"Channel 84's at city hall again, but this time it's for good news, shugs. Four candidates have been approved to run for the mayoral election this month. Who will be the next head of Arlen? The candidates are Enrique Gonzalez of Strickland Propane, M.F. Thatherton of Thatherton Fuels, Carl Moss, principal of Tom Landry Middle School, and Donna Washington, a former accountant. We remind you to tune into this channel in two weeks for the grand debate between all of these exciting candidates." Buck Strickland licks his lips as he watches Nancy Hicks Gribble on television, but snaps out of his desires quickly and talks to his crew. "All right, everyone, now you all heard of our very own Enrique running for mayor. I want the Strickland Propane family to support him on his way to city hall….so that he will steer city finances into this business." "I'm sorry, Mr. Strickland, but I am doing this for my own sake. I want to be the first Hispanic mayor in Central Texas. Besides, Donna from Accounting used to be a part of our team." "Yeah, Old Top, but she hates us 'cause I fired her way back for stealing office supplies. I know a woman with that attitude keeps a grudge." White Donna from accounting asks if she will be alright since she replaced the obese, corrupt older Donna. "You'll be fine, New Donna. You won't end up like Debby Grund, that's for sure. Heh heh. Anyway, let's reel that campaign money in! Oh, wait, I just remembered I can get us the endorsement of Governor Rick Perry. I'll set up Hank to get him in this week. In the meanwhile, tell us about your grand plan to help this propane business." Enrique has a bewildered look on his face. "Sorry, Mr. Strickland, I want to do this for la raza. It's kind of disappointing that this city is like 40 percent Hispanic and no one has ever served in government. You just can't see us because we're cramped into this one giant neighborhood."
After being knocked out for forty minutes from the explosion, Hank awakens to a man in a rainbow t-shirt hovering over his face. Hank could smell the smoke and fire left over on his body as he attempted to recover from his near-death experience. Did this man rescue him? "Wh-what's going on? Who are you?" asked Hank in a weak voice. The rainbow shirted man pulls back and yells about Hank regaining conscience. A second man in a suit and tie walks in and tries to talk to Hank. "Hey, buddy. You were out for a while back there. Think you can get up?" Hank murmurs something, but the man cannot understand what he said. "I want to know what happened. Where's my wife and son? Please, tell me they're okay." " They are fine, Mr. Hill. You and your family are safe with us. We saved you." Hank is relieved that nothing happened, yet is confused at the recent events. "Do you know who tried to kill me?" "Yes, Mr. Hill. It was us." Hank bwahs in awe and demands to know the truth. The suited man gladly informs him. "You see, Mr. Hill, we are the Gay Liberation Front. We strive to protect the rights of gay, lesbian, transgender, and queer community. We welcome you to our organization. Earlier, we thought your employer Buck Strickland would arrive at your home to congratulate your heroism. Mr. Strickland is an enemy of human rights since he terminated you for your sexuality. We sought to kill that pig to send a message to all of those who hate us. We just didn't know the bomb delayed itself for four hours." Hank denies any of this information is true. "I am not gay. I am a proud conservative Christian family man and a propane salesman. Mr. Strickland did not fire me because I was gay, which I am not. He fired me because I used inappropriate epithets in the workplace. " "Faker! You're against us! How dare you show your prejudice by sneaking into the LGBT rights movement and try to sabotage us! I bet you're a registered Republican, too." "Yes, sir, I am. But I don't' hate the gays. Heck, my friend's cousin is gay and so is my other friend's father. I just don't approve of your lifestyle of fornicating and, ech, same-sex marriage. You're not convincing anyone to accept homosexuals, you're just stepping in everyone's opinion." "Enough! I regret saving you tonight. I now realize you have been indoctrinated by hate and conservatism. Kill him!" Armed guards in rainbow uniforms and transgender symbols point rifles at Hank as soon as a tall woman in a beret orders the men to lower their weapons.
