This was written with undivided inspiration from one of the best No.6 AMVs out there, with the song "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday. For better experience, have the song ready in another tab preferably a youtube video. I added a cue "(Shattered)" INSIDE the fanfic... When you get there, just switch tabs and let the song play as you continue reading. It may not be completely in sync with the fanfic since everyone has different reading pace… but I still wanted to add audio for you guys.
Enjoy 3 3
Your Elanra.
Shattered (by Trading Yesterday)
"Could you please for the love of all dead musicians, turn it down!"
Nezumi yells from the library in their apartment hoping his voice will reach Shion's ears over the excruciating noise of off-tune instruments and inarticulate shouts of singers Shion has identified as 'Pre-apocalyptic music'.
No wonder why there was an apocalypse. I would want to destroy the whole world too, if I were to listen to this shit for an entire day.
"I'm sorry!" Shion shouts back and the music recedes to a somewhat bearable volume although still too awfully loud for any audience in Nezumi's opinion, including insects.
"Thank you, Your Royal Rigorousness. When did you say this was gonna end, again? Whatever it is you are doing, making my ears bleed to deafness?"
Nezumi thinks Shion chuckles in his office. When he replies his voice still tingles with amusement.
"You ears won't bleed to deafness from this little music, Nezumi. And I told you, I am categorizing the pre-apocalypse music achieves the city of No.3 sent us last week. This will all be added to the new music store near the theatre building."
"I don't want that shit anywhere close to where I work. Make them move the music store."
Shion chuckles again.
"I can't make them move the music store, Nezumi."
"Why not? Aren't you supposed to be a biggie in the Re-destruction Committee?"
"It's the Reconstruction Committee."
"The only thing you will construct with that noise is a steady rise in suicide rates, Shion."
A snort.
"You are being dramatic, Nezumi."
Nezumi bursts into laughter. Holding his stomach he replies through his laughs,
"Calling an actor dramatic… you… Shion… you are absolutely hilarious!"
"Glad you are having fun. But I really need to finish this in two weeks."
Nezumi's laughter recedes to a deep groan.
"Two weeks! Am I gonna listen to this crap for two weeks!"
Shion lets out an exasperated sigh.
"Nezumi… you are really exaggerating. Okay, I admit some of these songs aren't really… pleasant but not all of them are like that. Just think how much this will help us understand the pre-apocalyptic world and what the people living in that era liked to listen."
"So they liked to listen to the sound of metal being cut with electric chainsaws and some people shouting meaningless words into all that?"
Shion laughs. Nezumi smiles to himself. He likes making Shion laugh.
"That was an unexpectedly good description for someone who claimed to not have been listening to any of this."
"Listening and hearing are two very different things, My Prince. One of them, you can control, the other is unfortunately mandatory."
"It will be over before you know it. Archiving music was the easiest of all. I could have been given movies. They are all at least 70 minutes long each."
"Fine. I can't have you spending so much time closed off in your study. You know I already hate your study."
Shion chuckles again. He doesn't reply for a short while and then when he talks there is a vague but not too oppressed tone of joy in his voice.
"Too bad. My study loves you though. Especially my desk."
Nezumi sits up putting down the book he has been fruitlessly trying to read for the past hour or so.
"Is that an invitation?"
"Ten more songs. Then I am all yours."
"I hate your job."
"I love you, Nezumi."
"I still hate your job."
Shion laughs again and then raises the volume just a tiny bit to be able to determine what genre the song belongs to. He has a computer program that scans through the entire music archive of No.6 to find a sound match for the singer's voice and thus, filing every new song under it is respective title. Although most of the job is done by the computer Shion still needs to monitor the entire process and listen to all the songs to make sure nothing is filed incorrectly.
Nezumi picks up Moliére's The Miser againand tries his best to block off the commotion that is supposedly ancient music.
((Shattered))
It doesn't take much time for Nezumi to be immersed in the book despite the music. The Miser is one of his favorites of Moliére and he is right at the part he likes the most in which Valère reveals his identity to Anselme only to find out that he is actually his father with a new name so that he could 'forget the sorrows of a name associated with so many and great troubles'.
How familiar.
Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding,
Fall into your sunrise…
The future is open wide, beyond believing,
To know why, hope dies…
Losing what was found, a world so hollow,
Suspended in compromise…
The silence of this sound, is soon to follow,
Somehow, sundown...
Nezumi raises his head from The Miser, no longer able to read his favorite lines. The lyrics of this new song which doesn't quite sound like electric chainsaws cutting through metal, seeps into his attention and pulls his focus away.
And finding answers,
Is forgetting all of the questions we called home,
Passing the graves of the unknown…
The memory of his quiet footsteps in a forest carpeted with thick layers of autumn leaves flashes in Nezumi's mind. It is a journey Shion doesn't know about. He thinks he can feel the leaves soundlessly crunch beneath his feet, smell the rain clad trees and drenched earth, hear the shifting of the wind and see faint sunrays making its way through the green canopy of life in the forest… in his forest. His home.
Where he lost everything.
Where his whole family died.
Their home… their graveyard.
As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading,
Illusions of the sunlight…
And the reflection of a lie, keep me waiting,
With love gone, for so long…
And this day's ending,
Is the proof of time killing all the faith I know,
Knowing that faith is all I hold.
Nezumi sits up on the couch putting down The Miser next to him. He feels something clog his windpipe as he listens to the soft piano notes and the modest yet clear voice singing every line and every word with heartfelt emotion.
The piano solo gently continues and Nezumi suddenly feels that there is more to come. His intuition is rarely false and for a split second he fears what the rest of the song will make him feel.
