Title : Mulder's Nightmare
Author : Lone Gunfreak
E-mail : lord_manhammer_666@yahoo.com
Category : Humor
Disclaimer : I don't own the X-Files. If I did, Langly would have had a
dozen nude scenes already.
Summary : Mulder's suffering in a fanfic again...
Author's Note : 1) If you want to see the pic of Mulder as Frank N.
Furter from my story The " Requiem " Horror Picture Show,
go to www.maxpages.com/nerdsanonymous/gallery_of_oddness
2) Ahh, to self-insert. Perchance to think of something
more creative...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mulder : Oh, crap! Not again! I hate being in fanfics. Yet another
pathetic geek fufilling their loser fantasies.
Lone Gunfreak : Oooh. Them's fightin' words, Fox.
Mulder : Oh, God. Which one of you is it now?
Lone Gunfreak : Lone Gunfreak.
Mulder : The one who put me in drag?
Lone Gunfreak : You're just lucky I didn't post the picture I made of
that. Her skeptical-ness wouldn't look at you ever
again.
Mulder : Don't talk about Dana that way!
Lone Gunfreak : Oooh, someone's feeling possesive. Ya know, Fox, you're
not even my favorite. The Gunmen are.
Mulder : Like I care what some fat nerd chick thinks.
Lone Gunfreak : You, sir, have just made this personal. Frohike?
Frohike : Yeah?
Lone Gunfreak : You want Scully?
Frohike : Hell, yeah!
Lone Gunfreak : Scully?
Scully : Yes?
Lone Gunfreak [ does the Jedi mind-whammy ] : You like
Frohike. He's hot.
Scully : I...like...Frohike. He...is...hot.
Frohike : Thanks, Gunfreak!
Lone Gunfreak : You're welcome, Fro.
Mulder : That was low, Gunfreak.
Lone Gunfreak : Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I surprise even myself
sometimes.
Mulder : It wasn't a compliment!
Lone Gunfreak : I'm bored.
Mulder is suddenly in a poofy wedding gown.
Mulder : WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!!!
Lone Gunfreak : Aw, Fox, you make suuuch a pretty bride. Let's see - who
should be the groom?
Mulder : I feel like a Ken doll being played with by a perverted,
sadistic child!
Lone Gunfreak : Heh, heh. Yeah. You kinda are, Fox.
Mulder : Will you stop calling me Fox?
Lone Gunfreak : Um...no. Now, back to the matter of who you should wed.
Any preferences?
Mulder : Scully.
Lone Gunfreak : Ooh, sorry. She and Frohike are together now. I couldn't
break them up.
Mulder : NooOOooOOooOO!
Lone Gunfreak : Quit stealing Obi-Wan's lines...hmm, I like Krycek and
the Gunmen too much to have them marry you. How about
Skinner?
Skinner : FBI protocol forbids the marriage of an agent and his direct
superior.
Lone Gunfreak : Odinarilary, I wouldn't give a rat's butt ( unless it's
Krycek's. He has a very nice butt ), but I just had a
better idea. Yo, CSM?
CSM : What?
Lone Gunfreak : 2 things - 1) Put out the cigarette, this is a non-
smoking fic and 2) You're marrying Fox.
CSM : That's incest, he's my son.
Mulder : Really?
CSM : Quiet, you.
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. What about Spender?
Mulder : Nope. If he's my father [ points to CSM ] then that makes
Spender my brother and that would be incest. And necrophilia,
since he's dead. And you already put a PG-13 rating on this.
Lone Gunfreak : Dang. I need thinking music. [ plays " The Time Warp " ]
Mulder : Stop it! This is bringing back painfull memories of that Rocky
Horror fic you wrote!
Lone Gunfreak : Heh, heh...would " The Lumberjack Song " bug you, o
whiny one?
Mulder : No, it - Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok/I sleep all night and I
work all day/...
Lone Gunfreak : Did I forget to mention you'd be singing it? Mwahahaha!
Mulder : I cut down trees/I skip and jump/I like to press wild flowers/I
put on women's clothing/And hang around in bars!
Lone Gunfreak : I am God!...well, actually, Bill Gates is. I just feel
rather God-like right now. Mmmmmmmm, total control over
others! Hey, let's add a bit Of " Star Trek " to this
mess...
The Starship " Enterprise " crash lands next to the X-Files characters.
Kirk : Do you have to always do that to my ship?
Lone Gunfreak zots him with Sith-lightning.
Kirk : Aaarrrggghhh!
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. Let's play " Who Wants to Marry Mulder? "
Lone Gunfreak shoots Regis Philbin with her laser capable of emiting a
beam of pure anti-matter as he tries to sue her for copy-right
infringement.
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. Jar-Jar Binks! Congradulations, you've just won! You
get to marry Mulder!
Cross-over police : Ok, Gunfreak, you're abusing your right to cross-over.
One more, and your cross-over licence will be revoked.
Lone Gunfreak : But I didn't even get to put Rocky Horror characters in it
yet!
Cross-over police : Too bad. [ Cross-over police leave ]
Lone Gunfreak : I will be a rebel. Ok - starship battle!
A battle of historic magnitude occurs between the Millenium Falcon
( Star Wars ), Frank's castle-ship ( Rocky Horror ), the Heart of Gold
( The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy ), the Mighty Morphin' alien's
ship ( X-Files ) and the Starship Enterprise ( Star Trek ). Mulder leaves
while the Lone Gunfreak is otherwise entertained.
Lone Gunfreak : Oh, well. I'll torment him later [ sits back and enjoys a
good, old-fashioned space battle ]. It's good to be the geek!