"Let this cis-scum go. I know queer when I see it and this man doesn't belong with us anymore. The Christians must have brainwashed him! It's okay now, Hank, you're among family now." "No I'm not. I've been a straight, Christian white man for more than 50 years and I am going to live like one until I die. What are you people anyway and who are you?" The woman introduces herself as a no-name defender of human rights and explains to Hank that the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) is an underground 501-3(c) organization determined to progress homosexual and transgender rights. Hank disagrees with their ideology and lays down the pipes. "Have you all lost your God-dang minds? You're a terrorist group, can't you see? You kidnapped me, almost killed my family, and tried to murder my boss. On top of that, you owe me a new house! I raised my boy and my dog in that house!" The bereted woman nods her head and commands the guards to release Hank since they were fooled by lies.
Hank is escorted to a room containing his family held on beds similar to the one which he escaped. "Peggy, Bobby! My God, I'm so glad to see you alive! The explosion didn't scratch any of you!" Now excited, Hank helps his family members up and shares the information he was just fed. "How can any of this be true? I thought gays and lesbians only cared about their perverted little interests. Hank, do me a favor and hit me for trying to defend that one gay gay that worked at the Advocate. The next night, Hank meets with his new friend Rick Perry to tell him about his strange encounter. "They what?! In this gun-toting, gay-bashing state? No way I'm going to let this happen, Hank! I'd help you with my awesome powers as governor of the greatest state in the Union, but I'm busy with these special elections all over the land. Some dingus State Senator killed herself in Denton and that mayor of San Antonio resigned to run for President. Damn Democrats, you know. " "Governor Perry, I'm just asking for protection. The GLF said they'll leave me be, but they might want me for vengeance on a count of they thought I spied on them for straight people. That's just dang ridiculous, I tell ya what." Perry makes a sour face in disappointment but quickly changes into a smile as the bar's televisions play a political campaign ad. "This is a special announcement from a concerned citizen. I, Rusty Shackleford, pledge to vote only for candidates promising to dismantle the authority of the federal government on Arlen and Texas. I also promise not to vote in this election because such a person is too good to be true. Take it from me, a man who trusts government so much that I don't realize it exists." Perry explains to Hank of the importance of an ignorant voter. He is the observer, the only one who does not take a side in the game of politics, yet has the most power by holding the vote. Perry recommends that Hank should tell his story to the average citizen of Arlen to get his point. "Governor Perry, I need to go to that debate next week. I'll make sure this town's convinced I am not a homosexual, but a proud American hero."
At the heat of the night in late July, Hank Hill sat in the front row of the mayoral election debate as he anticipated his move. Hank plans to enter the stage as soon as the first round ends so that he may disguise his message to the people of Arlen as a burning political question to the candidates. The moderator approaches in a sleek, black suit and a long beaded ponytail. The tall figure sits down and introduces the event. "Hello, everyone, I am John Redcorn and I am the moderator for the first and only debate for this year's mayoral election. Tonight's agenda is simple. I will ask the candidates one question about the office and each one will respond his or her answer within 30 seconds. At the end of the first round, we will switch to an audience-based format and hear questions from voters. The same rules apply to these questions. Now, let us begin by introducing the candidates." Hank zones out for a while imagining how the crowd will react if he mentions rumors of his homosexuality. They may take it seriously, so Hank ponders in fear. Entrenched in his confined state, Hank sweats profoundly and considers abandoning his plan. "First question goes to Mr. Gonzalez. Since the previous mayor was found to have falsified his citizenship, how can you prove your loyalty to America and ensure that Arlen will be free of illegal immigrants?" "Hey, I think that question's innapropriate. Why do I have to prove my citizenship? I was born in San Antonio and my family's American." John Redcorn blushes and responds by stating a committee wrote the questions, not him. Hank cannot take the irritating passage of the so-called debate and rushes to the stage. "Now wait just a minute, I came here for a real debate, not this argle bargle. Let's talk about jobs! Civil rights! Crime! Taxes!" The audience cheers for Hank's brave revelation. "Folks, I have one question for you tonight. Why on Earth are three of the four candidates connected with my employer Strickland Propane? Why is the fourth one a competitor in the same business as Strickland? Now, I'm not against propane. In fact, I love its smell of hot grilled meat and efficient burning process. However, I like a good clean debate preceding an honest election. Let's call off this thing until we get some real people who are serious about leading this great city." Applause filled the auditorium while everyone forgot about the scandals. The Old Donna from Accounting yells in acrimony as she demands Hank ends his tomfoolery. "What kind of audience is this? I'm trying to run for mayor over here. Shut yo' mouth and sit down, boy!" Hank is displeased at her attitude and responds by asking her to talk about her real credentials other than just being a loud, corpulent African-American woman. "Listen, Ms. Washington, I remember you from the job. You didn't care about anything but receiving a paycheck for nothing. You took home our office supplies paid for by good, hardworking money. You, Donna Washington, are no good for Arlen." Enraged at this challenger, Old Donna constructs a temptation to beat this jive white Texas boy. "You can't say that to me, that's discrimination! How dare you try to stop the first black woman mayor of this place! I'm sure President Obama will pump this city up with money just because I'm in control!" Her absurd comments bewilder Hank. "None of what you just said makes any sense. You're making yourself look like a fool and even worse, diminishing Arlen's good name if you become mayor."