Would Shion turn it off if Nezumi asked him to?
Would he ask why?
What could Nezumi tell him in response?
The piano fades into the rising lyrics and a tender climb of a guitar. Nezumi sits paralyzed on the couch and finds himself unable to do anything but listen.
And I have lost, who I am
And I can't understand,
Why my heart, is so broken
Rejecting your
Love without
Love gone wrong
Lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know
Is that the end's beginning.
Nezumi can't move. He knows what it feels like to be shot and right now he feels every word hit him with the force of a bullet, burying itself deep into someplace too close to his vital parts. Shion's face invades his mind, his entire journey after he left No.6, after he left Shion, repeats as a fast forward movie before his eyes, he feels every ounce of pain, doubt, fear and hopelessness resonate within his soul. This is a call from back in time, back when Nezumi had just left Shion on a hill, turned his back to him and walked away as Shion's plea for him to stay still echoed in his ears… as Nezumi could still taste Shion on his own lips… as he could still feel his gaze piercing his back. Nezumi can't block out the song. He isn't just hearing it he is listening to it and he can't make himself stop it although his entire being is begging him to do so.
Who I am from the start,
Take me home, to my heart
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent.
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain
All is lost, hope remains
And this war's not over
Like a lost sailor drawn to the voice of a siren, Nezumi stands up in a daze and walks to the door of the library. He puts a hand on the door frame and it shakes him to realize that he actually needs to lean against something.
Who I am from the start...
Have I ever been anything which wasn't made by you Shion? Have I ever been someone you haven't saved? Someone you haven't met? Someone you didn't feed, shelter, protect…
Have I ever been someone you didn't love?
It was you…
You brought back everything the flames turned to ashes.
Let me go and I will run…
His mind picks up the words all too easily. It is a memorized pattern, a familiar instinct… Every now and then he still feels it stir in the pit of it stomach, commanding him to bolt, escape, run, flee… disappear. The only thing that stops him is the light in a pair of crimson eyes, the warm touch of his hands, the gentle curve of his pale lips when he so softly smiles and the tremulous sound of his own name spilling out through those very lips when Shion gazes into his eyes through heavy lids and when Nezumi moves inside him.
There is a light, there is the sun
Taking all shattered ones,
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer all…
His love will conquer all…
Nezumi feels something pierce his heart and at the same time something warm and wet runs down his cheeks. He raises a hand to his eyes and touches his tears. His heart is filled with Shion, with everything about them and it aches so much he wants to hide in a deep, dark hole and not leave there until his pain stops leaking out of his eyes. But a part of him wants to run the study, make sure Shion is really there and take him in his arms and kiss his lips over and over again as Shion tries to ask him what is wrong.
The music rises, and the entire chorus repeats as Nezumi wipes his tears away. The hair at the back of his neck stand on its end and his mind, already tuned into the song, follows the lyrics quietly.
And I have lost, who I am
And I can't understand,
Why my heart, is so broken
Rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong
Lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know
Is that the end's beginning.
Nezumi walks out of the library and into Shion's study. He is sitting at his desk, his pen unmoving over a piece of paper, his spectacled eyes focused on the screen and his lips parted. When Nezumi walks in, his crimson eyes find Nezumi's grey eyes, as they always have, effortlessly, and one more time Nezumi realizes, Shion just knows.
Who I am from the start,
Take me home, to my heart
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent.
Shion stands up from his chair, walks around his desk and meets Nezumi halfway through his study, his arms closing in a tight embrace around his shoulders.
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain
All is lost, hope remains
And this war's not over
Nezumi feels small, pathetic and inconceivably weak as his arms rise and wrap around the man his heart is beating for. He doesn't speak, he will not speak, they both know… but they also know he doesn't have to. Shion has heard him laugh, toppled over a pillow he pressed against his stomach to stop the stabbing ache, he has heard him cry when there was nothing left to hide, he has heard him scream in fear because of his nightmares even when he was tucked in the safety of their bedcovers, in Shion's warmth… in his presence. Shion doesn't need to hear anything to know.
There is a light, there is the sun
Taking all shattered ones,
To the place we belong
Yes, Shion… you are the sun… Have I ever told you that's how I've always seen you? Even six years ago… when you were living with me in the West Block… in all that darkness and dirt… So ridiculously warm, so blindingly bright… To me, that's always what you have been. My own, personal sun.
And his love will conquer all…
Shion raises his head and buries his face into the crook of Nezumi's neck. Nezumi feels warm exhales brushing over his skin. His heartbeat is steady against Nezumi's erratic one. His fingers weave into Nezumi's loose hair and stay there, letting Nezumi feel that he is there, he is always there… he is everywhere.
And his love conquers all…
Always…
Trading his yesterdays… with his tomorrows.
The End
I was later told that this song is a song about God and Christianity. Please do keep in mind, that's not what I mean with this fanfic. Nezumi isn't moved because he hears God's voice in the lyrics. Although I love God with a passion, I highly doubt Nezumi is a believer in things like fate or destiny. What he hears is his own past, his feelings, his heart speaking to him... In short, all am I saying is that this is merely a fanfic about Nezumi and Shion and nothing else. Hope it wasn't bad for your taste. I debated whether I should post this or not quite a bit. It isn't my best piece, I know, I can do way better but nothing short of a fanfic would satisfy me as a gift from me to you all. Hang in there a bit, a big multi-chapter fic is on the way...
I love you all. Thank you for making my life so beautiful.
Disclaimer: The Song Shattered belongs to Trading Yesterday and obviously not to me.