The End
( I don't really hate Mulder this much. It's just fun to torture him like
this. Mwahahahahahaha! )
Author : Lone Gunfreak
E-mail : lord_manhammer_666@yahoo.com
Category : Humor
Disclaimer : I don't own the X-Files. If I did, Langly would have had a
dozen nude scenes already.
Summary : Mulder's suffering in a fanfic again...
Author's Note : 1) If you want to see the pic of Mulder as Frank N.
Furter from my story The " Requiem " Horror Picture Show,
go to www.maxpages.com/nerdsanonymous/gallery_of_oddness
2) Ahh, to self-insert. Perchance to think of something
more creative...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mulder : Oh, crap! Not again! I hate being in fanfics. Yet another
pathetic geek fufilling their loser fantasies.
Lone Gunfreak : Oooh. Them's fightin' words, Fox.
Mulder : Oh, God. Which one of you is it now?
Lone Gunfreak : Lone Gunfreak.
Mulder : The one who put me in drag?
Lone Gunfreak : You're just lucky I didn't post the picture I made of
that. Her skeptical-ness wouldn't look at you ever
again.
Mulder : Don't talk about Dana that way!
Lone Gunfreak : Oooh, someone's feeling possesive. Ya know, Fox, you're
not even my favorite. The Gunmen are.
Mulder : Like I care what some fat nerd chick thinks.
Lone Gunfreak : You, sir, have just made this personal. Frohike?
Frohike : Yeah?
Lone Gunfreak : You want Scully?
Frohike : Hell, yeah!
Lone Gunfreak : Scully?
Scully : Yes?
Lone Gunfreak [ does the Jedi mind-whammy ] : You like
Frohike. He's hot.
Scully : I...like...Frohike. He...is...hot.
Frohike : Thanks, Gunfreak!
Lone Gunfreak : You're welcome, Fro.
Mulder : That was low, Gunfreak.
Lone Gunfreak : Yeah, it was, wasn't it? I surprise even myself
sometimes.
Mulder : It wasn't a compliment!
Lone Gunfreak : I'm bored.
Mulder is suddenly in a poofy wedding gown.
Mulder : WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!!!
Lone Gunfreak : Aw, Fox, you make suuuch a pretty bride. Let's see - who
should be the groom?
Mulder : I feel like a Ken doll being played with by a perverted,
sadistic child!
Lone Gunfreak : Heh, heh. Yeah. You kinda are, Fox.
Mulder : Will you stop calling me Fox?
Lone Gunfreak : Um...no. Now, back to the matter of who you should wed.
Any preferences?
Mulder : Scully.
Lone Gunfreak : Ooh, sorry. She and Frohike are together now. I couldn't
break them up.
Mulder : NooOOooOOooOO!
Lone Gunfreak : Quit stealing Obi-Wan's lines...hmm, I like Krycek and
the Gunmen too much to have them marry you. How about
Skinner?
Skinner : FBI protocol forbids the marriage of an agent and his direct
superior.
Lone Gunfreak : Odinarilary, I wouldn't give a rat's butt ( unless it's
Krycek's. He has a very nice butt ), but I just had a
better idea. Yo, CSM?
CSM : What?
Lone Gunfreak : 2 things - 1) Put out the cigarette, this is a non-
smoking fic and 2) You're marrying Fox.
CSM : That's incest, he's my son.
Mulder : Really?
CSM : Quiet, you.
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. What about Spender?
Mulder : Nope. If he's my father [ points to CSM ] then that makes
Spender my brother and that would be incest. And necrophilia,
since he's dead. And you already put a PG-13 rating on this.
Lone Gunfreak : Dang. I need thinking music. [ plays " The Time Warp " ]
Mulder : Stop it! This is bringing back painfull memories of that Rocky
Horror fic you wrote!
Lone Gunfreak : Heh, heh...would " The Lumberjack Song " bug you, o
whiny one?
Mulder : No, it - Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok/I sleep all night and I
work all day/...
Lone Gunfreak : Did I forget to mention you'd be singing it? Mwahahaha!
Mulder : I cut down trees/I skip and jump/I like to press wild flowers/I
put on women's clothing/And hang around in bars!
Lone Gunfreak : I am God!...well, actually, Bill Gates is. I just feel
rather God-like right now. Mmmmmmmm, total control over
others! Hey, let's add a bit Of " Star Trek " to this
mess...
The Starship " Enterprise " crash lands next to the X-Files characters.
Kirk : Do you have to always do that to my ship?
Lone Gunfreak zots him with Sith-lightning.
Kirk : Aaarrrggghhh!
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. Let's play " Who Wants to Marry Mulder? "
Lone Gunfreak shoots Regis Philbin with her laser capable of emiting a
beam of pure anti-matter as he tries to sue her for copy-right
infringement.
Lone Gunfreak : Ok. Jar-Jar Binks! Congradulations, you've just won! You
get to marry Mulder!
Cross-over police : Ok, Gunfreak, you're abusing your right to cross-over.
One more, and your cross-over licence will be revoked.
Lone Gunfreak : But I didn't even get to put Rocky Horror characters in it
yet!
Cross-over police : Too bad. [ Cross-over police leave ]
Lone Gunfreak : I will be a rebel. Ok - starship battle!
A battle of historic magnitude occurs between the Millenium Falcon
( Star Wars ), Frank's castle-ship ( Rocky Horror ), the Heart of Gold
( The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy ), the Mighty Morphin' alien's
ship ( X-Files ) and the Starship Enterprise ( Star Trek ). Mulder leaves
while the Lone Gunfreak is otherwise entertained.
Lone Gunfreak : Oh, well. I'll torment him later [ sits back and enjoys a
good, old-fashioned space battle ]. It's good to be the geek!
The End
( I don't really hate Mulder this much. It's just fun to torture him like
this. Mwahahahahahaha! )