Before Old Donna attempts to lunge at Hank's throat, a squad of GLF uniformed men bust the entrance door and storm the auditorium. "We are a rogue team from the GLF who disagree with the release of Hank Hill! You are wanted for the crime of falsely claiming you are gay to receive benefits!" Hank mutters a low sound while shaking his head. Just then, Pimp Alabaster Jones enters from the backstage to have his revenge on Hank. Jimmy Wichard pulls back the curtains behind the candidates and announces his hatred for Hank. Even stranger, Hank could hear a haunting chant from a small boy descending from the ceiling. "Dusty old bones, full of green dust," repeated endlessly. "Remember me? I'm Caleb. You made my parents ground me for eternity. Now's the time for payback." Finally, social worker Anthony Page enters the auditorium to curse Hank for ruining his career years ago. "Mr. Hill, you tricked me into filing a false report on child abuse. Prepare to die!" Confused at the sudden entrapment by his personal rogues gallery, Hank is in entranced by the oddity of this situation. "Why are you all back here? I thought I took care of you a while back. Shouldn't my enemies be terrorists and Thatherton?" "Well, no, Hank, I've never been your enemy. I don't have anything against you, just your boss. Buck owes me for that deal we made back in Arkansas in 1987." An all-out battle royale commences under a fog that engulfs the situation. Hank awakens at his seat and realizes he had been dreaming through the debate. "We now have our intermission. Please help yourselves to refreshments provided by Mega-Lo Mart. "The first round is over and Hank has not acted yet. He cannot waste anymore time before the debate concludes. Hank walks his family toward an assortment of beverages and Mega-Lo brand snacks when a mysterious man in a hood approaches him. "Hey, brother, I can tell you want to end this cacophony right now. Meet me in the south entrance in four minutes just before they get to the second round." "W-who are you?" Although confused, Hank plans to meet the man. Buck Strickland shows up to greet his faithful employee. "You like the debate so far, Hank? I tell ya, that Enrique better win the race. Strickland Propane will live as long as possible with him in control of city hall!" Buck's zeal for Enrique's victory suspects ripeness for political corruption, which Hank vehemently opposes.
