechless. He had no ideawhat Jack's feelings for him were, hadn't dared to hope that they came anywhere close to this. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. No more agonizing over whether he was coming second best to Gwen, or whether Jack would run away again and leave him behind without a second thought. Jack loved him. He broke into a huge smile and pressed a searing kiss to Jack's lips. Jack kissed him back, and as their tongues danced and both men raced to touch every inch of the other, Ianto thought there was nowhere in the world that he would rather be, even as battered and hurt as he was. They broke away after what felt like days, and he laced his fingers through Jack's.
"I love you too, Jack."