Right before the debate resumes to its next format, Hank visits the meeting point of his sudden acquaintance. The man still wore his hood while introducing his plan to Hank. "So, you ready to shut out the lies and reveal the truth to the people? The Illuminati has planned a way to keep the citizens of Arlen suckling on the teat of big government. This election is a sham, a fraud! The real winner is already decided…Enrique. Big Propane wants him to win more than anyone else, so they designed this debate in his favor. Take him out and you save us all." Hank feels stupid to follow this man in the first place and refuses to tamper with such a backbone of American democracy as the public forum. "I don't like your methods, but I want to save Arlen. Finally, someone sees the same as I do. This whole city has gone mad ever since my ex-church framed me for being gay. Can you help me out in exchange for your deed, Mister…," "You don't need to know my name. Let's just say I'm an old friend." Hank returns to his seat and prepares to participate in the audience Q&A session. To build anticipation, Hank allows two others to go before him. One asks about bringing a Whole Foods to Arlen while another man claiming to be Rusty Shackleford is escorted after asking about alien secrets. Hank rises from his seat and proposes the question suggested by the mysterious hooded man. "As a worker in the busy propane business, I want to know how to make Arlen a business-friendly environment. I'm talking about fair and honest competition, respect for consumers, and compassion of propane. I tell ya what, I love propane more than anyone here. I just want to know which one of you is pro-propane." The candidates hover around the question with vague responses in support of Hank, but none of them satisfies him. Once the question turns to Enrique, Hank succeeds. "Hank, I can't lie to you, man. I trust you. Everyone, I'm sorry. We were told to avoid propane-related questions as a preclearance. I'm not qualified to be mayor and neither is anyone else up on this stage. This election is a propane coup attempt! Every headliner you saw this summer was orchestrated! In reality, my experience with propane has taught me it's wholesome and good, but the men who run it are as bad as the fire it exhales." Gasps filled the auditorium as Enrique walks out of the room in shame. Carl Moss announces his regret over losing $100 due to Hank's honesty. The hooded man climbs up the stage and congratulates Hank and the people of Arlen for rejecting a coup. He forewarns them of a great evil lurking in the shadows and informs voters to choose with their hearts and minds, not show-off material at the debate. Hank walks out the auditorium with pride until Thaterton and Buck Strickland approach him. "Hank, I made you who you are today. Remember the toils of working at Jeans West? I'm gonna make you feel misery and pain worse than that. I don't know where the plan went wrong. If you're aching to know, we paid off your church to distract you, we contacted the Chinese to distract the public with damn good tacos, and we got Governor Perry to pressure the old mayor to admit he's an illegal. We planned this thing for years, Hank. Years of dreaming we could steer the government toward the propane business. You took away my hopes and dreams, now I'm gonna swipe it from you. Hank finally acknowledges how greedy and corrupt Mr. Strickland is and confronts him. "Mr. Strickland, I quit because I now know how crazy this town is and how much of a false front of a man you really are. I made myself successful and I can do it again somewhere else. I'm not afraid of you and your cronies." Buck throws the first punch and shatters Hank's lenses. Hank strikes back, but is overpowered by Thatherton's suplex. Hank cowers on the ground as the two men pummel his face into the hard floor of the lobby. They leave him alone in a puddle of his own blood. Bobby and Peggy see his agony and pick him up. The mysterious man approaches them. "Know this, family. Hank is a good man. He is above the decrypt morals of this city. Hank served Arlen well. He deserves better. Our time is done." The mystery man runs away outside and hops in a 1970s Dodge Coronet. Hank heard his words and feels empowered. However, he is misshapen and beaten to the point of defeat. Lost at marvelous combat, he returns home with his family and prepares to flee elsewhere.
Ten years later, Hank Hill has become accustomed to his new life in Austin. Now with a new look and a new name, he is free to spend the rest of his life in peace with his wife. Bobby follows his destiny by attending the University of Texas at Austin on a theatre scholarship with his best friend Joseph, who has secured a football scholarship. Connie attends Rice University and continues to communicate with Bobby in a long distance relationship. Life is going on the way Hank planned it, except for Bobby attending UT Austin as a football player. He still wears his signature white T-shirt and blue jeans, but he now wears a white hat on top to hide his newfound baldness and girth. "Well, Peg, now that we're free we can do what we always wanted. I can't wait to tour all of America after settling in the center of Texas." Just when he was about to head outside to gaze at his new toolshed, Hank notices two teenage boys beating it up. "Get off my toolshed, boys! It's brand new. Who are you boys, anyway?" "We live next door, man," says the brown haired boy with a face that looks like it was hit by a shovel five years straight. "Yeah, we're just looking for some toilet paper. Got some, old man," asks the tall-blonde haired kid with a long nose. "No, get out! Don't steal my stuff, now. We're supposed to be neighbors. Next time, I might have to kick your asses." "Heh, he said ass." "Heh heh, ass." Hank shrugs and introduces himself. "I'm Tom Anderson and I'm originally from Arlen. I'm living here with my wife." "Heh heh. This is Beavis and I am Butthead." "Excuse me?" "Heh heh."